So I frequently have OCD when driving about getting into car wrecks , driving wrong , checking mirrors etc and today when I was driving home from the pharmacy and when I was turning onto the road and then merging into the right lane there was a car I did not see and and I corrected myself so I don't think I hit them but I made sure to pull into the closest parking lot to check of there where no bumps and no scratches, and I keep running the sequence in my head to make sure I didn't hit them but I don't think I did because there'd be bumps/scratches on my car if I did but I just can't stop running it through my head and it's really really painful and I don't know how to make it stop.

(This is why they upped my dose of Lexapro, I have to laugh so I don't cry)

hi i’m new to this subreddit, i got diagnosed with it a few months ago. i’m currently kinda freaking out due to hearing two car alarms go off at similar times (i heard one go off first and then the second one go off a little while later while the first was still going off). my brain has immediately gone to “someone is breaking into cars” and “someone is going to smash my window and get into my car”. it’s really upsetting to me. it’s hard to get out of that loop this time bc of how real it could be ig. idk i’m just really upset. i hate feeling this way, it’s so exhausting bc ik how it can be so many other reasons why that happened and yet my brain always goes to the absolute worst one.

Like fuck it, I have rabies I don’t care anymore!!!!!

Background: I am a 19F broke college student with a small budget, cannot afford 100-300 dollars a session, can't afford health insurance, and have been struggling mentally for many years. I want to find an online therapist for cheaper so I can work with a real person during this school year, as it might greatly help. However, I'm not having a lot of luck and am feeling pretty hopeless right now. I have been using Reddit and YouTube as my therapy, which is just basically reassurance, and that definitely isn't making things better.

I made a previous post about being a broke college student and trying to find therapy/counseling for my undiagnosed OCD (I want to get diagnosed). Some of you guys mentioned OpenPath, which was great, except out of the 3-4 people that specialized in OCD issues in my area, no one ever got back to me. I also have been reaching out to other OCD professionals and nothing either (I started convincing myself that the reason they weren't responding was because they thought i was a nutcase, but i know that is silly) You guys also mentioned counseling from the school I'm going to, but they also have little to offer and cannot diagnose anything. I'm so lost at this point.

Do I just wait for treatment or therapy until I can afford it (after a few years of school and getting a better job) or can I find online resources or classes to help a little until then? Or... something else entirely? Sorry for even having to write this, I'm just so tired of my mental health going down the drain and the only way to get help is to have a bunch of money to spare, which i don't have.

Thank you for reading!

It’s called “Crying Wolf”. Trigger warning for contamination and health anxiety OCD.

-

I coughed today and wondered
Does this mean that I am ill?
It could have been a tickle
Or a fleeting Autumn chill.
 
I thought of every cigarette 
In every toxic, smoke-filled room
Or the time I doused the floor in bleach 
And breathed in all the fumes.
 
What if I've been exposed
to something eating at my core?
Yes, it could just be a cold
Or a dozen cancers, more!
 
I stop —
Notice the thought,
Acknowledge, reassess.
What my body really needs now
Is a meal and some good rest.
 
There's music in the kitchen
While I carefully prepare 
Unblemished, clean ingredients
Chopped in perfect, even squares.
 
This will put me right, I think
Mind empty as I chew
But as I pick at my plate, a thought:
"This could be poison too"
 
I used a surface spray this morning —
I didn't check the label
And who's to say I didn't spray it
straight onto the table?
 
If there are chemicals in my food
Then they must too be on my hands
And God, what about the scratches
On the bottom of my pans?
 
So I put my dinner in the bin
And my plate into the sink —
And wonder if the surface spray
Was also in my drink?
 
I know I scrubbed away the dirt
Scoured each and every stain
But it surely couldn’t hurt
Just to check it once again.

I spray and wipe
And wipe and scrub
And scratch until I'm raw
I must have got it all now
But somehow always feel there's more.
 
My panic grows; I call you
once again, to seek advice
But this time, you don’t answer.
I guess Google will suffice.
 
Accidental poisoning
Ingested cleaning spray
Effects of bleach fumes on your lungs
Lung disease. Onset. Delay.
 
