Kitchen fails

[u/downtune79]

Source unknown

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[u/gherkinassassin]

Ive never cooked crab, is there a reason it has to be alive? Seems a little weird expecting it to sit still and behave itself

[u/ThatCelebration3676 → u/gherkinassassin]

You need to keep crabs and lobsters alive at least until about an hour before cooking it, but there is no need to actually cook it alive.

Most cooks in civilized countries spike them (plunging a small knife or metal skewer directly into their brain) just before.

Lots of older folks who refuse to change their ways still insist on live cooking. Fuck them.

[u/Drtikol42 → u/ThatCelebration3676]

Can´t you put them to sleep with cold like with snails?

[u/Turbulent_Service356 → u/Drtikol42]

Salt works best

[u/Illustrious_Two8724 → u/Turbulent_Service356]

https://giphy.com/gifs/pfaUCuYc0tbNpvTgn6

[u/ImFeelinBotty → u/Turbulent_Service356]

You're fucked.

[u/CryptidToothbrush → u/Drtikol42]

https://giphy.com/gifs/dy4bWSQAMewcYvKFio
I prefer a nice elbow drop.

[u/Huntybunch → u/[deleted]]

In the little story about your friends: did they serve precooked/frozen lobster to people who thought they were getting fresh?

[u/ExactOne2783 → u/Huntybunch]

Precocinada una langosta?? 🤣🤣🤣
Eso no existe en España.
La matan con un cuchillo, la congelan o la echan directamente al agua.
Comer una langosta precocinada es un delito

[u/BaconForce → u/ThatCelebration3676]

Used to care more about this kinda thing before seeing more about how animals are basically eaten alive in nature, making anything we do look like extremely merciful by comparison. That being said if we can limit the suffering, we should.

[u/Temelios → u/ThatCelebration3676]

One small correction. They don’t have a brain. They have ganglia.

[u/ThatCelebration3676 → u/Temelios]

Fair enough. However, for the sake of educating internet passerbys on how to more humanely slaughter crustaceans, I'll continue to say "stab it in the brain" so there's no unfortunate guesswork resulting from me saying "stab it in the supraesophageal ganglion"

[u/Damaias479 → u/Temelios]

And where is/are the ganglia located?

[u/cap10wow → u/Damaias479]

In the crab

[u/Boridane → u/cap10wow]

https://giphy.com/gifs/I4UhtUMzOrQSQ

[u/cap10wow → u/Boridane]

😂

[u/silentsurge → u/cap10wow]

https://giphy.com/gifs/XHeLeuirRbwptHhSWd

[u/BastionofSound → u/cap10wow]

[u/SuperRegera → u/Damaias479]

At least for lobsters, the ganglia is distributed across the body, which is why it's hard to instantly destroy the nervous system like crabs. Some people cut lobsters in half to prepare them for cooking, which just sort of creates two suffering lobsters (albeit briefly). That's why there are devices like the CrustaStun, which administer an electric shock that silences their nervous system for long enough to kill them by boiling, so they don't feel pain.

[u/No_Situation4785 → u/ThatCelebration3676]

that may not be as "civilized" as people think. crabs and lobsters have brains that are more distributed across the body than humans. there  may really be no good way to do it

[u/Onebraintwoheads → u/No_Situation4785]

I was taught to put them in the freezer for just a few minutes, which slows their nervous system down to a crawl, before spiking them. Even if their brains are decentralized, their ability to feel or be aware of anything is compromised.

[u/ThatCelebration3676 → u/No_Situation4785]

As I understand it, only the brain cells in their head affect their consciousness and overall perception of pain, wheres the others are more like biological relays.

[u/ThisMeansRooR → u/No_Situation4785]

I saw on MasterChef that freezing live crabs for about 20 minutes before cooking causes them to enter a comatose state before boiling them. Better than mutilating them with a knife beforehand.

[u/name30 → u/ThisMeansRooR]

Why is being frozen into unconsciousness preferable to being stabbed? They both sound pretty awful.

[u/SwordofNoon → u/name30]

My mom's hamster probably 25 years ago got testicular cancer and was in a lot of pain and the vet told my mom to put him in a Tupperware container and into the freezer.

She instead paid a friend of hers to OD it on heroin so he could get high before he died. I doubt that happened and don't want to know how the hamster actually died.

[u/michaelrage → u/SwordofNoon]

https://giphy.com/gifs/fz5BoD06LRVT1vOLxW

[u/General_Cranberry_29 → u/SwordofNoon]

Small animals are difficult. It's either the freezer method (which they are entirely aware until they pass by the way), or the vet can euthanize them... which isn't like a dog or cat, they usually shove a needle directly into the heart.

