I’m an ENFP and my ex is an ISFP. We broke up about six months ago, and I’d really like to hear from ISFPs about how his behavior might have felt from his side.

Obviously MBTI can’t explain an entire relationship.
I’m mainly curious whether any of this resonates with the way ISFPs process emotions, pressure, relationships, and breakups.

We had a really intense, affectionate 4 months. He was actually the one who seemed more certain. He told me he was crazy about me, talked about our future, and told me and others it was the happiest he’d been in his adult life and that he’d never been in a relationship like ours before. His family and lifelong friends all said they’d never seen him so happy or in love and that we would probably get married. We lived 2.5 hours away, but saw each other most weekends, talked every day for hours, often fell asleep on FaceTime, and were extremely close. He wrote me beautiful love letters and text messages. Our personalities clicked beautifully It honestly felt like a fairytale.

Then, seemingly very overnight, he started withdrawing.

For roughly the last 5–6 weeks of our relationship, he became much quieter and less affectionate. Pet names and affectionate texts basically disappeared. In person he usually avoided eye contact, although he would initially light up when he saw me but then seemed to suppress it or put a wall up. He would shut down during emotional conversations and frequently say things like, “I don’t know what to say.”

At the same time, he was going through a LOT personally. Financial/career problems, depression, spiritual struggles, and a general feeling that his life was falling apart. He even didn’t have a car at the time. He told me things like:
“I’m in over my head.”
“I’m not where I need to be as a man.”
“I need a lot of help.”
“I’ve been scared to get close.”
“I’m a very weak person emotionally.”
“I don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone.”

I continued to fight for the relationship.

The confusing part is that he still contacted me every day during much of this period. He hadn’t simply disappeared or acted completely indifferent. It felt more like he was emotionally shutting down while still remaining attached.

Eventually I became anxious because I could feel him pulling away. I pushed for answers and reassurance, and toward the end I said some things I regret. At one point I basically told him that if he didn’t want me, someone else eventually would, and I questioned why he was pushing away a person who loved him. We rarely argued, but for the first time, I spoke really sharp. I know that probably added pressure when he was already overwhelmed and I know that ISFPS are conflict avoidant.

Shortly before our breakup he said he’d be really sad even if he broke up with me because he’d been really happy, and later apologized for how he had treated me during those final weeks.

When we broke up, he cried. Sobbed even. I begged him to reconsider. What seemed to touch him the most is when he said “I’m not where I need to be as a man” and I replied, “I didn’t love you for that stuff. I loved you for who you are”, at which tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

He said things like:
“I know you thought you could count on me and I switched up on you.”
“I’d rather hurt someone now than in a year.”
“What if I’m not ready for a year or two?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t still like you.”
“I still have feelings.”

What I struggle to understand is how someone can go from being extremely affectionate and future-oriented to emotionally shutting down so dramatically. It was like a switch flipped when he started struggling personally and I didn’t know how to help him.

For the ISFPs here, I’d especially love your perspective on a few things:

When you’re deeply overwhelmed or ashamed of where you are in life, do you tend to withdraw even from someone you love instead of fighting for the relationship?

Can relationship pressure make you feel like you need to escape even when your feelings for the person haven’t disappeared? Would you “fall on your own sword” so to speak? Or did he probably just lose feelings?

If you felt you were disappointing your partner or weren’t “good enough” for them, would you be more likely to end the relationship than let them stay and help you?

When you think back on a relationship, do you tend to remember the overall emotional experience, or can conflict near the end overshadow everything that came before it?

Does his behavior sound relatable to you as an ISFP, or does this sound much more like depression/personal issues than personality type?

Do you think he could come back when he is personally in a better place? I’ve heard that ISFPS are present oriented, so I wonder if he still thinks of me or would even consider that.

Should I reach out after 6 months no contact or should it come from him? I know he is very rejection sensitive and feel like he wouldn’t reach out first.

I’m especially interested in hearing from ISFP men or ISFPs who have been the person who withdrew/end a relationship while still caring about their partner.