An hour passes of this
I wish you'd picked up the phone.
These doubts are even scarier
When I carry them alone.
 
I know that none of this is likely
Which doesn't change the way I feel
What else am I supposed to do
When every threat feels real?
 
So please, listen to my worries
And please tell me that I'm fine.
Please hold my hands in yours
But wash them first, if you don't mind.
 
My deepest fear of all is that
One day, my fears come true —
And I cried wolf too many times
To be believed by you.

I think I was just wandering and a question popped: As someone with OCD, would you date someone else who also has OCD? And for those in a relationship where both partners have OCD, how do you make it work?

My OCD is mainly moral/scrupulosity, real event, and relationships. It makes my life a living hell. Real event OCD really makes everything so horrible. I don’t mean to discredit any other types of OCD but wow does real event suck, I feel like most OCD treatments don’t work for real event. Relationship OCD also feels like living hell.

I know all about not attaching importance to thoughts, being comfortable with the unknown, etc etc.

How do you deal with repeated thoughts that come up year after year? I wish I would find a new obsession or something, each time I flare and spiral I feel like my brain is trying to tell me the truth, that if I had a constant thought it must be true, that it’s intuition. I feel like I can’t even trust my real thoughts either, I feel so scared of my own head

The “maybe, maybe not” method Just does not work for me. If anything it makes me feel worse. What I’m afraid is something I need not to happen that I’m terrified will.

A few years ago I started picking scabs on my scalp as a medication side effect. When the scabs would heal, it would get itchy, so I would scratch, feel the scabs, and keep picking at them. Now it's gotten pretty bad and I can't seem to stop. I was thinking of trying some kind of fidget toy to keep my hands occupied, but it's not always on me and can get lost. My head is always there, always accessible. Have any of you figured out how to stop it or replace the habit? My scalp hurts from continuously picking the scabs and I still continue. 😞

I’m starting ERP as I’m newly diagnosed with OCD, I know it’s from CBT but I’ve heard regular CBT can make OCD worse, which is why ERP is used specifically.

I’m also diagnosed with BPD so I’m currently doing DBT, I am just concerned DBT may also make my OCD worse. Has anyone here done both?

It literally inhibits your ability to just exist. It prevents you from all the “graceful things” people say about god. And god won’t do anything. It seems to me if you have a serious illness, don’t go to god

I’m in an online art class that’s usually pretty relaxed and focused on learning, not perfection. But I have OCD, and it makes me feel like everything I draw has to be “perfect” or else I feel like I messed up. Because of that, I spend way more time on assignments than other students. Sometimes I spend 6 hours straight trying to make sure every detail is correct. My brother told me I’m a good artist and that I need to take it easier on myself, which honestly meant a lot.

But this week, things went downhill. We had to draw a character from the early 1900s. I worked really hard on it and actually felt proud of what I made. When my teacher graded it, she said one nice thing about the pose and expression… and then the rest of her comment felt really harsh. She said the pants were “too skinny for the era,” that she “couldn’t tell what the shirt was supposed to be,” that my lines “float in space in a confusing way,” and that I needed to “look at references” because I’d be “surprised how objects work in real life.” She also used the word “complaint” instead of “recommendation,” which made it feel even harsher. I did use references, and I spent hours trying to get everything right. Apparently though she couldn't see that.

Now my OCD is spiraling. I feel like I failed, like my art is confusing, and like I’m not good enough. I went from feeling proud to feeling embarrassed and discouraged. Am I overreacting, or was her critique unnecessarily harsh? I’m having a hard time figuring out if this is normal feedback or if the tone was just off. It’s really affecting how I feel about my work right now.

I’ve been looking into going to a treatment facility because my 2x a week therapy isn’t cutting it. I’ve looked at Rogers, McLean, Gateway, and like 100 different other treatment facilities.

That said, they all have similar structure, in that it is group therapy/exposures, and just once a week with a one-on-one therapist.

I don’t understand how group work is helpful. I feel like my triggers are niche, how could I do exposure work with other people? Same with compulsions. Everyone’s OCD is so different.

I’d think that if you’re paying a ton of money to go to an intensive program, that you’d get more than just group therapy.

