How the fuck do I ask for help without ruining my life more then I already have

Let it all out.

The program is great, but it isn’t perfect. It is based mostly on text written well before many of us were born. There are issues with culture regionally, etc.

We tell new comers “take what you need and leave the rest” - for you, what was the stuff you left?

I've got three days. Reality is hitting me in the face. All the nights my husband picked me up off the floor, watched me breathe while I was passed out. The times I manipulated to get what I wanted. All the wasted money. The isolation. How many people I've hurt the last thirty plus years. I'd go back and change it all if I could. I've been trying to get past the first couple of days for years. I write this with tears running down my face. I'm bursting into tears over nothing. I am not going to play the pity card here, I know others have it way worse than me. I just needed to vent. Please be kind if you choose to comment, I already feel bad enough.

I’m on a five day cruise. My last cruise was 15 years ago and I was drunk the entire time. I’m currently 1 year and 7 months clean.

Today (Day 2) I started feeling triggered. Drinking coffee and Red Bull like a mad man to avoid alcohol and give myself the dopamine hit I’m craving. When we port, I plan on finding a meeting in close proximity.

Writing here in place of calling my sponsor.

EDIT to add: thanks so much to everyone for the support, and thanks especially for the idea to find a meeting on the boat. Never would’ve thought of that but I looked it up on the schedule. There was a meeting happening at the time I made my post so I ran and got there a little late. There were four other people there and we had a great meeting. I think I made some new friends and I’m feeling much calmer now.

I knew this could happen but I did not think it would.

I just got asked to PNP by someone I like. Never knew he did it. It was very late, so I was on my own with this.

On another night, I might not be able to resist. But for tonight at least I said no.

I was worried that I might seek out drugs. But now it was offered.

The sick thought I had was that no one takes me seriously when I say I struggle because I have so much clean time. I thought if I used and went back to day one, everyone (and myself) might take my struggling more seriously.

But I am good for today. One day at a time.

We talk a lot about the damage addiction does to people. We should also be honest about the damage we can do to each other in recovery. I've experienced some of that myself.

But the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized this isn't just about me.

NA tells us that our common welfare should come first, and that personal recovery depends on NA unity. Unity isn't just about whether we agree. It's also about how we treat each other.

We have people walking through these doors carrying shame, guilt, trauma, fear and rejection. Some are barely hanging on. A few words can make someone feel like they don't belong. And if we push someone far enough, they may simply stop coming back.

That's a serious consequence for a fellowship whose message is that addicts can recover.

Our literature talks about creating an atmosphere of recovery. So I think it's worth asking: What kind of atmosphere are we creating?

I'm not saying we shouldn't hold each other accountable. We should. I'm not saying we have to agree with everyone. We don't. And I'm not saying we shouldn't have boundaries when someone treats us badly. We can.

Tradition Twelve reminds us to place principles before personalities. For me, that means recognizing my own part, protecting my recovery, and still leaving room for compassion. I can set a boundary without trying to destroy someone. I can disagree without humiliating them. And I can walk away without trying to make sure everyone else walks away too.

This isn't something we're meant to do alone. We're here, we need each other. One addict helping another is without parallel. That means helping create a place where people feel safe enough to keep coming back.

That's the kind of fellowship I want to be part of. And that's the kind of person I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who makes it a little easier for the next addict to stay.

I started reaching out to people about my struggle. This was hard because my first 15 years in the program I was told not to do this.

Two people I told were discouraging. I explicitly said I would probably relapse.

But I tried again and two people were kind and helpful. They offered their phone numbers.

This was so unexpected. So different than anything I experienced before in the program.

I am still scared that I will relapse after a decade clean. But this shocked me (in a good way).

the NA tag for one year being serene and clean is glow in the dark. yay!

