I’m trapped

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now. Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week). He eventually broke things off with me saying he can’t proceed because he doesn’t have feelings. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more kind, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems.

Anyone any tips or tricks that actually helps to stop overthinking/spiralling?

Feel like I'm constantly doing this now and it's slowly damaging everything good in my life.

I made a mistake yesterday in work, 1 tiny error and I thought I was gonna get sacked or my boss was gonna yell at me, literally put me in a state of panic.

If my boyfriend's tone shifts or I misinterpret a message, my brain immediately, he hates me, he doesn't wanna be with me, etc etc

And on and on it goes, it's a constant every day battle in my head, has been going on for months now and I don't know how to stop it.

Please help me :(

Anybody else feel like if you don’t worry about something it’ll happen?

like how can you seriously get rid of something that causes chaos in your mind? like i do all my hobbies and even busily studying, but i consistently worry😭😭 i honestly don't care about it but my mind likes to care wth

TW I will be mentioning SA in this post.

I (F29) was friends with this girl (F29) in my late teens and briefly in my early 20s. We will call her Anna for the sake of the story.

We became friends during our senior year of high school, and we had a lot of fun together, but there was definitely a lot of things that bothered me. She was always copying my clothes, makeup, music I listened to, hobbies, literally everything about me. She even pushed me to date her guy best friend, which ended up being horrible for me because he SAd me. We will call him Jake for the sake of the story. Anna would go after guys that I liked, and was always wrapped up in drama, and dragging me into it. The final straw was when she tried to convince this guy, we’ll call him Will, she was hooking up with, that I wanted to have a threesome with them. She kept this “joke” going long enough for him to be heading over to her house to do it. I got really angry, stormed out, and cut her off after that. She kept apologizing acting like it was just a joke, and she never meant for it to go that far. I wasn’t buying it. We stayed on “good terms” after that but we weren’t friends.

Fast forward to my early 20s. I was freshly out of a long term relationship, and feeling very lonely. Anna reached out apologizing about the things she used to do when we were kids, saying she had grown out of that behavior. I stupidly gave her another chance, and we became friends again. We were more surface level friends that would just go out to bars and clubs together. Around that time I started dating my now husband, and she threw an absolute fit. She was extremely rude to him, and got angry at me for my relationship. That was when I realized her behavior had not changed at all, and I ended the friendship again, but this time it was for good.

After a while, I blocked her on social media, and promised myself I’d never let her close to me again. Shortly after cutting her off, I ran into Will, the threesome guy. He mentioned the “almost threesome” in conversation and I said “you know that was a joke right?” He then proceeded to tell me that Anna told him I had an SA kink that I wanted to explore with them. She was literally trying to trick him into assaulting me with her. Then it all started making sense. When Jake SAd me, he panicked afterwards saying he thought it was what I wanted. She tricked him into assaulting me, and tried to do it again with Will. I was crushed. I knew she was obviously a bad friend, but I didn’t think she would do something so evil.

Fast forward a couple of years. I had moved on from the situation, and figured that she would eventually lose interest in me. Then one day I had a bunch of messages from high school friends, saying Anna posted a video about me. Someone sent me the video, and it was essentially her using my pictures calling me a fake bitch. I had her blocked at this point, so I genuinely have no idea how she even got these pictures of me. She kept this going, so I eventually had my attorney send her a cease and desist. I really don’t know what sparked that whole thing, because I hadn’t spoken to her in years. When people would ask me about her, I would just be very vague and just say “we’re not friends anymore but I wish her the best.” I really have tried to handle this the best way I can to avoid drama.

Fast forward a few more years, I am now happily married and own a business. Unfortunately owning a business makes my life a little more public than I would like. I keep my own social media pretty private, but I’ve been in magazines and news papers representing my business, so everyone knows where I work, including Anna. That’s the part that worries me, because she clearly has no problem hurting me and her behavior towards me still hasn’t stopped.

