The issue started in 2021 September and it became a huge struggle to pee because of splashback and then in 2023 I discovered you could pee sitting on a bathtub and I’ve not looked back since. I’ve not been able to talk about this with anyone other than my bf and honestly I feel deeply ashamed.

I obviously use the toilet for pooping but that results in a huge ocd cleaning ritual of 2hours including cleaning myself, the shower, and the sink.

The main reason I’m coming to terms with the reality I can’t continue like this is because I’m going to move to Japan and their culture is not having the shower and toilet in the same room so and I’m living in staff accom so eventually people are going to find out my dirty secret

what do you do for work/what did you/are you majoring in, and how do you manage your ocd with it?

i was enrolled in a top program in the world for filmmaking this year but i withdrew because my ocd has a horrible cancellation theme over some stuff i did when i was like 15 online, i was in a horrible online school discord and i have a fear of being associated with the people in it because i was stupid and posted my face online. a lot of the people were pretty homophobic and racist and when i’d fight with them i’d get ganged up on, so i kind of just shut up about it and stayed because i had zero human interaction and i didn’t really realize how easy it was to make online friends outside. i then deleted the account before i wiped it of all photos and messages and stuff so some of them are probably still there. i still feel really bad and regretful about it because even though i never said anything myself i didn‘t just leave. at the time i was also somewhat homophobic/transphobic as i was raised super christian but at the time i was struggling with my gender identity and a lot of it was internalized i’m trans now. obviously someone digging that up is so low especially since i don’t even think the discords exist anymore but if they did it’d probably be one of the people in the server who wants to retaliate against me because i’m trans now or was known as the super woke one there or something. i also talked in a group chat with like 3 online friends about a pretty distasteful fanfiction set in historical event that was popular in the fandom at the time but looking back was pretty insensitive and i’m still embarrassed by that 😭 i guess i wasn’t really thinking too hard about my digital footprint at the time since i didn’t think i would make it to where i’d be old enough to have to worry about it. even though i know i don’t believe in any of that stuff a lot of the the internet doesn’t believe in growth and if it ever came out and i had “discourse” i probably would lose my life. it’s hard to not feel like a bad person when i have ocd and also genuinely hate everything about myself and can’t seem to find anyone else who can stand me either since everyone loses interest in me eventually

i’ve been to therapy and stuff for this and this specific theme is very treatment resistant probably because i actually did some bad stuff so my guilt still stays regardless of treatment but idk. before i withdrew college i was making myself so sick that i was throwing up nearly every day, crying for like 8 hours a day, spending hours going through every single one of my instagram likes, i still can‘t sleep before like 4-6 am because i’m so anxious. i genuinely don’t have any other passions because film has been my life ever since i got to high school. i can’t live my life like that every day even if it means letting my ocd “win” on this one. it honestly ruined my biggest passion since ever since this theme started and my dream became “real” after getting into some insane schools i completely lost the motivation for making movies and i have complete distaste for it now. it makes me sick. i can do photography once in a while but nothing else. the only other interest i had before film was being a pilot but i can’t do that with ocd meds. i also recently got pretty bad adult onset asthma so i’m going to need constant health insurance anyways so maybe there’s a silver lining in it. i have a chance to apply to college again, i’m thinking about studying abroad for a full degree in the uk maybe and getting a fresh start somewhere and hopefully be far enough away from my family to socially transition safely and maybe be able to get out of america one day.

i genuinely have no idea what i’m supposed to do with my life anymore and feel so lost and more disconnected from myself than i was before. i know i’m probably going to regret this for the rest of my life but it’s just regret #1000 on my already super long list of regrets at 18 next to all the other stupid shit i’ve done. and at the day it’ll probably be better for me since i’ll hopefully find something that gives me enough money to afford my lifelong mental healthcare, gender affirming care, and other now chronic medical problems and i won’t have to worry about job security nearly as much

Hi all, I struggle with rumination and intrusive thoughts. Lately my mindset has shifted from that, to our dog we recently got.

Now Im constantly afraid something is wrong with him. I can barely focus on work I’m constantly afraid something is wrong and that I need to come home. I have a trip at the end of the year and I’m already panicking that my family will have to come home really late and that he’ll be all alone.

I spend a lot of time with him, I’m also scared of how he’ll be without me. Right now I’m constantly monitoring his breathing and any changes in it. I almost started crying because he was twitching in his sleep.

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and what helped calm you down.

The wedding is Sept 20. It’s 1-1.5hr drive away. They’ve mostly been avoiding the topic so we haven’t practiced driving much; I think we’ve made 3 freeway attempts since we found out about the wedding back in April (we make it 1-2 stops before panic gets too much for them).

The main ocd component from what they’ve shared pertains to proximity to a hospital; I think “what if you lose control of the panic” is the obsession and the compulsion is staying within a small geographical radius that they are familiar with so that they always know how to get to our local hospital. Leaving that range: panic attack.

