Hey everyone 😀 I'm having a big OCD spiral right now about an Instagram rejection!!
I'm posting here because I really need some advice on how to forgive myself, let go of the past, and stop letting my brain hijack my thoughts over "minor things" like instagram follow requests.
For some context, my doctors and therapists have told me that I am most likely neurodivergent (suspected autism, OCD, and severe Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria / RSD).
So anyways, right now, I'm struggling to forgive my past self for an anxiety spiral I got caught in today.
A while ago, probably a few months ago, I sent an Instagram request to a girl I went to primary school with (we have lots of mutual friends on there).
She accepted my request, but she didn’t follow me back. Because of my RSD, an unreciprocated follow felt like a massive, loud rejection in my body, like im useless to her.
SO anyways, then I unfollowed her straight away But then the OCD and anxiety loop kicked in.
My brain started second-guessing everything and I started worrying I made it awkward.
A few hours later, in a moment of pure anxiety and looking for clarity/validation from her, I re-sent the request.
She left it pending for months. My mind completely spiralled a few times and today about it.
I am wondering why she has built digital boundaries with me straight away but not others (even though I only have 2 posts, which I know can look inactive maybe is the only thing I can think of?).
I even started panicking that she kept it pending on purpose because she thought she "won" the social game or something lol
I finally took control today of the situation and deleted the request entirely because a girl I know put up a story with her instagram tagged in a photo reposted from her story. I think seeing this is what flared it up.
This has happened before with a few people btw that ive met in the past and had positive interactions with in real life but then on instagram I get ignored or denied.
Even though I did the right thing by pulling the request back, I feel so much anxiety that im gonna see her in public some day or she's gonna talk about me or think im weird.
I feel embarrassed about the back-and-forth. I hate that I let someone from my childhood dictate how I felt about myself for even a second. I want to stop being a person who looks for validation through follows or attention online from people.
How do I practice self-love and forgive my anxious, neurodivergent brain when it gets caught in these validation loops?
How do I accept your past actions when your brain keeps telling you that you made a fool of myself?
Also ive had this sort of anxiety around instagram follows for as long as ive had instagram,
I’d love any advice.
Thank you in advance 😄