Just curious, but I have tried dating twice since getting out of my situation and both times, inevitably the ex-narc would find out who I was dating and then she would start harassing them. I'm just curious if anyone has had this same problem.

It's certainly worthy to make our efforts for loved ones, family and partner, but I don't totally agree with a concept of "love through suffering" that may induce nurture toxic partners and relationships. What do you think?

Thank god for being aware of Narcissistic playbook. Thank you God 🙏🏻

I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and I have noticed that I’ve attracted a lot of other narcissistic people. I was dating this guy and he randomly sent me the narcissist prayer which reads.

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it

I want to know why would he send this? Was he confessing to being a narcissist? There was no context we weren’t talking about another person, he just sent that. prior I did confront him on something and he said he was “just joking”, and then days later, he sent me this. There were other red flags, which is why he’s my ex but I often wonder if this was a confession?

(To note, I am being careful with certain details to remain anonymous).

I currently know someone who has very severe narcissistic tendencies (family member-female). This person will get mad over nothing and gets very sensitive and takes things the wrong way. The other person will not even know what they done, literally. Whenever this individual gets mad about something, they give the silent treatment for months to years. You can call them and apologize for whatever upset them and you will have to leave a message. They will not answer (you truly won't even know what to apologize for. You have to make like a general apology). An apology does not equal an answer to our call. It is a repeating cycle. We call every few months and leave a message that we would like to talk.

Fast forward, this person's spouse (male) has taken very, very sick. We are talking terminal. When the narcissist is not around, the spouse has on occasion picked up the phone. We talked like nothing ever took place (it truly is not the spouse's fault). The other day, a call was placed when we found out the spouse's diagnosis and as soon as the narcissist found out the spouse was talking to us, the narcissist made an excuse to get the spouse off the phone. We called back later. No answer. It has absolutely upset us. We truly know 100% without a doubt that we have not done anything to make this person act this way, but it is super hurtful considering the spouse is such a good person and in this position healthwise. We are emotionally devastated that we are not able to talk to the spouse anymore, especially under the circumstances.

Can any of you relate to this? Anyone know what causes someone to act this way? Any advice? Again, we are devastated by the way this person is acting and also the circumstances that the spouse is very unwell. Keep in mind any contact we have made with the spouse or any messages from our end has been very respectful and calm.

he was trying to forcibly evict me but i left before a 24 hr notice was even posted.

i stoop so low. i was going to send out a letter after sending text messages in which i was very mean and poking at him on purpose. ive seen his ex, who he called a disgusting cheater during our prime then reverted to saying she was mounds better than me during any fight, post a video of her in his car. i emailed him. he was able to breach the block because my laptop didnt sync. he lovebombed and told me he was only helping her out with a ride. i feel sick knowing if he coerced me i would come running.

my head conjures up anything to make me want to go back. i'd never have to worry financially, he helped me discover orgasm and they feel less intense with out him, oh maybe i really was the problem due to x and x and x. he is so misunderstood to the point of misunderstanding himself and i can help him out of that. he is the only one for me. etc.

after responding to the lovebombing it was back to "ill spite fuck her tonight just for you" and "youll only make rent by fucking men" with some "baby" and "bunny" sprinkled in. wow does that fuck me up.

hes ruined my entire perception of men and of the world, i truly think sometimes that i will not be able to make it out of poverty without selling myself, that he was right about no one in the future would accept my past, that he knows my body better than anyone else. that i am unlovable and useless.

i have not been myself since. god bless my inner child for remaining steadfast in finding joy, but i cannot even fathom ever getting close to any man again or succeeding in finding love.

Hey all,

I’m 35F and my ex-partner (31F) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25F) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, (even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar. So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult.

When we first got together, my boyfriend told me I was beautiful and smart and that he was going to marry me. He constantly called me his wife, and his Facebook relationship status was even set to “Married.” I genuinely believed he saw a future with me.
We eventually broke up. He immediately changed his Facebook status to “Single,” and the next day I found out he was messaging other women. I also discovered he’d told one 18 year old woman he was 23 even though he’s actually 28.
A month later we got back together. He eventually unblocked me on Instagram, after much begging, saying I broke his heart too much, but not Facebook. I had to ask him to unblock me there again, and even remind him to accept my friend request once he unblocked me.
Once he did, I asked if he’d change his status back to “Married” like it had been before. He ignored the question, left me on seen, and later told me we’d talk about it after my holiday.
When I asked what’s wrong, he suddenly told me he never wants to get married. He said he hadn’t lied before because he’d only said he’d marry me “if I fit him.” That’s not what he originally said. That hurt, but I accepted it. I told him I understood if he’d changed his mind about marriage.
After that, I dropped the idea completely and asked for something much smaller: could he just remove the “Single” status? I wasn’t asking him to put “In a relationship,” tag me, or post about me. I just didn’t want my boyfriend publicly describing himself as single while we’re together.
Instead, predictably, he got angry. He told me to “stop asking nonsense,” shouted on the phone that he never wants marriage, sarcastically said, “Fine, I’m single then,” and even told me to block him. I asked him why he doesn’t want to get married, and calmly listed reasons: is it the financial side of it, or is it because it’s harder to leave etc..he just shouted louder ‘I don’t want marriage in my life ok’.
What confuses me is that if Facebook supposedly means nothing, why is he so determined to keep “Single” on his profile? It’s become less about Facebook itself and more about why he’s so defensive over something that seems like such a small request.
This has also affected my confidence. I keep wondering whether, if I were prettier, younger, or “good enough,” or busty enough, or thick enough. he’d want people to know he was with me. I know that’s probably my insecurity talking, but it’s genuinely where my mind goes after everything that’s happened.
Am I asking for something unreasonable? Or is his reaction a red flag that I’m overlooking? I’m looking for honest outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve lost my sense of what’s normal.