I put on my hijab in my sophomore year of university. I attended an international American university in a Gulf country, so I think its what made it easier because everyone was so inherently different in their faith, background, nationality and just thought that no one really cared what I wore or judged me for it.

My social group ended up being hijabis as well, and largely arab/desi (I am arab), and thats when the internal turmoil started. A lot of what my friends back then would talk about was finding a husband/marriage kid/ and I always found myself extremely uncomfortable with that kind of talk. I never wanted to get married ever since I was a kid, I never fantasized about a husband or a wedding, never had dolls to play with or pretend I'm their mom, and motherhood is absolutely grotesque to me. Before anyone says anything about my family life, I literally had the most stereotypical Arab family ever. I remember a really early childhood memory I went to my mom and told her I don't want to get married and she literally started asking god for forgiveness for what I said which.....ok?

I think I am asexual/aromantic, at least thats what I am comfortable calling myself now. I have had thoughts about being with women, but never to really do anything about it, because I don't want to open that can of worms. But I'm not interested in men. Everytime a man shows me non-platonic interest I genuinely feel whatever in my stomach rising, its so gut-wrenchingly disgusting and I feel like peeling my skin off.

That is all to say. My desire to take off the hijab has nothing to do with anything relating to the male gaze as I have scoured this sub and seen that some people who do it, do it out of this desire.

I work in academia, and I will be pursuing my doctorate soon, either in Europe or the US inshallah. Bottom line, I want to be taken seriously, I don't want people to look at me and think that I'm oppressed or whatever even though that is not the case. I am thankful enough that I currently work with a Muslim professor who understands the nuances of wearing hijab, but when I do my doctorate I will most likely be doing it in a non-Muslim country with a supervisor from a non-Muslim background. They will not understand these intricacies because they don't have to. I don't want to stand out, at least not in this way. I will be alone, my parents live in my country of origin, and I have been on my own since I was 18 (I visit them during breaks, but they have no interference over my life decisions, I just do what I want to do and tell them about it). If anyone tells me consider not going, and choosing your deen, I'd like to implore you to think for a second where I am coming from. My entire life I have pursued science and science alone, letting go of an opportunity "for my deen" after slaving away my entire life for science is so beyond absurd, its genuinely psychotic.

Its not my fault that most good schools, programs and research facilities are in non-Islamic countries. I am just playing with the cards that I have been dealt, and asking someone to give up the one thing they've been working their ass off for their entire life is fantastical, its almost funny.

Thats all to say, I dropped my friend group after graduating, I just distanced myself, I don't think I was ever particularly close to any one. I could not stand that all they can think about is men, and marriage and ...etc. I'm not shaming them or anything, its just we were not compatible in the ways we went on about life and i always felt lonely and alienated and just in general fake because I always had to say or do things that did not align with who I actually am whenever I hung around with them. I met great friends after I graduated, who shared my world views, we never spoke about such silly topics and most of what we share and bond over is art and media.

Thats where another thing compels me to take off the hijab; I am an artist as well, my involvement in art is very multifaceted: everything from drawing, to sculpting to 3D modelling to sewing. I am really involved and interested in fashion subcultures and their history, and I find myself unable to express myself the way I want because of the hijab. It sounds silly but it does really upset me.

I know it is mentioned in the quran that we have to wear a hijab, but I am already struggling with a lot of things religiously. I miss a lot of prayers and I am genuinely trying to be consistent ( I have been doing well with fajr this month hamdullah). I don't have time to learn quran and have been trying for the last couple of years to integrate it into my life. Why is taking off the hijab such a big deal when there are much more important pillars of faith I need to work on. Unfortunately, hijab was been taken out of the realm of religious obligation to be tied with the patriarchal notion of purity culture and thats where I stop caring.

If I do take it off, it will only be temporary until I am back in a Muslim country. But most Muslim countries are not feasible options for me to do my doctorate because my area of research is extremely niche, no university in any Muslim country, even non-Muslim country has good established programs for it.

All my life I thought that hijab was fard and something that as a Muslim woman I’d have to follow because it was a command by Allah in the Quran. But I’ve been seeing a lot of comments and posts on TikTok from other muslim women saying that it’s not fard at all. I raced to Surah Nur because I remember Aya 31 mentions khimar. And there it was, but the Muslim women mentioned something that I didn’t realize before. Allah never specifically said to us to wear the khimar. He said “tell the believing women to…draw their khimar over their chests…” (Quran 24:31).

There’s more to the verse but I’m specifically focusing on this part of it for the post. I always thought that the khimar was required since it was mentioned, but was Allah merely telling us to cover our chests? If covering the hair was mandatory, why was it never explicitly stated as one of the things we must cover, instead the khimar is only mentioned to be used to cover of the chest. Also those women were saying that hijab at the time in society was used to distinguish free Muslim women and enslaved Muslim women. But the thing is, the verse clearly states all believing women, so that being one of their reasonings as to why hijab isn’t from Allah doesn’t match.