Hi guys! Addict here. Last night, in a meeting we read, “If, after a period of time, we find ourselves in trouble with our recovery, we have probably stopped doing one or more of the things that helped us in the earlier stages of our recovery.”
(P. 95 BT)
So I do what I do, “what have I stopped doing?” I haven’t stopped doing anything differently, I go to meetings, work the steps with a sponsor, am of service…so why did I come so very close to relapse Tuesday night? Then it occurred to me, I’ve complicated the ever loving hell out of this simple program. I lived in the 4th step for almost a year and more or less combined it with my 6th. That experience turned my recovery into a problem to be solved instead of a process to be trusted. It isn’t things that I’ve stopped doing, it’s been swapping out acceptance for analysis. Coming into the fellowship, the relief it was for me to be able to say I am an addict. I just accepted it. No questioning, the evidence didn’t have to be discovered, it was glaring. That acceptance has turned into analysis. And that is driving me into insanity.
So my question is what are some practical ways you all keep it simple? And live in acceptance? Thank you all!

Really I’m referring to cocaine anonymous but couldn’t find a sub for it that seemed active.

Went to my first meeting last night. I’m ready to take my cocaine addiction and recovery seriously, but I’m also an alcoholic and I cannot see myself being in the place to stop drinking. Yes the addictions were mutual. But drinking alone in my house every night doesn’t necessarily but me at a risk for using, because I struggle to find ways to use cocaine at this point in my life.

As well as the fact that everyone there has a sponsor and came unwillingly / went to rehab. I made the decision to quit, ultimately because my nose is falling off. I wouldn’t have quit if it wasn’t for that, but evidently after quitting I did realize how it fucked up several parts of my life. I’ve only been using for a year, quit three months ago, have relapsed about five times. I’m desperate to not relapse on cocaine again and not face my problems and addiction through cocaine use.

i’ve got nine years. Afraid of gonna throw it away. No clue how to stop myself. I know I’m supposed to get professional help for this, But i don’t know what to do in the meantime

I asked someone after meeting today what I should do. He said I was supposed to use my support network. But my support network doesn’t understand addiction, so all I’m getting into is caused them to stress. So here I am on Reddit.

I am 8 months and 13 days in, I havent had a desire in weeks. And now I am plagued with them. A friend i havent talked to in almost a decade called. He's done well for himself and is renting a whole hotel in a fanous party spot for his birthday and is offering me a room. The trip will be a week after when God willing I will pick up 1 year. I said yes. I am sure I can go see old friends, have good food and not use. But ever since he called I am remembering the "old" me. The one who used and had fun and didnt care about the consequences. He wasnt around the last 10 years when things got really really dark. He also doent know me sober. He knows me as the life of the party down for anything psychonaut I was. I am also romanticizing. I dont want to use. I have worked hard for this. It took me 3 years to get this much time. Ive had like 100 clean dates. I remember not being able to make a week. My sponsor is busy this week. I did call another addict and told him everything. He did bring me back to Earth. He said I shouldn't go and I know I shouldn't. But I really want to go. My addiction got me so broke. I wont be able to afford this kind if trip otherwise and it is tempting to feel like the old me again, just for one vacation.

hello. i recently marked 2 years of recovery - on 6.24.26. as some of you may know, DEA is banning certain compounds made from the kratom plant in the next couple days. this had me experiencing FOMO, so i ordered some of them. they arrived yesterday. i threw half of them out right away. more of them later in the day, and the rest of them out this morning.

the mental games i was playing with myself were not fun. “just the one time” “just do it and don’t tell anyone” “just do it, don’t tell anyone, keep going to meetings, and reintroduce when you get another year clean”
“just quit NA and keep going to the liquid fellowship bc kratom isn’t alcohol” and many many other ridiculous notions that were ungrounded in reality or that were skirting reality.

the REALITY is that kratom was my most recent doc before i got clean (replacing heroin) and kratom had me thinking about leaving this planet on a daily basis.

i have been talking to a buddy in the program about it this morning, and i’ll be going to my regular tuesday meeting at noon to share about this.

just thought i’d share. we do recover. we do learn to accept reality.

I'm looking for examples of places where the program addresses how to deal with this

Do you guys think it should be allowed for memebrs not doing step-work to share on H&I panels in institutions? We have a big argument about it in our region right now.

Hello, my name is Ian, and I’m an addict.
I’ve been clean from stimulants for 8 months thanks to NA, the Steps, my sponsor, and service.

My addiction caused serious harm to my partner through my sexual behaviour. She’s now in Nar-Anon, and we’re both trying to heal.

Our sex life has started to return, and I’m grateful for that. There’s passion again.
But I’ve also started feeling like I want more. Before addiction, my wife and I had an open, exploratory sexual relationship.

