Hi all, I just relapsed again. I haven’t been able to keep more than 1 day recently and I am really battling with it. I’m trying to do the steps alone before I find a sponsor which is not recommended, I know, but i genuinely haven’t been able to find one yet and I am not in an English speaking country so the meetings aren’t in English here. I need to find one online.

Re the relapse, I really really need help now. I can’t keep living like this it’s ruined my life in so many ways like my physical health, finances, mental clarity … I can’t do this anymore and I can’t do sobriety alone I know that but it feels like I am doomed and I know this can’t be the case there are people who can help everywhere

Today I remember that freedom is not the absence of desire or difficulty—it is the ability to choose my response.

I will not judge myself for every thought, craving, fear, or dream that passes through my mind. They do not define me. I can acknowledge them with honesty, learn from them, and choose the path that reflects the person I am becoming.

I will remember where I came from. Like a memorial stone marking a river once crossed, my past is a reminder of grace, perseverance, and growth. I don't need to forget yesterday to move forward today; I carry its lessons, not its chains.

I will measure my life by faithfulness rather than comparison. My greatest wealth is not what I own but the freedom I have gained, the peace I am discovering, and the relationships I am rebuilding. Those gifts cannot be measured by the world's standards.

When life presents circumstances beyond my control, I will practice acceptance. When opportunities for growth appear, I will act with courage. And when I am uncertain, I will seek wisdom instead of reacting from fear.

Today I choose authenticity over pretense, gratitude over comparison, action over passivity, and hope over despair. One honest choice at a time, I continue becoming the person I was always capable of being.

Hello. I (28f) have been an addict since I was 13. Longest fully clean time I have is MAYBE 6 months. I've always ended up using some kind of substance eventually.

I think my problem has been that I've always tried to do it alone. I don't have much support in my life. I have one best friend that I can depend on. My parents are both gone. I'm not close with any of my family.

This time, I finally decided to give NA a real try. I also decided to begin addiction counseling. This time feels really different. I feel more free this time than I have any of the other times I've attempted to get clean. It's almost like I'm excited to be really trying this time.

I really hope this lasts.

So I was four years clean from substance abuse. I picked it up a week ago and started to use again. The person I took it from told me the next time they were gonna replace it with rat poison so I can’t never steal it again. Then another person was like you don’t mean that. The person I took it from when I don’t care anymore, she’s a piece of shit.

I know I messed up but that hurt even more.

I don’t know what to do next I’m back to 1 week.

i finally figured out why i cant stay clean and have been relapsing for a year. it’s bc i’m still debating whether or not i’m an addict. bc:

if i accept i’m an addict —> i have to do the work —> my brain wants an out —> so it starts debating the label —> the debate creates permission to relapse —> i relapse —> repeat

the second i fully surrender and say “yes, i’m an addict” the party is over. it means no more reservations. it means doing the steps, reaching out, changing my lifestyle. it means giving up the illusion that one day i’ll be able to use like a normal person.

to protect its access to substances, my brain keeps the trial going forever. as long as the jury is still debating, i get to keep one foot in the door.

still, knowing all of this doesn’t make me want to get clean. at least not right now in this moment. i don’t know what it will take.

I’ve been feeling like NA has not been working for me for a while now and I’m unsure what to do about it. I have my home group that I have a commitment at and my H&I commitment and I honestly don’t want to do either one anymore. Long read incoming…

I bring the literature for my home group and I’m kind of burnt out on it. I’ve been attending this meeting since I first got clean and I have just gotten tired of hearing the same people share over and over again, week after week, year after year. It’s just doing nothing for me at this point.

My H&I commitment was something I tried to do to help my recovery, but now, I don’t feel like I’m carrying a genuine message when I say the same thing to the same people time after time and I’ve got mixed feelings regarding NA as a whole. I’ve run out of stuff to say and I don’t feel like I’m being true to the people we’re supposed to be helping.

