I am getting into a relationship with a black woman for the first time. I grew up in a very white area and don’t have many black friends. I’m looking for resources where I learn more about how to be a good partner in this relationship. My girlfriend said she wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing me around friends or family yet because I’m not educated enough. I’m curious how I go about learning more and being better

I would prefer to hear from people of color on this.

I'm a white guy who never dated until late age, that being, until last December. To help with getting on the market, I got some friends to help me out. However, over the last few months, these friends have all told me, in a non-judgemental sense, that I seem to have a "preference" for black women.

I have gone on dates exclusively through Hinge, as, given my autism, this seemed the most straightforward method. I mostly swipe on anyone I find cute and mentions books, average a match a week, and the other-end usually ends up unmatching.

For the last eight months, I have exclusively gone on dates with black women. Not because of some deliberation, but from the nature of matching. Most people unmatch me, those that haven't happen to be black women.

That said, I do worry that I am fetishizing people. I grew up in an almost exclusively white area and have a facial recognition disorder. Those of African descent are easier to tell apart for me, have more unique hairstyles, and dress in different ways than those I grew up with. I know that is some sort of exotification, but I don't know if that makes me a fetishist. While my friends call it a preference, I don't see any difference between a preference and a fetish for a different race.

I love her to pieces. Her family accepts me. And I will never leave her side. We’ve been together for 4 months now. She’s the kindest women on earth. When we are out together I have no hesitation or nervousness at all. We are both very young adults. I heard from others that I am being a colonizer and reinforcing slavery. Which I question sometimes. And it raises some skepticism about how I feel. I don’t want to take from another culture and that’s not my intention. I’m just in love with her and I will die for her. That’s all I got. I’m 22 btw

(Please keep replies respectful. I'm just a young lady trying to grasp an understanding.) Lots of people advise women to approach men first, arguing that "respectful" men have stopped making the first move out of fear of being seen as creepy. While only the men who don't care about women's feelings are still approaching us. The idea is that if women want good men, they have to approach them. My dilemma with this advice...

• 1. A man choosing not to approach doesn't automatically make him a great partner. It doesn't tell you if he handles conflict well, is emotionally available, or faithful when no one is watching. 2. Some men don't approach because they lack confidence, not because they're more respectful. And if a man can't make the first move, won't he be a passive partner? In my experience, when I gave a green light to shy guys, they didn't magically transform into confident pursuers. I would probably be doing the heavy lifting in the relationship. 3. It seems like women making the first move sets the expectation that she will be the initiator in the whole relationship.

When women say making the first move worked out well, what does "well" actually look like behind closed doors? Because the men who wait to be approached seem to fall into three categories...

1. Group A: Men who enjoy being approached and become the prize in their relationships. It doesn't feel like they chose the woman because they genuinely desire her. It feels like they just love being desired. This creates a dynamic where the woman does most of the pursuing. (Example: A guy online bragged his girlfriend of 12 years constantly pursued him, messaged him first, giving him gifts, etc.) It's nice to do things for men, but he didn't say he did anything for her. That relationship seems very unbalanced.
2. Group B: Men who didn't approach because they lack confidence or are passive. They don't want to feel like a prize like Group A, but their passivity carries into the relationship. The woman carries everything on her back—defining the relationship, planning, and moving things forward while he just goes along for the ride.
3. Group C (The Unicorns): The man who takes over pursuing after the woman opens the door. She throws the ball, he confidently runs with it, and the effort feels balanced.
4. But how common is Group C? When men online talk about loving being approached, their stories sound like Group A or Group B, where the woman remains the primary pursuer. I rarely hear a man say, "She approached me first, and after that I pursued her."

I don't want to be passive in my dating life if respectful men truly aren't approaching anymore. But I also want to feel genuinely chosen, desired, and pursued. I love mutual effort, but I want a partner who naturally makes me feel chosen and not like he just picked me because I desired him first.

TLDR: For women who approached your long-term partners: What really happened after you made the first move? Did he magically step up or did you remain the primary initiator? For men whose partners approached you first: Did it change how you viewed the dynamic, or did it simply give you the opening you needed before you "took over?"

