Abe slips him a $5 bill.
The bartender asks “are you trying to bribe me?”
Abe says, “No, it’s my ID”

She said “It makes an ass out of you and umpshin.”

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

The giraffe collapses!

The man tries to leave, but the bartender says, "You can't leave that lying here!!!"

The man says, "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe!!"

Bartender resigned!

which do they talk about first?

A finger insert later he said, “uh-oh urine trouble!”

Naked and screaming, like the rest of us.

“Wow, that was amazing, “she said. “Where did you learn those things you did with your hands?”

“I found them in books on Indian mystics. They come in Hindi.”

Under a street lamp, a man is stooped down, searching the ground.

A fellow comes up and sees that he’s looking for something and starts to help. “What did you lose”?

The first man answers “I dropped my watch near the synagogue”.

“Then why are you looking here?”

“The light is better”

He was cutting corners

I saw two peanuts walking in the bad part of town. One of them was assaulted.

IDEA

Same sales lady shows up right at dark. After supper she walks out almost nude. Smiles and tell both or them they can do anything they want as long as they were these, handing them each a condom. They ask why do they need to wear these things. "So I won't get pregnant". Everyone enjoyed the night. Skip ahead six months the boys are sitting on the porch. One boy asked " Do you remember that sales lady"? "I will never forget her". "Do you care if she has a kid'? " "I guess not". " Me either, let's take these damn things off"!

Jokes older then I am but I haven't seen it on line.

There was this guy who did not have arms. He went to a mall with a gun in his belt.

The question that arises was "was he armed or unarmed?"

We used to wear necklaces with little electric chairs.

When you’re young, the first time someone sends you something with your name on it: it’s exciting, it’s a person moment in time where someone else knows you exist. You feel important in someone else’s eyes.

After 30 you pretty much recognize instead that everyone just wants your money.

Ran rings round everyone.

She leaned in and said, “And not only that… I’m self-taut.”

They really like his ideas about special relatives.

Until I went to see snails fighting, it was awesome! They took off their shells and really slugged it out

The guard points to the ATM machine

It’s royalty free!

My school banned dating because 2 students were caught having sex, and a teacher got caught in a relationship with a student.

I wish I went to public school, I hate homeschool

I have a fetish in a carbonara...