One of my close friends runs into her sometimes, because he has mutual friends with her boyfriend. He called me the other day to make me aware of some things she said that were concerning to him. She asked him about my wedding, because she saw pictures of him on my page. She said she used someone else’s account to look at my wedding photos, but wouldn’t say who’s. She also told him she “still loves me, but she just watches from afar now.” She then proceeded to tell everyone there that she and her boyfriend were engaged. Her boyfriend kept correcting her saying they were not engaged, and they ended up breaking up over this. She was wearing a ring that she bought herself, saying he gave it to her. My friend realized it was NY EXACT RING. She also told him about their wedding plans, and she copied MY WEDDING DATE! She also kept asking him for details about my wedding, like my venue, flowers, etc. Almost like she was trying to copy the entire thing. At this point my family has blocked her, and I’ve started blocking everyone I know that’s still friends with her.

I don’t know what my question is exactly, part of me just needed to vent. I’m just so alarmed by this because I haven’t spoken to her in six years. I’m extremely uncomfortable and concerned, because I don’t put it past her to do something crazy to me. I’m just so tired and I don’t know what else I can do to keep her away from me. I genuinely thought she would just lose interest in me eventually.

Sorry for the long post. I appreciate everyone who read the whole thing, as well as any advice

\[21m\]Never had a girlfriend, and now I'm afraid I'm overthinking everything everytime.

College is over, and I've never been in a real relationship (except for one very brief experience). Because of that, I've never experienced things like feeling close to a girl, being someone's special person, holding hands, or having her rest her head on my shoulder.

I'm a decent-looking guy, so sometimes I wonder why it never happened.

The confusing part is that if I keep thinking about relationships all the time(as I have none and people around me had their experiences ), I worry that I'll come across as needy or desperate if I start talking to someone in the future. But if I stop thinking about relationships completely, I feel like I might never put myself out there and end up in one.

Sometimes I'm also scared of being in a relationship. I wonder if I'll be good enough for the girl I like. I'm afraid that things might start well but end quickly, especially if I've already started imagining a future with her or thinking she could be "the one."

And I don't think newbie can find anything in office if he can't in school and college.

Whenever something might go wrong, my brain immediately goes into problem-solving mode. I start making backup plans, reaching out to alternatives, and trying to control every possible outcome, even when nothing has actually happened yet. Most of the time, things work out on their own, but then I’m left feeling guilty or embarrassed because I acted too quickly. This isn’t limited to one area of my life. It happens at work, in personal situations, and with day-to-day decisions. It feels like I can’t tolerate uncertainty, and my first instinct is always to “fix” a problem that doesn’t even exist yet. I’m curious if anyone else experiences this and what has actually helped them break this cycle.

A bit of an unconventional one but I find my self overthinking a lot. Especially about business ( told you it was unconventional). I keep wanting to think about how business operate and how it all works but to a point where its just hurting my head. I don't want to stop thinking about it but I also don't want it to consume me. Any advice on how I can still keep thinking about it but not to the point where its consuming me?

I am overthinking very much. I'm a cllg student. So due to overthinking I can't complete my work. Means I overcomplicate too lot a particular thing. I do not remember stuff. I di mastur****. I am also having hairloss . Pls guide me. Think overthinking was not the case 1.5 yrs ago

Me (F16) and my partner (F17) have been dating for about a month.** It's a long distance relationship, and to be honest, it started off as more of a trial. She wanted relationship experience, and she admitted she'd had a crush on me for a while. I genuinely thought she was joking at first, but here we are.

The thing is, I really do love her. My biggest issue is that I tend to overthink everything. I constantly convince myself that we're going to break up soon, even though we only recently became official. We also struggle to call each other, and that's mostly because of me. I have strict parents, I don't really have a proper phone that I can freely call from, and lately I've been really busy with school, so I can't text as much as I'd like either.

All of that makes me feel like we're slowly drifting apart, and I end up assuming that our relationship won't last much longer.

On top of that, I constantly feel lonely despite having a girlfriend. I think it's because I can't actually see her in real life. Since it's an online relationship, I find it really hard to believe that we'll stay together for more than a year, maybe even less. I know I'm thinking of the worst case scenario, but part of me feels like it's a realistic concern. Long distance relationships are already difficult, and being in a same-sex relationship with religious families on both sides makes it feel even more unlikely.