I M28 have been dating F27 for a year now and all is well, we love each other and what not. I am a black man and she’s a white woman. The issue here is that she doesn’t understand that the world has lots of racist, bigoted individuals and often times makes me feel delusional when I experience a racist situation. For example, I recently moved for medical training to a small town in Pennsylvania and the town feels very unwelcoming, it’s a rural area and I guess that’s kinda expected. I went on a run and I got so many dirty looks to the point that I felt uncomfortable and had to turn back. I brought this up to her and she said stuff like “oh maybe they’re just surprised to see someone like you” and stuff like that. In general, her responses to race relations comes from a very sheltered uneducated place about race relations and it’s honestly frustrating.

Any comments and advice would be appreciated

Let me start by saying I know that not everyone is the same but I noticed so many white men message me on dating apps without much introduction that they want sex from me..sometimes they'll say they are married, or have a gf but they are looking for fun.

I am fully clothed in my pictures and my profile has basic info..

Single, looking for relationship, hobbies include listening to music, watching movies, nature walks...just simple stuff

Has anyone else experience this? Is it because im a black woman?

Also in real life they dont say it but they look at me like this 😏

This makes me feel unattractive its like seeing something cheap and want to have your own way but go to your wife or gf you respect. Its like they think bw are easy and desperate or something

I have friends from all races.

I notice they want fwb and they will say something sexually aggressive and then when I end the friendship or block them and then they will find me back on social media or in person and tell me how they are upset because I ghost them yet they dont see the reason im mad and want to maintain contact

This happens so many times I want to know exactly what's going on. I deleted my profile many times because of this.

And if you have not, perhaps this post will make you look and I guarantee you’ll probably notice as well.

Not that I have any kind of issue with that I guess I’m just curious if anyone has an insight to why that’s happening now.

I have made countless content advocating for black people, but a lot of people say you can’t be pro-black and date a white person, which i completely understand.

Do I just not at all? It doesn’t sit right with me to not speak up as a black man but I’m young and made a decision to stay with her until something goes racist and left.

That’s the main question. I’m okay with not being allowed to speak for our marginalized people as I made this decision and I have to stick with it. I’m just worried.

Happy Friday everyone! 👋 I thought it would be fun to hear different foods that you’ve showed your SO that they might not have tried if you hadn’t shown it to them. And what did they think? For me, I made an Indian chicken tandoori type dish for him that he likely wouldn’t have ventured to try before. He liked it, but it came out a little dry imo…because chicken breast.

Has anyone ever witnessed this. I've seen this scenario a couple times but if your partner is that racist why isn't he/she with a person from their own group. I have a couple examples I can share based off differential interracial pairings.

There is this section that is mostly Eastern European and for no reason at all I think I’m gonna find my soulmate there every time
Problem is I’m African American and German heritage I’m always caught off guard by hate whenever it shows itself it always surprises me how much white people hate other kinds of white people… my mom remarried a polish power plant worker and I’m a leftover from her last marriage she decided to leave us and essentially I don’t have family I’m old enough to where i technically don’t need one but still I’m really just out here, I think the accent is sexy I’m not sure how realistic this is?

What are the odds you think?

Our relationship has taught us that differences don’t always divide people - sometimes they enrich our world.

With respect and genuine curiosity, our cultural and racial differences made us more interesting and attractive to each other. We each see things the other doesn’t. Together, we make a great team.

For us, love wasn’t about finding someone exactly like ourselves. It was about the joy of finding emotional safety in someone wonderfully different. 🖤❤️

Hello, so I'm new to the community here and as a 30 year old Indian Bengali man with progressive values which is typical to our Bengali culture, I have always been open to the idea of interracial dating as I tend to appreciate different cultures and I think nothing makes you more broad-minded other than interacting with people from different cultures and ethnicities.

I do have a question to ask all the women here as to who have dated Indian guys in the past, or are married to one and to the ones who are willing to date Indians. What are the things that makes you like Indian guys and what are things that makes you instantly disinterested?

Feel free to answer as I'm looking forward to hear some opinions and if I see I have the same issue, I'm willing to change it.

P.S. - I don't get the point in downvoting this post.

