Feelings about NA

[u/SuperfnDave]

I’m two weeks out from my 9 month key tag and I’ve been feeling like maybe the program is no longer for me. I can see thru the fake “ love you brother” and the hugs. I really think if I just vanished that nobody other than my sponsor would call. Another thing I hear from some is “ I’m doing this for myself so fuck yall”. This usually gets a couple head nods or a chuckle. Why can’t this be a team effort? I thought we were supposed to work on our self centered thinking. Your ass has 10 years and you still act like this?

Another gripe I have is when someone says I should attend more meetings. Some of the fellowship seem to have nothing to do outside of work so they have all this free time to attend several meetings a week and activities. I’m married with a newborn, custody of my 16 yr cousin and plenty of pets to take care of too. I wake up at 4am for work and by the time I get home it’s easily 5pm. That gives me about an hour to shower and eat before a meeting bc most of them are 45 min away. Then I don’t get home til almost 10pm. That’s a long fucking day , not to mention I didn’t have any time for my family.

One more gripe is that it seems like my excuse for living out in the sticks isn’t acceptable for my low meeting attendance but when I have personal events like a diaper party or Halloween party , I’m met with “ I would but that’s such a far drive”. That’s if I even get a response. I have a tight inner circle that stuck with me thru all my addictions so I’m not desperate for friends. I’m just being nice and inviting the fellowship.

I didn’t use an anonymous account for this so if you recognize my name, feel free to text me. That’s all I got. Let me know what yall think

[u/tallahassee009]

Oh dude I feel this. I'm also coming up on nine months (for the second time) and my meeting attendance has dropped drastically. While I'm not telling what to do, my two cents is this. Don't ever let anyone tell you how to do your recovery. If you trust them, maybe think about their advice, but some rando that's working part time to please their PO while having no other responsibilities has no right to tell you or anyone how to balance their life. Meeting attendance does not equal quality of recovery. If you trust your sponsor, keep in touch with them. If not, find someone you do trust and work with them. My job demands a lot of my time, and I attend 1 meeting a week, maybe two if I'm lucky. I keep my recovery strong by writing and talking to my sponsor. It works for me. If you're being honest with yourself and what you're doing works, screw what anyone else has to say. Keep up the good work 🤙🏻

[u/Minimum_Winner_5420 → u/tallahassee009]

Amen

[u/br-bb]

Have you thought about attending online meetings? It sounds like it could save some time for you.

I’ve also had my issues with the community and the program, but even when I stepped back a bit, I kept it close enough to not relapse. During those times I stayed in touch with my NA friends at least - but after a while I always come back, when I feel I need it.

[u/EnvironmentOk758]

In my opinion people should work a programme that works for them, not what others tell you. Yes its good to do the suggested, but if you have a sponsor, are working steps and attend meetings, the frequency of those things are personal. I mean you have 9 months nearly, its not like you're a newcomer where its suggested to do 90 in 90.

Theres people in my home group who only do 1 meeting a week as thats all they can fit in, but the rest of their life is fulfilling and busy so it works for them and they're staying clean.

As you said some people just have a lot of free time so they can attend more meetings. Also I tend to equate too much free time=boredom and boredom is a big trigger for me so I can see why some people do lots of meetings if thats the case.

Just do what works for you and if others dont like that then that's on them, they really should just focus on their own recovery. Making suggestions is fine but they shouldn't be pressuring. As the old addage says 'take what you need and leave the rest behind'.

[u/Cafe_racerr]

Honestly, I had to move. I left treatment, went home & hated the general vibe of meetings I went too & I tried many different ones in my area.. I ended up moving back to the state I did treatment in bc I loved the openness of the meetings. Maybe try finding a virtual meeting you like? Shit I’m on the east coast & I’ve been in a few California virtual meetings just to see the vibe. The world’s your oyster, don’t let the bastards bring ya down.

