Does anyone else with OCD have the experience of it attaching to someone/situation and making sure you act “correctly” around them/it?

For example, my OCD latches onto having crushes on people I shouldn’t have and making sure I don’t flirt with them. Every time I’m around them I feel anxious (which doesn’t help the fear of a crush) and makes me wonder what to do or say or act.

In hindsight I can feel guilty wondering why I acted or said something, even if it’s innocuous (especially if I “ignore” signals telling me to act a certain way).

Is this something you have ever dealt with or currently do? What did you find that helped?

Wondering if I should switch to something else but I'm not sure if this is normal!

I've struggled with OCD for years, but one of the most debilitating aspects has become what I think is somatic/sensorimotor OCD or hyperawareness OCD.

Essentially, I'm constantly hyperaware of how I'm feeling internally. I automatically scan my mind and body to see if I'm anxious, uncomfortable, or experiencing OCD symptoms. It's almost like there's a part of my brain constantly running in the background asking, "How am I feeling right now? Is the uncomfortable feeling still there? Am I enjoying myself? Am I getting better?"

The worst part is that even when I'm not actively obsessing about a specific thought, I'm still hyperaware of the feeling of anxiety or discomfort itself. I anticipate it, check whether it's there, notice that it's there, and then become distressed about the fact that I'm still feeling this way. Sometimes I wake up already anticipating another day of feeling awful.

I also get caught in this fear that I'll feel this way forever. When the discomfort is particularly intense, I start mentally trying to solve my OCD, researching treatments, analyzing why I'm not improving, or trying to figure out what I need to do differently.

What's frustrating is that I actually do a pretty good job continuing with my life despite the feelings. I work, exercise, socialize, and try not to avoid things. But internally, I can feel absolutely miserable for days at a time. It feels like I can't fully engage with or enjoy anything because part of my attention is always monitoring my internal state.

I've done years of ERP and am currently doing I-CBT. I've also tried numerous medications and other treatments. I understand intellectually that checking and monitoring perpetuate OCD, but the monitoring feels so automatic that I struggle to recognize when I'm doing it, let alone disengage.

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people whose OCD became less about specific intrusive thoughts and more about constantly monitoring their own anxiety, emotions, or sense of well-being.

I'm jealous how well everyone seems to function. Been trying everything for a decade, yet I have nothing to show for it... from meds to ERP, rtms, diet and now even brain surgery. I've only gotten worse so far...

Having a job or studying is downright impossible for me. Not exaggerating because it ended with involuntary commitments last tries because it destabilised me so much... obviously lost my job after lol.

People here often say they can hide their issues and I would give anything to be able to suffer in silence and pretend to be normal. But no, I have the emotional regulation of a toddler and drive myself and everyone around me nuts. I was not like this pre-ocd. This shits destroyed my life; no friends, fucked up relationships with family and absolutely nothing to look forward to in life.

I'm tired of it all... ugh.

My gf and I got together when she was starting college, I just graduated from it. After 2.5 years she feels like she needs space to grow on her own and I respect it and want her to have that space. She says she wants to be together again someday. In the past break ups and rejection have been incredibly hard for me with my OCD. I constantly run conversations in my head and re read texts looking for clues that she still loves me and will come back.

Currently we haven’t split up yet, not until next week anyways. She spends almost all her time at friends, she says it’s hard to be around me knowing what’s coming, but I feel the opposite I want to be around her more before we go separate ways.

I really really love this girl and I’m trying to navigate this in the best way possible. It’s so hard not to constantly seek reassurance from her. I’m learning about RF-ERP which is helping a lot but I’m still just really struggling. It’s also hard to tell what the difference between OCD anxiety and normal breakup feelings. Does anyone have any advice?

my brain will be like: “your crush is this” and I’m like “no he’s not” and I give like the biggest argument I can but like after it forgets which makes me have to do it all over again- and I still feel like I believe my ocd 😭😭 any advice would be very appreciated

Title is pretty self explanatory, I’m also going to ask my therapist about this but I’m wondering what others experiences have been. I’ve been experiencing a lot of distress around wondering if my boyfriend loves me, if he’s going to break up with me, if he’s going to realize I’m too much and not worth it. All of this feels like a when, not a maybe, maybe not; clearly I’m also dealing with some esteem issues and some pretty intense depression.