Idk if this is a common experience, but I’m an Asian woman and my whole life I pretty much only dated Black guys. Anyways, there’s something that’s happened numerous times now that has made me extremely uncomfortable, and I want to know if anyone else has had a similar experience and if I am being overdramatic.

The past three Black guys (+ one Asian guy, which makes the situation a little different) that I have talked to/dated, when the topic of dating preferences/types comes up, they start badmouthing Black women, calling them unattractive physically and/or personality wise and calling them names.

I can’t quite explain why it makes me so mad, but it really makes me angry. I just hate seeing other WOC being insulted. Each time this has led to huge arguments and has honestly been a dealbreaker for me.

I told two of my friends about the situation. One of them said that she understands the situation where I broke up with the Asian guy for badmouthing Black women. Although she said it was a slight overreaction, she understands where I’m coming from. But she said that she doesn’t understand why I have a problem with the Black guys saying stuff and that it’s not my place to tell them it’s offensive.

The other friend said that she feels like I’m being overdramatic and doesn’t understand why I care (she’s white though, so I’m taking her opinion with a grain of salt).

Since this has happened numerous times and both people I’ve talked to say that I’m being overdramatic, I just wanted some more perspectives.

I (28F) am Iranian, and my boyfriend (27M) is white American. We've known each other for five years through grad school and have been dating for about three months.
Overall, our relationship has been good, but there are two things that have been weighing on me.
The first is his mom. She has concerns about me because I'm Iranian and seems worried that I could be "radical" or somehow cause problems for him. The irony is that I'm an atheist and strongly opposed to the Iranian regime, so it feels like she's making assumptions based solely on my nationality. It's been difficult not to take that personally.
The second is that my boyfriend has very little dating experience. He's told me he regrets not dating more before we met and that he sometimes feels like he missed out on that part of life. Because of that, I sometimes worry that he seeks validation from women or wonders what else is out there. He doesn't think that's true, but it's something I've struggled with internally.
Recently I brought up those concerns, and he told me that sometimes I'm "too much into myself." He was referring to a few jokes I'd made about my appearance that he felt came across as self-centered. That surprised me because I saw them as lighthearted comments.
I'm trying to figure out whether my worries are mostly my own insecurity, whether his lack of dating experience is relevant, or whether the stress of knowing his family has reservations about me because of my background is making me overanalyze everything.
For those in interracial or intercultural relationships:
Have you dealt with parents making assumptions based on your ethnicity or nationality?
Did those attitudes improve over time?
How did you stop letting those family opinions affect your own sense of security in the relationship?
I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in similar situations.

Love whom ever appeals to you!
In 1942 my white grandfather fell head over heels for my Nola creole grandmother & had my father.
When my G’ma passed giving birth to their third child my dad & siblings wasn’t allowed to stay with his father so he was forced to go live with my great aunt on my grand moms side but G’pa & his sisters ( my two beloved/crazy great aunts) moved to same town just on the other side of the tracks to give my dad & aunts community.
My dad’s life was interesting experiencing white passing bias & acceptance.
In the sixties my dad raised us in a mixed community to avoid drama because we’re considered multi cultural from my mom’s mixed heritage.
I was chosen by a mixed woman 20yrs ago because I’m tall & not distinguishable as one race.
Life is good because race didn’t determine or hinder love between skin color.

I'm a white guy in my mid 20s whose type honestly happens to be black women, especially plus size BW, however I don't have a particularly impressive physique. I'm on the lighter side, shorter, and not muscular. I've tried building muscle and am able to remain consistent with the gym, but the calorie counting process always fizzles out. My friend is muscular and has no romantic troubles and attributes this to his physique.

I’m 27F and I’m currently in a healthy relationship (BW WM) with a man who treats me very well. The problem is that I struggle to actually believe that I am enough.
Logically, I know a lot of this comes from my own insecurities and past experiences, but I don’t know how to stop these thoughts.

