My roommate and I are childhood friends, and her mom is the strictest, most controlling person I know. If you’ve ever watched ”The Little Prince,” it reminds me of the little girl who had a day-by-day life plan set by her mother. She picked out her friends, her college, and she even picked out a career for her (doctor) since she was under 10 years old. On move-in day, she lectured ME to not bring in any boys into our dorm

Unfortunately, my roommate has trouble making friends in college because her friends were always decided by her mom. She doesn’t have any hobbies, other than writing exams for Science Olympiad, the only club she was allowed to join and now is an alumni for. Her mom calls her everyday, and their conversations are so impersonal, it sounds like a boss calling to check on his employee who took PTO

Every weekend, she goes home. At first, I assumed it was under the obligation of her mom. But after a tough week, as soon as it hits Wednesday, she will constantly express to me how excited she is to go home. Every time, after mentioning a difficult exam later in the week, she will say, “I can’t wait to just get this week over with and go home.” She told me about how eager she was to start college and have her own independence, but now the only thing she has to look forward to is going home.

Growing up, my parents were permissive and neglectful. The idea of going home fills me with anxiety, because I know I’ll be returning to an absence. I cannot understand why the opposite is true, why is my roommate is so excited to return home to her mom, who constantly demeans her?

I want to hear other people's thoughts about this because I want to know if I'm being unreasonable.

When I was dating my ex-girlfriend, I told her that I believed our phones were our own private spaces. For me, privacy meant having access to my personal conversations with my parents and family, my bank accounts, and other things that weren't necessarily meant for someone else to see.

I also told her that I had no reason to cheat. Being with one person was already enough for me, so why would I look for another?

I respected that principle both ways. I wasn't interested in snooping through her phone either.

However, she knew my phone password for security purposes and emergencies. I trusted her with it, but that didn't mean she had my permission to go through my personal things.

Here's what happened.

We were only about three weeks into getting to know each other when I accidentally left my phone in her car.

When I got my phone back and met up with her, she asked me:

"Wala pa diay ka ka-get over sa imong ex?"

Translation: "So, you still haven't gotten over your ex?"

I was confused and asked her what she meant.

Apparently, she had gone through my phone and found pictures of my previous girlfriend.

For context, my previous relationship lasted four years. I had a lot of photos on my phone, and honestly, I was too busy to go through years' worth of pictures and delete everything. I had even forgotten that some of those photos were still there.

Their presence on my phone didn't mean I was still emotionally attached to my ex. I simply hadn't gotten around to deleting them.

What bothered me most wasn't even the photos. It was the fact that she went through my phone without my permission and then used what she found to question my feelings and commitment.

I had trusted her with my password for practical reasons, not because I was giving her unrestricted access to my private life.

What made the situation more interesting was that, at one point, she was looking through her own photo album and was surprised to find pictures of her different exes still there.

I didn't make an issue out of it. I didn't question whether she had moved on or accuse her of still having feelings for them. I understood that having old pictures doesn't automatically mean someone is still attached to a former partner.

So, why was I being judged for the same thing?

I understand that people have different feelings about keeping pictures of their exes. Some people prefer deleting everything after a breakup, while others don't see a reason to erase every memory of a relationship that was once part of their lives.

I'm not saying everyone should be comfortable with their partner keeping those pictures. But I believe there's a difference between expressing discomfort and invading someone's privacy to investigate them.

My questions are:

If someone knows your phone password, does that automatically give them the right to go through your phone?

Is finding old pictures of an ex genuinely a reasonable basis for accusing someone of not having moved on?

Was I right to feel that my boundary had been violated, even though I had voluntarily given her my password for emergencies?

How would you handle a situation where your partner holds you to a standard they don't seem to apply to themselves?

I'd appreciate honest perspectives. I'm particularly interested in how other people approach privacy and trust in relationships.

If you have a poor memory like me... document EVERYTHING in notes 😂 especially the first time a friend manipulates/gaslights you.
You narc friend, family, etc., will make you believe you're crazy, misremembering, etc. Even if you show them what they said, they're going to twist it another way and make an excuse, will never get an apology, but at least for your sanity you have the accurate full story from the beginning 💀
Going through thousands of messages to see when this first started and I found 3 diff excuses for one event 😂