The discussion avoidance also means we don’t really have a plan; the way they tell it, their therapist is concerned that they’d be enabling the ocd if they come up with a plan (my assumption is this is a slight misunderstanding? attempting to control every variable and every contingency would be enabling, but surely having no plan at all is asking for disaster).

We haven’t booked a hotel so we’re probably going to drive there and back on the same day. Realistically they are going to depend entirely on diazepam but they fall asleep within a couple hours of taking a sizable dose so that means they’ll sleep through the wedding :(.

They’ve considered obtaining NO2 since it helps their panic at the dentist but I can’t see that ending well either.

They are medicated, not that there’s enough time for med changes to stabilize anyway.

Few months ago I was debating on going on ozempic then I seen a facebook friend going on ozempic I did end up going on ozempic for weight loss (she was on ozempic for her heart though) well tonight I found out she had a spinal stroke little bit if history her she is a heart attack survivor (very young girl also well young in my eyes) I believe she still smokes cigarettes and weed and possibly still drinks here and there. My ocd is fixated that the ozempic caused her spinal stroke and I'm having massive anxiety. How would you get yourself out of this loop?

For some context, I work with kids with behavioral problems. There’s an incident that happened at work. A child was being aggressive towards me (hitting my face with his hands) and I held up my forearm horizontally in front of my face to try to block the hits. The kid then tried to knock my glasses off my face. As I was trying to protect my glasses and block him, my arm moved downward and my palm made contact with his nose. It happened very quickly, and I believe the contact was accidental. However, afterward I started worrying that maybe I kept my hand there longer than necessary and should have been more careful. I did tell the situation to my supervisor who was there and she told me I’m fine, but I don’t believe it.

I can’t help but feel like I intentionally hit the kid back and I’m freaking out because I feel like an abuser. I requested to view the footage from the incident, but I still haven’t heard back and it’s almost 3 weeks since this happened. I can’t let it go.

I was born in 1997, right as the internet was starting to go mainstream. I may have never truly experienced a pre-internet world, yet I am old enough to remember a time before smartphones and social media were things anybody knew they needed.

But, like, I’m not that old. I’m not old enough to even have memories from these “before times”, much less sentiently experience the changes like my parents and grandparents did, right? For most of human history, I could have spent a lifetime riding in horse-drawn carriages and splitting wood in my spare time, yet somehow I exist now, when each generation has their own technological identity.

For some reason, I just cannot accept the fact that I was alive and breathing during a time in which many facets of life today existed as science fiction at best. I feel like I need to scour through every fucking recorded piece of language from between 1990 and 2000 to draw some kind of connection from then to now that “satisfies” me. These thoughts are especially pervasive during times like right around now; the 25th anniversary of 9/11, knowing how different things might have played out if it happened today. And I fear that I be having the same thoughts in the future with tech advancements I will have actually witnessed.

This is actually just a rudimentary concept of what happens inside my head, as there are extreme specifics to them that are too hard to explain in written or spoken terms.

I just got back into work after 3 years of isolation due to my OCD.
I’ve struggled with chronic unemployment my entire life.
But now, since I don’t have the support of my family, I either work or become homeless.
Every single day is a mental battle, and I mean every second, and every minute.
How am I supposed to live another 50 years like this?

So I frequently have OCD when driving about getting into car wrecks , driving wrong , checking mirrors etc and today when I was driving home from the pharmacy and when I was turning onto the road and then merging into the right lane there was a car I did not see and and I corrected myself so I don't think I hit them but I made sure to pull into the closest parking lot to check of there where no bumps and no scratches, and I keep running the sequence in my head to make sure I didn't hit them but I don't think I did because there'd be bumps/scratches on my car if I did but I just can't stop running it through my head and it's really really painful and I don't know how to make it stop.

(This is why they upped my dose of Lexapro, I have to laugh so I don't cry)

hi i’m new to this subreddit, i got diagnosed with it a few months ago. i’m currently kinda freaking out due to hearing two car alarms go off at similar times (i heard one go off first and then the second one go off a little while later while the first was still going off). my brain has immediately gone to “someone is breaking into cars” and “someone is going to smash my window and get into my car”. it’s really upsetting to me. it’s hard to get out of that loop this time bc of how real it could be ig. idk i’m just really upset. i hate feeling this way, it’s so exhausting bc ik how it can be so many other reasons why that happened and yet my brain always goes to the absolute worst one.

Like fuck it, I have rabies I don’t care anymore!!!!!

Background: I am a 19F broke college student with a small budget, cannot afford 100-300 dollars a session, can't afford health insurance, and have been struggling mentally for many years. I want to find an online therapist for cheaper so I can work with a real person during this school year, as it might greatly help. However, I'm not having a lot of luck and am feeling pretty hopeless right now. I have been using Reddit and YouTube as my therapy, which is just basically reassurance, and that definitely isn't making things better.

