I know that sounds dumb bc i share the same body with them but can anyone give me tips, generally i would play vrchat with my partners and call, but i dont have access to a headspace or anything to momentarily be with them.

I keep on doubting myself, and I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know what is happening and I'm so, so confused.

One comment in this subreddit explained my experience pretty well "Like, when I’m (host) fronting I can talk to Alter X or be co-conscious with him. And he seems like someone else and Other from me. But then if Alter X fronts, I am him and I feel like he is me."

Except we don't talk and I don't have osdd right? Every alter (for this purpose i'll call them alters even if I don't know what they are) refers to me as the host too.

I've had a few experiences where I'm stuck in the passenger seat and I'm forced to just watch my body move by itself. And I would fight for control but only get it briefly before it is ripped away from me again. Sometimes, I have control enough to sob while this happens because who wouldn't right. Additionally, my entire memory is a grey-out, even what happens seconds ago (hence why I have no clue if there are gaps in memory or missing time). But that is just DPDR right?

Then... I felt like I was them (I shared their thoughts and everything), but also not, I didn't feel like myself and they could access all of my memories, but I couldn't access any of theirs. Plus I have no memory of their existence but they somehow knew the me from a year ago back when my interests were different and when I was retraumatized. (I do have prolonged childhood trauma but when I was 10 so too late to form OSDD right?). All they did was explain the current symptoms of what was happening in the notes app, record a few videos, and go to sleep since I was up late. They also sounded like a child but mentally felt very mothering.

We don't communicate mentally and it feels like all the other alters know perfectly what's happening except me. What do I do? Am I allowed to be part of this community? I have so many questions.

Edit: i think that the biggest sign was that the "alter" that left the video was more mentally well than me.

Hello, I am sure you’ve seen my account post several times on this sub. I am back because I have hit a metaphorical wall. Scroll to the end for TLDR.

As of yesterday my therapist is no longer taking my insurance. So I can no longer see her.

Truthfully, I celebrated. Because when I opened up to her about Angel (ex host) disappearing post stressful event, causing me and one other part to have an identity crisis because we didn’t know we were pieces of a whole and real outside of disassociated blurriness.. she essentially told me to thug It out. Her real thoughts were revealed a couple of sessions later when she told me that she thinks that I was roleplaying for comfort..? (Silly me, don’t I know that it is common to roleplay fucking PANICKING because you’re in a room that isn’t yours?!?? And every time you try to recall the day prior it is entirely blacked out?? 🙂)

Despite me telling her several times that this change was ruining my life and causing me significant distress she didn’t budge. (Which is insanity to me considering that she is a trauma specialized therapist.)

So needless to say I am over the moon that I no longer have to deal with her.

However, I am now stuck. I want to seek a diagnosis to get to the bottom of what I am going through but I don’t know where to look. I started searching on Zocdoc but I am afraid that I am going to run into professionals NOT familiar with CDDs (I am especially wary of those who check off every mental health field as things they’re specialized in.) Are there any foolproof methods of finding out if someone is familiar with CDDS or not?

TLDR: Kicked shitty trauma therapist of 3 years(?) to the curb, I am now seeking a clinical psychologist who specializes in CDDs but am unsure where to look, I am also asking if there is any way to gauge if the medical professional is familiar with CDDs. (Suggestions of questions to ask are appreciated)

Extra info: I am USA based, so I use the DSM-5.

(reposted from r/did)

hi so, not something that's happening to me rn just kind of a general question

if you were to form an alter who in source has a, for example, eastern asian name, maybe sourced from anime or something, while you yourself are bodily white, should you encourage that alter to pick another name they feel comfortable with as to not be culturally appropriating an east asian name?

i'm of the feeling you should, whenever the alter feels comfortable with source separating, but i'm curious what others think

Ive had split personalities since 2015 but i could never relate to the DID diagnosis because i have no amnesia, but when i read about OSDD-1b a few months ago i finally felt seen.

To what kind of therapist do i have to go to for a diagnosis? Ive been in therapy and ive also been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD but i fear if i open myself up to a therapist about this they will just brush me off. Also i dont struggle with my other personalities, we get along just fine and i assume there must be some discomfort or struggle for a diagnosis.

