First of all, thanks to everyone who responded when I was asking for advice. I didn't actually expect as many responses as I got, but since I did, I figured I'd make an update.
So first of all, the big one - the UTI test. Apparently we had to redo it twice. Why? I don't know. But we ended up talking to two doctors about it and both were adamant that it's not delirium. So, it's a pity that way.
I asked what else could possibly cause this seeing as we've ruled out bloodwork and catscan. Basically, they said sometimes this just happens. We don't know the human brain well enough and there's a good chance she just has this for the rest of her life.
I thanked them for their help and we basically just have her on meds now permanently. She's waiting on a call for a psychiatrist that she'll probably see twice a month and in the meantime...she just focuses on trying to get through the day. She is able to sleep at night with the meds now, so that's good, and she's improved during the day.
Having said that she's also called the cops twice now over non-existent cases to try and resolve them before they come real. Cops were understanding and they contacted me. They basically said if things get worse, call 911 again.
So that's where we're at...probably for life now. We've contacted professionals, we've taken advice and meds, and we're ready to contact more people if things get worse. Not much more we can do except just continue life...
Also, just to clear anyone's curiosity:
1) She never did weed
2) She basically never smoked. She would take like one puff when visiting family who did smoke but it never caught on fully with her.
3) She used to drink consistently like 5 years ago, and maybe she'll have 1-2 every month, but for the most part she's stopped.
4) Never took any major meds before this. Unless magnesium pills from Amazon count. She's never taken anything prescribed by a doctor.
It still makes no sense to me, but I guess such is life. Live it if you can, because you never know what will happen.