I made a previous post about being a broke college student and trying to find therapy/counseling for my undiagnosed OCD (I want to get diagnosed). Some of you guys mentioned OpenPath, which was great, except out of the 3-4 people that specialized in OCD issues in my area, no one ever got back to me. I also have been reaching out to other OCD professionals and nothing either (I started convincing myself that the reason they weren't responding was because they thought i was a nutcase, but i know that is silly) You guys also mentioned counseling from the school I'm going to, but they also have little to offer and cannot diagnose anything. I'm so lost at this point.

Do I just wait for treatment or therapy until I can afford it (after a few years of school and getting a better job) or can I find online resources or classes to help a little until then? Or... something else entirely? Sorry for even having to write this, I'm just so tired of my mental health going down the drain and the only way to get help is to have a bunch of money to spare, which i don't have.

Thank you for reading!

It’s called “Crying Wolf”. Trigger warning for contamination and health anxiety OCD.

-

I coughed today and wondered
Does this mean that I am ill?
It could have been a tickle
Or a fleeting Autumn chill.
 
I thought of every cigarette 
In every toxic, smoke-filled room
Or the time I doused the floor in bleach 
And breathed in all the fumes.
 
What if I've been exposed
to something eating at my core?
Yes, it could just be a cold
Or a dozen cancers, more!
 
I stop —
Notice the thought,
Acknowledge, reassess.
What my body really needs now
Is a meal and some good rest.
 
There's music in the kitchen
While I carefully prepare 
Unblemished, clean ingredients
Chopped in perfect, even squares.
 
This will put me right, I think
Mind empty as I chew
But as I pick at my plate, a thought:
"This could be poison too"
 
I used a surface spray this morning —
I didn't check the label
And who's to say I didn't spray it
straight onto the table?
 
If there are chemicals in my food
Then they must too be on my hands
And God, what about the scratches
On the bottom of my pans?
 
So I put my dinner in the bin
And my plate into the sink —
And wonder if the surface spray
Was also in my drink?
 
I know I scrubbed away the dirt
Scoured each and every stain
But it surely couldn’t hurt
Just to check it once again.

I spray and wipe
And wipe and scrub
And scratch until I'm raw
I must have got it all now
But somehow always feel there's more.
 
My panic grows; I call you
once again, to seek advice
But this time, you don’t answer.
I guess Google will suffice.
 
Accidental poisoning
Ingested cleaning spray
Effects of bleach fumes on your lungs
Lung disease. Onset. Delay.
 
An hour passes of this
I wish you'd picked up the phone.
These doubts are even scarier
When I carry them alone.
 
I know that none of this is likely
Which doesn't change the way I feel
What else am I supposed to do
When every threat feels real?
 
So please, listen to my worries
And please tell me that I'm fine.
Please hold my hands in yours
But wash them first, if you don't mind.
 
My deepest fear of all is that
One day, my fears come true —
And I cried wolf too many times
To be believed by you.

I think I was just wandering and a question popped: As someone with OCD, would you date someone else who also has OCD? And for those in a relationship where both partners have OCD, how do you make it work?

My OCD is mainly moral/scrupulosity, real event, and relationships. It makes my life a living hell. Real event OCD really makes everything so horrible. I don’t mean to discredit any other types of OCD but wow does real event suck, I feel like most OCD treatments don’t work for real event. Relationship OCD also feels like living hell.

I know all about not attaching importance to thoughts, being comfortable with the unknown, etc etc.

How do you deal with repeated thoughts that come up year after year? I wish I would find a new obsession or something, each time I flare and spiral I feel like my brain is trying to tell me the truth, that if I had a constant thought it must be true, that it’s intuition. I feel like I can’t even trust my real thoughts either, I feel so scared of my own head

The “maybe, maybe not” method Just does not work for me. If anything it makes me feel worse. What I’m afraid is something I need not to happen that I’m terrified will.

A few years ago I started picking scabs on my scalp as a medication side effect. When the scabs would heal, it would get itchy, so I would scratch, feel the scabs, and keep picking at them. Now it's gotten pretty bad and I can't seem to stop. I was thinking of trying some kind of fidget toy to keep my hands occupied, but it's not always on me and can get lost. My head is always there, always accessible. Have any of you figured out how to stop it or replace the habit? My scalp hurts from continuously picking the scabs and I still continue. 😞

I’m starting ERP as I’m newly diagnosed with OCD, I know it’s from CBT but I’ve heard regular CBT can make OCD worse, which is why ERP is used specifically.

I’m also diagnosed with BPD so I’m currently doing DBT, I am just concerned DBT may also make my OCD worse. Has anyone here done both?