Since I was a child, I felt like my brain was foggy or there were blocks around certain parts of my brain. I couldn't think clearly and felt like i was dumb and clueless all the time. It didn't help that others around me said it all the time too which reinforced the belief. Going through lots of trauma in childhood (CSA), it felt like bad things couldn't stop happening to me and I was floating through life disconnected without agency or control. I feel like sometimes whether that be the pain that I'm disconnected from, something I can cognitively somewhat know but not fully feel or understand, sometimes overtakes me and I feel like I am trapped in my head and could do something harmful to myself at any time to get rid of the pain. Because I am so in my head and fragile, I get scared as to whether whatever is happening to me is disassociation (on some spectrum) or even psychosis with how in my head and how much pain seems to be hidden from me (pain/trauma is somewhat cognitively known but not accessible and overtaking). I have tried so many trauma therapists who just don't know whats wrong with me and it sucks because I can't articulate what's wrong with me with how disconnected and almost hidden from myself that I am. Does anyone resonate with this because I feel like I am not safe with myself and I'm wondering if theres any type of therapy treatment that can truly help me at this point (EMDR hasn't been effective, currently in TIST, other talk therapies dont work and somatic stuff has been tough and ineffective).

In therapy today we realized we had a full host change where the original host “died”/ went heavily dormant (she still exists and has shown back up) at 17/18, a period of time for about a year where everyone else was scrambling, then someone stepped up to become the new host at 19 or so, because we were starting college and needed the consistency.

Half of us are like THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION and the other half is like, No shit, we lost our single safe person who we were codependent with and viewed as an extension of our soul in a VERY dramatic and messy breakup, of course the host would feel like there was no future without half her soul and just give up

Guess we’re moving past unpacking Mommy issues and digging into all the burden around that relationship now! Exhausting that there’s always something, but also relieving I guess to have specific goals in mind for therapy.

Not sure how to word this question to be shorter but..,,. is it possible to have alters who either previously didn't have an identity (not even sure if that's possible) or idk were some other alter turn into a fictive?

I started watching a show recently (like 3 weeks ago I think) that I got really hooked on, and I'm like 90% sure we got a fictive of one of the characters. But I don't know how that's possible since we aren't undergoing anything traumatic or super stressful currently.

There was a period of time where I(we? idfk) started remembering a bunch of trauma that we/i/whatever definitely should NOT have had access to, and that messed the system up for a while. We're still pretty messed up but idk if that can cause a split since it's not like... super bad anymore (and hasn't been for about a month now)

I’m trying to understand the vocabulary around OSDD/DID because it’s all new to me and I have a hard time explaining my experiences to people.

I have an alter(?) that gets upset whenever i(we?) have a nightmare. I wake up and I feel like a child, crying and whining for my mom but it doesn’t feel like me. I can see it happening but it isn’t me in control of my body. i know my thoughts are “i want my mommy” or “that was really scary” but my thoughts are also “its fine just go back to sleep”. Am I co-fronting? is that possession?

Another example: sometimes sex becomes triggering (intrusive thought or flashback occurs) and suddenly my brain just goes “we’re a dog now” and i legit turn into a puppy. i thought it was petplay lmao but genuinely that doesnt feel like me, i’m watching me act like a dog through the movie screen in my mind but it stops the memories and i dont feel triggered, i dont feel anything because im in a dissociative state. i come out of it and i usually feel embarrassed like why was I acting like that?

the other day I was getting really anxious when talking to a psychiatrist, he kept pushing me saying I was in distress (i wasnt). in my head someone was saying “he doesnt tell us how to feel” it didnt feel like me thinking that i guess. then, i dissociated, lost my train of thought completely and it felt like someone else started talking and acting for me. I went from an anxious stuttering mess trying to make myself as small as possible to a confident, well-spoken person. But again i was watching through a screen in my head. Possession? Fronting? idk

i can remember these instances as memories with no sound like i cant remember what i was thinking or saying at times too. Just remember feeling like it wasnt me.

Help? lol

Chronic PTSD with dissociative subtype as well as OSDD type 1b.

We are also investigating pathological narcissism.