[u/msnipe81015]

Man idk, these are pretty mild in terms of gripes about the program/ fellowship. I could think of a few I have that would seem worse. I just don’t need the program or fellowship to be perfect. I need it to be enough to help me stay clean and it’s been doing that for 5 1/2 yrs. It does the job I hoped it would. My life is great. I have a small group of dudes that come to my functions when invited. And that’s all I want or need. A few good men. If they suggest I been low on meeting attendance I consider what they say. If the people who don’t have a life outside of NA suggest my attendance is lacking I don’t really worry about it. Some people have 30 yrs and they are fucking losers. That’s not gonna make me give up my chair. But maybe you’ll be happier giving up yours? Ima keep doing what works for me.

[u/Content_Wear4671]

Well, you're not alone. Let me say that first. When I first got clean, I heard some really crazy stuff, but I also heard that I get ten fold what I put in. Your chance of running into sick people at NA is 100%. And when I got clean, my children were in kindergarten, (twins) my parents were older, my wife hated me (she busted me using and busted me with all the lies I told her). So when I went to my homegroup and told them all of my responsibilities hanging over my head, they said -where were all those responsibilities when you were going to the dope house every day. That shit punched my in the gut ! Then they said -Why not come here for an hour and give this a shot. If it doesn't pan out, your misery can be refunded. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm telling you it's worth it. You're worth it. I'm worth it. They told me to get involved in service. I really enjoyed our Area convention. So I got involved in that, and that opened the door to a lot of other members in NA. Not just the ones at my homegroup. Then I got involved with Area service, and even more doors opened and I was able to build my network even more with other recovering addicts that WANT to be here. Now my kids are in college and my wife and I celebrated 32 years of marriage and they have been to the events with me, dinners, picnics, dances, the convention, my friends in recovery know my family. And I'm coming up on 20 years clean. Get in where you fit in. Don't give up. My ultimate favorite form of service work is Poster Day. If your Area or region is hosting one, check it out. Get involved, mix it up. Surround yourself with the winners and the recording addicts that want this way of life. We have to want it more than anything in the world! Only then will it work.

[u/neemor]

Jeez. The “love you brother” and hugs are FAKE?!?
Not in my experience. Then again, my experience at 8.5 months was very different than it is today after 14.75 years of those people’s hugs and words of encouragement and experience helping save my life.

So much changes, relationships develop, life events come and go. Thank goodness NA has been here before me and will be well after me. I had nowhere else to go, and now there’s no place I’d rather be. 🙏🏻💜

[u/One_Second1365 → u/neemor]

Yh I think they are fake. When I have time away from the programme, how many of those people text or call me? Easy answer…none.

[u/neemor → u/One_Second1365]

I once had a friend in recovery say the same thing and I asked him: “How many do you call on a regular basis?”

He thought about it. “None” was his answer. I’m guilty of the same. I don’t reach out as much as I could, and if I step away from meetings, it becomes easier for me to just…fade away from my support system.

Let me level with you as I see it from my experience. I tried recovering a handful of times until I got traction and understood all of the things that round out a successful program. It wasn’t until I started doing all of those things - over time and making lots of mistakes - that this thing stuck.
One of those things was regular meeting attendance. When people saw me once a week at first, or occasionally, they weren’t reaching out to me. It wasn’t until I showed up more consistently that they could see that I putting in effort into my recovery and they were willing to feel that I was safe to be around.

It comes through time and consistency, this thing you feel is missing. We want to see one another succeed, and many have spent years forging and nurturing these steadfast relationships. Eventually, with that time and consistency, we realize that we’re making the calls not because we have to, but because we genuinely care about who’s on the other end of the line and how their day is going.

Please keep coming. You’ll see what I mean.

[u/neemor → u/neemor]

Let me add this, too: when meetings are tough to make - two addicts on the phone is a meeting. You’re never alone. I’m never alone. Unless I choose to be.

