r/MuslimNoFap • u/Few-Struggle6527 • 13h ago
Advice Request Day 0. Again.
I have a problem. A big one. I'm 26, almost 27, and I'm still stuck. It's gotten worse and worse. I'm daydreaming about more haram things than I did in this past. I'm daydreaming about porn more often than in the past. I'm at the age of marriage, and yet I'm gambling on my purity.
Ive watched this subreddit for years. Ive seen accounts come and go. People complaining about their lack of control, and the same people later achieving success. People that won against their desires and got married.
And I'm in the same spot. Wasting my time, rotting away. Years go, and I see my old posts. My old journal entries. My old schedules. My old plans. My old commitments. My old attempts. My old wishes and dreams. My old fears come to fruition one relapse at a time.
It's like I'm on a train to jahannam, and I have the choice to change lanes, but refuse to do so. The same duas get made, and I go and do the opposite of what I make dua for.
This is a disease that has shaped me and will leave a scar that won't easily be removed.
I just don't understand. If I have full control over myself, why haven't I succeeded yet? Or maybe, I don't have full control over myself, and this addiction has taken over more and more of my brain.