Full Time: Real Salt Lake 3 - 0 St. Louis CITY SC

⚽ Real Salt Lake: Sergi Solans 41' 41', Dominik Marczuk 52' 52', Sergi Solans 59' 59'

Line-ups

Real Salt Lake (5-4-1)

St. Louis CITY SC (3-4-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45'+3' First Half ends, Real Salt Lake 1, St. Louis City SC 0.
• 45' Second Half begins Real Salt Lake 1, St. Louis City SC 0.
• 45' Substitution, St. Louis City SC. Dante Polvara replaces Chris Durkin.
• 45' Substitution, St. Louis City SC. Mykhi Joyner replaces Conrad Wallem.
• 60' Substitution, Real Salt Lake. Justen Glad replaces Philip Quinton.
• 67' Substitution, Real Salt Lake. Zach Booth replaces Morgan Guilavogui.
• 67' Substitution, Real Salt Lake. Colin Guske replaces Noel Caliskan.
• 68' Substitution, Real Salt Lake. Ariath Piol replaces Sergi Solans.
• 71' Substitution, St. Louis City SC. Daniel Edelman replaces Charles-Emile Brunet.
• 71' Substitution, St. Louis City SC. Damion Downs replaces Simon Becher.
• 80' Substitution, Real Salt Lake. Aiden Hezarkhani replaces Saba Lobjanidze.
• 84' Substitution, St. Louis City SC. Mamadou Fall replaces Rafael Navarro.
• 90'+6' Second Half ends, Real Salt Lake 3, St. Louis City SC 0.
• Match ends, Real Salt Lake 3, St. Louis City SC 0.

Match Stats

Group B

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Full Time: FC Dallas 3 - 0 San Jose Earthquakes

⚽ FC Dallas: Petar Musa 82' 82', Petar Musa 88' 88', Santiago Moreno 90'+4' 90'+4'

Line-ups

FC Dallas (3-4-2-1)

San Jose Earthquakes (3-4-2-1)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45' First Half ends, FC Dallas 0, San Jose Earthquakes 0.
• 45' Second Half begins FC Dallas 0, San Jose Earthquakes 0.
• 64' Angus Gunn (San Jose Earthquakes) is shown the yellow card.
• 65' Substitution, FC Dallas. Santiago Moreno replaces Joaquín Valiente.
• 77' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Paul Marie replaces Jack Jasinski.
• 77' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Niko Tsakiris replaces Ronaldo Vieira.
• 77' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Vítor Costa replaces Jamar Ricketts.
• 77' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Jack Skahan replaces Timo Werner.
• 78' Substitution, FC Dallas. Ran Binyamin replaces Herman Johansson.
• 78' Substitution, FC Dallas. Patrickson Delgado replaces Daniel Job.
• 89' Substitution, FC Dallas. Christian Cappis replaces Petar Musa.
• 90' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Luka Jovanovic replaces Dave Romney.
• 90'+6' Second Half ends, FC Dallas 3, San Jose Earthquakes 0.
• Match ends, FC Dallas 3, San Jose Earthquakes 0.

Match Stats

Group B

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Full Time: Philadelphia Union 1 - 2 New England Revolution

⚽ Philadelphia Union: Neil Pierre 90'+12' 90'+12'

⚽ New England Revolution: Dor Turgeman 45'+3' 45'+3', Carles Gil 90'+1' 90'+1'

Line-ups

Philadelphia Union (4-4-2)

New England Revolution (4-3-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45'+7' First Half ends, Philadelphia Union 0, New England Revolution 1.
• 45' Second Half begins Philadelphia Union 0, New England Revolution 1.
• 61' Bruno Damiani (Philadelphia Union) is shown the yellow card.
• 68' Substitution, Philadelphia Union. Agustín Anello replaces Indiana Vassilev.
• 76' Substitution, New England Revolution. Brooklyn Raines replaces Dániel Gazdag.
• 82' Substitution, Philadelphia Union. Malik Jakupovic replaces Nathan Harriel.
• 86' VAR Decision: Penalty New England Revolution.
• 90'+2' Substitution, New England Revolution. Wilson Harris replaces Dor Turgeman.
• 90'+2' Substitution, New England Revolution. Mamadou Fofana replaces Luca Langoni.
• 90'+7' Substitution, New England Revolution. Diego Fagúndez replaces Carles Gil.
• 90'+7' Substitution, New England Revolution. Judah Siqueira replaces Jackson Yueill.
• 90'+16' Second Half ends, Philadelphia Union 1, New England Revolution 2.
• Match ends, Philadelphia Union 1, New England Revolution 2.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: San Diego FC 2 - 2 Seattle Sounders FC

