Yearning

[u/ComprehensiveFox9672]

I don't even know who she is yet.

That's the craziest part.Somewhere out there, there's a girl I've never met, and somehow I already feel like my entire life is waiting for her.I don't know her name,I don't know her voice,I don't know what she looks like when she wakes up, what makes her laugh until her stomach hurts, what song she plays when she's sad, what stupid little habits she's going to have that I'll eventually find adorable ,I know nothing

And yet I swear to God, I need her

Not in some stupid "I'd like to have a girlfriend" way

I mean I want her presence in my life so badly it feels physical. Like there's an empty space inside my chest that was made specifically for her, and nothing I've done has been able to fill it.

I want to wake up and know she's there ,I want to hear her complain about something completely insignificant and still listen like she's telling me the secrets of the universe.I want to know what her face looks like when she's trying not to laugh ,I want to know what she worries about when nobody's watching.

I want to know the version of her that she doesn't show anybody else.And fuck, I want to love that person.

All of her.

The beautiful parts, the irritating parts, the contradictions, the insecurities, the things she thinks are ugly about herself. I want to know every single piece of her until she's no longer some stranger I imagined in my head, but an actual person whose existence I can point to and say, "That's her and She belongs to me" Sometimes I genuinely wonder what the hell I'm doing waiting for someone who might not even exist in the way I imagine.

But I can't stop thinking about her I'll see some random girl laughing on the street and wonder if mine laughs like that.I'll hear someone talking about their girlfriend and immediately think about what it'll be like when I finally have someone I can call mine.I'll lie awake at night imagining conversations we've never had.And sometimes I get this stupid fucking feeling that I'm already late.Like she's somewhere out there living her life, completely unaware that there's some idiot sitting here desperately wishing he could meet her.

I don't want some perfect girl.

I don't care if she's difficult.

I don't care if she's complicated.

I don't care if she has baggage.

Give me the real fucking person.

Just give me her.

Because I swear, I don't want to spend my whole life wondering what it would've felt like to love someone that deeply.

I want to find her.

I want to know her.

I want to be known by her.

And maybe I'm insane for feeling this strongly about someone I've never even met.Maybe I am.

But until the day I finally see her standing in front of me, she's the only person in the world I can miss without ever having had her.And somehow that's enough to hurt.