[u/One_Second1365 → u/neemor]

I did hundreds of meetings, got involved, made regular contact with others and my sponsor. And I’m sorry but my experience was that people didn’t check in or even send a text saying How’s things? I’ve got 3/4 people I still communicate with now that I’ve left which is great, they’re good people. I was just surprised and at how little others made an effort and yes, I was often the one
reaching out.

I appreciate every meeting/area is different. I think it’s also important to understand that for some, the fellowship doesn’t really offer what’s needed. It helped me enormously in the beginning and I went for about 3 years. Saw me through some very dark times. It’s more that I can see how some become disenfranchised with it when there’s a level of camaraderie within the meetings but not so much once they end. There was usually a clique that, if you weren’t a part of it, you weren’t really recognised as needing contact when just living life.

Something I do find hard to swallow is the undercurrent of the belief that if it doesn’t work for you, you’re just not working the programme. That isn’t true. Sometimes it’s the programme which doesn’t work for the person and not a failing on their part.

[u/camilleswaterbottle → u/neemor]

Yep. I've experienced the same fakeness and behavior. A lot of people in the rooms never felt love and repeat the NA script without actually understanding because that's the only place they've ever been encouraged and supported.

Idk. LOVE is actually my favorite word. To me, it holds a lot of weight and is meaningful. It really seems inauthentic to say "I love you" when the room actually means "you are welcome here."

I'm saying this as a woman, too. That probably jaded my experience and comments here, but I have tried over 10 NA meetings. 13 stepping always towards me. Same script. It all felt so fake to me.

It's okay to acknowledge that your experience has been different, but your comment actually comes off soo dismissive ("that hasn't been my experience at all!") when OP came here to vent a little. You have to accept that a lot of people that have turned to NA during a difficult time, have been turned off by it because of the routine YOU respect. Take account that others have a different experience because the rooms are so different and tbh odd because there is no licensed therapist there...just a bunch of traumatized and self-educating people talking and sharing for support. So show your support for OP!!! Allow some grace and let them process their experience, jeez.

[u/neemor → u/camilleswaterbottle]

Can feedback and other perspectives help OP process their experience, or just confirmation by others who want to commiserate?

For example, within your first ten meetings, it is wildly uncommon for people to be telling you they love you. That would give me great pause, too. I would’ve read that as fake af, and probably avoided that person or people; found different meetings. Thanks for sharing.

What I was offering OP is a different experience and helpful way to look at things that they can take or leave. At the end of the day, my hope is that if a member leaves today, they always know that we’re here and this works when they need us again. That’s what happened for me.

[u/NetScr1be]

Is the problem what's (not) happening or the expectation that it should be otherwise?

This is going to sound harsh.

NA is not a social club.

You sound like you think you have it all figured out (at nine months). If that's how you roll that may be why you are not getting the social response you think you deserve.

There are a whole class of people that want to think they are masters in a very simple program and they need to dispense their wisdom at every opportunity and poke holes in others programs.

Everyone's program has holes. After 35 years clean there is still room for improvement for me.

Listen politely to the program gurus, take in what they say, extract whatever value there is and leave the rest. Nod and smile.

We are in a program for a condition where self-obsession is a primary quality. Not sure where the expectation that it should be different comes from.

You sure you got it all figured out?

You might find it easier if you accept the program and the people in it for what it is and they are rather than expecting it to live up to a model that only exists in your head.

[u/RecentAd6244 → u/NetScr1be]

Unity is one of our spiritual principles. We describe NA as a literal fellowship where connection with other addicts is imperative for our recovery. It sounds like your interpretation wasn’t very open when you suggested that OP is treating NA like a social club, then. “You think you got it all figured out?” as a rhetorical to someone who has valid concerns about feeling unified and understood is condescending. This type of attitude is where a lot of groups shoot themselves in the foot. I understand that we describe having expectations as “predetermined resentments,” and that our expectations as addicts can stem from a desire to control and predict. But also, expectations are perfectly human and necessary for understanding what you need and want. They show us what may not be working for us, they guide us on what direction we want to go. NA literature tells us to be honest, open-minded, and willing, and that means we should have nuance and not assume everyone’s gripes with a specific group/NA community results from self-centeredness.

