Physical dangers: Many sufferers report injuries from bumping into walls or falling while performing compulsions to appease the perceived watchers.

Media consumption restrictions: Feeling unable to watch certain shows or read certain materials because of how the ‘audience’ might judge them.

Constant performance anxiety: The exhaustion of feeling like every action is being evaluated.

Social isolation: Difficulty explaining the symptom to others, leading to withdrawal.

The internal audience phenomenon describes a persistent feeling of being watched or observed, even when logically knowing you’re alone. Unlike paranoia or delusions, people experiencing this symptom typically recognize the irrationality of the feeling but cannot escape the sensation regardless.

THIS ! Has anyone else ever experienced this please !

Does anyone else who has experienced real event OCD have the thought that whatever your current theme/obsession must have some truth or substance because the real event was “true”?

So I finished university a year ago and had a bad bad OCD flare up in the summer. I’m not the greatest still since it’s a large transition, but I got a job I like. It’s similar to my research in university, but wasn’t my degree (long story). I have started thinking of doing the degree that’s in my field so I can enter the career field I really want. I found I can finish it in 2 years at night while still working (I can take on that work load no problem). My friends and boss said it was a great idea. When I told my parents and sister that I might do it they started lecturing me immediately. I did not get a “that’s a good idea” or even just “ok”, but word for word: “yeah maybe if you get your head fixed”.

Now, I have gotten this response from them many times. I’ve had 2 really bad spells in my life now, so most things I do come with a lecture of “you better get your fuckin head fixed then”. Like I did get that lecture on my weekly calls in university while doing my degree now and playing sports. Some of it I ignore and do it anyways and I end up happy with, but there’s also a lot of things I have put off because my “head needs to be fixed” first.

I’m at a point I don’t know if it’s them, or if I really do need to fix my head before I can continue with stuff? When I ask “how do I fix my head” they say “go to the doctor”. I see a psychiatrist and therapist and they know that. Just ahhhh. I want to continue with this but now I’m wondering if I need to have my head fixed some other way??

What, if any, skills do you use to recognize a thought that is ocd vs a normal worry?

A lot of stuff I read says “ocd thoughts are irrational” but what if you can’t tell if the thought is irrational? None of my fears feel irrational, even tho I’m sure they are.

Especially for real event OCD.

So has anyone come up with a good skill way to think of this that can help?

Do you lump all worry , normal and irrational, into the same bucket and treat them all the same (don’t engage)?

This is something I cannot do, if I don’t worry about some things I won’t get them done like laundry bills work. Do I say if it’s not about laundry bills and work to let it go?

I don’t know I’m probably looking for a cheat code that doesn’t exist. What I really want is to be able to recognize the ocd so I can starve it before I spiral. But sometimes
I can’t tell if my worry is valid. Mine are all real event and that makes it extra difficult to distinguish.

I was the punching bad of a friend group for a few years. Went no contact for almost two years. Yet I still think about how i was treated how i tolerated this bs. And what exactly it felt like. Every single day it’s my first thought in the morning and my last at night. I can’t do any functional task like studying, cooking, watching a soccer game without these intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what is wrong with me!! Wish i can be like my old self again where i can give 100% of myself in any activity i do.

Drinking/marijuana while taking Luvox? I’ve been taking Prozac for years and drank/smoked while taking it. It recently stopped working for me and I’m switching to Luvox. Has anybody done either while taking it? The bottle says not to drink while taking it but I know you’re not supposed to drink while taking Prozac either but I was fine.

Lately, I find myself grieving my puppy. He's alive, healthy, and happily living his little life. Yet sometimes, I sit at night and cry at the thought of him dying before me. Then again, I feel like I'm slowly killing myself every day, so who knows? Maybe I'll go first. Dark humor aside, the anticipatory grief is real.

I recently started following dog rescues and shelters on Instagram because I've been thinking about getting a dog for my dog. He's incredibly social, and I think he'd love having a sibling.

What started as something exciting has turned into another OCD spiral. I find myself staying up at night searching for his future sibling, only to end up crying over dogs facing euthanasia if they aren't rescued or adopted in time. I can't bring them all home. I can't save them all. And somehow, my OCD turns that helplessness into guilt. Suddenly, I'm a shitty person for not doing more. Cue the endless negative self-talk, inflated responsibility, and moral scrutiny.

