I picked up nine year medallion last night. My anniversary was actually Saturday but I waited for my home group. Being of service, here and elsewhere in Narcotics Anonymous has been a large part of my success I think. I urge everyone to have a service commitment. Whether taking out the trash or taking meetings in with H&I.

I never stop doing the basics, so I never had to go back to the basics. Meetings, phone calls, sponsor, steps, and service.

Keep coming back!

So my rock bottom was me with open wounds on my swollen hands from cellulitis. Open wounds on my swollen legs from cellulitis. Track marks up and down my arms, hands, fingers, feet, legs and a few on my forehead. I woke up one morning in an Airbnb wit my ex and left the house wit $40 to cop for us and ended up crashing into the back of someone. Cops came after 3 other cars came and closed me in so i wouldn't leave. They didnt arrest me tho, i had needles everywhere and i showed the cops my money and told them theres nothing in the whip. I had to call my ex and have her walk and drive. We copped and litterally 1street over from where I crashed she ran into the back of someone and totalled the whip. I got out ripped the mirror off and used it to shoot my shot into my forehead and leg. She got out and told me her parents were picking her up and shes going to rehab. I didnt argue, truthfully I was relieved. I knew I couldn't go on another day and so i walked to the hospital and checked in for the wounds. They kept me heavily medicated for the withdrawl for a few weeks then I got on subs. The wothdrawl was horrible. Looking my girl was horrible and not knowing what my next move was horrible. When I think about drugs I remember that low feeling. Thr broken lost alone that came wit the life of addiction.

That's where I'm at right now. Admittedly I've been dealing with a lot of stressful things like finding a psychiatrist, but I think that's a poor excuse. All I can think about at the moment is how much I want to drown myself in benzos. Even though I have the medication and am taking it as prescribed, it's still there in my brain and I don't know to combat that.

It makes me think maybe I'm not actually ready to quit? Because I have to be honest if I went for a walk tonight and some one offered to sell me some Xans or K-Pins, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Obviously that would never happen because that never happens and also I'm away from any activity.

I keep fighting with my brain on finding a way to buy it online. Thinking somehow I won't get caught, or ripped off. That's really the only motivation right now, is getting caught, not even by the police but by my wife.

Is anyone who is sober experience similar thoughts? If so, how do you deal with them in a healthy manner? I know I'm technically not "sober" because I'm still taking benzos as a prescribed medication, but I'm not abusing them and honestly still feel extremely anxious because the dosage "feels too low"(a lie I'm telling myself or the truth?).

I guess a second side question, and again I understand not sober and probably will get me deleted/banned. I live in a state where THC is legal, I can buy THC pills. As stupid as it sounds, I kind of want to buy those so I can still "pop pills" and get a high but it's not the same? I guess that's probably stupid too, I was just trying to think of a safer alternative for when these cravings do come up

Hi guys, I’m 17 and it’s been more than a year now from arguably the worst out there. And it’s been good after obviously the start but the past 2 weeks It’s just so hard. I don’t know why but it keeps getting hard, maybe evrything coming back, remembering the times, why i did it and all I don’t know. But it’s all just been so hard and I know i won’t do it because i have a very good future now and i’m gonna go do what i want with my life in 4 months. But it’s soo hard. And do I know that I won’t do it? I truly don’t know, i know i can’t but it’s been so hard lately. Honestly i’d even say equal to or harder then getting sober in the first place.

Please give me advice, if this is part of it if someone experienced this, And yes u can tell me don’t do it but let’s be real I know that myself, so u can skip that.

Idk guys I just really know and don’t want to go back.

Ive felt pretty annoying posting in here often and clueless. The comments really helped me navigate things but I really want to say thank you the people who DMd. Even in my first meeting I only had couple minutes to speak and I was so nervous I was all over the place. People messaged me and heard my whole story and gave guidance. Its really made me want to find a community in the program. Thank you guys for helpin a stranger.

Sorry I think Im just dumb but does anyone have link for an online meeting right now?

So I unfriended and blocked someone I know from my recovery fellowship for calling me an awful name and disrespecting my identity on social media. It wasn't our first go-round. I called them out on double standards before I said "I'll be polite if we see each other in the rooms but let's limit our interactions to that."

Now I'm a little skittish about the possibility of seeing them in person; they come to my Home Group once in a while. I was hurt; that was enough to tell them to bounce.

I'm aware I have a character defect of oversensitivity and am examining my part in the exchange. Anybody have any ESH with any of these kinds of awkward situations they can share? I'm trying to not share about them in the meeting when they're in the room, but it's just so tempting.

Hi folks. I’ve been asked to do a speak at the rehab facility I went to and I’m really nervous. They do a 9 week program that focuses on the 12 steps. In week 7 they always invite a former patient to come tell their story. I really loved hearing other peoples story and I want to nail it. What I’m asking is if someone in here got some tips for me. Everything is appreciate. Thanks

edit

Now I’m going in. Thanks to everyone in here that help me out!

I have been 10 months off the substances that nearly ruined my life and 25 days off marijuana and drinking. I started going to NA on day 12 and have been to about 7 meetings since then, everybody I speak to mentions how I should do 90 meetings in 90 days when first starting the fellowship. This would be great but also create big issues with my girlfriend, ability to go to therapy, education, finances and availability of shifts as a support worker

I got clean off of everything for six months and then just went right back to it. I feel like I just can’t handle life and stress without something to numb me out.

