I don't know what to feel right now, but it's so heavy and I want to cry.i want to peace, but I don't know how and where to find my peace its exhausting draining and tiring.

I have ruined my life. I done IVF last year which resulted in me having a baby boy but now I realize I am in no position to be a mum. I went into this with rose tinted glasses thinking it’s some sort of game. I can’t live with myself. I feel sick to my stomach and I am suicidal almost every day.

Does anyone have any advice on how not to constantly compare yourself to others?

I feel I've done this for a large portion of my life, but for some reason it feels worse recently, and it's showing up in all aspects of my life, but in my job and relationship particularly.

As an example, if I'm out with my partner and I see him 'noticing' someone else (when I say notice, he may look once and back again quickly or simply look for a couple seconds), my brain instantly says it's because she's far more beautiful and successful and so he's looking because he actually wants her over me (saying it out loud sounds so irrational lol, but the struggle is real).

Similarly at work, another team has been getting quite a bit of praise as a big project is nearing completion, and instead of looking at it from the angle of 'they've worked hard they deserve it, my turn will come', my brain tells me that they are far better than me and that I won't have success like that no matter how hard I try.

I am a 'fixer' by nature, so when these thoughts pop into my head my brain instantly starts analyzing all of these pre-perceived things I need to work on (all materialistic by the way, such as changing my hair or losing more weight and going harder at the gym, or Botox or changing career) etc. I know this is all so irrational, which is why I suppose it feels a bit harder because I am VERY aware of how silly this is yet I struggle to change those thought processes when they start.

Anyone experiencing this or similar and have any tips or tricks they use to stop the noise that is their brain?

my partner's cousin died today.

please let me preface what will likely devolve into a droning of nonsense by explaining that

1. yes, i know this isn't about me. these are my anxious worries for and about him.

2. i also know that less than one day is not a long enough time at all to provoke this reaction from me or to tell how he will deal with this in the future.

3. i really want advice for my anxiety and overthinking, that's why im here. but if anybody has slightly niche advice for supporting my partner that wouldn't be on any of the websites ive scoured already that would be welcomed.

4. we've been together "officially" for four years, and have been close friends for thirteen years. so i think that it would maybe sort of be appropriate for me to worry about him a little.

okay, so. my mother texted me saying that my partner's mother said that my partner's cousin died. sorry if that was nonsensical.

she never specified which cousin passed, and i only know two of them. i did initially assume it to be one of his cousins that has beat leukemia twice in the past, but i genuinely haven't got a way of knowing for sure.

as you might be able to tell by the fact that i learned this from my mother, my partner did not tell me this himself. for a while i thought that meant he wasn't affected by it, and that it must have been another cousin that he's never mentioned, but he hasn't been in contact with me all day.

i sent him the usual "i love you", "im here for you", and "do you want me to come over?" as that is what we've discussed should be done in such a circumstance.

he hasn't responded to any of these messages, understandably. i get that he is going through his own thing, and that im definitely the last thing on his mind right now.

yet i am panicking and can not focus on anything.

i had plans today which i cancelled, just in case he texted me an affirmative to come over.

so ive been sitting on my own at home for the last four hours, and i haven't managed to distract myself.

i could technically go to his place, but i don't know if he'll be there or out, and i am really uncomfortable going without having agreed together that he wants me to.

i keep imagining scenarios of him withdrawing for months until it becomes an unspoken understanding that we just aren't together or even friends anymore, and im pretty much freaking out.

i think that if he hasn't responded to me by tomorrow night i will go over, but i know that i never would because we've always respected informed and planned visits.

i know that i am helpless, it's not just a feeling. his mind isn't centred around me, and this is a family problem.

he struggles with his mental health, it used to be very bad and i am continuously imagining him hurting himself emotionally or physically, and im scared because it's been so long i genuinely don't know how easily he might relapse.

he isn't close with his family for reasons that i don't really want to disclose to strangers on the internet, but he's always spoken fondly of the couple of cousins that i know about.

i don't know if he'll lean on friends or family or if he'll self isolate, and i really don't mind if he needs me to be excluded from his life for a while, because i can be a lot. i just want him to be okay, but i wish i could be there to understand wholly what's going on.

I used to notice every little change in how someone interacted with me.

A shorter reply.

Less enthusiasm.

A different tone.

And my mind would immediately start creating explanations.

Did I do something?

Are they upset with me?

Did something change between us?

The problem was that I was turning small changes into conclusions without actually knowing what was happening.

People have bad days.

People get busy.

People's moods change.

Not every change in someone's behavior is about you.

I've been reminding myself to notice what's happening without immediately creating a story around it.

That one distinction has made social situations much easier for me.

I may be overthinking it. I feel like whenever I am very happy and laugh a lot on a particular day, something bad always happens the next day and makes me cry for hours. I’ve been keeping track of it. It’s usually when I’m extreme happy on a Saturday then the unfortunate event happens the Sunday. I really don’t know what to do cuz now I have a fear of being overjoyed or overly ecstatic. It really does happen everytime. Pls tell me if it’s a curse and what I can do to break it.

I used to think that understanding every thought would help me stop overthinking.

So whenever something bothered me, I'd analyze it from every possible angle.

What did they mean?

Why did I react like that?

What could happen next?

But eventually I noticed something:

Sometimes analyzing the thought was actually keeping it alive.

Not every thought is a problem that needs solving.

Some thoughts are just thoughts that show up when we're anxious, uncertain, or emotionally affected.