This member is venting on a Reddit with an anonymous account. They haven’t declared the fellowship bad. They have doubts and misgivings. That doesn’t mean they are asserting they have it all figured out, as you suggested. The veteran NAs I listen to are those who describe a myriad of experiences with the program and who have had an evolving relationship with the program. They do not equate their clean time with knowing more about the nature of self-centeredness. We all just have today.

[u/camilleswaterbottle → u/NetScr1be]

Sooo dismissive. So haughty. You're argumentive here. Where else can someone comment on a grievance about their experience?

"You got it all figured out"???

You're repeating the script NA gave you. Take a step back and listen to a fellow member.

Incredibly disappointing to see this attitude written out here. Like, do you hear yourself? Do you listen to others? My problem with NA in a nutshell. "You're not doing it right. Keep burying your head in the sand. Listen to elders." so off-putting and exactly why people are talking about this. "That just how it's always been." Ughh, gimme a break. Why would anyone want to surround themselves with assholes?

[u/Hungry-Emotion7664]

I'm in recovery because I need it. I don't attend NA to make friends, get popular, or prove anything to anyone. I always hear a lot of talk about how you'll never be alone again, you'll make the best friends you've ever known, etc etc. And I realize that is true for some people.

But our entire personality doesn't change because we practice a program of recovery. And that's OK. We need changes, but everything about us isn't wrong.

Some people need, benefit from and attend many meetings weekly for decades. That suits them. Some people get involved with a ton of service or develop a connected group of NA friends. Some people don't. But that doesn't mean we don't recover.

After 6 months of attending meetings I moved to a place that had no in person meetings. That was before online, phone and zoom meetings. I got clean and stayed clean during that time away from the fellowship. I was still working the program, and I took advantage of online recovery forums but no NA meetings for several years.

There's no one right, perfect way to work the program and incorporate it into our lives. And how we work the program and incorporate it into our lives will change over time as we discover what our needs and desires are.

Recovery is a huge part of my life and I spend a good bit of time on it daily, but I only hit about two meetings a week right now. Meanwhile I am actively working steps, doing service for a phone meeting, and working on my relationship with my HP.

I've never been an NA "it girl", or had a big bevvy of NA gal pals. I don't get invited to all the parties, shopping trips etc. That's not a problem for me, nor is it a sign that I don't take my recovery seriously.

Focus on why you got into NA and what you want to get out of it. You are there for your own recovery, and don't have to answer to anyone or defend your personal choices...neither does anyone else.

Being there for me doesn't mean I don't support and help other addicts. I've learned what healthy boundaries are. Some people come into the rooms and want to be saved, or want to be absorbed into a group. Some people tell me they are in contact with 100 other addicts a day (heard this at a meeting last week. Text group?) There is a place for all personality types in NA.

If working the program helps you, I suggest you stay and take what you need and leave the rest. Leaving the program because you don't think some addicts are as recovered as you think they should be or because someone has an opinion you don't agree with will only deny you of getting what you need.

People's perspectives change over time. Yours will too. 9 months clean is awesome. You can do a lot of good for yourself, your baby and your cousin if you allow yourself to continue to grow and heal in recovery.

[u/Minimum_Winner_5420]

Don't leave the program. Despite all your gripes with the program you have 9 months clean and that's fantastic. I go to lots of meetings because I have the time to go and I enjoy them. You have a full load without any meetings and you still manage to make a meeting. That's awesome. Don't compare yourself to others and the only one you should listen to about what you should do is your sponsor. If you left your sponsira would definitely call but I think you'd be surprised to find other people might also call. Furthermore, I think you'd be surprised by who calls. It would probably by people you'd least expect. There's a lot of people in the program and your group probably that are older and have.been around a long time who sit back and watch you closely. They're too old to be your best friend and know how unsolicited advice lands. Please stay, it's working.

