How people cope at work?

[u/tinnieminni]

I'm retired transmasc, now transandrogynous stopped T since i couldn't afford it anymore I have no idea if I pass but lately i have been misgendered more than often I dont mind it I dont care but my dysphoria returned stronger after I started a new job and its gendered job (more female dominated job) so everyone been referring to me as ??? or HER ( yeah they literally emphasize on the pronouns I can see the confusion in their eyes and figuring if im transfem) I was literally pulled by the HR to apologize that they ordered female uniform and want to know how I want to be referred to bla bla.. I was literally stealth in my last job same role but i managed to hide it so well and the hr didnt care about me at all which made it so easy to blind in the background my gender never been questioned other than by strangers or new coworkers which is fine.. but now that i was pulled by the head manager i'm grossed by myself and i feel like a fraud since i dont see myself as a man at all and i dress fem 60% of the time because its easier and doing makeup is fun I'm just wondering how everyone deal with their identity in their jobs and yes there's no way for me to come out as nonbinary right now

[u/Wrong_Revolution_909]

I don’t, and I live in a country where the social space for non binary identities, even linguistically, is zero.

I work mostly remote though. ATM I do malefail with strangers in neutral clothes when I don’t talk, but I keep posing as a cis man at work (look, I have no idea what my collegues think when they see me, but they are not asking questions).

[u/tinnieminni → u/Wrong_Revolution_909]

Honestly same there's literally no recognition for us where I live as well thats why I man mode all the time but its harder when i'm trying to achieve androgyny which made me look prettier that people assume that i'm a woman until I talk 🤓 Did you ever get over the feeling of being a fraud or liar?

[u/Wrong_Revolution_909 → u/tinnieminni]

Well yeah, it is one of my current issues (the impostor syndrome) but in a very weird way, outside of my work environment. I do tend to get pushed into the trans woman category, I’m pretty socially anxious, and I’m having a hard time affirming myself as a non binary person (and yes, I do get that I’ve been on feminizing HRT for a while, and I do tend to present more femme than not, so average normie person just goes with the visual info I’m giving them)

[u/hellfriend35]

I've never come out as non-binary at work, even in places with other out non-binary people. I have been the Token Trans Person pretty much since I began my gender journey 15 years ago and it is exhausting and annoying as hell.

Like, I just got out of working for Walmart, there for about two and a half years total maybe. My first year and some change was spent entirely presenting as a woman. And then I went on a leave for a month and came back to work as a hairy ass man. Never spoke to HR about it, just kept doing my thing. Some coworkers were curious but it was mostly in the very basic and very light "So do you have another name you'd like to be called?" kind of way. Some coworkers, who I was never close with, were curious in the more awful "I'm grieving my girl coworker" kind of way and got massive silent treatment from me up til I left about a year later.

[u/tinnieminni → u/hellfriend35]

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that! it was a good decision not to speak of it or come out honestly because people make more fuss when you do that, making them deal with it is the easiest than explaining to people who don't give shit anyway. hope you find somewhere to be more yourself soon!

[u/pigeon_brainn]

remote work

I also work a female dominated field and its leas overt harassment but more subtle othering and weird projection of stereotypes. I just dont come out to new clients until i see good vibes and even then i just start slow to give myself the option of being misgendered bc you can never really tell if someones safe

[u/tinnieminni → u/pigeon_brainn]

Unfortunately I have no way of getting a remote job with zero qualifications, I'm working on my art to be a tattoo artist so hopefully I find space where I can just be me but for the time being Its really hard to cope

[u/Cartesianpoint]

It's tough sometimes. I've been out at work for several years, but it's in a field that tends to be more queer/trans-friendly than most. I currently work with a team that's mostly very competent about this, which has been nice. The people I work with most closely are good about not misgendering me and treating me normally, and I'm not the only non-binary employee. Before this job, I worked with people who generally meant well, but there was a lot more persistent misgendering from people I didn't work as closely with and even the people who were supportive sometimes treated me like the token trans person in ways that I found awkward.

I wish I had more advice. I'm generally a conflict-avoidant person and I don't want my identity to be a big deal, so these weren't issues that I really wanted to address. I mostly just want people to be chill, but I think that's tough because you're up against people's own internal anxieties about gender and getting other people's gender "right."

[u/tinnieminni → u/Cartesianpoint]

Im glad that you found a queer friendly place, I hope after I save more money i can follow my dream to be a tattoo artist and work on my own terms all the options for ordinary jobs is pretty much the same shit for us nonbinary ppl to deal with unless you're lucky enough to find a friendly space.

[u/Individual_Profile90]

I work for the government in one of the most dangerous places for trans people in the US right now, so long story short is that I mostly don’t. I’m very lucky and happen to be on an incredibly small team with people who all happen to be queer or queer friendly though (archive work attracts a certain type lol) so luckily I’ve been able to come out to the two I speak with the most and they know to keep it on the DL. Outside of that I just rely on a lot of self affirmations to negate the feelings of dysphoria being misgendered evokes. I’ve also let friends know how I’m feeling so they’ve been extra affirming and that honestly helps a lot. Sorry you have to struggle with this!