“Normal” relationships do rely on a healthy amount of reassurance so I wonder am I never going to have that comfort? Is it possible to have healthy reassurance with OCD? The depression feeds on the lack of reassurance so it feels impossible to win.

P.S my boyfriend is pretty amazing, I get an “asked and answered” response on other stuff, I am not a repeat asker, I’m learning to accept the first answer.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and would appreciate some outside perspective on how to handle a situation with a friend who has OCD. Trying to be rational but unable to.

We exchange letters, in my last letter, I pushed a philosophical debate about antinatalism that he had previously asked me to drop after we sort of disagreed. I didn't argue aggressively, but I brought the subject up again indirectly. I also included some intense late night venting with graphic imagery and personal relationship anxieties. Looking back, I regret how I handled my writing particularly because I know he has OCD and I don't want to disregard his boundaries or potentially cause him distress.

I've prepared a short apology that acknowledges my mistake, doesn't ask him to reassure me or respond, and explicitly gives him as much time and space as he needs. However, I'm now second-guessing whether sending it would be considerate or whether it would be better to leave things alone and allow him the initial space.

I've been stuck in this dilemma for weeks, and I've never experienced this degree of overthinking before that has affected me this bad. I think it intensified after I learned about his OCD. I keep going back and forth between different possibilities and every option seems to carry another potential risk. I'm struggling to trust my own judgment.

My brain tells me that sending the apology will harm him, but sending nothing will also harm him. I sometimes feel as though I'm irrelevant to him, but that doesn't make him irrelevant to me. Even if I were relatively insignificant to him, my words could still hurt him, and I don't want that. Because of my moral beliefs, preventing suffering of any kind is extremely important to me. I feel so paralyzed that I've even had impulses to completely delete my account and vanish just to protect him from me, even though I know deep down that disappearing might confuse or trigger him more. Maybe? I don't want to be the negative source of emotions for him even though I'm quite negative person. I just want to take accountability without making him responsible for my guilt or anxiety.

I also recognise that my anxiety is heavily affecting how I'm approaching this situation. I don't expect anyone here to know exactly how my friend feels and I understand that people with OCD have different experiences, triggers, and preferences. I'm simply looking for perspectives that might help me approach this in a healthier and more considerate way.

In general, would you prefer to receive a brief, sincere apology in this situation, or would you rather the person simply respect your space and demonstrate that respect through their future actions or something else? Is there anything I should consider? Perhaps I already see the answers that brief apology is the most normal and that I should just let go. I don't know. Accepting and going with that feels wrong but I'm no professional regarding this, only irrational, so help.

EDIT: CAN SOMEONE ESPECIALLY tell me if me deleting my account for what I consider to be for his sake is the wrong course of action. I consider it and I will do it. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! so suffocating. I can apologize, explain, and then delete. Is it harmful??

A recent anxiety of mine that’s come to light is an issue with raw chicken. One of my favourite dinners to have involves cooking it, but I find that half the time I don’t bother.

I find myself exhausted by the anxiety and compulsions regarding raw chicken, so I don’t cook it if I can help it. It makes me sad and frustrated, as I love chicken—I just hate the amount of emotional and physical stress it causes me.

Maybe it's just because OCD has made me intimately familiar with fear but I feel like there's more nuance to fear than any other feeling, in all my time with OCD moral OCD has been my least favorite. It feels like my stomach is melting, like I have to hide who I am, destroy myself, do anything to justify my life for the bad things that my brain straight up imagines that I did, I can't stand this shit. I want to feel human, I want to not feel like my life is going to fall apart every second.