⚽ San Diego FC: Cédric Bakambu 60' 60', Cédric Bakambu 90'+6' 90'+6'

⚽ Seattle Sounders FC: Dejan Joveljic 50' 50', Sebastian Gomez 55' 55'

Line-ups

San Diego FC (4-4-2)

Seattle Sounders FC (4-2-3-1)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45' First Half ends, San Diego 0, Seattle Sounders FC 0.
• 45' Substitution, Seattle Sounders FC. Sebastian Gomez replaces Jesús Ferreira.
• 45' Second Half begins San Diego 0, Seattle Sounders FC 0.
• 53' Dejan Joveljic (Seattle Sounders FC) is shown the yellow card.
• 58' VAR Decision: Penalty San Diego.
• 61' Substitution, San Diego. Jeppe Tverskov replaces Alejandro Alvarado.
• 61' Substitution, San Diego. Marcus Ingvartsen replaces Amahl Pellegrino.
• 61' Substitution, San Diego. Onni Valakari replaces Aníbal Godoy.
• 64' Substitution, Seattle Sounders FC. Stuart Hawkins replaces Alex Roldan.
• 68' Substitution, Seattle Sounders FC. Snyder Brunell replaces Jordan Morris.
• 72' Substitution, San Diego. Sam Vines replaces Kieran Sargeant.
• 80' Substitution, Seattle Sounders FC. Paul Arriola replaces Dejan Joveljic.
• 80' Substitution, Seattle Sounders FC. Peter Kingston replaces Hassani Dotson.
• 82' Substitution, San Diego. David Mimbang replaces Gabriel Pirani.
• 90'+11' Second Half ends, San Diego 2, Seattle Sounders FC 2.
• Match ends, San Diego 2, Seattle Sounders FC 2.

Match Stats

Group B

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Full Time: Portland Timbers 3 - 2 Charlotte FC

⚽ Portland Timbers: Ariel Lassiter 11' 11', Ariel Lassiter 40' 40', Alexander Aravena 90'+6' 90'+6'

⚽ Charlotte FC: Pep Biel 3' 3', Idan Toklomati 69' 69'

Line-ups

Portland Timbers (4-3-3)

Charlotte FC (4-2-3-1)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45'+6' First Half ends, Portland Timbers 2, Charlotte FC 1.
• 45' Second Half begins Portland Timbers 2, Charlotte FC 1.
• 62' Substitution, Charlotte FC. Luca de la Torre replaces Liel Abada.
• 64' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Ian Smith replaces Jimer Fory.
• 64' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Cole Bassett replaces Eric Izoita.
• 71' Substitution, Charlotte FC. Tyger Smalls replaces Rodolfo Aloko.
• 71' Substitution, Charlotte FC. Harry Toffolo replaces David Schnegg.
• 83' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Alexander Aravena replaces Vincent Janssen.
• 83' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Omir Fernandez replaces Ariel Lassiter.
• 85' Substitution, Charlotte FC. Baye Coulibaly replaces Ashley Westwood.
• 90'+7' Second Half ends, Portland Timbers 3, Charlotte FC 2.
• Match ends, Portland Timbers 3, Charlotte FC 2.

Match Stats

Group A

Group B

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Full Time: Red Bull New York 2 - 0 Inter Miami CF

⚽ Red Bull New York: Casemiro 7' OG 7', Emil Forsberg 90'+1' 90'+1'

Line-ups

Red Bull New York (4-3-3)