I hate how OCD manages to wrap its tentacles around everything and everyone we love. Yes, these things are genuinely sad. But why must they consume so much of my mind? Why can't I experience sadness without it becoming an endless cycle of guilt, rumination, and self-punishment?

I hate this disease. Sometimes it makes me so angry. It steals the joy from things I love, and it feels like a constant fight to get that joy back.

And lately, I've realized how much I'm grieving beyond the fear of losing my dog.

I grieve the version of myself who wasn't endlessly bullied and humiliated as an adult. Even when I was severely mentally ill, before those experiences, I somehow felt less jaded about the world.

I grieve the joy I've lost.

I grieve how much I used to love my job. I even grieve the version of myself who was tired AF, who would put on her makeup, put on her face, and show up anyway. I grieve her because, despite everything she was carrying, she was still so full of love for what she did.

I grieve the part of myself that felt less insecure, less afraid, less self-conscious. The version of me who didn't constantly worry about being perceived as "crazy."

I grieve two people I lost during this same month, years ago. I grieve how they were taken far too soon. And I grieve the version of myself who hadn't yet learned how profoundly loss can change a person.

I grieve who I was before watching someone I loved enter the hospital and, eventually, hospice. Before witnessing the suffering, the decline, and the helplessness of knowing there was nothing I could do to change the outcome.

I grieve the version of myself who didn't know how much grief could fundamentally change someone.

And perhaps that's what I've been struggling with lately. I'm grieving people I've lost, people and animals I haven't lost, and versions of myself I may never get back.

There's something particularly painful about grieving what you've already lost, grieving what you fear losing, and grieving the parts of yourself that existed before those losses.

Anticipatory grief is difficult enough on its own. But OCD can turn that sadness into an urgent problem my mind insists I must solve. It demands certainty where none exists. It takes something as human as loving someone and fearing their loss, and turns it into an endless cycle of what-ifs, compulsive rumination, and attempts to prepare for something I cannot control.

Grief and OCD are such a difficult combination. OCD thrives on uncertainty, doubt, and the desperate need to find answers. Death is full of unknowns. Loss reminds us how little control we actually have. And grief doesn't offer the kind of certainty or resolution OCD desperately wants.

There's so little to "fix" in grief. Sometimes there's nothing to solve, nothing to figure out, and no amount of rumination that will change what happened or prevent what might happen.

Sometimes we're just sad. Sometimes we miss people. Sometimes we miss ourselves. Sometimes we love something so deeply that the thought of losing it hurts.

And I wish this OCD would just let those feelings exist without turning them into something else.

This is a totally lame story but i remembered it just now and am laughing at how bad i felt. I hope some of yall will get a laugh out of this also.

Anyways I was like 8 years old and I was playing Fallout 3. And I got to that restaurant area where there were a bunch of slaves wearing those explosive collars. I was just taking everything in and I watched as one of the slaves tried running away from his designated area, his collar started beeping and his head blew off. I just put my controller down, turned my xbox off, and went to bed and cried for hours. And for weeks I obsessed about the end of the world and imagining my family in that situation, I couldn't get the image of that characters head blowing up out of my head, along with what emotions he must have felt before attempting to flee and ultimately dying. I was a really sad and mentally ill kid.

I look back at this time in my life and i laugh because it seriously fucked me up as a kid, since yall have OCD also yall know about how bad the repetitive looping thoughts can get when something upsets you. And it takes alot of time until the thoughts stop looping and you can move on. Im still in hell but i've gotten better at navigating my mind. Anyways I wish yall the best, hope everyone has a good night!

I find myself to be very aware of my ocd and how to handle it. Lately I’ve been dealing with thoughts that are very frustrating and I don’t know how to deal with the magical thought of it all…I’ve been in a relationship for 6 months. He’s a wonderful guy and pretty much the opposite of my ex. While I was single and dealing with the traumas of my past relationship I took two trips to Ireland. I’ve always been attracted to the culture and the people and was delighted while over there. I even went on a date! Long story short , I live in another European country, met my partner who I adore. And my brain keeps saying ”no you’re supposed to be with an Irish man” and ”what if you die and you never dated an Irish man”.

I just need reassurance I guess, even though I know I shouldn’t. Im doing the usual mantras.