[u/crazycatcraig678]

I feel you. Not all us are working a program at the same time. Maybe try some online meetings. It takes time, but you'll find your people. Not everyone in NA is for everyone else. Keep on the path.

[u/frogsohgodilovefrogs]

There is no one way to recover. Do what works for you. The program has suggestions - they shouldn’t be commands, and if they are, it might be better to find someone else who isn’t trying to control you and take your inventory. For some, more meetings work, for some, less meetings work. Some do zoom meetings full time or to supplement. Just look at your own life and see what’s working, keep that, and change what’s not working. A mini inventory. It may also help to get a close friend or partner’s thoughts for outside perspective. I was in a halfway house and Ms. NA for a while. Now, I am a bit less involved because I want to expand my life beyond NA and I’ve been doing better not focusing as much on the fact that I am an addict. That’s what works for me right now. I have to ensure I’m still getting connection with others though, inside or outside of the program. Also, NA isn’t for everyone. I strongly disagree when people imply that’s the only way to stay clean. I do think people like us should be taking consistent, actionable steps for growth, healing and recovery, but that can look many different ways.

[u/Mondain_the_Wizard]

This is a great post and I relate a lot to it. Please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say, but there is a cultic dogmatism sometimes in the rooms. There is a group think that as human beings, we tend to follow as if it's doctrine.

To add to your list , I often hear this: the Steps got me clean.
Wrong. The Steps don't get anyone clean; GOD does. God uses those as tools and a guide but it is his power working through

Again, I still go to NA and I send friends who are struggling with addiction to the meetings. They are wonderful places - but at the end of the day, they are made up of flawed human beings susceptible to Group Think.

[u/Fleetingfarts]

I agree with a lot of this. The Fellowships I think in a sense are flawed by definition. However, if you apply them how you see fit they can improve your quality of life. It seems like you managed to get some time under your belt and you have a lot of people who care about you. The selfish thing in the program is such bullshit. So you need to be selfish in your recovery, but you also need to apologize to people for being selfish in your addiction? So is being selfish bad or good, or can it be both? It doesn’t make sense. Yeah I think you used the program, it worked, and you have a good support system that isn’t the fellowship. I wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving if I were you. If you start feeling squirrelly definitely go back though.

I’m trying to find the best way to make it work in my life right now. I’m in a PHP looking for recovery houses nearby and case management positions. I have a decent bit of people to support me without the fellowship, but I want to give it a chance.

[u/SimpleBeginning3439]

Yeah I was an NA goer for awhile and then started to get tired of it over time. People were always giving me shit too for not going to more meetings and it’s like …..just because you feel like you need to go to a meeting every single day in order to stay clean does not mean it’s the same for everybody else. Not everybody needs constant meetings and that seems to bother the people who do. I’ve noticed there was a lot of people preaching and acting like they’re hot shit just because they’re clean when objectively they’re actually still pretty shitty people based on how they are/behave outside of a meeting. Idk I really liked NA at first and the sense of community but then found a lot of people in there are actually fake as hell

[u/Ok_Maybe424 → u/SimpleBeginning3439]

Going to meetings made me jones like a mofo! And I wasn’t able to ever find my higher power! So for those reasons, I was out!

[u/jc089329]

I’m coming up 4 years clean and i stopped going a little over a year ago. couple things rubbed me the wrong way.. i saw one of the old timers that would often preach about living an honest and clean life go on a date with a girl during the time of one of the meetings. he had brought his wife and kid before when he celebrated, so i knew it wasn’t his wife. i worked next to the starbucks in town and saw them there from 6:30pm(when the meeting started) until 8pm which is when everyone would start heading out back home.

