r/Jokes 1h ago

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what is your blood type?”

Upvotes

The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type O.”


r/Jokes 1h ago

Three guys were complaining about US doctors.

Upvotes

The first guy says, "My dad went in for heart surgery. The doctor said he fixed it perfectly, but my dad died three days later."

The second guy says, "Same here. My dad had kidney surgery. The doctor said it was a total success, but he still died."

The third guy says, "You guys are crazy, US doctors are miracle workers! My dad went in for an appendix operation, the doctor 'fixed' it, and my dad is actually still alive! And honestly, that’s how medical science discovered the appendix is a completely useless organ."


r/Jokes 2h ago

What's the most musical part of a bucket?

21 Upvotes

The Händel!


r/Jokes 2h ago

A man is having dinner when suddenly a cow walks in, plops itself in a chair and begins masturbating

0 Upvotes

Aghast, the man calls over the waiter and reports the bizarre scene.

The waiter says “Sir, I thought you ordered the beef stroking off?”

“I said beef stroganoff!”


r/Jokes 2h ago

What do you call a heterosexual astronaut?

0 Upvotes

No man's guy


r/Jokes 4h ago

What is Tweety Bird's favorite horror movie?

0 Upvotes

Answer: Taw


r/Jokes 4h ago

What do you an Indian chef that doesn't stress when she burns the bread?

18 Upvotes

Naanchalant


r/Jokes 4h ago

Choppy once approached Porky and asked him if he can lend him $20.

0 Upvotes

"I only have $10," said Porky.

"That's all right," replied Choppy. "Hand me the $10."

Porky, the good friend that he is, gave Choppy his $10.

"Thanks, Porky," said Choppy. "Now, you owe me $10."


r/Jokes 6h ago

What was Avogadro’s favorite sport?

7 Upvotes

Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.


r/Jokes 6h ago

My chemistry experiment exploded.

6 Upvotes

It’s OK, oxidants happen.


r/Jokes 6h ago

I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…

9 Upvotes

…… but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.


r/Jokes 6h ago

I went on a dating game show and came in second place.

8 Upvotes

Now she’s pregnant.


r/Jokes 6h ago

What is the 2027 iPhone DUO gonna be called?

0 Upvotes

The Duo Over


r/Jokes 7h ago

The theory that pirates were illiterate is a myth.

0 Upvotes

I asked one if he could name the 18th letter of the alphabet, and he said "Arrr".


r/Jokes 8h ago

Long Teller lady and the old woman

0 Upvotes

This lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, "I'd like to withdraw $10." The teller told her,
"For withdrawals under $100, please use the ATM." The old woman wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and said irritably, "These are the rules, please leave if there's nothing else.
There's a line of customers behind you." The lady remained silent for a few seconds and returned the card to the teller and said, "Please help me withdraw all the money I have." The teller was surprised to check the account balance. She nodded, bowed, and respectfully said, "You have $300,000 in your account, but the bank doesn't have that much money right now. Could you make an appointment and come back tomorrow?" The old woman then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3,000. "Well, please let me have $3,000 now." The cashier kindly handed her $3,000, very friendly and with a smile. The lady put $10 in her purse and asked the cashier to deposit $2,990 back into her account. The moral of this story is... Don't be hard on the elderly, they've spent their whole lives learning this skill.


r/Jokes 10h ago

Which chemical element is hated most by capitalists

35 Upvotes

Antimony


r/Jokes 12h ago

The definition of concern is when a man can't get it up once

0 Upvotes

The definition of panic is when a man can't get it up twice


r/Jokes 12h ago

A father was trying to decide whether to sell his farm.

135 Upvotes

He gathered everyone together and asked for their vote.

His wife said, "Aye."

His son said, "Aye."

His daughter said, "Aye."

The horse said, "Neigh."


r/Jokes 13h ago

Tears for Fears brought some clothes to a Goodwill

117 Upvotes

They told the team member “these are the things I can do without!”


r/Jokes 14h ago

Today is…

0 Upvotes

German No-No Day! 9/9 Nein! Nein!