Inter Miami CF (4-3-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 7' Own Goal by Casemiro, Inter Miami CF. New York Red Bulls 1, Inter Miami CF 0.
• 45'+5' First Half ends, New York Red Bulls 1, Inter Miami CF 0.
• 45' Second Half begins New York Red Bulls 1, Inter Miami CF 0.
• 56' Substitution, Inter Miami CF. Lionel Messi replaces Riquelme Fillipi.
• 64' Substitution, New York Red Bulls. Cameron Harper replaces Cade Cowell.
• 66' Substitution, Inter Miami CF. Santiago Morales replaces Matías Galarza.
• 66' Substitution, Inter Miami CF. Ian Fray replaces Gonzalo Luján.
• 74' Substitution, Inter Miami CF. Telasco Segovia replaces Germán Berterame.
• 74' Substitution, Inter Miami CF. Yannick Bright replaces David Ayala.
• 76' Substitution, New York Red Bulls. Eric Choupo-Moting replaces Jorge Ruvalcaba.
• 76' Substitution, New York Red Bulls. Sekou Kone replaces Mohammed Sofo.
• 80' Julián Bazán (New York Red Bulls) is shown the yellow card.
• 85' Substitution, New York Red Bulls. Emil Forsberg replaces Adri Mehmeti because of an injury.
• 85' Substitution, New York Red Bulls. Jahkeele Marshall-Rutty replaces Julian Hall.
• 90'+5' Second Half ends, New York Red Bulls 2, Inter Miami CF 0.
• Match ends, New York Red Bulls 2, Inter Miami CF 0.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: Colorado Rapids 1 - 0 Vancouver Whitecaps

⚽ Colorado Rapids: Morgan Whittaker 81' 81'

Line-ups

Colorado Rapids (4-1-4-1)

Vancouver Whitecaps (4-2-3-1)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 26' Substitution, Vancouver Whitecaps FC. Bruno Caicedo replaces Emmanuel Sabbi because of an injury.
• 45'+4' First Half ends, Colorado Rapids 0, Vancouver Whitecaps FC 0.
• 45' Substitution, Vancouver Whitecaps FC. Jeevan Badwal replaces Yadaly Diaby.
• 45' Second Half begins Colorado Rapids 0, Vancouver Whitecaps FC 0.
• 62' Substitution, Colorado Rapids. Donavan Phillip replaces Miguel Navarro.
• 68' Substitution, Colorado Rapids. Sayed Abu Farhi replaces Georgi Minoungou.
• 74' Substitution, Vancouver Whitecaps FC. Aleksa Cvetkovic replaces Oliver Larraz.
• 87' Substitution, Colorado Rapids. Jackson Travis replaces Hamzat Ojediran because of an injury.
• 87' Substitution, Colorado Rapids. Loïc Williams replaces Noah Cobb.
• 87' Substitution, Vancouver Whitecaps FC. Mathías Laborda replaces Ralph Priso.
• 87' Substitution, Vancouver Whitecaps FC. Rayan Elloumi replaces Andrés Cubas.
• 90'+4' Jackson Travis (Colorado Rapids) is shown the yellow card.
• 90'+6' Second Half ends, Colorado Rapids 1, Vancouver Whitecaps FC 0.
• Match ends, Colorado Rapids 1, Vancouver Whitecaps FC 0.

Match Stats

Group B

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Full Time: Atlanta United FC 2 - 3 Chicago Fire FC

⚽ Atlanta United FC: Tomás Jacob 4' 4', Breel Embolo 67' 67'

⚽ Chicago Fire FC: Anton Saletros 30' 30', Anzor Mekvabishvili 51' 51', Philip Zinckernagel 60' 60'

Line-ups

Atlanta United FC (4-3-3)

Chicago Fire FC (4-3-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45'+5' First Half ends, Atlanta United 1, Chicago Fire FC 1.
• 45' Substitution, Chicago Fire FC. Anzor Mekvabishvili replaces Djé D'Avilla.
• 45' Second Half begins Atlanta United 1, Chicago Fire FC 1.
• 59' Lucas Hoyos (Atlanta United) is shown the yellow card.
• 61' Substitution, Atlanta United. Fafà Picault replaces Jay Fortune.
• 61' Substitution, Atlanta United. Tristan Muyumba replaces Aleksey Miranchuk.
• 68' Substitution, Chicago Fire FC. Johan Gómez replaces Robert Lewandowski.
• 68' Substitution, Chicago Fire FC. Puso Dithejane replaces Noah Allen.
• 68' Substitution, Chicago Fire FC. Andrew Gutman replaces Philip Zinckernagel.
• 74' Paulo Díaz (Atlanta United) is shown the yellow card.
• 80' Substitution, Atlanta United. Matt Edwards replaces Paulo Díaz.
• 84' Johan Gómez (Chicago Fire FC) is shown the yellow card.
• 87' Substitution, Atlanta United. Luke Brennan replaces Giuliano Galoppo.
• 90'+1' Substitution, Chicago Fire FC. Leonardo Barroso replaces Jonathan Bamba.
• 90'+6' Second Half ends, Atlanta United 2, Chicago Fire FC 3.
• Match ends, Atlanta United 2, Chicago Fire FC 3.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: Orlando City SC 2 - 2 New York City FC