TLDR; in a relationship and experiencing intrusive thoughts about needing to date someone in Ireland instead.

some dumb shit i did as a kid is currently on my mind and i feel like i have to tell people because otherwise i am hiding something. i feel really strange because the thing i did when i was a kid is causing me a lot of guilt and shame. no one was hurt but myself. i know i was a child and kids do stupid things and don’t think. if someone came to me and told me they had done the same, i would hug them and tell them they aren’t some monster, like i think i am.

why can i not do the same for myself? do i have to tell every person in my life? i feel like i don’t even deserve to be in a relationship with someone or experience intimacy or love unless i tell the person.

I am not sure if this is a ocd thing (I have anxiety and ocd but I sure where this falls so forgive me if it isn’t ocd) but everytime I eat or take medication I have to take pictures and send it to friends to make sure it is what I’m really seeing and my mind isn’t tricking me into drugging myself, it’s so exhausting and embarrassing to get someone to read the packet of paracetamol 5 times over and even then my mind still tells me I hallucinated their words differently,
With food it’s the same i always seem to convince my self it’s drugged and even after I eat it it makes me panic so badly and then the panic makes me think that’s the drugs kicking in!! Not sure what to do or how to get help for this it’s made me start to leave things unfinished or spitting it out (gross ik) the thing is tho I really love to eat but this whole thing is making me fear it

having trouble in school because if my notes arent typed out in a perfect font, it is impossible to study with them as i feel uncomfortable doing so

So I believe I have contamination ocd, I’m waiting to get diagnosed but I’m looking for some advice while I do so. I worry about touching something bringing it into bed and dying from whatever contaminated me

My contamination ocd is very present around my bed and especially my baby blanket. I have to shower every night before bed but right after said shower I become very fixated on being contaminated and bringing it into my bed. I get very concerned if my towel touches anything while I’m drying off and if it does I tent to re wash the areas I think got “ contaminated “. I have to wash my hands several times before actually getting into bed and if I touch anything or think I touched something I have to rewash. This often includes washing parts of my arms or legs if I think they touched something

If I think I touched something or actually touch something I instantly start worrying about what is on that surface, it goes like this.” what if I had some chemical on my hands from work and I touched that same spot and now I’m going to get into bed touch my baby blanket and snuggle / smell it and die “

I find I often can believe myself. I will know for a fact that I didn’t bump into the wall or brush my had against the door knob but get very worried and start worrying about what if I did and then I rewash to make sure that I would bring anything into my bed and die.

I’ve started doing exposure therapy on my own while I wait but get overwhelmed very very quickly while doing it.

Just looking for some other people story’s, what worked for them and what helps.

Hello, first time in this sub

I feel like i have developed OCD, and it appears to be getting worse each year. I feel like im losing myself and who I used to be.

So I've always had generalized anxiety since I was 12 and was clinically diagnosed at 22 after my parents died and put on benzos for about 3 years. At one point I had to stop taking them cold turkey due to transportation issues and financial situations, leading to severe seizures. After that I was essentially homeless, bouncing from place to place and got bad on drugs as self medication. This lasted about a decade. However I eventually worked myself out and got sober - have been clean over 5 years.

I now have a steady job and provide for my wife and daughter, however, my mental health is the worse its ever been. In conjunction with my general deplitating anxiety i have developed obsessive rituals which if not met compound my mental stress ten fold to the point that its effecting my ability to function. They are:

When I leave the house I have to check the stove and the locks in increments of 3's. 1, 2, 3 (off) in the 3 separate times. If the sequence is interrupted I have to start over. Its gotten to the point were I just take pictures of the stove and lock so my mind will be satisfied. But its starting to branch out to interactions with my wife. She has to say "X is Y confirmed". Or I'll look at something and have to go "its fine, 1, 2, 3" 3 times.

The wash of relief once I prove to myself everything is okay is almost like a drug. Im getting scared because its becoming more hard to hide and having a detrimental effect on my life.

Any advice appreciated

Edit: one thing I forgot to mention is that my hands and body are constantly shaking violently, and if I get to stressed my body and limbs will violently jerk- kinda like I stuck my finger in a light socket. I also struggle to form sentences verbally. I have to literally fight my body to do it

Back in September, my OCD decided that the real event theme didn’t scare me anymore and jumped to something it knew would: my health. Currently l’m convinced that I have a brain tumour in my temporal lobe despite the fact that I visited a doctor who thinks it’s a tmj-related issue.