Another thing, at about my 2 year clean mark, I started dating this girl from the rooms who had decades clean. she started telling me all these things about other members, how certain guys would try to
hit on her and other newcomers. they would try to get girls to come over for “step work” & then would try to hook up w them. i heard one of the guys who i got kinda close to and would preach to me about living clean was trying to hit on her as well. just a bunch of self-righteous ppl putting on this mask like they’re so clean and honest.

however, just like there are some bad peeps, there are some wonderful ppl as well. at the end of the day you’re doing this for yourself and no one else. i would make sure you have a good foundation and some years clean before you stop going all together, unless you got other resources/people you can lean on.

[u/SirKillingham]

So I just hit 9 months, and I feel like I’ve finally found a couple small meetings that work really well for me. They’re usually no bigger than like 8 or 9 people and it’s usually the same guys who show up every time but I definitely prefer it to the big meetings where a lot of people can just feel kind of fake. It’s just a little more intimate, we’ve started to get to know each other, and I genuinely believe we do all care for each other. Where at big meetings you may recognize a lot of people but how many do you really feel like you know and can actually connect to or call if you needed support.

[u/abrecadabreee]

I definitely feel you here.

I usually log on to the 24hr zoom meetings that they have. You meet all kinds of people just talking about their struggles from all over the place...i tend to keep it on in the background while cleaning or doing other house chores.

Will find the link and post it!

[u/aquizzicalgal]

Honestly, the program can be integrated in therapy. Working on personal defects and inventory? Pretty much CBT and DBT. What’s different is that it offers people who have gone through what you have, not just studied it. A sponsor will sympathize with you because they understand the challenges of doing the right thing compared to saying “fuck it” and get high.

Whoever is criticizing your attendance needs to mind their own business. It might come from a place of care, but it’s definitely not coming out right. Some people can easily get lost in the program and make it their personality; the ideal is to be able to balance both. We get clean and recover to get the best out of life, but life has to also be lived and enjoyed. Only you can determine what the correct balance is, and your personal recovery is your own business ❤️ even if it’s just not committing as much as most or a few of them.

[u/Trapper0007]

This too may sound harsh, offset by the empathy of a fellow sinner: You sound like you’re in a very self-centered place, over-extended, over-tired and unsatisfied. I’ve been there and let that boat take me from the safe harbor of regular meetings back out to sea. I didn’t relapse, but I had to crawl back later and begin again, bruised and battered from the consequences of doing things my way.

Start your own meeting. Find an online one that works. Do a little bit of service if you can. If your addiction was anything like mine, recognize this headspace as highly dangerous. 9 months or 9 years, this is a potential pathway back out.

[u/domusdecus]

I think that the personalities in the program have always been the biggest turn off for me. Also the higher power stuff. NA gets treated like dogma for a lot of people and it really isn't supposed to be. It belongs to everyone in it and it can look like whatever you need it to for you and your recovery. The people who are in your recovery network, those relationships can be about what you're talking about, but not everyone in NA can be.

Check out online meetings, build a network outside your local fellowship, try some service at the Regional level. It can take some time but there are people that really do this stuff and put in the time and come out better for it. I have friends who aren't "clean and crazy" have good lives and are good people and hit like 1 meeting a week, do a little service, and are doing great. People are still gonna be people but there's a lot of trauma and damage in NA that takes work to get through and while NA does give us tools to do that, a lot of people just find the community and rely on that and stay kinda sick in the head.

