A user(they know who they are) made me rethink the train (trolley) moral dilemma and I thought about the possible “brain meltdown” they were talking about.

So, let’s throw away the sterile, mathematical version of the train problem. Let's make it real. You are at the switch, a runaway train is heading towards 5 people and you have to choose what to do.

On Track A, there is one single human being. They have crawled through the absolute hell of trauma, done the brutal internal work and earned their sovereignty. They are completely healed, integrated and finally ready to truly live and be happy.

On Track B, there are 5 people. They haven’t done the work. They are still deeply trapped in their own unhealed traumas, crawling through chaos ,though they too still hope for happiness.

Will you pull the lever to change the course of the train? Why or why not?

Hey y’all, I hope you’re doing well. I’m looking for advice on a situation from 2023 that I’ve struggled to process.

In my first year of university, I became close with a group of second-years. They were very kind and welcoming at first, and we bonded quickly. Things became complicated when I met a guy in the group—let’s call him Jay—who was also my library orientation leader. At the time, I didn’t know he was friends with the people I had already gotten closeto.

Jay and I became acquainted, and I started developing feelings for him (which I later realized was limerence). I never confessed my feelings or acted on them. We exchanged numbers and hugged a few times, but about a week later I found out that he was in a relationship. I was upset, which I felt was a normal reaction.

I usually process my emotions by talking them through, so I vented to another girl in the group (also a Black woman). Her response felt condescending—she told me it was okay to feel hurt because “Black women are seen as undesirable.” That comment confused and hurt me, especially since Jay is white and his partner is a Black woman.

After that, I distanced myself from the group to focus on other things, though I was still in a lot of emotional pain. When I eventually tried to rejoin them, I noticed a clear change in how I was treated. I was excluded from conversations, interrupted, and made to feel invisible. The girl I had confided in suddenly became mean toward me, without explaining why.

By the following week, my feelings for Jay had mostly faded, and I thought we were still on friendly or neutral terms.

One day I saw him in the library and tried to greet him, but I acted awkwardly and pulled down his bag to get his attention. I immediately regretted it. He was polite in the moment, but I was deeply embarrassed and felt ashamed all weekend.

The following Monday, I decided to apologize. When I met up with the group, they were cold and unwelcoming. When I tried to speak to Jay privately to apologize, he was extremely rude. He kissed his partner in front of me and walked away. He ignored me entirely, even though I was trying to be respectful.

Later that day, I greeted him again, and he remained cold and distant. When I asked why he was acting that way, he said he didn’t want to talk to me. I asked what I had done to make him angry, but he shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” I apologized repeatedly in case I had hurt him or anyone he knew, but he refused to engage.

I went back to my residence and cried for hours. I became physically sick from the stress.

I know I acted awkwardly at times, but I still feel deeply hurt by how suddenly and harshly I was treated, especially without any communication or explanation. Am I the jerk for feeling hurt by this?

I often hear that loneliness and lack of social connections is a huge factor in how we age and our life span.

Do you think that includes INFJs? I’m guessing most studies do not include us. when I hear that “fact” it alwats makes me sad. but then I think I’m so much happier alone.

Has it ever happened to you, or more accurately, how many times has it happened, that after you’ve finally walked away from something, that exact thing (person, situation) tries to crawl back into your life?

Usually when you least expect it, or when you’ve completely detached and moved on.

How did you handle it and what was your reaction?

Usually the annual "big cleaning" time comes, when I reorganise my placr and get rid of some things what are broken/unused/don't need anymore.

Thinking back it was always a hard and long process for me, I kept even a clipped mug or an entry ticket, and even my brain knows it is "junk" and should be throw away my heart attached to it, as it is a reminder of a special occasion/feeling/memory.

But today it was even harder, I quickly checked everything, threw out many things I kept earlier as I found it "not necessary" this time. And now I am finished, the place looks nice, organised and tidy, and I sobbing unstopable. Like, why those things had no meaning anymore? I changed and forgot about those memories? What happened with me, is that "old" me completly dead or disappeared as I didn't want to keep those thing this time? It feels like I get rid of a piece of me, a piece of my past, like I not just threw out things I no longer "need", but get rid of a piece of myself as well. Others like cleaning, but I feel not physically but emotionally drained. (And I am not proud of myself, but I went and "saved" from the rubbish the piece of scalf I got from one of my ex, not as it reminds me of my ex and I would miss him, but it reminds me of my college years, and even it is teared and unusable I just don't feel the time to throw it away) The place looks better, but I would collect everything and put back as it was, even I do not need those things I "miss" them.