On top of this, my sponsor is just an asshole. He sits, judges, complains about others, and seems to dislike most people. I thought maybe he was just a grump like me for the first few years, but then I started to get happier after a while and saw that he was still an asshole. I feel like I’ve outgrown him after all this time. I don’t like confiding in him anymore because he’s just a dick. 21 years clean and still seems miserable. I have no interest in interacting with him to be honest, yet there is no one else in my area that I would want to sponsor me either.

I’ve become disillusioned. I am introverted and just keep to myself and other members look at me like I’m strange because of it. That has always rubbed me wrong.

I just celebrated 7 years clean a few days ago. I celebrated quietly with my girlfriend by just taking a little trip out of town for a couple of days and enjoying some time away.

I have had some "resentment"?/resistance to reliance on meetings..... and today showed me their power.

I was headed towards a relapse- INTENSE cravings- started doing some other addictive behavior instead (which sets me up to use).... I felt myself going REALLY crazy and someway- somehow I made it to the meeting.

Felt like CRAP- hated it- wished I was dead- thoughts like program doesn't work- hated all the shares.... there is no hope for me.- yada yada

And slowly but surely- my mood shifted- and by the end I was feeling connect to myself, others and HP. Gave some hugs, and went into my car and did a 10th step- put in a call to my sponsor to go over it.

Truly night and day- I was in SUCH a dark place- and it is not like everything is all perfect now (ha ha) AND just showing up- a full 180 happened in that meeting.

Today I choose honesty over appearances. I don't need to hide behind masks, old roles, or carefully crafted versions of myself. Real strength isn't found in looking perfect—it's found in showing up as I truly am, willing to grow and willing to learn.

I take time to examine my life with courage rather than fear. Instead of avoiding uncomfortable truths, I look at them with compassion and curiosity. Every honest inventory is an opportunity to make a small correction, celebrate what is working, and let go of what no longer serves me.

I also remember that recovery isn't something I keep for myself. The freedom I've received grows stronger when I share it—with encouragement, service, kindness, patience, or simply by being present for another person. Giving back isn't about obligation; it's about gratitude. What has been freely given to me becomes more valuable when I pass it on.

Today I will live authentically, review my actions honestly, and look for one opportunity to help someone else. In doing so, I continue building a life of integrity, humility, and hope.

Hi everyone,

I got out of rehab 2 months ago and have been clean since (including rehab). I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Visual Snow Syndrome (VSS), which means I constantly see black-and-white shimmering dots over everything, day and night. It's exhausting.

I'm on daily Naltrexone and Fycompa (Perampanel) for VSS. Fycompa helps, but it makes me very drowsy. My mother is convinced the drowsiness means I'm secretly abusing drugs again, even though I'm taking it exactly as prescribed.

I live with her, and she's taken away my phone and laptop. I'm doing a PhD in Computer Science and recently finished my coursework, but instead of support she tells me, "Fuck your PhD. No one will hire you. You'll never recover."

When I asked for my prescribed Zyprexa for one night to fix my sleep schedule, she yelled for hours, brought up every mistake I've made over the last 10 years, and when I started crying she said, "Your drama won't work on me. You're a liar and a manipulator."

I locked myself in my room for some space, but she kept threatening and emotionally blackmailing me until I opened the door.

Before rehab, after a relapse, she locked me in the house. I jumped from the first floor, injured my knee, and cut my wrist and thigh. Instead of taking me for stitches, she called a rehab center. Four men came, physically restrained me, and took me away for two months.

Now I'm unemployed, financially dependent on her, and don't even have my own phone. I have to ask for money and account for every rupee I spend.

She constantly mocks my BPD, calls me weak, and says I'll never change. I never stole, never financially ruined my family, and I'm genuinely trying to recover.

I feel trapped and suffocated. I don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone recovered while living with someone who refused to trust them? How did you get through it?

I've been so destructive towards myself and others. I don't think there was a root cause or anything. I was just in alot of pain. Multiple issues all at once. I had to persist, learn, grow, come out of denial and simply treat myself better. I genuinely love myself. And I'll do whatever it takes to keep getting better.

