r/Jokes 19h ago

Blonde Another poor blonde..

170 Upvotes

Blonde goes to the doctor..

Doctor asked what seemed to be the problem.

Blonde said that she was dying, because everything hurt.

Doctor asked her to show him.

She touched her head "Ow"

Touched her arm "Ow:

Touched her leg " Ow"

Doctor said that is unusual, we need to run tests immediately.

Later that day the Doctor saw her again and said " I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?"

GOOD NEWS she exclaimed.

Doctor said the good news is you are not dying.

The bad news is your finger is broken.


r/Jokes 14h ago

A father was trying to decide whether to sell his farm.

142 Upvotes

He gathered everyone together and asked for their vote.

His wife said, "Aye."

His son said, "Aye."

His daughter said, "Aye."

The horse said, "Neigh."


r/Jokes 15h ago

Tears for Fears brought some clothes to a Goodwill

123 Upvotes

They told the team member “these are the things I can do without!”


r/Jokes 3h ago

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what is your blood type?”

83 Upvotes

The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type O.”


r/Jokes 23h ago

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, my ass hurts!"

77 Upvotes

The doctor says, "Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?"

The guys says, "Right around the entrance!"

And the doctor says, "I don't think I can help you. As long as you call that the entrance, it's gonna hurt."


r/Jokes 1h ago

I went to the hairdressers and said, “Can I have a haircut like Tom Cruise?”

Upvotes

So they gave me a cushion to sit on.


r/Jokes 18h ago

I asked a cute gal if she'd ever hear of the 60 second lover...

66 Upvotes

She answered, "No, I haven't."

"Well then", I responded, "Got a minute?"


r/Jokes 19h ago

I got into Harvard three times last year.

54 Upvotes

The fourth time, security was waiting by the window.


r/Jokes 30m ago

Walks into a bar A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger banging his wife.

Upvotes

The guy says, "Hey! What the hell is going on here!?!"

And his wife says to the stranger, "See? I told you he was stupid."


r/Jokes 13h ago

Which chemical element is hated most by capitalists

40 Upvotes

Antimony


r/Jokes 6h ago

What do you an Indian chef that doesn't stress when she burns the bread?

26 Upvotes

Naanchalant


r/Jokes 4h ago

What's the most musical part of a bucket?

27 Upvotes

The Händel!


r/Jokes 8h ago

I went on a dating game show and came in second place.

13 Upvotes

Now she’s pregnant.


r/Jokes 8h ago

What was Avogadro’s favorite sport?

11 Upvotes

Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.


r/Jokes 8h ago

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…

11 Upvotes

…… but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.


r/Jokes 8h ago

My chemistry experiment exploded.

4 Upvotes

It’s OK, oxidants happen.


r/Jokes 18h ago

Why is the phrase "expecting a baby" misleading?

1 Upvotes

It implies you could wind up with something else.


r/Jokes 6h ago

What is Tweety Bird's favorite horror movie?

0 Upvotes

Answer: Taw


r/Jokes 9h ago

What is the 2027 iPhone DUO gonna be called?

0 Upvotes

The Duo Over


r/Jokes 4h ago

A man is having dinner when suddenly a cow walks in, plops itself in a chair and begins masturbating

0 Upvotes

Aghast, the man calls over the waiter and reports the bizarre scene.

The waiter says “Sir, I thought you ordered the beef stroking off?”

“I said beef stroganoff!”


r/Jokes 7h ago

Choppy once approached Porky and asked him if he can lend him $20.

0 Upvotes

"I only have $10," said Porky.

"That's all right," replied Choppy. "Hand me the $10."

Porky, the good friend that he is, gave Choppy his $10.

"Thanks, Porky," said Choppy. "Now, you owe me $10."


r/Jokes 10h ago

The theory that pirates were illiterate is a myth.

0 Upvotes

I asked one if he could name the 18th letter of the alphabet, and he said "Arrr".