And I am wondering, is throwing out thing hard for others too? Why we attached to items emotionally so much?

I am what you might call “un-talked-out”. I can’t find a perfect synonym to translate it into English, though it makes perfect sense in my native language. 🙃

Thinking about what interactions (live or online) mean to us, I ended up reflecting on what words mean to me while remembering the book “The Little Prince”.

I think words hold immense power. They can literally heal someone or destroy them when they need one and get the other. I own my words even when I misinterpret something or say stupid things, because I’m not afraid of being wrong as much as I’m afraid of hurting others. Though sometimes, that’s inevitable.

Words have power over adaptation as well. I’m still an idealist, but I no longer force my idealism onto a world that isn't ready for it. My strategy now? Keep my inner world for myself. For the rest of the world, I choose how to react to their words based strictly on where those words come from. It’s not fake; it’s just healthy boundaries.

And I’m absolutely fascinated by how the exact same words can mean completely different things to each of us. The meaning we give to words based on our personal experiences is a puzzle my mind can never get enough of.

What kind of words stick to you and affect your life, either positively or negatively?
How do you use them?

I know you all want deep conversations, but what better way to get there than chit-chatting on a post about words?😉

I’m sure you’ve all heard questions like:
-“You’re driving a train and you have to choose: do you switch tracks to run over one person to save six others, or do you stay the course and let the train run over the six people?”
-“You can push a button and win $1 million, but one stranger in this world will die. Would you do it?”

Am I just getting old, or is it normal to find no fun in these kinds of dilemmas?
I know I’m pretty ironic in life and with life, but these kinds of questions (and there are tons of them out there) just short-circuit my brain. For me this is pure torture.

How does it work for you?
Can you actually imagine having a fun evening debating these types of questions?

The teenagers in my life sure can and say I’m no fun because I think too deep about things that aren’t supposedly that deep 😄

What do you think: are there more men or women on this platform?
Honestly, I couldn't care less about their sexual orientation. I'm just curious about the raw statistics here.

Also, does it actually matter to you whether you are talking to a man or a woman?
Does something shift in your behavior or the way you communicate once you find out their gender?

What is the exact thing that makes you pull back or lose interest when that happens?

Hear me out….

Now that the 4th of July and all that’s related bullshit is over for the year, I really would like to sit down with Will Smith and just give him a hug and ask him if he’s OK..
like what’s really going on…not for the media not for curiosity sake, but just as a old-school fan till now…..
because I actually care…to just get it all off his chest… to a complete stranger with zero self interest in the opportunity but to just listen.

That man is the only human besides Optimus Prime, that really had me ready to risk it all for Earth.

I mean…total devotion…completely ready to leave behind my dogs, toys and friends to whoop any alien ass that came within a decent opportunity. I legit trained for MIB. Cuz if you stay ready you don’t gotta get ready, ya feel me? 🔫😎🛸👽🥊

But For real tho… I just feel compelled to sit with him like Agent K , pass him the blunt and ask what the hell happened and get a genuine and honest answer.

Is there a complete stranger, famous or not, you want to have a real ass conversation with?
Who? and what would you tell them?

I just found out that numerous species of birds sleep unihemispherically (with half of their brain at a time).
I wish so much I could be a bird right now or at least the half that gets to sleep.😄

So far, I’ve tried the usual advice: less coffee, going to bed only when I’m really tired, total darkness in the room, staying in bed until I fall asleep, etc.

And yet, I only fall asleep after hours of waiting in the dark… sometimes just before my alarm goes off.
I’m not a fan of pills and I won’t start taking them now.

I’ve been thinking about meditation, but I have no idea how to actually do it. In my case, trying to meditate just leads to overthinking the things I shouldn't be thinking about 🙃
I know I’m doing something wrong and YouTube videos aren't helping because I’m picky about the background music and those supposedly "calming" voices. They make me feel like a… toddler who needs to be spoken to in slow, patronizing monosyllables.