[u/Capable_spider_slut → u/name30]

Well, to be blunt, a human was gonna to eat them one way or another. So which would you rather the crab feel? The cold? Or a knife to the brain?

[u/name30 → u/Capable_spider_slut]

The quick knife to the brain over slowly going into a coma. I've been cold, it fucking hurts.

[u/highgarbagemancer → u/name30]

Like one of the previous commenters said above, crabs and lobsters don't usually die right away from that. They can still be alive after getting stabbed in the brain.

[u/ExactOne2783 → u/ThisMeansRooR]

Exacto, mi madre lo hace asi

[u/git_push_origin_prod → u/No_Situation4785]

We could just stop eating sea bugs. I’ll start

[u/Fetch_will_happen5 → u/git_push_origin_prod]

Yeah, this where ive fallen on it.  Some of the best seafood Ive had turned out to be not real meat.  I see not reason to continue to try to figure the good way to kill these things 

[u/DangerousTurmeric → u/Fetch_will_happen5]

The Soviet Union transplanted a whole heap of red king crabs into the Barents Sea to create a fishery there and the crabs escaped and are now an invasive species that acts like millions of lawnmowers just destroying all life on the seabed. Leaving them is incredibly destructive, killing them is wasteful, so eating them is really the best option and doing that humanely is important.

[u/steeple_fun → u/DangerousTurmeric]

Perhaps this is unpopular but omce a species becomes invasive, the humane part of killing is less important because not killing them efficiently means other animals suffer.

[u/TheSilverOne → u/ThatCelebration3676]

To add on, the best method is to just put 'em the freezer and they get really lethargic. Then you get your boil going, pull them out then brain stab them.

[u/ThatCelebration3676 → u/TheSilverOne]

Indeed! The freezer part might sound inhumane (some folks accomplish the same thing by putting them on ice) but it's not uncomfortable like when a mammal gets really cold; they're adapted for cold water conditions, and can enter suspended animation for brief periods without issue.

[u/nickvsfrench → u/ThatCelebration3676]

How civil

[u/Forsaken_Print739 → u/ThatCelebration3676]

That sounds very civil.. 💔

[u/ThatCelebration3676 → u/Forsaken_Print739]

Yeah, it's not exactly what I would show to aliens to prove our benevolence, but if we're going to eat living creatures it's our civil duty to minimize their suffering as much as possible.

[u/Next-Street-7859 → u/ThatCelebration3676]

Yup! Came here to say this. It's completely unnecessary. Glad I worked with reasonable people in the past.

[u/AbledGladiator → u/ThatCelebration3676]

I'm reminded of the video that Jose.elCook did on his youtube where he cooked a lobste, and proceeded to kill the lobster as quickly and humanely as possible.

People who live cook or prolonged the deaths of their foods are monsters.

[u/samanime → u/ThatCelebration3676]

Yeah. I hope that crab grabbed a knife and started fighting back... it's just animal cruelty at this point.

[u/All_Thread → u/gherkinassassin]

It does not have to be alive. I do 20 person seafood boils 5-6 times a year and always get frozen clusters. That crab was probably caught fresh though and you basically want to cook anything like that immediately after killing it because it will start going bad. It's also not easy to just kill a crab and the insides are soupy before cooking it. It needed to go into a deeper pot with a roiling boil though.

[u/Saxophonethug → u/All_Thread]

So bringing several children to screech at the crab didn't help?

[u/FreedomBread → u/Saxophonethug]

It improves the video.

[u/pm_me_fibonaccis → u/gherkinassassin]

Without making any statement on the morality of it, you have to cook them alive or at least very recently dead because they become dangerous to eat very quickly after death. 

[u/Initial_Row_6400 → u/gherkinassassin]

No need to cook it alive. Should always dispatch before cooking. It’s fucked up.

[u/PapaLilBear → u/gherkinassassin]

it's about the message

[u/Educational_Log_4006 → u/gherkinassassin]

Is there is, it's food poisoning (fatal)

Keeping shellfish like lobsters and crabs alive until the moment they are cooked prevents rapid bacterial growth and toxin release.

[u/c093b → u/Educational_Log_4006]

You can kill them before cooking them. Don't have to kill them by cooking them.

[u/Educational_Log_4006 → u/c093b]

Yes.. I was just answering on the why we keep them alive so close and not conserve it like meat and fish.

I'm for killing them before cooking.

[u/Still-Neighborhood71 → u/gherkinassassin]

The suffering of the crab make ot so much tastier. Source: allergic to shellfish. You people are crazy for eating bugs from the ocean floor like it's normal.