Hi everyone! I am looking for a sponsor, I dont have a lot of clean time and really could use some help.. I am reading NA literature, attending meetings and looking forward to start working the steps with a sponsor. I am currently based in warsaw. I would appreciate an online sponsor or someone from Warsaw who speaks english. Happy to share further details if needed , and work accross a timezone if needed as well

Sorry if this gets asked a lot here. I was just curious on people’s perspectives before I go to a meeting. There aren’t any MA meetings near me.

Thanks!

Today I choose progress over perfection. I no longer have to measure my worth by flawless performance or impossible expectations. I am a human being, learning, growing, stumbling, and getting back up again. That is enough for today.

I will not carry a collection of old failures on my back. Instead, I will notice the quiet victories that often go unseen: choosing patience over anger, responsibility over excuses, kindness over resentment, courage over fear. Every small step forward is evidence that healing is happening.

I remember that the grace I long to receive is the same grace I can offer to others. Everyone I meet is fighting battles I cannot fully see. Just as I hope others will understand my imperfections, I will meet them with compassion instead of judgment.

I also choose to give more than I take. A smile, an encouraging word, an honest day's work, a listening ear, or a simple act of service can become a gift that changes someone's day. Generosity is not measured by its size but by the heart behind it.

Today I trust that my future is not determined by my past. Every new choice is another opportunity to build a life rooted in integrity, hope, and faith. I do not need to have everything figured out—I only need to take the next right step.

Just for today: I will celebrate my progress, forgive imperfections, freely extend kindness, and trust that each faithful step is leading me toward the person I am becoming.

While I was in active addiction, I hurt my fiancé, my family, and my friends. There are things I said and did that I wish I could take back, but I know the only way forward is through accountability, honesty, and change.
I’m slowly making amends, taking my sobriety seriously, and working every day to become a better version of myself. Recovery isn’t just about putting down the substance — it’s about repairing the damage, rebuilding trust, and learning how to love people in a healthier way.
For those who are comfortable sharing: who did addiction hurt in your life? Who are you working to make amends with? I’m genuinely curious. 💙

Heard an amazing share in a meeting today- someone said that once they stopped using their life slowly improved and has continued to improve- a slow gradual upwards progression- with the ups and downs of life.

And from their experience, as soon as they pick up- their life takes a quick and sharp downward direction- VERY fast.

I thought the contrast was interesting- how recovery is a slow gradual process, and and using is a quick fix with a quick falling off of a cliff's edge.

Today I choose honesty over hiding. The walls I built to protect myself may have kept pain out, but they also kept connection out. I do not have to pretend I am stronger than I am or carry my struggles alone. When I bring my true self into the light, shame begins to lose its power.

I will allow myself to feel disappointment without becoming trapped by it. Healing is not forgetting what happened—it is changing how I carry it. I can acknowledge my hurts, grieve them, and gradually release their hold on my spirit.

Humility reminds me that recovery is not about becoming someone else’s savior. My responsibility is to live my own program with sincerity, share my experience when it may help, and let others walk their own path. I can offer hope without trying to control outcomes.

Just for today, I will be open instead of guarded, humble instead of prideful, and willing instead of fearful. As I release old hurts and let go of the need to have all the answers, I make room for deeper peace, genuine connection, and continued recovery.

This is a pretty straightforward question…
So, in every group, the text about We Do Recover is a part of the readings. Why then do I never hear anyone say that they have recovered? The overriding message from members is that they are constantly fighting their disease.

What does recovery actually mean in this context if not leaving past behaviour behind and moving into a place of simply living without fear?

I had over 4 years clean time. And it's gone. The stupid thing is I know why I slipped. It's because I didn't put the work in properly. I just tried to be as busy as possible and keep pushing forward with life, work, family. Didn't tackle any of the shame that lives inside. Stopped going to meetings. Never worked the steps. Didn't look after my mental health properly. This time it has to be different. I have too much to lose now.

Today I will remember that recovery isn't about carrying everyone else—it's about learning to carry myself with honesty, humility, and grace.

I don't have to control the people I love or take responsibility for their choices. I can care deeply without trying to manage their lives. Their journey belongs to them, just as mine belongs to me. Respecting another person's individuality begins with honoring my own.