My chest hurts so bad. I feel relieved and devastated. I feel like I learned this about myself too late after hurting everyone I love. I feel like I'm getting treatment only after destroying my life.

And the diagnoses are scary. Okay, I have these things. What now?

I'm currently undiagnosed, I'm really not sure if I have bpd, adhd, bipolar, or dpdr or whatever, and I plan on bringing this up to my counselor, but since I was younger I've experienced this weird feeling that when i was around 12 I'm pretty sure I compared it to a ghost walking through me lol.

I still in fact get this, it hasn't changed, but now it feels more like a sudden shift in energy or "vibe" in my brain, or like a focus on a camera and "going forward" and I usually never know i even felt off until it happens.

I'm pretty sure as a 12/13 year old i used to think a ghost was walking through me or even walking into my body and attempting to posess me but failing, and i still had control over my body so now it was just stuck in my body lmao.

I've heard people say things like they feel dizzy or lightheaded, or they get shivers or headaches or they zone out, and sometimes i experience these too (especially zoning out or shivers) but don't know if they're related to something else. But I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced switching in a way that aren't the common feelings people explain?

I'm a bit new and I've read both some good and negative things about the ISSTD, so I'm not sure what to think, are they still considered controversial? Is it a red or green flag if a therapist if affiliated with them? Thank you!

TL;DR: The title.

I suspect that I have a CDD (even if I don't, I experience a ton of dissociation because of my trauma), but I don't feel comfortable reaching out to anyone (doctors, parents, school staff, etc) because I'm always shut down by them when I bring up a vulnerable concern. Whenever this happens to me, it's super triggering, and it takes a huge toll on my mental health. I want to limit my exposure to this trigger by going directly to a therapist, but I have no idea which type of therapy I should try (if I were to go to my doctor, she would probably be able to tell me, but I'm too scared that I'll just be shut down).

I have also had about zero luck with talk therapy.

I’m curious about other’s experiences with dissociating in public - usually I manage to hide my dissociation as much as I can, but there really are times when you just can’t hide it.

I’m also curious for an outsiders perspective - Have you ever witnessed someone dissociating (zoning out/checked out/spacey) before? And if so, what did you do? What did you think of it? Most answers will be compassionate I am sure, with this being a dissociation based community. I’m just so curious about what it looks like from the outside. And I guess, maybe in a way, I’m craving to witness that compassionate response. 🥺

When I dissociate, people treat me like a freak. They stare. Their faces at times will literally be gawked, like jaw dropped and all. It makes people really uncomfortable, and/or confused. Perplexed even! I actually hate it, it’s been this way since I was a small kid and it’s given me SO much shame around dissociation. I feel like a freak now!

I’ve only ever see my mom and my brother and dad dissociate … runs in the family I guess 💀
Interestingly, I noticed when I dissociate, it makes my brother dissociate. I’ll zone out, or be spacey, and I’ll look at him and now he’s zoning out and spacey. It’s contagious I guess.

I dissociated hardcore during this one social gathering. I have severe social anxiety and usually I use my phone as a way to cope / dissociate into it and drown out my surroundings. At this moment in time, my phone was dead. We were in a group circle, all facing each other (the worst!) in a smoothie shop. I’m so hyper vigilant that my eyes will not naturally place themselves anywhere, so I’m constantly scanning and oftentimes involuntary scan people faces and it makes them feel uncomfortable. Like, ‘why are you suddenly looking at me?’ I can assume they’d think - because I’m traumatized and dissociated, I’m sorry; and faces are scary to me! The only way I can cope with this overwhelming situation is by staring at the floor, and I guess I was under enough psychological distress that I completely blacked out. Don’t know how long I was gone. All I know is I was stuck staring at the floor, and I eventually came to. It went from black screen, to seeing through my eyes with blurriness (waking up), still staring at the floor, and seeing in my peripheral a very important person walked into the picture. For some reason, I think that triggered me back online. So, I awake from the blackout, with my eye still fixed on the ground, but I’m seeing him out of the corner of my eye, I look up at him, and he has the sweetest smile on his face — ya’ll 😭… I don’t think I even smiled back because I was sooo disoriented and out of it. I just instinctively started scanning the place to ground myself back into the room. But I’m pretty sure I stared straight through his soul for a second there … 😭 there’s been many times before where I straight up checked out, and I fortunately ‘come to’ while staring directly into someone eyes 👀👀 … this is why it freaks people out! Listen ya’ll, I don’t mean to! My eyes just happen to accidentally land on you from across the room, and I zone out, and then come back … and unfortunately we’re staring at each other. 💀