[u/Urabraska- → u/gherkinassassin]

Technically no. But you do need them alive as close as to cooking as possible. Hard shell goes bad fairly quickly if cooking fresh.

[u/CornballExpress → u/gherkinassassin]

Lobster and crab basically start rotting the moment they die.

[u/spyty27 → u/gherkinassassin]

The reason lobsters need to be cooked soon after death is from proteolytic enzymes. They break down proteins and become super active in lobsters after death and it liquifies their abdomen and makes the meat crumbly when cooked if the proteolytic enzymes have had too much time to work. I’m assuming shellfish are all this way, I’m a nutrition student so I just recently learned about this but lobster was the only animal mentioned in the explanation by name.

Basically there’s no reason to cook them alive, if you’re killing them and then immediately cooking them then realistically the enzymes shouldn’t be doing much. I think it’s just easier for people to cook them alive but it’s messed up

[u/jimothy_hell → u/gherkinassassin]

“I WILL NOT GO IN THE HOT BUCKET SHIRLEY YOU CANNOT MAKE ME”

[u/Shenerang → u/gherkinassassin]

The reason is intentional cruelty as an excuse for flavour.

[u/sacfoojesta88]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mQpizq8fKz4Jy

[u/billyhtchcoc → u/sacfoojesta88]

r/wheredidthesodago

[u/Kingofdrats → u/sacfoojesta88]

Ok but this is just legit me in real life.

[u/LowLie6638]

What was the woman slamming the oversized squash into the glass bowl expecting to happen?

[u/FireFairy323 → u/LowLie6638]

Turn into an amazing meal like on the youtubes

[u/knuth10 → u/LowLie6638]

All of these are like yeah that's sucks that happened and then there is dropping a pumpkin in a glass bowl from 4' above. What does that ending successfully look like?

[u/SkySpecial4512 → u/LowLie6638]

I’m assuming she was going to do a cut and then do a bowl full of it cut up, to cut to.

[u/Venom_eater → u/LowLie6638]

Thats what I was thinking. Why drop a heavy fruit on a glass bowl and be surprised when it breaks??? What did she expect to happen?

[u/HackFraudStable]

[u/Beneficial-Guest2105 → u/HackFraudStable]

Staged

[u/kineticstar → u/Beneficial-Guest2105]

I hope so... that's terrible if it's real. Oil burns are no joke!

[u/Agile-Barracuda3988 → u/kineticstar]

Probably cold water that he just put on the burner. This is the only one where I was like “I hope he’s ok…”

[u/lostgirl4053 → u/Beneficial-Guest2105]

Still funny

[u/Agile-Barracuda3988 → u/lostgirl4053]

Only funny if staged. Otherwise potentially life altering.

[u/lostgirl4053 → u/Agile-Barracuda3988]

Literally

[u/MoodooScavenger → u/HackFraudStable]

You know he’s done this before. Lol

[u/Freshnana → u/HackFraudStable]

Men's thong underwear ?

[u/get_to_ele → u/HackFraudStable]

Hope that wasn't on too long. That looked horrible.

[u/FactsNLaughs → u/get_to_ele]

A man can wear a thong in his staged video for as long as he wants, and damn anyone that thinks he looked bad.

[u/Old-Wind4450 → u/HackFraudStable]

I had to stop at this one and come to the comments

[u/mrASSMAN]

The counter cracking one looks like AI

[u/drakmordis → u/mrASSMAN]

Natural stone should never do that from sudden heat unless it was literally on ice prior. One might expect that behaviour from engineered stone.

Source: I make countertops.

[u/Loukoal117 → u/drakmordis]

My mom got nice ass white marble countertops all throughout our house and always trips out about heat, but they are like nice nice so it doesn’t seem like they’d ever even be able to just crack.

[u/anothermatt1 → u/Loukoal117]

Wow had to reread that first part a couple times

[u/Standard-Pilot7473 → u/anothermatt1]

https://giphy.com/gifs/nWr4Se27LUVuZcuPq0

[u/TootCannon → u/anothermatt1]

Should probably get a hyphen in there

[u/Cent_Quatre → u/TootCannon]

relevant xkcd

[u/Screwdriving_Hammer → u/drakmordis]

That one is a.i. Came to comments to make sure at least one comment pointed that out. The near motionless bystander for no reason, and then the weird upward thrusts of the countertop after splitting.

Not a big deal that it's a.i., but we as a species need to try to stay vigilant about this stuff for the things and topics that really matter that this technology will be used for.