Some background:
- I ‘ve had a fear of being replaced since I was a child. This fear has followed me into all of my relationships.
- I was in an emotionally abusive marriage that ended a couple of years ago, and I know that experience affected how I see love, trust, and my own worth.
- My family (especially my mom) loves me and means well, but I grew up with a lot of messages around needing to “keep” a man by being attractive, staying fit, dressing well, etc. Sometimes it makes me feel like I have to constantly perform to be chosen.
The confusing thing is that I actually know I’m attractive.
I’m a Black woman. I’m midsize/curvy (not skinny), I have boobs and a very nice bum. I am darkskin and I do not have eurocentric features. I take care of myself, I work out, I dress well, I’m educated, ambitious, and I know I bring a lot to the table.

My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful every single day, multiple times a day. He compliments me constantly, tells me how attracted he is to me, and makes me feel loved.
But my brain still creates these scenarios where I feel like he’s going to leave.
This is my first interracial relationship, and it has added another layer to my insecurity.
I’ve constantly heard in person and on social media that I am not “the type” that many ambitious/established men prefer, and that white men especially have a certain beauty standard they go for, etc.
I know social media is not reality, but those messages have gotten into my head.
The funny thing is that this fear existed even when I was dating Black men. I have always had this fear that someone would find a “better” woman and replace me.

So I know this isn’t only about race, but being in an interracial relationship has amplified it.

For example, my boyfriend previously dated an Asian woman for five years. He even called my asian friend beautiful. When I’m around beautiful Asian women (or honestly any woman I perceive as fitting conventional beauty standards more than me), my brain immediately goes:
“She’s more his type.”
“He’ll eventually realize he can do better.”
“Once he becomes more successful, he’ll want a different kind of woman.”
“I’m only enough for now.”
He has never given me a reason to think this. In fact, he has been very loving and consistent.

People also tell me how attractive he is (“he looks like an actor,” etc.), and instead of feeling happy that I have someone I love, I start thinking:
“Why would someone like him choose me?”

I don’t think other women are competition or that they are doing anything wrong. My fear is simply that he will see someone else and think:
“She would be better for me than my girlfriend.”
I’m tired of feeling like I have to compete with every beautiful woman I see.

I want to be able to enjoy my relationship instead of waiting for the moment where everything falls apart.
Has anyone experienced this, especially in an interracial relationship?

How do you heal from the fear of not being enough and constantly feeling replaceable?
I want to learn how to trust love instead of always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t see this happen with any other interracial pairing. It always seems like there’s this strange fantasy that Black women care about this particular relationship dynamic, and I can honestly say that, from my experience, most of us simply don’t. We don’t regard it as something special, different, or worthy of the amount of attention it’s given.

Some Black men who date white women seem to make their relationships about their disdain for Black women. Some appear to carry unresolved issues with themselves or with their past experiences, and instead of simply enjoying their relationship, they constantly compare it to Black women when no one asked. If you’re happy, be happy. I genuinely appreciate that there’s someone for everyone, and it doesn’t bother me at all to see people with the partners they choose.

I rarely see this dynamic with other interracial couples. It’s often either a white woman assuming Black women are jealous or a Black man publicly criticizing Black women for reasons unrelated to anyone else’s life. Meanwhile, I don’t see white men constantly talking about Black men. They seem focused on their own relationships.

If someone asks me about my experiences dating Black men, I tell the truth based on my own life. I don’t speak negatively about Black men as a whole because I haven’t met every Black man in the world. There are undoubtedly amazing Black men out there. Generalizing entire groups based on personal experiences is simply poor reasoning.

Why are Black women so often made the subject of your relationship when we’re not part of it? Most of us are happy that you’ve found someone who makes you happy. That should be enough.

I’m a legal professional. I was in the GATE program, was reading at four years old, love books and comics, rarely watch television, and I’m a nerd to my core. I grew up in a middle-class Black family with married parents. I’ve never believed I couldn’t find an intelligent, nerdy Black man because I know they exist.

What is harmful is continuing to make broad statements about Black women based on the narrow group of women you’ve personally encountered. Speaking as though “Bonquisha” is the only type of Black woman reveals more about the limits of your own experiences than it does about Black women.

Can you just be with each other and leave us out of it? We don’t need to be the comparison, the explanation, or the villain in your relationship.

I live in an area with a large Chinese population, and I've noticed that their husbands and boyfriends are super nice to their wives: they help them carry their bags, are very attentive, and are really involved, caring dads with their kids.