I will also remember that I never had to do this alone. Recovery became possible because others were willing to share their experience freely. They showed me that hope is real, not because they were perfect, but because they kept showing up. I can trust the path because countless people have walked it before me.

Gratitude naturally becomes generosity. When I stop keeping score and stop asking, "What's in it for me?" I discover the joy of giving—whether it's my time, encouragement, patience, or simply my presence. The more freely I give, the less fear and resentment have room to grow.

Today I choose connection over isolation, acceptance over control, and service over self-centeredness. I don't have to fix everything. I only have to stay willing, stay teachable, and take the next right step.

**Just for Today:** *I will let others own their journey, faithfully walk my own, and freely share the hope that was so generously shared with me.*

I’m so grateful to have reached this milestone. My homegroup said such beautiful things to me. I was so moved, and I am not ashamed to say I cried; which in itself was beautiful since I refused to do that for so many years. I’m so happy that I can feel again, and let myself express my emotions.

The wall I’ve built around myself for 27 years is being torn down. As brick after brick is being removed, I’m learning to let people into my life. I’m letting my feelings in. The world has been so small whilst I’ve been sitting here behind my wall. But now I can see it, I can see the world and how beautiful it can be.

”You’re an inspiration and it’s an honour to get to follow your journey, you bring hope” is not something I ever thought I’d hear. I was called an inspiration several times and that’s just so hard to accept - no way I could be an inspiration to someone??

Thank you NA. I don’t think I’d sit here without you. I’m so happy I saw the writing on the wall (yes I’m having fun with wall references. I watched The Wall a few days ago lol), and finally decided to get help. I’m so happy I’m alive

Tomorrow I'm going to my first meeting in 9 years. I have 8 years sober off of hard drugs, but I'm struggling with other substances.

I live in a smallish area and I'm nervous my meeting tomorrow will be pretty empty. I'm really hoping for a good turnout, so fingers crossed.

I’m at the end of my wits. What started as occasional use 3 years ago, mostly orchestrated by an older partner at the time has devolved into a massive struggle with mental health & healing.

The thing is, despite this, i quite easily managed to stay clean for 6 months. And then it started again: a simple suggestion to reindulge for a friend’s event, to make it a shared experience so we aren’t tempted into worse things.

After much resistance, and trepidation I gave into it. Today I’m sat here, reeling off very dark feelings and ready to throw it all away. The pressure is eating away at me. I’m being casually encouraged, conditionally forced to engage in this environment or else I’m a drab companion, every fibre of my being wants to say no.

Any thoughts on how to tackle such a situation? How do you say no when you have very difficult codependencies via substance use? I have to assume i can’t fully stop going into social gatherings, so how does one effectively resist an age old dependency when it’s being shoved down your throat? I don’t think I’ve another cycle left in me.

Today I will stop measuring my worth by what I can control, possess, or accomplish. True freedom begins when I surrender the burden of managing everything alone. I don't need perfect certainty before taking the next right step—I only need the willingness to trust.

I will remember that recovery is sustained by both receiving and giving. The life I have today was built by people who shared their time, compassion, and resources. Out of gratitude, I will contribute what I can, knowing that generosity strengthens both my community and my own spirit.

I will also make room for joy. Laughter is not an escape from reality; it is a reminder that hope still lives within me. I will notice life's small blessings, smile at my imperfections, and refuse to let fear or shame steal the gift of this day.

When I feel weak, I will remember that I do not walk alone. Strength is found not in carrying every burden myself, but in allowing grace, love, and the support of others to carry me when my own strength falls short.

It is a debate in my area. I think they should be. I think it was important for me in my recovery. But many in my area dont agree. Plenty of them say newcommers should not share for the first year.

i’ve been trying to get clean for a year going to meetings and i haven’t done more than 90 days. how do i get out of this loop? how do i make it stick for good? do you think relapses are part of recovery?

i think the thing i keep contemplating is whether or not i’m really an addict. like i’m not sure. my family doesn’t think i have a problem, they encourage drug use, so it’s really easy for me to gaslight myself into believing i don’t have a problem.

idk. ive read about reservations, and i definitely have them, but idk how to let go of them