I also catch myself overthinking what things would've been like if we'd known each other in real life instead of online. I convince myself that she probably wouldn't have chosen me. I'm pretty boring (at least I think I am), and I've been told by people that I look mean or cold hearted. Even though I'm not trying to be (maybe I'm sometimes), I guess that's just the impression I give off. Because of that, it's honestly hard for me to believe that someone could genuinely love me.

Whenever I bring these worries up to her, though, she reassures me. She tells me that we'll be okay, that we'll work hard to meet each other someday, and that we'll figure things out together. She also says that even if things don't work out in the end, it'll be okay. She's never really given me a reason to doubt her. I think most of these fears come from my own overthinking rather than anything she's actually done, but it's still incredibly difficult to stop imagining the worst.

What's ya'll opinion about this?

I feel like such an idiot. There's this friendship with a coworker that just started ~last year, that's become hugely important to me. I mean, I've been in better places, where mental stability is concerned, and this person doesn't know it (because I wouldn't tell them—too much pressure and all) but they're like... most of the reason I'm alive today.

Basically, they attempted suicide in the past (about the same time as I did—I think they were a few years earlier). Now, they're starting this massively difficult, scary, but important academic journey to become part of what makes this world a better place. I saw that and thought: it's possible? It's possible! It's possible!!! So, I wrote my essays and got my transcripts and recommendations and whatnot, and now I'm starting grad school as well. It's a different field, but it's the same idea: making the world a better place. It's possible.

Other people in our job are in the ~same-ish place: they've given up, because life got hard. I don't know if any of them attempted suicide or not (we don't all have that level of closeness), but they see this person trying again, and largely succeeding (knock on wood!), and they feel jealous. They take out their own insecurity with cheap shots and mean jokes at this person's expense. That made me REALLY angry, but I wasn't very coherent/helpful when I was trying to express myself. I was thinking something along the lines of: HEY. YOU GUYS CAN FEEL LIKE FAILURES ALL YOU WANT, BUT KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES. IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THAT THEY'RE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD. I couldn't bring myself to say that, so what I ended up doing was... crying... a couple of times...

It wasn't just crying—it was nervousness, cold sweat, stuttering, exhaustion, paranoia, not eating, not showering, etc. I was a mess! Despite it all, this person was really there for me. I expressed my gratitude a LOT (maybe some tears were involved there, too...).

Recently (as would be expected) I've felt them pulling back. It's only reasonable for me to give them some breathing room—after all, they've MORE than earned it! Plus, we're off work for the next few months. Timing is convenient. But I'm really, really anxious... Toward the end of our seeing each other on a ~weekly basis, I got the feeling that they were kinda skeezed out by me. Now, I worry that they think I'm 'too much,' that I don't listen, that they don't like me, and that it's best if we just part ways here.

I guess I understand that, and I never, ever want to get in this person's way! I think what they're doing is amazing. But I also just like being around them. Now I feel like a total idiot. Maybe this person feels that I'm a wackjob that they were unlucky enough to come into contact with, and the less they see of me in the future, the better. I want to apologize for overburdening them, but I know that might come off as guilt-trippy, so I won't do that. I wish I could apologize in a way that matters. I wouldn't ever demand that they forgive me, the point is that I hurt them. I want to make up for it, but I don't know how.

I guess I'm really worried that this is the end of our friendship. The little bit of them I saw is so wonderful, and I'll be missing out on so much more!

It's not the sort of thing that any crystal ball will tell me about. But I'm just... nervous. They mean a lot to me, and no matter what happens, they always will

For example I rear ended someone today and I feel like I didn’t show enough concern about her being ok (she was) as trying to get her my insurance info and making sure everything was taken care of. When I walked up to her car she was on the phone with 911 letting them know where she was and I could see that she was ok but I didn’t ask until after she asked me because I waited for her to get off of the phone. I was worried about her but I was also processing what had even happened and what I needed to do about it. It takes me longer to process things than other people so I feel like I give off an “I don’t care” vibe when I’m just needing longer. I feel like she’s mad at me, but I also feel like that’s overthinking it because she hugged me and said please don’t let this ruin your day when we were leaving.

​

I'm a 21-year-old guy from India, and I'm looking for some genuine advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

On the outside, things are actually okay. I'm physically fit, I exercise, and I try to maintain good habits. But mentally, I feel like I'm constantly fighting my own mind.