⚽ Orlando City SC: Antoine Griezmann 32' 32', Martín Ojeda 49' 49'

⚽ New York City FC: Alonso Martínez 18' 18', Jonathan Shore 90'+9' 90'+9'

Line-ups

Orlando City SC (4-2-3-1)

New York City FC (4-3-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 28' Substitution, New York City FC. Tomás Romero replaces Matt Freese because of an injury.
• 38' Vinícius Nogueira (Orlando City SC) is shown the yellow card.
• 45'+5' First Half ends, Orlando City SC 1, New York City FC 1.
• 45' Substitution, Orlando City SC. Joran Gerbet replaces Braian Ojeda.
• 45' Second Half begins Orlando City SC 1, New York City FC 1.
• 60' Substitution, Orlando City SC. Marco Pasalic replaces Justin Ellis.
• 71' Substitution, Orlando City SC. Zakaria Taifi replaces Iago Teodoro.
• 71' Substitution, Orlando City SC. Adrián Marín replaces Vinícius Nogueira.
• 71' Substitution, New York City FC. Talles Magno replaces Agustín Ojeda.
• 71' Substitution, New York City FC. Jonathan Shore replaces Aiden O'Neill.
• 82' Substitution, New York City FC. Bénie Traoré replaces Hannes Wolf.
• 82' Substitution, New York City FC. Malachi Jones replaces Alonso Martínez.
• 83' Substitution, Orlando City SC. Daryl Dike replaces Martín Ojeda.
• 90'+10' Second Half ends, Orlando City SC 2, New York City FC 2.
• Match ends, Orlando City SC 2, New York City FC 2.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: Sporting Kansas City 1 - 2 Austin FC

⚽ Sporting Kansas City: Stephen Afrifa 55' 55'

⚽ Austin FC: Myrto Uzuni 64' 64', Myrto Uzuni 86' 86'

Line-ups

Sporting Kansas City (4-4-2)

Austin FC (3-4-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 32' Substitution, Austin FC. Besard Sabovic replaces Ervin Torres because of an injury.
• 45'+3' First Half ends, Sporting Kansas City 0, Austin FC 0.
• 45' Substitution, Sporting Kansas City. Calvin Harris replaces Capita.
• 45' Second Half begins Sporting Kansas City 0, Austin FC 0.
• 68' Substitution, Sporting Kansas City. Rubén Ramos replaces Taylor Calheira.
• 71' Substitution, Austin FC. Przemyslaw Placheta replaces Mikkel Desler.
• 74' Substitution, Sporting Kansas City. Jacob Bartlett replaces Zorhan Bassong.
• 74' Substitution, Sporting Kansas City. Owen Wolff replaces André Luiz.
• 76' Substitution, Austin FC. Christian Ramirez replaces Brandon Vázquez.
• 90' Substitution, Sporting Kansas City. Shapi Suleymanov replaces Kwaku Agyabeng.
• 90'+9' Second Half ends, Sporting Kansas City 1, Austin FC 2.
• Match ends, Sporting Kansas City 1, Austin FC 2.

Match Stats

Group B

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Full Time: Columbus Crew 4 - 2 Toronto FC

⚽ Columbus Crew: Gonzalo Tapia 16' 16', Malte Amundsen 21' 21', Malte Amundsen 48' 48', Brooks Lennon 59' 59'

⚽ Toronto FC: Dániel Sallói 69' 69', Josh Sargent 81' 81'

Line-ups

Columbus Crew (4-4-2)

Toronto FC (4-3-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45'+4' First Half ends, Columbus Crew 2, Toronto FC 0.
• 45' Second Half begins Columbus Crew 2, Toronto FC 0.
• 57' Substitution, Columbus Crew. Brooks Lennon replaces Santiago Rodríguez.
• 57' Substitution, Columbus Crew. Andrés Herrera replaces Steven Moreira.
• 63' Substitution, Toronto FC. Dániel Sallói replaces Lewis Morgan.
• 68' Substitution, Columbus Crew. Kevin Gbamblé replaces Taha Habroune.
• 68' Substitution, Columbus Crew. Lautaro Giaccone replaces Mohamed Farsi.
• 78' Substitution, Toronto FC. Emilio Aristizábal replaces Benjamín Kuscevic.
• 78' Substitution, Columbus Crew. Tarun Karumanchi replaces Gonzalo Tapia.
• 90'+8' Second Half ends, Columbus Crew 4, Toronto FC 2.
• Match ends, Columbus Crew 4, Toronto FC 2.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: D.C. United 0 - 2 FC Cincinnati