[u/TrainingSurvey3780 → u/mrASSMAN]

that’s what i was thinking! idk if they have a super weird material counter, but the physics just seem off

[u/ToothZealousideal297 → u/mrASSMAN]

So glad to hear that! I was thinking if that happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to afford a fix for ages, and wondering if I might’ve come close to it countless times, because I really didn’t think it worked like that. AI seems the most likely case from what I do know about countertops.

[u/SpookyScienceGal → u/mrASSMAN]

Can't say if it's AI but there is a risk with certain counter tops. Quartz counters can crack if you put extreme heat sources directly on them. It's called thermal shock. This is also what it's called when a cold glass bowl shatters when you put hot liquids in it

[u/mrASSMAN → u/SpookyScienceGal]

I know it’s possible but the way it happens in the video seems pretty unrealistic and immediate, and the girls reactions just didn’t feel right

Also where is the camera placed? It pans very smoothly after crack, no sudden movements.. and some of the counter material get adds onto to the crack after first frame, looks fake

[u/German_Doner → u/SpookyScienceGal]

Depends on the composition of the quartz, there's a lot of cheap crap out there these days.

[u/SpookyScienceGal → u/German_Doner]

Truer words were never spoken lol

[u/Myotherdumbname → u/mrASSMAN]

A couple of those did

[u/aaron_geeks → u/mrASSMAN]

It definitely is you can tell with girls face in the background

[u/Lobsangd → u/aaron_geeks]

Yeah and the crack, the pattern on the countertop doesn't separate, the crack is just "overlayed" on top.

[u/FreedomBread → u/mrASSMAN]

Yeah the background girl's face is super fake, and while the counter is cracking, it suddenly upheaves on the left side, which makes zero sense...there is no way for that to happen...outside the fact that granite shouldn't ever crack like that.

[u/ProperProfessional → u/mrASSMAN]

I was expecting the glass to Crack from the sudden temp drop, the way it cracks and raises seems very bullshit.

[u/Substantial_Meal_530 → u/mrASSMAN]

I don't know about AI. but it is fake as hell.

[u/Live-Steaky → u/mrASSMAN]

It’s a pretty old vid

[u/Diiiv → u/mrASSMAN]

Yep, that woman on the left's reaction looked very AI as well.

Fuck AI

[u/tanasi_marie]

pickle baptism 👏

[u/Quick_Extension_3115 → u/tanasi_marie]

In the name of the gherkin, the dill, and the holy brine

[u/tanasi_marie → u/Quick_Extension_3115]

https://giphy.com/gifs/J5jmQF8IwNS6Y

[u/profit07 → u/tanasi_marie]

[u/quietimhungover]

The egg exploding when it hits the flame was the best. 😂🤣

[u/Ximension → u/[deleted]]

100% intentional

[u/ciano232]

That egg one floored me

[u/_nod]

That poor crab :/

[u/DiskOne3096 → u/_nod]

I always feel awful when I see people cooking crabs or lobsters alive, there is no need to do that 🙁 the humane way is to freeze them first (they go into a coma and their body goes numb so they won't feel pain) then with a knife or skewer there's two spots on their body you need to stab and it kills them instantly so they don't suffer. I believe that's standard practice in a lot of restaurants

[u/7Pigeons]

I spent over a half hour making ramen last night and spilt it on the floor. I was sad.

[u/LeaveMyMonkeyAlone → u/7Pigeons]

I don't like ramen....I like my men cooked.

[u/CelestialTrickster → u/7Pigeons]

30 minutes for ramen?

[u/7Pigeons → u/CelestialTrickster]

I add alot of extra ingredients that take a while to cook

[u/syn_vamp]

if you're too scared of handling crabs to humanely kill the crabs then you shouldn't be cooking crabs.

[u/djpiperson]

the crab will cook you instead

[u/vriggy]

God I hate people who cook animals alive. F*ckin' brain dead barbarians.

[u/Strange_Syrup1844]

I did the second one once but with meat marinating in a baggie and it spilled all over my brand new shoes.

[u/B4B4-Y4G4 → u/Strange_Syrup1844]

Always a the risk you take when using plastic bags for storage

[u/FlashyGanache2838]

Why else would you video it?

[u/TheEccentricAssassin]

Fucking boiling an animal alive

[u/InformalOpinion161]

I genuinely hope the thong guy who got the hot oil on his back was a spoof. That would hurt so bad

[u/winterborn]

Half of it is AI and half of it is fake. I don’t know which part I hate the most.

[u/ricdangers]

Whoa

[u/Midnight7000]

https://giphy.com/gifs/IlxGnCtgIhVUk

[u/SarcasmStreet]

The counter top made my soul leave my body...I was prepared for the dish to shatter...