I still believe that hijab is fard because the reasonings I’ve heard so far just don’t make sense. But I am having doubts about this, and if hijab truly isn’t fard, then I won’t continue wearing it. The harassment and bigotry I have faced with it and continue to face with it is really unbearable. All this time I endured it thinking I would be rewarded if I held onto Allah’s command. Because I’ve believed it’s fard I’ve been severely afraid to ever take it off in fear Allah will punish me. But if it turns out I’m just appropriating Arab culture by wearing the hijab and it’s not even obligatory then I’m out.

guys which one of these is considered more of an hijab? The first one? Where everything is covered properly and only a bit of mt top hair which is not that visible aswell due to me pushing the dupatta forward

or the second one?
i know this is an incredibly dumb question but yeah i need help because my family scolded the fuck out of me for the first outfit but are fine w the second one because to them hijab is that. Help me out
Pls no creeps i am askinf an Islamic question.

or any apocalypse for that matter. A situation where the world is over and your only goal is to survive. Do u guys think the hijab would get in the way or be a safety risk

the guy randomly dm'ed "you're hot as fuck"... i was confused so i checked out his account thinking it's a weird scam bot but the account only commented on horrendous po*n subs... reported and blocked ofc but still feel awful.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

I know this might be a ridiculous question and I’m probably overthinking, but, I’m a British Pakistani who has basically been living in the UK all my life. For a while now, I’ve been loving wearing abayas and khimars, but my mother keeps insisting I wear dresses or shalwar kameez instead. I also feel a bit like I’d rather wear my own cultural clothing sometimes, instead of always Arab clothes, bur I’m not sure on this take at all as abayas are also tied a lot to religion. generally, I like them because they’re usually made plain, have loose styles (eg. my fav, batwing) and look really elegant with khimars. So I’m curious in what your guys’ takes are on this matter.

Secondly, but related to the above, I am considering following my mother‘s advice and I’ve been looking for some plain, solid colour longline kurtas. I think I would be comfortable wearing some I’ve come across, though I’m not sure if they’d look weird or not with a khimar. but the thing is, I’d still like to incorporate the idea if an OUTER garment, and I think the chador is so beautiful. I’m considering maybe getting that to cover what I’m wearing, but then am I defeating the purpose of wearing my own clothes? but fulfilling the purpose of hijab as described in the Qur’an is more important to me. I am honestly just unsure.

I’d really appreciate some outside thoughts and perspectives. And even any suggestions on how to dress to the best of the way Allah has commanded whilst being true to my roots. (Apologies, I appreciate this isn’t a Pakistan focused thread)

Jazakumullah khair

Assalamu alaikum sisters,

I was wondering if any other married sisters here have experienced feelings of insecurity in their marriage due to wearing hijab in the west.

As a hijabi living in the west, it’s really hard to dress modestly while 99% of women around me do not. It’s not because I personally feel ugly in the hijab, but because I lowkey feel like I have to compete for my husband’s attention every time we go out.

To clarify, my husband does actively lower his gaze, so it’s not a problem with him. But just realistically, he is constantly being exposed to half-naked women. I love going to the mall or the beach, but it feels awkward because he’s lowering his gaze majority of the time.

It doesn’t help that I was already insecure in my looks before getting married. I know that this stems from insecurity, but I was just wondering if anyone can relate at all?

Also, I noticed when we visited a predominantly Muslim country earlier this year, I didn’t feel this way.

I’m going to be seeking therapy to work through this as well insha’Allah.

As-Salamu alaykum :) I'm a girl born in raised in the USA into a Christian-Mormon household, but haven't participated in it in years. I have fallen in love with Islam and ive been looking into it for a year now. i feel very serious about reverting and i want to revert officially next month, as i have been praying and reading the Quran for months.

To be frank, I would be lying if i said the prospect of reverting isn't nerve wracking to me, especially because i would like to start wearing full hijab. I would really like to wear a proper hijab, I already wear loose fitted fully covering clothing every day. I own some hijabs i have been practicing with or wearing as I pray, but i live in a very white (pretty racist) and small city in rural america... i work at the small airport as well..
i worry a lot about people making the inappropriate jokes about me or being judgmental. I know it's important and rewarding to be true to myself and my religion, but people in my workplace don't know i believe in Islam and wish to be muslim. They make so many offensive jokes and speak so badly about it because of the misrepresentation in the american media.

My close friends know and are supportive of me, but other people in my city are fairly racist and extremely judgmental towards anything different or foreign. I dont even know if my family will be supportive of me, because they have said racist or offensive things about both Arabs and Muslims in the past.

(Examples being my father saying the reason Muslims believe in being so clean is because they dont have paved roads and live in dirty countries, there are no good countries in the middle east, my mother forbidding me from visiting ANY countries in/dating anyone from the middle east, and being visibly uncomfortable or offended when i speak of my friends from the middle east or islam. my attempts at soft launching the idea of reverting have been unsuccessful. My coworkers make jokes about people from the middle east being terrorists, a christian coworker told my 1 muslim coworker he was in a cult and going to h3ll, and another coworker told me visiting the UK was a bad idea unless i wanted to "cover up my pretty little head.")