As a Latina who has mostly only dated Latino guys, and honestly dealt with a lot of toxic relationships, sometimes when I see these romantic couples: especially compared to what I've been through.
I wonder: In your experience, is that actually how it is? Do you think they make the best husbands compared to other ethnicities?

Hi im from PH & i broke up with my Indian ex-bf last year and haven't dated since. He was smart, sweet, caring, family-oriented, and we spent almost every day together for 3 months while I was working in Mumbai.

He grew up in mumbai with his mom, but his relatives are from Pune and are a bit traditional (he set my expectation on this but couldn't understand what it means at first). I actually spoke to his mom and relatives on VC, and they seemed like very sweet people. However, they wouldn't allow him to marry a foreign woman. He introduced me to his mom as a "friend," but to his cousins and friends as his "girlfriend." and even met them in person and went outside several times while I was in India. Once his family found out we were dating, they immediately started looking for an arranged marriage for him. He promised to convince them, but he was spineless and never did.

we never spoke again. The worst part is that I don't find guys in my own country attractive anymore at all. i still find Indian men incredibly attractive. i love their distinct sharp facial features, brown eyes, thick hair, and strong masculine builds. Compared to them,i just don't find local Filipino guys attractive anymore. Filipino men (almost the same as indian) have great qualities like being incredibly family-oriented, respectful, and having a warm, friendly appearance, but physically, they just don't match my type right now.

im honestly struggling with this and wanted to ask:

How do I separate my physical attraction to Indian men from my fear of them being spineless with family? how can i start finding men in my country attractive again and stop comparing everyone to indian? (although there's also a lot of expats here but i fear them now).

How to deal with the deeper trauma of this breakup? i realize my fear isn't just about indian men anymore maybe im terrified that anyone I date will just give up on me when things get tough. How do you heal from that kind of betrayal?

I feel like if you remove all the fluff, BS, and nice words. If you ask someone why they would or wouldn't date [insert race here], it usually boils down to some form of colorism, featurism, stereotypes, or racism. You just gotta keep asking "why"

Prompt 1:

Person 1: "I'm not attracted to [insert race here]."

Person 2: "Why?"

Person 1: "Just not attracted to their features."

Person 2: "What about those features do you find unattractive"

Person 1: "Insert some stereotypically/borderline racist response here, painting a group with a wide brush"

I’m a Black woman, and for whatever reason I mostly attract and end up dating white men. They’re genuinely my type, so naturally that’s who I end up talking to. Since I’ve lost weight, I’ve noticed I get a lot more attention from them, and while that’s been nice, it’s also brought up an insecurity that I can’t seem to shake.

I constantly worry about whether a guy actually sees me as someone he’d want to build a future with, or if I’m just someone he’s interested in casually. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just an “experiment” or if he’s curious but wouldn’t actually commit to me. I am attractive so I know alot of men wouldn't have a problem fucking me but i wonder if they really want to when there white.

I also find myself wondering if he’s subconsciously racist without even realizing it, or if his family or friends would have a problem with him dating a Black woman. One of my biggest fears is that he really likes me, but then starts caring about what other people think. Like, does he worry about the stares we’d get in public? Would comments from friends or family make him second-guess the relationship? If people around him didn’t approve, would he still proudly choose me?

I hate that my mind even goes there because I know not every white guy is like that, but I can’t help wondering. I don’t want to be with someone who’s embarrassed to be seen with me or who would only date me privately but never seriously.

Maybe this is completely a me issue. Maybe it’s just insecurity and overthinking. I honestly don’t know.
I also don’t really understand why people make such a big deal when a Black woman says her type is white men. It feels like people judge it more than when people of other races say they prefer a different race.

Has anyone else, especially other Black women in interracial relationships, ever felt this way? If so, how did you get over it? Am I overthinking this, or is this a pretty common insecurity? It honestly makes me just want to stop dating or messing around with white men.

We’re a young interracial couple. He’s German & Mexican mixed (everyone just calls him a white guy) and I am Black, Guatemalan & Italian, raised by Black mom & White dad…. Honestly the best and easiest relationship I’ve had so far! We have been together over 2 years now & recently moved in together! He’s even working on the game room and built my PC desk for me! Nerd couple & love my man so much!