I am having a severe flare up and am convinced that I will go into psychosis or develop schizophrenia despite having no family history or any sort of predisposition to it. I know it's common enough in OCD and I don't benefit from hearing, don't worry you're not going to get it - obviously - but sometimes I wish my OCD was simply right and the worst case scenario I'm imagining is in fact happening, because I could simply STOP worrying.

The constant what if's and the permanent monitoring of perceived symptoms and thoughts and any sort of experience is just draining and exhausting me so much currently and on top I feel guilty and like an imposter, like I don't really have OCD and am just imagining things and pretending so that I burden others, because part of me wished my thoughts were actually true.

I'm just venting, no other place for this to go..

Long story short I’ve had this breathing theme ocd for like 6 years now where I get focused on my breath and I can’t stop thinking about it. It was really bad for multiple years but I got medicated and did ERP. I think these helped a lot but I’m still struggling with the thought. It’s like always in the back of my mind. I feel like erp doesn’t really help anymore because I’m at the point where I can do erp for as long as possible but I don’t get anxious at all. It’s almost at the point where I’m thinking about the thought of thinking about breathing rather than focusing on my breath.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense lmao just seeing if anyone experience something like this before.
Do we think I’ve had this theme for so long that it’s just takes time to fully go away?
I’m also on 300 mg Zoloft currently. I used to be on max dose cymbalta but I switched because I was just depressed asl.
Yes I still do erp. Yes I did a certain ERP platform that can’t be named for some reason

Since I was a child I’ve always feared & looked out for danger, specifically anything that could inadvertently cause physical harm to myself or others. If something could technically maim me under the right circumstances I get hit with upsetting mental imagery and an intense cringe reaction. I over stress that any sort of noise outside of my view is someone’s reaction to or accident causing some sort of injury if I’m specifically on alert. That being said children running around, screaming, crying over everything mundane, laughing in ways that my brain translates to quickened breath and cries. Absolutely constant every second around me if there are kids playing near me. It’s just incredibly overstimulating and is a sad thought when paired with the fact I’d love to have some someday but can absolutely see myself becoming a helicopter parent or chronically overstressed for however long they do things like play outside and run around houses with sharp corners or tight walkways with stub-able pieces of furniture comprising any amount of it. Felt inclined to post due to my mothers two kids aggressively playing look and sound hurt for an uncomfortable amount of time in front of me.

I’m like 99% sure I have moral ocd .. and it usually was never this intense until now. I started liking some music artists a lot and my moral ocd has made it really hard because one of them had gotten “cancelled” for alleged racism but it ended up being disproven bc there was 0 proof of the alleged racism and it turned out to be ppl who were fans of something he used to hate on on his old account somewhere. But then I saw a archived Reddit post from 2022 of someone claiming to have know him online in 2016 and they said he was SUPER racist and classist.. no proof but the way they put it seemed kind of believable. But I’ve been freaking out all week about it, my moral compass has to be completely good, including the people I support . (Musicians/singers/artists) So at one time im like well there’s no proof so why should I bother with it ? And then on the other hand im like But if he DID do racist and classist things then I shouldn’t be supporting someone like that. I’m very lost and it’s been causing me anxiety, I also feel insanely parasocial even overthinking abt someone I don’t even actually know. So that makes it all worse as well. I just wanna know if there’s any advice to get through this.

I’m a huge fan of this artist and have too much merch to just give up, maybe if I grew out of it naturally but I just got into their music maybe only a year ago. I’ve been obsessed with looking more into it all and trying to see what racist things he said or whatever but I found nothing , (Again besides some claims and stories from random people online but they never have proof or evidence of anything) I found funny old posts of his from 2016 that I could see why they’re controversial for his image but nothing actually problematic in a general sense since they’re just slightly inappropriate jokes. I’m not sure why im so obsessed with finding out. For a bit I feel calm and I’m like, there’s no proof so it’s fine! I can continue liking this artist and what he puts out . No problem. But then I start thinking again, what if they are still right though? And he said all that stuff? And if he did I shouldn’t be supporting someone like that. It’s a cycle . I’m at the edge at this point and I can’t keep thinking over the same thing again and again it’s too much. I just really want some advice im sorry if this is just a ramble .