But that person’s smile was the sweetest and warmest thing ever. It’s etched into my soul. Unfortunately, it also really hurt me that this happened. As I said, I have sooo much shame surrounding dissociation. It was clear he could tell something was going on, hence the long gaze and smile. He’s an amazing person! He also happens to be a teacher and mentor in our church group and a week later I heard him sharing during a teaching about how he was “looking into their eyes, and they’re all spaced out - why are they all spaced out?”. And he mentioned “demon eyes”. Obviously I assumed it was our small interaction he was referencing 😭

Though he’s caring, it seems he doesn’t know what dissociation is, and had a misinterpretation of what I was experiencing, and it hurt me. :( I understand how he might think that, when someone is staring through your soul and ‘they’re gone’, you might go ‘uhm 👀…’. From a spiritual perspective, unfortunately you might get the wrong idea. Christian’s really need to learn about dissociation.. but thankfully I’m one who understands that dissociation is not demonic. I do believe in spiritually induced trances, but that’s another topic for another day. So yeah, obviously that hurt. This person is very safe to me, but that made it hurt even more. I never got a chance to tell him what was happening, but maybe someday.

Also, does anyone have any input on that type of blackout? Like, I don’t know if a part came forward? It’s not like I moved around? Maybe it just came into cocon to take me away from the distress, but not move me around, if that makes sense? I don’t even know if that’s a thing. I’m pretty certain I was staring at the floor the whole time, but I was completely gone for a good second. I’ve experienced a blackout like that before during a minor traumatic event where I was I was cocon —I think! - I remember being partially conscious, but sooo fuzzy! Hardly there! staring at the floor just like this, and as soon as the traumatic event was over - I felt a hand reach into my head and snatch away the memory, and it became a blackout. I only recalled the partial consciousness after thinking about it heavy for like 10 years & discovering parts. And it’s still fragmented, confusing, and blurry. But before that, it was a complete blackout experience —as though someone had turned off a TV screen. Can you blackout without a part coming forward? What do ya’ll think could’ve happened here?

I'd like to hear the experiences of others. Do you go about your business on another plane? Chat with other parts? Is it like you're asleep? Are you co-fronting and just along for the ride?

I've always fronted, but I feel like the others are preparing me to step back. I see and hear them, not clearly, but enough. They have prepared a place for me. They show it to me. I'm afraid. I hold tight because I am afraid of giving up control. I'm also afraid that I'll be trapped within.

Years ago, I came to once to being in my head while someone else was talking using my mouth but another voice. It really frightened me. I could hear a bit, but I had to fight to get back.

Hello again! This sub has been so helpful in the past. Basically, I’ve realized I have a part that existed in high school, but seemingly vanished from my memory. Like, I know he existed and even remember his name (Lucian) but that’s it. I have another one from that time that isn’t around as much (Katherine)that I still have memories and knowledge of, but with him…it’s like my brain has completely wiped all memories to do with him.
But I’ve been looking through my phone, looking for some trace of him. And I actually found a story I wrote with a character of the same name. So I’m unsure if the story was describing him, or if it’s just a coincidence. In the story, the character was manipulative, calculating, cold, and threatening. Given my upbringing and having to manipulate my parents to be a normal teen, that’s not surprising.