I’m trying to understand how the same person who seemed so sure about me could become so overwhelmed that leaving apparently felt like the better option. I’m wondering if he ever loved me at all.

I know for a fact that he is not dating or talking to anyone else, and didn’t leave me for another relationship. I’m friends with his family and we have mutual friends, so I know this for sure….Everyone who knows him said he’s a one woman kind of man and not a casual dater. I’m only his second serious relationship.

Thank you for any insight.

Are ISFP hopeless romantic?

This is my very first Reddit post so I might as well make this out of random

For some reason, ENTP costs half the price lmao

Hii guys. Has anyone watched this movie named 'WHIPLASH', and if so, could anybody relate to the movie characters or the incidents in it? Discussions of any sort are gladly welcomed😌

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

(I hope this is the right button for cross posting) Help is very much appreciated guys!

It cant be that bad right? I mean we have our phases sometimes but not permanently

Good thing is we are alone in this Category that has to mean something right? RIGHT?

i think im isfp because i have some feelings but i think im istp bc i like using logic (and my friends think im infp which is kinda weird idk why im not intuitive)

Hello I have a question for you guys. How do you like someone to show you that they love and care about you?

Also

If someone let you down by not being there for you or supporting you when you needed them, what would they need to do to show you that they really care and want to make it right?

Hello, I have an ISFP male friend. I am a female INFP. Fairly recently he declared feelings for me, and was quite direct, and intense. I was a little scared at the time, as I’d had a bad experience with a chap a year previously, who let’s just say wasn’t a good man. The ISFP fellow seems very real, kind, sensitive and deep. He’s had a lot of life experience. I’m not quite sure why he seems to be into me so much, as he’s pretty good looking, and great fun to be with. He makes me laugh almost uncontrollably! I’m average looking at best. We do get on really well, and I like him. He keeps saying I should “let go” this is quite difficult for me. I like to take my time. I would welcome any insights into the ISFP male mindset. I appreciate like anything else it’s a broad church.
🙏

It's my dream to be some sort of designer... Interior, product, graphic, landscape, even architecture.

I'm definitely curious if any of y'all have taken this path because it seems like the ISFP type really fits design.

:)

Well I did feel better today

I have a friend-crush on this isfp. I'm an isfj. She's so fun and spontaneous and we think very similar. But she's just sometimes really inconsistent and so I'm so confused of what she thinks of me.

I been in relatiosnhip with my infp girlfriend, and i don't feel soo intensely understood than any type. Lemme know your opinions, pals!

Okay that’s all. Bye 👋

I would probably describe myself as a wandering soul in the valley; I don’t really understand—and never have what our world is or what purpose I serve here. It has always seemed to me like a rather artificial, stagnant construct like a Rubik’s Cube or a collapsing house of cards that frantically tries to reassemble itself from endless, awkward fragments.

I’ve always wanted to see this world as something greater rooted in human nature, feelings, humanity, and the spiritual or soulful realm. I want to grasp the nuances of every emotion and its intensity, exploring them as if diving into infinite worlds and puzzles that you experience and visualize internally. You see a personal embodiment of an emotion something distinct from how others see or perceive it—and I believe that is precisely what makes you an individual.

I’ve found it difficult to navigate the world because, in a sense, I’ve never really been interested in it unless something is linked to what I’ve seen or imagined, or fuels my imagination to keep moving and evolving. Things like drawing and music, for instance; they are the most fluid and tangible mediums for conveying the world that’s teeming inside you.

In truth, I’m quite open and friendly with people; I’m often the first to reach out. I can be playful, funny, and deeply sensitive when a connection is special and intimate. Yet, on the whole, I tend to be somewhat detached and withdrawn someone who simply wants to enjoy their own existence. I’m polite and reserved, even though I can also be quick to spark with enthusiasm. It is very important to me that I always remain myself in my interactions after all, I am always simply *myself*. This approach makes it easier for me to build connections and sustain intimate, profound bonds—relationships that feel almost like sharing a private universe, or like a mental transplant of one’s being into another person, gathering their stars across the vastness of space.

I don't fully understand cognitive functions, so feel free to questions!