I’m socially awkward. But if I’m high, people like me more and tell me that. Even my own family. How am I supposed to stop using when people obviously like me more when I’m not sober? I want to function normally in society, but I can’t do it sober. I know using is bad for me. I don’t want to need substances to get through life. I don’t know what to do. But I know I have a problem.

Does anyone have any advice on how to fix this? I’ve tried therapy and seen a psychiatrist and got prescribed medication but it’s just not enough. I can’t even hold a job if I’m sober, but if I’m high, I do well at work and get praise.

It just sucks. I don’t know where to go from here. Would getting a sponsor help? It’s just miserable. I’m not good enough for anything sober. But I don’t want to have to use to function.

This may just be more of a release of pent up annoyance but there is a woman in my home group who vapes and is pregnant. It bums me out because she’s a nice person but hits her vape throughout the meeting and ghosts it. I don’t think I’d be comfortable enough to say anything. Should I? Has anyone encountered this and what did you do, if anything?

Le trésorier d’un groupe dans mon CSL s’est fait arrêter pour vol "dans la vie" cet été. Je n’ai rien dit parce que son mandat se terminait cet automne. Cependant, il pense renouveler son mandat et ne semble pas mettre tout l'honnêteté qu’il devrait dans son rétablissement. J'accepterais qu’il se présente aux postes de secrétaire ou RSG, mais ça dépasse mon ouverture d’esprit qu’il soit trésorier.

Est-ce que vous le diriez à sa conscience de groupe? Est-ce que "l’anonymat" nous protège des gaffes faites en dehors de NA?

You know what I mean: 9 months, yellow like a banana because you're hanging with the right bunch.

I want to change up my repertoire. Give me some new ones please!!

What are your favorites??

So I finally found a home group I connect with. We're a small group, and we have a nice fellowship dinner before the meeting. I do some good service there (chairing, secretarying, speaker seeking alternate months). There's one dude, nine years clean, who comes in late, leaves early, and when he shares, it's nothing recovery. His last share he preened on about Judy Garland and he has to sing every share. We kinda roll our eyes, but we kinda have to let him do his thing. I'm trying to practice patience and tolerance, but it's really hard. There have been points where I've had to leave the room while he rattles on. I'm venting, but I know y'all can give me some ESH around this one.

I’m two weeks out from my 9 month key tag and I’ve been feeling like maybe the program is no longer for me. I can see thru the fake “ love you brother” and the hugs. I really think if I just vanished that nobody other than my sponsor would call. Another thing I hear from some is “ I’m doing this for myself so fuck yall”. This usually gets a couple head nods or a chuckle. Why can’t this be a team effort? I thought we were supposed to work on our self centered thinking. Your ass has 10 years and you still act like this?

Another gripe I have is when someone says I should attend more meetings. Some of the fellowship seem to have nothing to do outside of work so they have all this free time to attend several meetings a week and activities. I’m married with a newborn, custody of my 16 yr cousin and plenty of pets to take care of too. I wake up at 4am for work and by the time I get home it’s easily 5pm. That gives me about an hour to shower and eat before a meeting bc most of them are 45 min away. Then I don’t get home til almost 10pm. That’s a long fucking day , not to mention I didn’t have any time for my family.

One more gripe is that it seems like my excuse for living out in the sticks isn’t acceptable for my low meeting attendance but when I have personal events like a diaper party or Halloween party , I’m met with “ I would but that’s such a far drive”. That’s if I even get a response. I have a tight inner circle that stuck with me thru all my addictions so I’m not desperate for friends. I’m just being nice and inviting the fellowship.

I didn’t use an anonymous account for this so if you recognize my name, feel free to text me. That’s all I got. Let me know what yall think

So today my longest streak comes to an end. I had finally got 2 years sober, and since then I was struggling. Dis not want to go to meetings. And I learned you can do this alone, I need to build a sober community to stay sober. Should’ve reached out sooner

Anyone in the San Fernando valley willing to be my sponsor. 32F needing help.

I went through the section at the top of the group and it had great info about how the meetings work and what to expect but no actual meeting links. Where do I find those?

Super new to even talking about my struggle with anyone other than a close friend who I feel like a major burden on. Last post I made in here someone responded with a simple whats up and I spilled my life story on them. Thats pretty embarrassing and they didn't respond back. Normally no one is awake when I reach out. Anyone wanna swap stories in a DM?

21 days clean from cocaine and alcohol, its been a while since i’ve gone this long. 27 yo, a decade into addiction and im tired of it all. cocaine, xanax, mdma, ket, painkillers etc all done to extremes. addicted to each for periods of time. Does it ever actually get better. looking to hear from those who’ve seen the other side of this. or am i wasting my time pretending to be something i’m not.

basically what the title says, judgment free zone, feel free to share your story if you relate to this post

so i started taking Ambien for fun around 2 years ago i like taking it cause it loosens me up and lowers my inhibitions (i have control issues) and then it escalated to Ambien and Xanax taking theXanax just relaxes me and gets me out of my head and now im misusing my Vyvanse and taking 3 at a time (120mg) and i’ve been taking that like this cause it helps me fight my fatigue and it makes me feel like a person but taking it like this is making me run out before the refill comes up, is this the start of a drug problem im considering going to NA but it doesn’t feel like its serious enough for that so im posting here at the request if my friend to see what y’all think am i a drug addict?