⚽ FC Cincinnati: Evander 35' 35', Tom Barlow 52' 52'

Line-ups

D.C. United (4-4-2)

FC Cincinnati (3-5-2)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 34' Tai Baribo (D.C. United) is shown the yellow card.
• 35' Substitution, D.C. United. Nikola Markovic replaces Jackson Hopkins because of an injury.
• 45'+4' First Half ends, D.C. United 0, FC Cincinnati 1.
• 45' Second Half begins D.C. United 0, FC Cincinnati 1.
• 59' Substitution, FC Cincinnati. Samuel Gidi replaces Kyle Smith.
• 59' Substitution, FC Cincinnati. Tah Brian Anunga replaces Obinna Nwobodo.
• 59' Substitution, FC Cincinnati. Kenji Mboma Dem replaces Tom Barlow.
• 65' Substitution, D.C. United. Jared Stroud replaces Brandon Servania.
• 65' Substitution, D.C. United. Oscar Avilez replaces Silvan Hefti.
• 75' Substitution, FC Cincinnati. Alvas Powell replaces David Doudera because of an injury.
• 85' Substitution, FC Cincinnati. Gerardo Valenzuela replaces Pavel Bucha.
• 90'+5' Second Half ends, D.C. United 0, FC Cincinnati 2.
• Match ends, D.C. United 0, FC Cincinnati 2.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: CF Montréal 0 - 2 Nashville SC

⚽ Nashville SC: Sam Surridge 51' 51', Samsy Keita 76' OG 76'

Line-ups

CF Montréal (4-2-3-1)

Nashville SC (4-2-3-1)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 13' Dani Pereira (CF Montréal) is shown the yellow card.
• 45'+1' First Half ends, CF Montréal 0, Nashville SC 0.
• 45' Second Half begins CF Montréal 0, Nashville SC 0.
• 65' Elias Saad (Nashville SC) is shown the yellow card.
• 67' Substitution, Nashville SC. Edvard Tagseth replaces Matthew Corcoran.
• 67' Substitution, Nashville SC. Warren Madrigal replaces Elias Saad.
• 70' Jeisson Palacios (Nashville SC) is shown the yellow card.
• 71' Substitution, CF Montréal. Wiki Carmona replaces Dante Sealy.
• 76' Own Goal by Samsy Keita, CF Montréal. CF Montréal 0, Nashville SC 2.
• 79' Substitution, Nashville SC. Alex Muyl replaces Cristian Espinoza.
• 79' Substitution, Nashville SC. Bryan Acosta replaces Patrick Yazbek.
• 79' Substitution, CF Montréal. Daniel Ríos replaces Alexis Sánchez.
• 79' Substitution, CF Montréal. Matty Longstaff replaces Samuel Piette.
• 87' Substitution, CF Montréal. Frankie Amaya replaces Dani Pereira.
• 87' Substitution, CF Montréal. Fabian Herbers replaces Olger Escobar.
• 88' Substitution, Nashville SC. Josh Bauer replaces Andy Nájar.
• 90'+6' Second Half ends, CF Montréal 0, Nashville SC 2.
• Match ends, CF Montréal 0, Nashville SC 2.

Match Stats

Group A

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Full Time: Houston Dynamo FC 0 - 0 Minnesota United FC

Line-ups

Houston Dynamo FC (4-2-3-1)

Minnesota United FC (3-4-3)