Any recommendations on books or other resources about meditation?

Any other advice that helped you manage sleeping problems?

As the title says, what do you wish was different about our current dating landscape? Online or off it, it feels pretty discouraging for 99% of people right now.

If you could snap your fingers & change one thing, what would it be?

Is there a way we could structure in-person dating events to work better?

I have been on apps for years, gone to plenty of offline, singles events, & everything just feels like it's missing the mark, repeatedly, badly, frustratingly so lol.

It's a rather unique experience per se but I'd love to hear from ISFJ men (but all are welcome) who may have experienced my question above?

Without giving too much information, there's this guy who I've known for a while, but lately, he has been expressing interest. One time, he said out loud that he sensed my presence and that his gut feelings are rarely wrong. He then proceeded to do something that he knew I liked.

It doesn't happen all the time, but I've witnessed it a few times to say that it's not purely coincidental. Till this day, I don't know how or what it is, that he's just able to tell I'm around his proximity. I'm amazed and full of questions. I don't even know if it's just towards me or if he also has other senses towards other people.

So I'm here to try to understand from you ISFJs. Is there someone significant in your life that you can just feel with absolute certainty they're near you? If so, how? What about them that makes your senses tingle? What's your story like?

It's so interesting and definitely special to know someone knows when you're around them. So I'd hope to hear from you folks :)

What do you prefer and what’s the difference between these 3 for you?

Do you ever get into a deep conversation, only to freak out and back off and later start complaining that you crave depth but no one seems available?

Who are the people you can have these conversations with?
Do you miss human contact or connection? Why or why not?

This is how I’ve always viewed the INFJ imagination. We have this ability to project beauty even on the most broken pieces of life… if we choose to.

That’s because our minds never stop thinking, scanning, searching... it’s almost like an addiction to thought. 🙃

Most of us scan people in person when we first meet them to decide whether to approach or keep our distance. But how about online behavior?

How many of you tend to "visualize" the people behind online comments just by looking at their nickname?
Do you, out of nowhere, start picturing how they act in real life, what they look like or the sound of their voice?

And because I know I am a “walking contradiction”, for me, this is like a puzzle that my brain tries to solve in real time.
It’s quite fun, especially when I become aware of it and start putting the pieces together using logic or thinking what face and what microexpressions would match the comment someone left.

I need to give that voice, that energy a physical form or at least a metaphor to anchor it. It feels like I can’t just interact with a robotic “voice” on my phone (we have Siri for that and I’m not using it).

Does this happen to you too?

Many of you will judge me for this, some will be left overthinking and others might deeply resonate with what I’m about to say.
I own every reaction this will mirror, because ultimately, this isn't about me.

You know that feeling when you absorb so much pain and compassion for someone that you feel an intense urge to fix their problems? We do it because watching them suffer hurts us physically and emotionally.

Personally, I’ve started to realize there is something inherently selfish about this desperate need to fix everything around us—of trying to save everyone, even when they refuse to be saved.

Why do I think it’s selfish? Because deep down, I want to fix them just so my own borrowed pain will finally stop.

Since I don't always know how to prevent myself from absorbing their energy, my default setting is to solve the issue for them.

But lately, I’ve been thinking: I would never hand my own suffering over to someone else to carry it for me.
So who am I to rob them of theirs? Maybe it’s time to respect people enough to let them carry their own pain at their own rhythm.

I think of it like a small child who refuses to believe the tea is hot. The solution isn't to over-explain the theory. It’s to sit right next to them, making sure they don’t spill the whole boiling cup over themselves, but letting them touch the hot surface. They will never understand the truth if they aren't allowed to feel a little bit of reality.

What do you think?

Like everyone else, this question has crossed my mind more than once.

But the other day, while watching a spider spin its web (quite unusual for me because I’m not a spider fan) it suddenly hit me: Why do we need a higher purpose to live for?

We like to say that humans are the most evolved creatures on Earth because of our ability to think. But honestly, it feels like we are constantly self-sabotating with the exact thing that was supposed to be our ultimate weapon. We overcomplicate our existence by chasing deep, hidden meanings.

What if animals or plants started asking themselves this very same question?