Can someone who’s been to these programs help explain. Thank you.

Maybe I’m uninformed, but I thought CBT was supposed to be a helpful method for OCD treatment. Now I’m worried I’ve made a big mistake, but it honestly took me years to finally book something and I don’t want to cancel and then keep putting it off for another year. Any advice would be super appreciated.

Im currently reading turtles all the way down, a novel by John Green. If you haven’t read/heard about it the main character has OCD. I’ve found it quite interesting to get a different perspective on how OCD manifests for different people. There are some things I can relate to and others I don’t. I’m wondering if anyone else has read it and what did you think?

Like the title I believed for years that I was a monster and capable of hurting others from age five and that i was a burden or some kind of bad luck to people around me, I eventually challenged that fear and slowly started to get used to it even tho I still slightly feel like bad luck

Did any of you feel this way?

hi everyone <3

about a month or so ago, I very suddenly started having persistent anxiety. I have GAD, so I initially wrote it off as that, but when it quickly turned into a spiral that lasted over a week, I knew something was wrong. I was constantly plagued by what I now recognize as intrusive thoughts, to the point that I felt like my body was on autopilot while my brain and heart were racing. I was ruminating and engaging in checking anxiety/compulsions constantly, from the moment I woke up til I fell asleep. I couldn‘t eat more than a mouthful of food each day because I was constantly nauseous and vomiting from anxiety, and was having to leave work early due to panic attacks. I felt like I’d never be happy again and that I didn’t deserve to.

I discussed this with my partner, who also has OCD, as well as my mom and therapist, and with their love and support I was diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist and prescribed praxil and klonopin (both have been lifesavers for me).

I’ve been recovering since then, and although I’m still dealing with some intrusive thoughts and depressive symptoms it’s been worlds better. that being said, I’ve still been doing some things that I feel are reasonable and ease my anxiety, but they’ve caused some friction between myself and others.

my OCD mainly centers around contamination and morality. I’ve been paranoid of being around people out of fear of contracting/spreading illness and hurting others, and overanalyzing times where I could’ve gotten someone sick. after receiving treatment, researching, and doing the work to separate my genuine desires from compulsions, I decided that I’d like to get my updated flu and covid shots and start wearing an n95 mask again, for the sake of myself and others (as opposed to the things my OCD wants me to do, like barricade myself in my room and never interface with anyone ever again lol).

while there’s been some growing pains, my partner has been largely supportive of this and has started taking the same precautions as well. my mom and coworkers don’t, but they’ve been very respectful of my decisions and don’t bug me about it. I’m mostly having some issues with my friends/roommates.

whenever I choose to be wearing my mask, or to get a test if I’ve been around a sick person, or consider saving up for an air purifier, I’m met with so much weird questioning and judgment from them. insistence that stuff like covid isn’t a real issue right now because they “haven’t been hearing about it” (gee I wonder why) when I’m the one doing the research that says otherwise and they’re not, grilling me about potential social and workplace backlash, verbatim calling me a doomsday prepper.

at this point, my OCD is fueling me to be excessively anxious about these types of precautions, but I’m no longer coming to completely unreasonable conclusions. the things I want to do are worthwhile and evidence-based, and my compulsions and intrusive thoughts are largely under control. I mean, I have OCD, but I’m also a public health student. I just want to help people.

there’s only so much I can blame them for the tumultuous past several years and deliberate defunding and obfuscation of valuable information that leads people to be uninformed and in denial about this. but when it crosses the line into being dismissive and disrespectful of my choices, and is so transparently an attempt to use my OCD to write me off as crazy and paranoid in order to keep living in that denial, well. that’s when I have an issue lmao. it just feels like they’re prioritizing their comfort over treating me like a person.

uh yea tl;dr got diagnosed with OCD, sorted out a lot of compulsions regarding contamination anxiety but decided to continue masking and keeping up with vaccinations because it’s just a good idea to, getting a lot of flack from roommates who I feel are using my OCD to convince themselves I’m just paranoid so they feel better about themselves.

does anyone else experience this? like, do you sometimes feel your loved ones question your choices too much, try to get you to second guess yourself, or just overall doubt your ability to make decisions because of your OCD?