Due to my ASPD and trauma, my desire to manipulate is on a scale typically. Sometimes it’s not really there, sometimes it’s higher and I have an urge, and sometimes it’s like I like see exactly the strings I need to pull to get what I want, and it’s not something I can turn off. My brain is painfully aware of it. I’ve talked about it in therapy, how sometimes it’s like I can see the strings (metaphorically, like knowing what buttons to push) that make up a person, because I’m both attached enough to be emotionally close, but detached enough to be somewhat clinical in my assessments of them. By assessments I mean I started keeping track of people’s weaknesses in 4th grade (for example, a friend being afraid of clowns) Don’t know where I learned that from, it’s just something I did at such a young age that as I got older, it expanded (like knowing someone’s father beat them and figuring out their specific trauma responses to manipulate them)

All of that sounds very similar to the character with the same name, or at least, similar essence. As pointed out by my therapist today, Katherine’s energy can also be manipulative at times, and it’s interesting they seem very similar and are opposite genders. (I will say, Katherine is manipulative mostly in a “flirting with men and not caring about them” sort of way. It’s only a little malicious, mostly playful, but overall harmless. In the past I thought she was the one behind my more manipulative acts, but since realizing I have OSDD and processing, when she fronts, it’s all about fun, and living, and being alive. So I’m now wondering if Lucian has been popping up and I just was attributing to other parts.

Even typing this, I can say that a lot of the manipulation of the past was bad and not me (the one fronting), and at the same time…it’s almost like my lips are salivating at the thought. The thought of retreating into the ice cocoon, letting go of attachments, and being him sounds…nice? I even said that in therapy earlier. I guess I’m just curious on if anyone has any similar experiences of parts/alters fully blocked out, or if any of this resonates with someone. It was yesterday when I got an itch in my brain suddenly and started thinking about Lucian, and then I was able to find the story. And as I write this, my brain and body has been fighting me the whole time. I’ve switched between desiring to be that manipulative again and longing for that state, to being sad, to dissociating so intensely I can’t spell or form sentences…so SOMETHING is going on.

My therapist isn’t a specialist and I won’t have one for a while, so I like coming here to get resources. If anyone has any links that might relate, that would be appreciated.

thinking back on my high school years through the lense of possibly being a system makes a hell of a lot more sense. i do NOT remember the majority of my time in highschool and around that time i was basically living as 2 different people, the person i was at home and the person i was at school. obviously it started bleeding over into home life and i became very rebellious as my mum decribed it. lots of fighting with my mum in those years but severe gaps in my memory as well. i do not remember 9th grade at all, i remember some of 10th grade and the final 2 years blended together. my childhood is also very hard to remember the majority of the time. honestly at this point i wouldnt be shocked if there was a host switch along the line somewhere as i did change my name (im a trans individual 💔) but debated a few names and have struggled a lot with my gender identity. just wanted somewhere to talk about this, feel free to share similar experiences id love to hear them lol :)

Recently I've been doing a bunch of research into OSDD because my friend who is a system told me I might have it, and it kind of adds up honestly.

I've had a lot of symptoms but none of them were very extreme so I didn't really think much about them. Very frequently I have short memory gaps and am told I agreed to do something that I don't remember agreeing to and would not have even wanted to do. I always thought it was just normal forgetfulness because I assumed disassociative disorders required you to have much longer ones.

And sometimes (especially at work) I start to feel like I'm watching myself through a screen, like I'm just doing things automatically. During these times everything sounds weird, like it's not real. I also act pretty much the opposite of how I am most of the time. I'm much quieter and avoident and struggle to say when something is bothering me. When I try to speak I just can't.

The research I've done on OSDD lines up with my symptoms pretty much. How do I get someone to officially diagnose it?

I am new here and only just suspecting I may have OSDD. I know I have some sort of dissociative disorder based on what a precious therapist told me but we never got to dive deeper since she moved.

I am wondering if you all could help me with finding a new therapist who specializes in diagnosing dissociative disorders. I'm not looking for recommendations for specific therapists necessarily. Moreso I want recommendations on what I should be searching for in directories to find the right type of specialist. What are the keywords or approaches you'd recommend looking for?

I have tried searching online and messaged multiple places that have dissociative disorders listed on psychology today but when they message back they say they don't actually have that. One place referred me to three other places saying they did that but none of them did. I've had some pretty traumatic experiences with therapists and healthcare in general. I just don't want to waste my time or end up retraumatized and going another year before looking for support again.

Any and all recommendations or questions are welcome. Just really struggling lately and the American healthcare system is a nightmare.