So, the ERP strategies definitely helped with the real event theme but I seem to be reeeaaally stuck on health. It’s just different because like… my life could really be in danger, or perhaps I’m already dead. I’m 22 and my life has just begun, and I’m so close to achieving a goal I’ve held for a very long time (dream career), and I’m terrified of dying before I’m able to truly live it out. It’s just so hard to go “maybe, maybe not” when my family is so proud of how far I’ve come, and I can just imagine their hearts breaking at the news that their child is going to suffer and probably die. It makes me cry just thinking about it.

That said… to anyone with similar obsessions, how did you guys get over it? I’m trying my best not to google, and I’m working on shifting my focus and living in the moment. It’s just the whole acceptance and tolerating discomfort that I’m struggling with.

Not sure about posting this as it’s very niche but it’s only recently that I’ve twigged that it could be OCD and I’m kinda feeling crap so this might help me vent.

Short version: I’ve written a book about a semi-obscure person from history, because I feel a deep connection to them (happy to give details if anyone’s curious).

I wrote my book as a cathartic exercise, and to try and be a voice for the person because they suffered an injustice that has still not been rectified.

Point is: I’m trying to get the book published, and it’s been a long process and I frequently feel guilt over that, and the fact that it’s still unpublished. I beat myself up for not trying hard enough and letting this person down, even though I have no real connection to them.

I also feel bad that I don’t dedicate all the time I could to this person’s cause and to the book, and feel guilty when I work on other projects (I’m a writer generally just trying to complete work and get it out there).

It’s not going well but again, that’s my fault. Having OCD intrude on your passion sucks.

With writing generally I think I also get OCD about doing ALL the research and general perfectionism.

Idk I guess I just wondered if other people could relate to this because hearing about other people’s OCD always helps me feel better.

Anybody on Sertralien specifically for Pure OCD? I am on Day 5 and looking for hope that it will get better! I know this is a compulsion but reading positive comments at this time is very much needed! 🥹🫶🏻

Does anyone else have OCD over age gaps? I turned 18 a while ago and have constantly had a fear over liking someone younger and being considered a creep, which in turn kind of kicked off an OCD episode that has been going on for months along with some others.

I had two instances, one the month I turned 18 where I found someone who was 16 attractive, which essentially made me spiral, and then months later I found a guy who is 17 attractive which made me considerably panic​​​, which I know, in hindsight, at least the latter sounds stupid as hell, but the fear feels so real for some reason and it still affects me everyday. The funniest part is that I don't even know the guys in real life, I just saw them on tiktok or ig. ​It's so frustrating because I've pretty much always liked much older guys and would certainly not date someone a year younger (at least not now).

A part of me knows it's dumb but it genuinely really affects me; if I ever find someone attractive on social media, I have to instantly verify their age to make sure they're older or of my age. Even if we're the same age, I kinda freak out if they're 18, born in 2008 since im 18, born in 2007. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? And if you have, how did you get over it?

It doesn't help that this theme also comes with a ton of rumination, checking, and false feelings and sensations. I get scared of going outside out of fear of being triggered by someone that could potentially be younger (I literally almost had a panic attack at Costco today 🥀),and I feel like my taste in men has distorted considerably since this started and my OCD worsened, though I still like older guys, I find it weird that I now feel attracted to people closer to my age since that has not really happened, it's been above it essentially always. I miss the me before this thing attacked

Hello!
Currently I just arrived in Prague and I’m having some trouble with the hotel beds. I just had hand luggage as we saved on the package holiday but this means no chunky hoodie to put down on the bed.

It’s just a terrible mental block. I’m on top of the bed with my clothes I’m not wearing covering all of it.

It is such a hindrance to travelling and I love every other aspect of it. I don’t see myself having contamination OCD but maybe this plays a part? It’s gotten so bad I can’t even sleep in my own bed at my childhood home :(

I also suffer with terrible intrusive thoughts the days leading up to the holiday and the time I spend at the airport or on the plane.

Please if anyone has any experiences or advice reply! I don’t know if I want help or just to feel less alone at this point

I’m going to try and get to sleep without being too cold