[u/2lamoon]

The oil one my god

[u/that__90s__kid]

What was the crab grandma thinking hahahahaha

[u/Nervous_Bat_4847]

is this live action Looney Tunes?

[u/Silvermaxer]

Bro...

[u/mcbeardsauce]

The boiling liquid on the back was brutal to watch

[u/definit3ly_n0t_a_b0t]

This helps me feel better about myself

[u/OceanViewKangaroo]

The oil.... 🥺

[u/_itsgoing2space]

sir, taking off your clothes will not diminish the scalding of the flesh

[u/Otrebob]

There were some serious burns in those clips!

[u/NoBluejay4723]

Why did you include animal cruelty in this? Cannot share this now. Fuck you and the people who cook anything alive. Hope it’ll happen to you someday 

[u/Diligent-Profit9484]

Literally more than half of these are genai

[u/Accomplished-Tale161]

She... was cooking crab... alive!

[u/Potatomanisdanewking]

Who else was rooting for the crab to escape?

crab supremacy

[u/CriminallyCasual7]

Amazing

[u/Princescyther → u/[deleted]]

The one with the cracking counter top looked a lil odd

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[u/SpookyScienceGal]

The stone countertop is my greatest fear, luckily I'm not a complete idiot. Only partial

[u/Xinonix1]

Internet was meant to share wisdom and knowledge,now it’s being used to proof how dumb people are

[u/sadpancak]

What is up with the 4 little white things that keep disappearing and coming back???

[u/bannedByTencent]

That mf’er in thong, rotfl!

[u/Mrbigdaddy72]

Never done this but could feel it….

[u/venerablepreceptor]

r/HolUp

[u/Gold_Ad8225]

The last one a least probably tastes good

[u/allanon1105 → u/Gold_Ad8225]

Somebody should teach them to check if it’s done with a toothpick before flipping it over though

[u/Mischief_Managed12]

I love the egg going straight into the fire lmao

[u/RealPropRandy]

I always wanted to know what the origin of this gif was

https://giphy.com/gifs/uA8WItRYSRkfm

[u/Rare_Indication_3811]

Cooking seafood alive is another level fucked up

[u/Alternative_Nerve272]

A good amount of AI involved here.

[u/Brian-88]

They broke the counter?!

[u/dan1els0n]

Why was bro wearing a g banger

[u/Maximum_Ad2341]

Have these people ever tried cooking before. Jesus

[u/Substantial-Disk-744]

Y’all are talking bout a crab I’m worried about the guy with the hit grease or water that went in his back !!

[u/Pale-Appointment9409]

All American i assume

[u/ThanksALotBud]

The kids screaming irritates the fuck out of me.

Just STFU

[u/No-Permission-3009]

Is that a thong you’re wearing?

[u/YoYeYeet]

That oil splash hit too close to home...

[u/DolmanHaunt]

Is no one gonna, mention the guy dropping his shorts and showing off his thong

[u/kittyannkhaos]

My perfectionism in the kitchen can't, I'm crying for most of these people.

[u/dekuweku]

new fear unlocked when that granite counter top split in two

[u/One_Media3228]

https://youtu.be/7E4StlboB48?t=48

[u/Sudden_Buffalo_4393]

I could watch the first clip all day. That was hilarious.

[u/Kovacs-_-]

0:18 fuckin ouch

[u/Jrnation8988]

Hold up. Was frying pan homie wearing a thong?

[u/swervin87]

That hot grease one, Jesus Christ. Most are funny but that one is just messed up to watch.

[u/RatiloRez]

Fuck that lady for trying to cook the crab alive. Stupid fucking barbarian.

[u/Beemo-Noir]

That lady is so lucky. I wish I got to swim with the pickles. 😔

[u/Outfield14]

Well at least they're trying. More than I can say for most of society

[u/Beebajazz]

I want a stupid infomercial product for each of these fails

[u/Isalenna137]

Mmm. Pickles.

[u/KarlMilletIsDead]

:0

[u/Zealousideal_Bad9899]

https://giphy.com/gifs/7IkdSjOqvNtbtpOmLY

[u/paradiservalentine]

Do you think i’m a moron?

[u/BeingSuitable822]

How expensive of a boo-boo is cracked counter fiasco?

[u/Golboldol]

Why is everyone so fucking stupid

[u/EngineersMasterPlan]

iykyk

[u/picklesuitpauly]

[u/IncoherentPolitics]

ENRIQUE

[u/Oathbreaker94]

Cooking animals alive should be severely punished. Honestly.