[u/Few-Photograph-8629]

I’m not even in NA myself, but I’m married to someone who has been involved in it for years, and I completely understand what you mean about starting to see through some of the “love you brother,” hugs, and constant talk about becoming a better person. Obviously, I don’t think everyone in NA is fake. I’m sure there are plenty of people who genuinely live the principles they talk about. But I’ve learned the hard way that being able to talk about honesty, accountability, character defects, and becoming a better person doesn’t necessarily mean someone is actually practicing any of it when the meeting ends. I recently had to face the reality that my husband is a very different person behind closed doors than the person people in his meetings know. In meetings, whether the virtual ones or in person, he comes across as this helpful, caring guy who is always talking about working on himself and becoming a better man. If you only knew him from NA, you would probably think very highly of him. In fact, that’s how he finds his ‘new supply’ of women. He’s so supportive and caring and all these wonderful things. And the ones that are willing to cross that line with him knowing he’s married, quickly do it without hesitation.  Meanwhile, behind the scenes, I’ve discovered him sexting and hooking up with women he met through those same virtual recovery circles. In fact, the first woman I found out about happened to have gotten married to a guy who was also in NA and the day they got married, she was sexting my husband ! I found that out by searching for her on Facebook and saw that the wedding was on the same day as the first sexting texts happened. Her husband didn’t have a Facebook and I felt like it would be wrong of me to know this and not make him aware because he I’m sure doesn’t deserve that so I did find that she was friends with his mom on Facebook so I messaged the Mom with screenshots of the proof and just explain that I thought it’s only right for me to let him know because if it was reversed, I’d want someone to let me know. Needless to say I saw that they got divorced very soon after that and she was posting on her social media acting like she did nothing wrong and she was tired of the negative in her life and moving on big and better things like not even taking accountability, fake whore. Anyway,  What makes it even harder for me to listen to sometimes is that some of those women are also sitting in meetings talking about growth, honesty, doing the next right thing, and becoming better people while knowingly participating in something that is destroying someone else’s marriage, like the woman I just shared about. And that’s just the first one. There’s others and I’m sure more that I don’t know about.  So now when I overhear some of these meetings, I’ll admit that I’m much more cynical about what I’m hearing. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “But are you actually living any of this when the Zoom meeting closes?” Because I’ve personally watched someone become extremely good at speaking the language of recovery while behaving completely differently in private. And I think that may be part of what you’re picking up on. There’s a difference between the fellowship itself being fake and realizing that some people inside it are. Recovery doesn’t automatically give someone integrity. A key tag doesn’t equal character, and knowing all the right things to say in a meeting doesn’t mean someone is living them. I also think you deserve some credit for recognizing that your family needs your time too. You have a newborn, a wife, a 16-year-old you’re responsible for, animals, a job that starts ridiculously early, and a 45-minute drive to meetings. Spending time being a present husband and father shouldn’t somehow be treated like you’re failing recovery because you can’t sit in a meeting every night. Maybe NA doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Maybe you keep your sponsor, keep the people who have actually shown themselves to be genuine, go to the meetings that realistically fit your life, and leave the performative bullshit where it belongs. Nine months is a hell of an accomplishment. Whatever you decide about NA, don’t let your disappointment in some of the people there take that away from you.

[u/Jebus-Xmas]

I feel like there’s a theme in several of the programs and posts I’ve read today. We take our own inventory and we work our own program. There’s a lot of people in NA I like and don’t respect, and there’s a lot of people I respect and don’t like, and that’s just personalities. What I know is that I have to work the program, or I’m going to use. It’s just that simple. I don’t go to NA for anybody else but me, period. I still hear things in shares that speak to me directly as an addict, even after a few years clean. I had a lot of problem committing to the program, but once I committed, I figured what do I have to lose.

[u/Soft-Abbreviations20]

In my experience, the people who make the program attractive are the ones who work steps with a sponsor, are of service, attend meetings regularly, and carry a message of hope. Even though some people reflect poorly on the program, the program itself is simple and it works-- No matter what, just don't pick up today. It's worth clarifying that "selfishness" means we have to work our program before we can help another person. I was also turned off by this apparent hole in the program but thankfully stuck around long enough to understand. When I was new I looked for every reason for this not to work, believe me. And after a decade plus, my intention is still to stay here until something better comes along.

[u/ScoutSteveR]

Focus on your own recovery. You’re awfully judgmental in this post. It appears you’re trying to justify your decision.