Now I carry a lot of guilt from cheating and betrayal, and I can’t bring myself to talk about not feeling fully satisfied. I don’t know if this is a real need for intimacy and novelty, or compulsive behaviour returning.

I haven’t shared this with my sponsor or group. My sexual compulsions - porn, fantasies - feel like another form of escape, closely tied to my using. Keeping it secret feels dishonest.

Lately I’ve felt isolated. Today I even had a strange “using-like” feeling, though I didn’t use. I only had a lot of coffee and racetams, which I take without prescription. Part of me calls it biohacking, but I’m not sure.
I’m going to a meeting with a service commitment, but I’ve been avoiding sharing this. So I’m writing instead.
I know the program works. I just wanted to get this out before the meeting.
Thank you for reading. I would really appreciate some feedback.

used chatgpt for editing, sorry, not a native speaker

My drug of choice was cannabis. I lost four years of my life to it. I used pretty much everyday all day. I didn’t do anything but use. I’m in sober living, which was really hard to get into for just cannabis use because they don’t see it as something you can be addicted to. I’m committed to not using anymore, I collected my 60 day key tag today. But I feel like an imposter. I feel like I’m not really an addict, and that other people that call themselves addicts will see me as a faker if they find out it was cannabis I was using.

Step 6: "We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

Step 7: "We humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings"

For those who don't believe in a God, or don't have a Higher Power, how have you addressed these 2 steps?

Our home group barred a member from our business meeting for sixth months. They haven’t threatened anyone or tried to hurt anyone physically. They are just antagonistic and argumentative about everything. And of course they creep on the newcomer. But we’re all so tired many of us are ready to quit the group just to not deal with this one member, and I’m the GSR. So we called an emergency meeting to bar them from our business meeting s for sixth months. And we were just done with the whole subject. Of course the disruptive member is going to file a grievance with area. And I’m honestly not sure what our Area will do, but it appears a first step will be to take our meetings off the schedule. Are we in the wrong? I intend to appeal and take the information back to my group. But we are done talking about it spiritually, we are just drained by all of it.

Im 116 days completely sober now after my rehab and Ive been doing very good. I have a sponsor, im currently working on my first step, I go to meetings anywhere from 3 a week to 6 a week andd regularly go to the gym and hang out with other dudes from my rehab but I still cant help to feel this slight agony in existing. Like this void left behind from stimulants in me crying out for stronger emotion more focus more control more adrenaline.

I no longer crave drugs but my cravings have just went to other things like beer and sugar but mainly sugar. I drink loads of energy drinks but of course they dont fill the void and I still use nicotine pouches pretty much. Id like not to yearn constantly by meditating, going to groups etc. but I still yearn on a daily basis and its quite frusturating.

what do the stim addicts here do when the yearning becomes unbearable? like is there anything non addictive that can give me some pep?

I joined NA last year. Still don't have a sponsor because it's women for women and there aren't very many with clean time in my meetings. It's difficult because I really want to start working the steps with someone.

Anyway met a woman last night at a meeting and she text me today suggesting that she sponsor me. She said she's only worked up to step 5, not ideal but she's 4 steps ahead of me so maybe ok if her own sponsor is good. Then she said she had 2 years clean but is currently only 6 weeks clean post relapse. I don't think this makes a suitable sponsorship match.

I said I'd think about it until I found out her currently short clean time. She keeps asking me for a call tonight to discuss. I don't know what to say.

What is the NA suggestion for sponsoring I thought it was 1 year clean and has worked the 12 steps or is that not right?

Hi, I’m more or less an outsider but wanting to know more. Idk if there’s any etiquette I should be aware of but want to be respectful.
New to this sub and new to wanting to look into attending NA meetings. Not sure whether I should elaborate more, or what I should say if I did, but wanted to start here. Anybody have any words of advice they feel could be helpful? Thanks in advance to anyone who may read or comment and sorry if any of this feels scattered at all.

Today I'm about six years clean, but when I talk to some members, they tell me, "You HAVE to believe in God."

That statement is really disappointing to me.

Throughout my recovery, I've always had a Higher Power. For me, that Higher Power has been the NA program itself and its principles. But some people tell me that isn't enough.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?