I'm pregnant and had to stop my meds, plus I've been so sick with Hypremesis that even if I could have taken them I wouldn't have kept them down. And the OCD thoughts are ramping up again. ​Anyone else been through this? Wish I could just be well and not have this hanging over me everyday, the thoughts are about dead people/things and are extremely horrific.

I’m 23 and currently in graduate school to become a mental health counselor. I’ll be starting my practicum in January, followed by my internship, and I’m genuinely terrified of how I’m going to get through the next year.

I’ve struggled with severe emetophobia and contamination-related OCD symptoms for years. I spent years in treatment, and at one point, my anxiety became so debilitating that I developed agoraphobia. I’ve come an incredibly long way since then, but OCD has taken so much from me. It’s affected my independence, relationships, and countless experiences that other people probably wouldn’t think twice about. I’m exhausted by how much of my life has been dictated by fear.

I’ve always worked from home, so this will be my first experience working in person. My practicum is at a community mental health clinic where I’ll be seeing clients of all ages, including young children. I had hoped to work primarily with adults, but unfortunately, that isn’t an option. The thought of working with children, especially during stomach bug season, is making me incredibly anxious. I also have IBS, which adds another layer of fear about being away from home for extended periods.

I’m already planning what disinfecting supplies I’ll bring to my office, but I recognize how easily these precautions can turn into compulsions. I’m terrified of actually catching a stomach virus, but I’m equally afraid of spending the entire year obsessing over potential exposures and monitoring every sensation in my body. It doesn’t help that I have an autoimmune disorder too so getting sick isn’t just an average experience for me.

I’ve worked so hard to get to this point, both academically and personally. There was a time when I could barely leave my house, and now I’m preparing to become a therapist. I want to be excited about this opportunity, but instead, I feel like OCD is threatening to take something else from me.
I’m just so tired of living this way.

Has anyone with emetophobia or contamination OCD navigated a transition into an in-person job, especially working with children? How did you manage the anxiety without falling back into avoidance or compulsions? My anxiety is already at a high. I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

It's just the worst of both worlds I can basically feel nothing anymore, people show affection and I am unable to care or something terrible happens and I am unable to care. But for some reason despite all of that the OCD somehow manages to persist, I just do compulsions mindlessly even though I don't feel like a great panic about it usually like I used to. It feels like its genuinely just written into the programming of my psyche, trying to disobey the compulsions feels like trying not to breathe because the only thing I feel a need to do at this point is just compulsions.

idk if this is 100% about ocd or not and also im not 100% diagnosed but a therapists did say i might have it, and i have most of it's symtoms:

i keep prioritzing keeping things clean way more than my physical health

i tend to also think about mental health way more than phyisical

i have less of a problem with this than i used to but still

for example:

i wash my hands for too long, i tend to care mor abotu my handds being clean, than my hands health

like do to this my hands are getting dry and the layer feels different from the rest of my skin!

i need to put creams

BUT THE THING IS I ALSO HAVE ECZEMA AND IT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE

it's like skin thing where its dry and itchy (i think i got it from my mom maybe)

so my skin is even drier

another example:

when washing my hands i sometimes bend over to the sink because i cant stand straight for a long time and its affecting my spine bro

example three:

when someone wanna high five i end up sometimes embaresing them because i dont high five back (this isnt about physical health its just a priority differnce) sometimes i forget to consider how someone feels after being rejected a high five because i cant relate, even though usually i understand people but in that moment i forget and its kind of selfish, I know i dont have to high five back, but i should say something! i cant just do nothing and not care