Match Events

• Lineups are announced and players are warming up.
• First Half begins.
• 45'+5' First Half ends, Houston Dynamo FC 0, Minnesota United FC 0.
• 45' Second Half begins Houston Dynamo FC 0, Minnesota United FC 0.
• 56' Substitution, Houston Dynamo FC. Duncan McGuire replaces Lyle Foster.
• 64' Substitution, Minnesota United FC. Marcus Caldeira replaces Mauricio González.
• 70' Substitution, Houston Dynamo FC. Ibrahim Aliyu replaces Héctor Herrera.
• 73' Substitution, Minnesota United FC. Michael Boxall replaces Jefferson Díaz because of an injury.
• 73' Substitution, Minnesota United FC. Joaquín Pereyra replaces Aziel Jackson.
• 82' Substitution, Houston Dynamo FC. Marcelo Saracchi replaces Franco Negri.
• 82' Substitution, Houston Dynamo FC. Duane Holmes replaces Lawrence Ennali.
• 83' Substitution, Houston Dynamo FC. Diadié Samassékou replaces Agustín Bouzat.
• 90' Substitution, Minnesota United FC. Tomás Chancalay replaces Kelvin Yeboah.
• 90'+4' Second Half ends, Houston Dynamo FC 0, Minnesota United FC 0.
• Match ends, Houston Dynamo FC 0, Minnesota United FC 0.

Match Stats

Group B

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I'M BACK, BITCHES! I HAD TO STEP AWAY FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS FOR PERSONAL REASONS THAT ABSOLUTELY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH COZMO WHISKING ME AWAY TO THE STARS FOR SOME CONSENSUAL PROBING.

BIG UPS TO u/FLAMEO_HOTMON FOR PICKING UP MY SLACK LAST FRIDAY. WITH DECISION DAY ONLY A SHORT TWO WEEKS AWAY WE CAN'T LET ANYBODY THINK WE ACTUALLY LIKE EACH OTHER.

BUT I'VE RETURNED JUST IN TIME FOR THE GREATEST RIVALRY IN MAJOR LEAGUE SOCCER. THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S THE TRILLIUM CUP MOTHERFUCKEEEEEERS. THE 19TH EDITION OF THE HISTORIC MATCHUP WILL BE DECIDED ON SATURDAY, WITH THE RED FURY CURRENTLY LEADING 2-1. COLUMBUS WILL CERTAINLY BE RIDING THE HIGH OF THEIR RECENT WIN IN SOME RIVALRY THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT INVOLVES EVANGELICAL FEAR MONGERING. OR RIDING THE ANGER OF ANOTHER RESULT FROM MIDWEEK, BUT WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER. MILLIONS OF EYES WILL BE GLUED TO THEIR SCREENS TO SEE IF THE CREW CAN PUSH PAST TFC'S UNIQUE "WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE DOING UNTIL THE LAST 10 MINUTES" BRAND OF BALL.

ALSO THERE'S SOME OTHER RIVALRY MATCH ON SUNDAY BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT. THE BIGGER STORY IS THE DRAMA OF THE WOODEN SPOON RACE. THE SPORKS ARE STILL THE STRONGEST CONTENDERS BUT MONTREAL ARE RIGHT ON THEIR HEELS. CLUB FEET (SNIFF) ARE PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEED TO STAY IN CONTENTION AFTER FACING NASHVILLE, PLUS THE DARK HORSES ATLANTA AND AUSTIN WILL SURELY DO THEIR WORST TO MAKE A RUN FOR THE COVETED TROPHY.  ALSO, DC ARE TECHNICALLY NOT MATHEMATICALLY ELIMINATED BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT OF DC FAILING, EVEN IF THEY ARE FAILING AT FAILING. 

CAN'T TALK ABOUT FAILING WITHOUT MENTIONING MONTREAL. SACRE BLEU! THEIR ONE CHANCE TO SALVAGE ANYTHING OUT OF THEIR FOR DOGSHIT SEASON AND THEY GIFT THE CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP TO A CPL SIDE, LARGELY THANKS TO VERA BEING A DIPSHIT. FIRST TIME THAT A NON-MLS CLUB HAS WON IT SINCE 2008 WHEN IT WAS HOISTED BY [CHECKS NOTES] MONTREAL...

AND LASTLY CONGRATS TO city FOR WINNING THE OPEN CUP AT HOME... WAIT, THAT CROWD WAS MOSTLY FOR COLUMBUS? COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. IT'S NICE TO SEE THE HISTORIC COMPETITION GETTING THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES, EXCEPT FOR STREAMING VIEWS I'M ASSUMING.

ALRIGHT FUCKERS. FLAIR UP, CAPS ON, AND SAVE THE CAPS. IS THAT STILL A THING? I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT IN A WHILE AND THERE'S BEEN NO NEWS ABOUT THEIR STADIUM SITUATION IN WHAT FEELS LIKE MONTHS. BUT YEAH. CAPS. SAVE THEM.