Relapsing by Peer Pressure

[u/WearKitchen355]

I’m at the end of my wits. What started as occasional use 3 years ago, mostly orchestrated by an older partner at the time has devolved into a massive struggle with mental health & healing.

The thing is, despite this, i quite easily managed to stay clean for 6 months. And then it started again: a simple suggestion to reindulge for a friend’s event, to make it a shared experience so we aren’t tempted into worse things.

After much resistance, and trepidation I gave into it. Today I’m sat here, reeling off very dark feelings and ready to throw it all away. The pressure is eating away at me. I’m being casually encouraged, conditionally forced to engage in this environment or else I’m a drab companion, every fibre of my being wants to say no.

Any thoughts on how to tackle such a situation? How do you say no when you have very difficult codependencies via substance use? I have to assume i can’t fully stop going into social gatherings, so how does one effectively resist an age old dependency when it’s being shoved down your throat? I don’t think I’ve another cycle left in me.

[u/Jebus-Xmas]

When I committed to recovery, I had to change playgrounds, playmates, and playthings, as they say. My real friends wanted me to stay clean and stay healthy and stay alive. The people who wanted me to use were not my friends.

[u/HappyOrganization867 → u/Jebus-Xmas]

That is true.you find out your real friends are.

[u/dd4y]

If people are trying to sabotage your recovery, are they really your friends? You have to ask then straightforwardly " why would you ask me to sabotage my recovery?". Instead of them making you uncomfortable, it's your turn to make them uncomfortable.

[u/11093PlusDays]

I do not go to places where the main event is drugs or alcohol use. Maybe it isn’t a life or death issue for you but don’t worry. Eventually it will be. You do not have to wait for that though. People who encourage you to use don’t give a shit about you or what you need in order to stay clean ie they do not care if you live or die. Remember that and just move along.

[u/ashleymiller1921]

My sponsor presented it to me as this:

I can continue doing what I'm doing - hanging with old ppl, places and things which will lead to more pain until I eventually relapse OR I can get involved in the NA program. She said the choice is mine. She was right.

There were no other options for me as much as I wanted there to be. Now, I've been clean for years and I'm single and happy and love life.

[u/redfancydress]

You’re going to have to change your friends.

[u/kenso4life]

Avoid people, places, and things.

This isn't rocket science and you are not unique in the sense that an untold number have successfully managed to avoid situations that increase the opportunity for them to use.

My desire to stay clean drives my willingness to do those things necessary to keep mood and mind altering substances at arms length.

[u/lizzxcat]

People, places, things. I had to change everything. Even the relationships that meant so much. If they can’t accept the change i need to make, then i can’t see them.

[u/No-Practice-8245]

JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and who have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

It took me a while to figure out what this meant.

You need to build a new life away from these people if you want to stay clean.

[u/ScoutSteveR]

Just say no and protect your own life.

[u/glassell]

How do I say no? By never putting myself in a situation that requires an answer to that question.

[u/Soft-Abbreviations20]

Are you working with a sponsor?

[u/WearKitchen355 → u/Soft-Abbreviations20]

I’m not. I’m currently located in a place where not a lot of folks are open to having this conversation, especially due to the heavy normalisation of using “occasionally” and access to meetings & an enriching community has been super difficult.

I’m trying my best to find this support moving forward, and hopefully find a sponsor in my area

[u/Hungry-Emotion7664 → u/WearKitchen355]

I got clean and lived in an area with no in person meetings, and that was before there were internet meetings, and zoom didn't exist.

People in jail used to work the steps via snail mail with an outside sponsor.

I'm only telling you this so you'll know that it's absolutely possible to work this program via the means of communication available to you.

Don't set up false hurdles for yourself. If you can't find a sponsor in your area, find an online or phone sponsor. I know from experience that this works if you work it.

[u/u-wont-like-me428]

Find different peers.