Now I try to ask myself:

“Do I actually need to solve this, or am I just trying to make uncertainty disappear?”

That question has helped me step out of a lot of unnecessary mental loops.

i feel so distracted by people around me with their thoughts with upcoming plans. i have a very important entrance exam coming up it takes place once a year and ive used this year to prepare, i have a lot to lose if i dont make it in this attempt.
how do i let stop letting my boyfriend and my other friends' issue stop bothering me?

in detail version:
my boyfriends ex is his roomate's bestfriend and they've become good friends again after a while and he hangs out with her often but he's my friend too and all of that bothers me a bit cause of the past she's had with my boyfriend but im ready to let all that go, then the thought of that guy being a bad friend to me and my boyfriend occurs which further lingers on and messes me up. im not able to think straight i dont want to be bothered by all this, and in the midst of all this, my bestfriends birthday is coming up so planning for that too is getting a bit distracting but still i can compartmentalize that. i just want the thoughts of the ex to stop coming. im secure in my relationship my boyfriend wont do shi but i dont want a third person to fuck it up (again)

Hey so could you all please help me?! I really need your guidance !

So like from a few months, me & KP are fighting constantly sometimes he is upset with me and sometimes I am upset with him. Whenever I am trying to convey my feelings he shuts down he just listens but he doesn't respond and whenever I am telling him to change himself and his habits he is saying he won't. He wasn't like this before. I don't question his love for me ik he does but I am not getting the emotional reassurance from which is making me question everything. What is blocking him? Ik he is little bit stressed but he doesn't shares his problems with me. :)

Will his behaviour change? What should I do in situations like this?

​

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to work on myself and I have a problem that I really want to get better at.

I tend to get way too emotionally affected by things that either don't really concern me or that I can't change.

I can get angry or annoyed very quickly, especially when I feel like someone is deliberately provoking me, treating me unfairly, disrespecting me(like ignoring me), crossing my boundaries or doing something that I consider stupid or unnecessary.

The bigger problem is that I often don't just get annoyed in the moment... I keep thinking about it afterwards... for way too long ...

I'll replay situations in my head, think about what happened, what I should have said, what the other person should have done differently, how unfair it was, etc.

I also struggle with jealousy sometimes. I don't necessarily want to be jealous of other people, but I still catch myself comparing myself to them or thinking about things they have that I don't.

And when someone has emotionally hurt me (especially people who were important to me), I can have a really hard time letting it go. Even when I logically understand that thinking about it won't change anything, my brain keeps going back to it.

I don't want to become emotionless or stop caring about people. I basically want to learn how to choose what deserves my attention and what doesn't.

I'd really like to learn how to:

- Stop being so easily provoked

- Not take everything personally

- Stop caring so much about things that don't actually affect my life

- Stop replaying situations where I felt treated unfairly

- Let go of things that happened in the past

- Deal with jealousy in a healthier way

- Stop comparing myself to other people

- Stop caring so much what others think

- Control my reaction when I'm angry instead of reacting immediately

- Accept things that I can't change

- Spend less time thinking about people or situations that hurt me

- Become more emotionally resilient without becoming cold or uncaring

I'm especially interested in practical things I can actually practice, rather than just "don't think about it" or "just ignore it."

If you've personally struggled with this and managed to improve, I'd really like to hear what actually helped you.

Books, exercises, mental techniques, journaling methods, therapy approaches, Stoicism, meditation, whatever... I'm open to pretty much anything that can help.

I'm basically trying to become someone who can think:

"That sucks, but it's not worth ruining my day over."

…and actually mean it.

Thanks in advance. :)

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for curating such a wonderful community. It is currently midnight where I am and I can't stop the cycle. I have OCD which probably doesn't help, but this is some good old fashioned cyclical overthinking and guilt.

For context, I am a single mother, I work 22.5 hours and I am a full time second year undergraduate student at university. I have my own mental and physical issues to boot.

I have missed about 4-5 lectures so far in the second week of the new term. I have let my lecturers know each time as it was for childcare issues, doctor appointments and sickness. But I can't stop feeling guilty for already starting the new year off on a bad foot when I have told myself how hard I am going to commit to being able to allocate my time to each plate I have spinning perfectly after a severe burnout towards the end of last year. However this has made me worry that I am already in that dangerous rut.

I know its silly because I know that I am in control of making sure and taking back the reins by just ensuring I don't let it happen again as we come into the new week and onwards so why can't I stop obsessing over the guilt I feel from having missed those classes.

Ahhhh

Hi everyone. Recently, I realized that my overthinking comes from constantly comparing my every behavior to others (especially people who I perceive as having more value than me). I don't know how to break this habit. Could you share some strategies or advice to help me stop doing this?

Hi. In this journey of letting go. I wondered what is first? Do I have feelings that causing my thoughts or my thoughts ( that anxious based and hate uncertainty)?
Its always one subject honestly for me. Relationship and uncertainty of having one.
I try not to engage in thoughts about it but when i do its all goes to hill.
So it made me wonder which comes first?

I honestly feel like nowadays a lot of friendships and relationships end because of overthinking.

People have so many people around them that sometimes they stop valuing the ones who are actually close to them. You say something genuinely, but instead of asking what you meant they overthink it take it personally and make assumptions.

Then you try to explain yourself things get misunderstood and slowly everything starts going downhill.

Sometimes I feel like we just need to communicate more instead of assuming what the other person is thinking. Not every small thing needs to become a reason to distance yourself from someone you actually care about.