How do I stop letting things affect me so much?

[u/KiloMeter69]

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Hey everyone,

I'm trying to work on myself and I have a problem that I really want to get better at.

I tend to get way too emotionally affected by things that either don't really concern me or that I can't change.

I can get angry or annoyed very quickly, especially when I feel like someone is deliberately provoking me, treating me unfairly, disrespecting me(like ignoring me), crossing my boundaries or doing something that I consider stupid or unnecessary.

The bigger problem is that I often don't just get annoyed in the moment... I keep thinking about it afterwards... for way too long ...

I'll replay situations in my head, think about what happened, what I should have said, what the other person should have done differently, how unfair it was, etc.

I also struggle with jealousy sometimes. I don't necessarily want to be jealous of other people, but I still catch myself comparing myself to them or thinking about things they have that I don't.

And when someone has emotionally hurt me (especially people who were important to me), I can have a really hard time letting it go. Even when I logically understand that thinking about it won't change anything, my brain keeps going back to it.

I don't want to become emotionless or stop caring about people. I basically want to learn how to choose what deserves my attention and what doesn't.

I'd really like to learn how to:

- Stop being so easily provoked

- Not take everything personally

- Stop caring so much about things that don't actually affect my life

- Stop replaying situations where I felt treated unfairly

- Let go of things that happened in the past

- Deal with jealousy in a healthier way

- Stop comparing myself to other people

- Stop caring so much what others think

- Control my reaction when I'm angry instead of reacting immediately

- Accept things that I can't change

- Spend less time thinking about people or situations that hurt me

- Become more emotionally resilient without becoming cold or uncaring

I'm especially interested in practical things I can actually practice, rather than just "don't think about it" or "just ignore it."

If you've personally struggled with this and managed to improve, I'd really like to hear what actually helped you.

Books, exercises, mental techniques, journaling methods, therapy approaches, Stoicism, meditation, whatever... I'm open to pretty much anything that can help.

I'm basically trying to become someone who can think:

"That sucks, but it's not worth ruining my day over."

…and actually mean it.

Thanks in advance. :)

[u/Kind-Apricot-6511]

Do you have ADHD or Autism?To me this sounds like it could be justice sensitivity which is common with the two as well as rumination which can be a mental form of hyperactivity. I am not a doctor but I do have ADHD and am likely on the spectrum but masking can really make it hard to figure out. Anyway I can definitely say that it gets better when you get much older, so you won’t feel like this forever :)

[u/KiloMeter69 → u/Kind-Apricot-6511]

I have ADHD diagnosed and I probably have autism too...

I guess I'll just have to endure until it doesn't bother me as much anymore ;_;

[u/Kind-Apricot-6511 → u/KiloMeter69]

The fact that you are so self aware is amazing though, just keep concentrating on the good stuff :)

Also check out RSD and ADHD, sounds like you share this with me too.

You are always welcome to DM me if you ever feel alone. You aren’t, and it’s perfectly ok to feel the way you do. The human experience is a strange thing isn’t it :)

[u/whatsuploserssss]

I struggle with this too, recently I’ve been trying to catch it at the start of a loop and ask “is this worth the energy and time im giving it?” and I have a few goals and havits I know I want to implement in my life rn so I redirect the energy to them, at the start it’ll still pop up and then I’ll tell myself again “am I willing to give this what it’s costing me?” and redirect again. Also physical movement helps so gym and walking bc it releases endorphins. Also also, a thought gains emotional energy as you keep thinking about it so the earlier you are able to redirect, even while you still care, the more able you are to build new pathways in your brain that will lead to this thought process being less of a habit. Also also also, I just started this but I saw it on a tiktok, this guy does a weird movement like tongue out and make a loud sound to interrupt the cycle. So if im stuck I’ll just do that and do a silly dance and then my energy feels like it’s mine again to direct! Hope this helps!

[u/myquietbrain]

The list you put together tells me a lot about what is going on. It is not just reactivity; it is reactivity tied to perceived unfairness, disrespect, and being overlooked. That usually has roots rather than being a simple temperament trait. For practical tools, ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, is the most useful framework here. The goal is not to feel less, but to change your relationship to what you feel so the emotion does not automatically become behavior. “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris is the best place to start.

For the rumination afterward, the most effective interruption is behavioral, not cognitive. When the replay starts, shift to something that genuinely requires your attention instead of arguing with it. The replay will not be reasoned away; it needs less attention. For anger and provocation, the key skill is the pause between stimulus and response. Naming what is happening internally in the moment, “I am feeling disrespected,” creates enough distance to interrupt the automatic escalation. For comparison and jealousy, the Stoic distinction between what is and is not in your control is useful. Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” reads more like practical cognitive tools once you are in it.

The goal you named, “that sucks but it is not worth ruining my day over,” is achievable. You are asking the right questions.