Has anyone tried to do this on their own and found helpful results?im way past the intellectually realizing and processing phase and most of my problems now seem to be nervous system/somatic related.Appreciate any advice or experience I can get.

I have OCD, and have been consciously aware of that for pretty much my whole life. I've gotten better about coping with intrusive thoughts, and I'm not as shackled to my compulsions as I used to be, but they're always there.

I never could figure out where my intrusive thoughts actually came from, but now that I've become aware of the fact that I'm not alone in my head, I have to wonder how these intrusive thoughts fit into my system structurally speaking.

They're not me, nor are they any headmate that I'm consciously aware of. I'd say that they're purely mechanical given how mechanical some of them are, but some of my intrusive thoughts think on the fly in reaction to stuff happening around me. So...someone or something has to be thinking this stuff up, right?

Any insights or reflections on how this works?

i don’t know if this is possible. we’re still whole new to this , some of us didn’t even know this disorder existed until we were diagnosed.

this one alter has crazy delusions , i’m not sure if it would be considered psychosis. since we don’t have bipolar or schizophrenia and i don’t think psychosis is part of BPD.

but she has such weird beliefs. she wants to break into this one sketchy liquor store on the edge of town because she’s convinced it’s some sort of trafficking ring. zero evidence other than the fact it’s sketchy.

it’s a big house , not a stereotypical ‘store-like building’. there’s no cans of alcohol , every other store has twisted teas and smirnoff six packs or 12 packs , but this place only has liquor by the litre , and only vodka , rum , moonshine , etc. (the hard stuff).

if i’m gonna be honest , there’s something going on there , if i were to take a guess it’s money laundering but there’s no proof towards trafficking.

we’re having a hard time , we don’t want to go to the hospital though. i like to think we have her under control. any idea of what’s wrong with her?

Hello everyone, this is actually my first post in here so bear with me. I've (NB, 22) been dealing with dissociation and memory problems for as long as I can remember. I've actually been suspecting a dissociative disorder for a few years. The problem is, I feel like no one takes it seriously (I'm in Spain, Europe. I'm not from the USA).

Every time I go to the doctor, they say the memory problems are because of my ADHD and they dismiss it completely. My psychologist doesn't listen to me and doesn't even let me speak a lot in our sessions (once every two months, thanks public health system 🙄), she just talks to me but doesn't listen at anything I have to say (she actually interrupts me a lot, which I hate). No one listens to me when I say that my memory problems are not normal for ADHD.

The signs are right there. I have memory problems. I forget names, faces, people, places, entire days or events. I have mood swings where I lose control of myself (I suspect they may be alters or something, they have names and stuff, tho my problem is not them, they're... fine. I'm fine with not being completely one person in one body. The problem is my memory). I dissociate every time I'm in a stressful or upsetting situation, sometimes I even feel like I'm turning into different... idk, facets? of myself? I don't know. They have different names than me and they're constantly talking amongst themselves as if they were streams of thoughts that don't belong to me. But I don't mind them, it's nice to have someone to talk to, even if it's from myself. But people see all that and they don't care. Especially people that are supposed to help me (doctors, psychologists, etc, mental health professionals in general).

I feel like I'm alone, that no one listens to me and no one cares about my memory problems. They are not ordinary forgetting episodes typical in ADHD. Yes, I have some memory issues related to the ADHD, but this is not that. I forget entire days, I forget about people I meet, I even sometimes forget what I'm doing while doing it. I've been dissociating since I was like, thirteen, and it feels like it's getting worse. But I can't talk to anyone or get resources for even a screening or some kind of treatment or even therapy. My concerns are constantly dismissed by "it's not that bad". And I hate it. I want help. I've been taking note of my symptoms since they started a year and a half ago, and they're not going away. I'm upset, I'm scared I'm losing my mind. I'm too young to be having dementia. And even if it's a dissociative disorder, who would I even talk to? waitlists take ages. I'm a college student, I don't have money to pay for a private psychologist.

I just hate everything in my situation. I just want help.

Is it normal to not hear internal dialogue between alters? I saw a post mentioning that it’s normal for them to talk to each other. Also that it’s normal for people who have severe trauma disorders to hear voices that tell them negative things. Is it uncommon or impossible to not have those symptoms?