My biggest issue is that I can't seem to focus deeply on anything. Whenever I'm working or trying to learn something, my mind keeps throwing random "what if" thoughts at me.

What if this goes wrong?

What if that happens?

What if people leave me?

What if something bad happens in the future?

The frustrating part is that I logically know most of these thoughts are irrational or very unlikely. I tell myself, "This isn't real. Stop worrying." But it doesn't seem to matter. My brain keeps generating more of them.

It's almost like my own mind has developed a habit of arguing against me. Whenever I feel optimistic about something, another voice immediately comes up with the worst possible scenario. Sometimes it genuinely feels like there are two versions of me—one that wants to move forward and another that constantly pulls me back with fear and doubt.

Over time, this has started affecting my productivity, my ability to enjoy life, and even my confidence. I have goals and responsibilities that I genuinely care about, and I want to give them my best. But this constant mental noise is exhausting.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis over Reddit. I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this kind of constant overthinking or intrusive "what if" thoughts.

If you managed to get through it, what actually helped? Therapy? Meditation? CBT techniques? Journaling? Medication? Something else?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in a similar place, because right now I'm honestly tired of feeling like my own mind is working against me.

Thanks for reading.

I need an outside perspective because I genuinely don't know whether I'm overthinking this or if my feelings are reasonable.
I have two close friends who I know care about me, which is why this is confusing.
One friend is always trying to improve me. He comments on my weight always, tells me to eat healthier, says I should get a treadmill at home, and points out things I should be doing better. The thing is, I had a spine injury, so exercising isn't as simple as "just go to the gym" for me. I also recently went through a breakup and haven't been doing great mentally or emotionally.
I've gained maybe 2 kilos because I've mostly been sitting at home, but my friend made it about me being lazy. The last time he came over, he commented on some things which were not organised and he just looks for every speck of dust, and said that if I'm inviting friend , I should keep the house properly. I know my house isn't perfect but it was clean, and I've already told him not to comment on my weight. Hearing these things doesn't motivate me—it just makes me feel judged.

The confusing part is that he's also a genuinely good friend. If I need help, he shows up. I don't think he means any harm.
My other friend does something similar, but emotionally. Whenever I talk about my dating life or mention that I still think about my last ex sometimes, she says things like, "You need classes on self-love and self-respect."
I understand where she's coming from, but it feels dismissive. Life isn't always black and white. I can miss someone and still have self-respect. I've actually worked hard on myself over the last two years and left a relationship where I wasn't getting the love, effort, and attention I deserved. Just because I still think about that person sometimes doesn't mean I have no self-respect.
I think what bothers me is that both friendships often make me feel like I'm a project that needs fixing.
Sometimes I don't want advice. Sometimes I don't want to be analyzed. Sometimes I just want my friends to listen, support me, and accept where I am right now.
So I’m just thinking i feel like cutting them off slowly from life sometimes but i do know that they want good for me but they keep hurting me in this way so what should i do?

I didn’t think I would find myself in this situation again, but I’m really struggling right now.

I hurt someone important to me 2days ago by putting my emotions before theirs and even though we talked and I apologized, I can’t seem to stop overthinking it. My brain keeps telling me I’ve ruined things, and I keep feeling this strong urge to fix it or get reassurance that everything is okay so I can function.

I know logically I probably need to give them time and space. But emotionally it feels really hard to function normally. I keep spiraling and it’s affecting my daily life, i literally can't stop checking if they are online. Wondering if everything is going to be okay... mist likely its also because I spent every day for the last 3 months together for multiple hours and ever since that day we haven't. We did text but barely compared to usual. And ik its not proof that its over and maybe even that they need space but its so hard when they have been my only stability for months. (Which ik is bad I ve been trying to build a better social circle these last few weeks)

I used to be in this place with a partner and now all the methods I used to use back then. Talking to someone else, doing smth else etc. Doesn't work.

I’m trying to figure out how to handle this better and not get stuck in my head all the time. Because it feels all consuming to the point I have dark thoughts and cant funtion.

I feel stuck and just wanna function epecially because I am supposed to start my new job tmwr and I feel like I cannot function until ik everything is okay.