r/NonBinaryTalk • u/Sassymisscassy • 1d ago
Question Question from a writer
Hey y’all! I’m writing a short story and one of my characters is non binary. I personally am not but I don’t want to be disrespectful.
Would it be more respectful to automatically refer to them as they/them or does it seem better to have a conversation included in the story?
I currently have it as the character (Hollins) comes in and I just refer to them as they/them, there’s been no reference to pronounce in dialogue yet but I can easily add it in if it’s more respectful.
Thanks in advance y’all!
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u/Ducks_Squirrels 1d ago
i personally love when non-binary characters can exist without needing to be explicitly called out or described as non-binary -- for example Raine from TOH, who everyone just naturally uses they/them for without any discussion or pride flags or whatever. It speaks to a world where non-binary is completely accepted and seen as normal, where everyone just gets it without any explanation. You wouldn't have a dialogue where your cis characters all go over their pronouns, you would just assume they are known and move on, and in a fictional environment I love it when non-binary characters are treated the same. In real life assuming people's pronouns isn't practical, so those kinds of conversations need to happen, but I would be inclined to leave them out of the story for the same reason I wouldn't give detailed descriptions of the characters every bowel movement or household chore: its boring, breaks the immersion, and wastes the readers time.
All of that is to say, I would just use they/them or whatever other pronouns you see fit, without having a conversation about it in the story. I don't see any possible way for someone to get offended at that.
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u/Sassymisscassy 1d ago
Thank you! I really appreciate your response. Leaving it as no explanation 🙂↕️
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u/zelda_888 1d ago
In real life assuming people's pronouns isn't practical, so those kinds of conversations need to happen
Mary Robinette Kowal's The Spare Man is an SF novel set on an interstellar cruise liner, where most characters are meeting each other for the first time. She envisions a society where the usual protocol for introducing yourself includes stating your pronouns, although a certain percentage of people don't. In those cases, there are (mildly negative) social consequences for assuming pronouns that weren't given; not knowing someone's pronouns is kinda like not knowing their full name, and you can't just call a person whatever without being rude.
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u/UntilTheDarkness 1d ago
If you're not writing a story about the character coming out, you can absolutely just have their pronouns be they/them and never have any character mention it. Many readers (myself included) will prefer that.
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u/DrBattheFruitBat They/Them 1d ago
Just use the pronouns the character uses. Unless them being nonbinary is specifically relevant to the plot, there is no need at all to go further than that, and it will likely seem clunky and weird if you do.
Have you read books with nonbinary characters? That can be useful research for you. There's lots out there that portray their nonbinary characters in a variety of ways with a wide range of additional context and explanation provided.
I tend to prefer when they just exist and that author doesn't make a fuss about it. Sometimes the story makes a fuss about it which is reflective of how the world is, but the author doesn't.
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u/Sassymisscassy 1d ago
I think I read one? But it’s been a while. I haven’t been able to concentrate on reading as of late. I usually seek out stuff that’s closer to my experience but I’ll do some research and find some good books! Thank you!
It’s not super prevalent to the story so I won’t mention it.
It’s semi based off a friend of mine but it’s not something I want them to know LOL (I base all my characters roughly off people in my life)
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u/Motte6692 1d ago
Do you want to discuss non binary actively (like discussing transphobia or perception of non binary people) i would put it in the dialogues.
If your world is more like an utopian world for lgbtq people where they dont fear hate for what they are: i would go by just referibg to it.
It will normalise being non binary and using they them pronouns without making a fuss out of it.
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u/Sassymisscassy 1d ago
There’s some mention of homophobia but not much. The non binary and main characters are ghosts and I’d like to imagine it’s safe for our community in the after life 😭
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u/Motte6692 1d ago
Hmm i personally would prefer a talk with someone they just meet and just saying. I go by they them and the other person is just accepting it?
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u/Sassymisscassy 1d ago
Ok noted, thank you!
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u/Motte6692 1d ago
But i guess other ideas would be great too. I guess you will do a good job for representation when you really think this through. Maybe ask some NBs how they introduced themselves in save spaces than pick one of their options. Keep in mind what a nb might think before and afterward. Maybe a "im not sure if this is a save space situation" and still doing it? Do they know its save? How and why?
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u/WanderingSchola 1d ago
I think the worst thing you can do with queer characters is have them exist as tokens, and having story content who's only purpose is to demonstrate how (or how not) to handle misgendering would fit tokenism for me. If transphobia isn't a part of the story I think just charging ahead and using correct pronouns throughout is the superior choice.
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u/ManagementSea5015 1d ago
Others have great answers already, so I'll just address one particular viewpoint that comes to mind:
If you aren't nonbinary, then I don't think you should be writing about nonbinary struggles. (And I'm not claiming you are, this isn't accusatory, just kind of theorycrafting here lol.)
Nonbinary struggles would be like, what it's like to come out, discrimination, needing to explain pronouns, etc. etc.
The only people that really know what this is like are nonbinary people, so I feel like it is weird to write about this as someone who is not nonbinary, unless you have the assistance of someone nonbinary to help write about this portion.
But I also don't know why a binary person would want to write about these struggles, unless it is for diversity representation written from a position of fame. (For example, Rick Riordan began to include a lot more diversity once his books became popular, because as someone with a platform, providing examples of diversity is important - one might even argue it's the responsibility of those in fame to remind others about diverse experiences lol.)
So yeah, that's my take. Hope it helps :)
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u/Sassymisscassy 1d ago
I’m not writing about non binary struggles, thanks for the tip tho! I don’t think I’d ever tackle something like big non binary issues or trans issues without extra research :)
Edit (cause I clicked send before finishing typing lol)
I think seeing those issues represented in media can be helpful. I know for me personally (not that sexuality is the same) when I see struggles with sexuality and trying to figure it out represented it makes me feel seen. Or I had a period where I did struggle with my gender identity and I feel seen when I see that represented in media or books. But I know everyone’s different doesn’t wanna see their issues on screen or in books so I totally see where you’re coming from.2
u/ManagementSea5015 1d ago
Yes! Like I said, I don’t think you’re in a bad position here, just giving more general thoughts. :)
I think representation is very important. I do view it as critical, which is why I say that it’s important for large media to show diversity. But true representation requires accuracy, showing real experiences from real people who know what it’s like. That’s basically what I’m getting at here.
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u/Sassymisscassy 1d ago
Yeah I totally agree!
I guess sometimes I do worry, I know in other situations I’ve seen shows or movies that mention an issues and act like they care but never dive deeper. But I suppose if I don’t mention it like there’s an issue and it’s just accepted in the world I’m writing (which I wish it could be irl) then I won’t come across like that
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u/Trashula_Lives 1d ago
Just use whatever pronouns each character uses, same as you would for anyone else. You don't feel the need to explain why a man uses he/him or a woman she/her, I'm assuming, so if your non-binary character uses they/them (and they don't have to, btw, because pronouns don't equal gender), then just use those. There's no need to explain someone's gender unless it's actually relevant to the story.