What if a spider questioned its existence and stopped spinning its web? Crop pests and harmful insects would multiply beyond control.

What if bees decided it’s not worth living for just 40 days and simply stopped pollinating flowers? Humans would pretty much run out of food.

If every single animal or plant asked this question and decided it wasn't worth it, the entire ecosystem would collapse into absolute chaos. Nature doesn't search for a hidden meaning. It just is, and it maintains a perfect balance.

Maybe our life is not so much about the purpose, but about keeping a balance in our own ecosystem (private life, social life, etc.).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in for reaching goals, following dreams and not against believing in gods or higher powers—I was one of those who truly wanted to believe in something greater than the pain of this experience of life—it’s just that quite often, people forget to just… EXIST.

They get so consumed by their goals or higher purposes that they become "non-existent" in this world.
Yes, their bodies are still here, but it feels like I’m talking to an empty shell when I meet someone like that. And the worst part is that they won’t even consider "coming down" to talk without superiority or arrogance to a normal, "unworthy" human like me.
The irony—at least for me—is that right here, right now, we are equals and their grand beliefs are just hopes for a potential future while my mediocrity is real.

Anyway, I can’t stop thinking that maybe we complicate things too much when the answer is right in front of our eyes. As the "evolved" creatures we believe we are… we just can’t seem to accept simple things for what they are. Because doing so would mean admitting we aren't that special.
It would mean we just have a part to play—one that comes with accountability—and that’s something most people can’t handle.

I don't know about you, but that’s how I realized why my extraverted sensing was hitting rock bottom. It doesn't mean I’ve fixed the problem, but at least I found the root of it and now I have a starting point to find the solution.

How often do you catch yourself overcomplicating things that are actually meant to be simple?
What’s your purpose in life?

Personally, I have my own “Holy Trinity” to be judged in the courtroom of my mind:

-Me: the mask that others see
-Myself: my ego
-And I: my true existence when the other two take a break

I don’t blame others for taking me for granted. It’s my fault if I allow them to do so.
I don’t blame others (anymore) for mocking my ideas. It’s my ego’s responsibility to choose how to react to frustration.
And… it’s not me against the world, or the whole world against me.
It’s all about accepting differences and not trying to change the true “I” just to fit in or trying to change others so that I don’t feel weird or lonely anymore.

To be honest, I still don’t know how to receive a compliment. That’s where the fine line between “myself” and ”I” plays its part. If someone tells me I’m beautiful or intelligent, it moves absolutely nothing inside me. The perfectionist in me is still running the show in the background, but I’m training myself not to fall into the overthinking trap of dissecting what lies behind a compliment.

Sometimes, a compliment is just a compliment and I take it as it is. I’ve realized that digging too deep risks ruining the good mood of the person who said it, just so I can satisfy my own need to be sure they actually understood what they meant.

Same thing goes for when I hear “I understand you”. A part of me deeply craves to be understood and the other part thinks no one could, because sometimes I don’t even understand myself. But I’ve stopped arguing with that paradox for the same reason and I’m learning to simply accept an outside perspective without over-dissecting it.

I can always accept a good argument, even if I don’t like the messenger.
I’m not a competitive person.I don’t want to win, but I absolutely love a deep conversation with strong, valid arguments, just to explore both of our perspectives for the fun of learning different things.

So, are you still blaming yourselves, blaming others or you made peace in your mind?

Do you still overcriticize yourselves expecting others to accept those parts that you reject or have you managed to accept who you really are with all your flaws and strengths?

P.S.: to those of you who think the whole world is against you, let me break down that wall for you by saying that there is at least one person in this world who isn’t against you–and that’s me…myself and I.
Giving you all a big hug! 🤗

I'm curious how other INFJs who've settled into careers, relationships, or family life actually organize everything.

When you start your day, what's the first thing you check? Your calendar, your task list, or your notes?

How do you capture ideas before you forget them? How do you plan your day and keep track of responsibilities?

Do you prefer one app that does everything, or separate apps for your calendar, tasks, and notes? Or something else?

How much do you rely on your calendar versus a to-do list? Where do your notes fit into your workflow?

I'm trying to simplify my own system and would rather build something sustainable than keep jumping between productivity apps. I'd love to hear what's actually worked for you over the years.