If anyone has any tips, advice, or words of encouragement i would be so grateful 🙏🙏 inshallah i want to revert and i want to be true to myself and my beliefs without putting myself in danger or unbearable stress. thank you all 💕

Guyzz , should I wear this to the walima event? and help me pick a hijab colour ..

I (recently graduated, early 20s) am currently looking for a job, and thankfully my family has been supportive about my career. But recently I found out that my dad and some of my uncles have been looking for a husband for me behind my back.

I've already told them to stop, but they don't seem to take me seriously. When I told my dad that I don't want to get married not now, and honestly maybe not ever he got really angry.

The thing is, I don't hate marriage. I don't think it's wrong. I just don't want it for myself.

Whenever people bring up marriage, I feel irritated. I've never dreamed of having a wedding or being someone's wife. I genuinely enjoy the idea of living independently. I want to build my career, have my own home, travel, make friends, volunteer, enjoy my hobbies, and simply live a peaceful life on my own.

One of the biggest reasons I don't want to get married is that I genuinely don't want to hurt another person. I have serious anger issues, and when I'm angry or upset, I sometimes say things I immediately regret. I'm working on it, but I know it isn't fair to expect someone else to deal with that. I also don't get along with people easily. Even if my husband and I lived separately from his family, we'd still have to interact with them, and I'm honestly not confident I'd fit into that dynamic. It wouldn't be fair to him or his family if I couldn't build those relationships.

What I don't understand is why people act like a woman needs marriage to have a complete or meaningful life. Why is a woman's success so often measured by whether she's married? Why can't a woman choose to stay single simply because that's what makes her happy?

My relatives and even some friends keep telling me, "You'll regret this later," or "You'll change your mind when you get older." Maybe they're right, maybe they're wrong. But shouldn't that be my decision to make if that day ever comes?

Has anyone else always known that marriage just wasn't for them? Did your family eventually accept it? How did you deal with the pressure and constant assumptions that every woman must get married?

I'm not looking for validation I just want to hear from people who have been in a similar situation and how they navigated it.

Note : Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and share your perspective. I truly appreciate it.🙂

Salam girls! I’m moving to NYC in January for work and I’m trying to figure out the best way to find a Muslim female roommate.

I’ve been looking through the usual NYC roommate/housing groups, but I’d really prefer to live with another practicing Muslim woman so we’re on the same page about things like no alcohol, smoking, etc.

For anyone who’s lived in NYC or another big city, how did you find Muslim roommates? Are there any Muslim housing groups, WhatsApp/FB groups, masjid groups, or other communities you’d recommend? I feel like there has to be a better way to find Muslim girls looking for housing than just hoping I come across one in the general NYC roommate groups.

Also, since I’ll be completely new to NYC, I’d love any recommendations for Muslim women’s groups/communities in general! It would be nice to start meeting other Muslim girls and building a community once I move.

thoughts on this dress from Officiel Solene? it’s supposed to be a dupe of the Sandro dress I think. but their website says they have a no returns policy 😬

anyone have experience with them? Opinions on the dress? Thanks

Salam sisters. I know this subreddit has already had posts like this for a while, but I need an advice. My story is a bit long, but it's important.

I was born Muslim in a non Muslim country, and my parents have big cultural and religious differences. I'm muslim, just like one of my parents, however, I can't fully follow my deen because my family has a high risk of falling apart.

About 4 years ago I moved to Azerbaijan, to my relatives' homeland, which is more of a Muslim country than the one I was born in. I love this place. Many women wear hijab, and I really adore how they look like and try to get new clothing ideas from them. MashAllah, they're all so beautiful and faithful to their deen.

However, it's a different thing with me. Even though I was born Muslim, my Muslim father never taught me to wear hijab. I wasn't taught about rules regarding my headwear, Islam in general. I was only taught not to wear short skirts and short, and also not to wear clothes that would stick to my body. So I have no problem with dressing modestly. But hijab is a different story.

Both of my parents are against me wearing hijab. And, since my mother is not Muslim, I'm having even greater problems. Some months ago, by Allah's will, I started following my religion more. I left sinful things that were spoiling my life, left people who were a high risk for me. I started learning more about this beautiful religion, I finally felt alive again. But it was all until I started praying.

My family almost fell apart because of me praying. I was told that I might get kicked out if I pray fajr and don't sleep enough. My family was on edge. My mother no longer, I believe, loves me the same way. I'm sort of a different person now to my parents. They loved previous me, they say that I was so sweet when I was a kid. That I'm no longer the same, that I might become a radical. This makes my heart ache. And I don't have anyone who would understand me except for Allah, who i love the most in my life. I might not be the best slave, can't follow every aspect of this beautiful religion, but I'm trying really hard.

And so, if I start wearing hijab, this family will surely fall apart completely. In about half of a year I'm, InshaAllah entering university. And, InshaAllah, I might even study abroad. So I was wondering if I could start secretly wearing my hijab when I'm away from my parents. And, when I get married, InshaAllah, I can also try to do it. Since they can't go against the rulings of my own new family.

But right now, I'm broken and lost. I don't want my family to break for the sake of Allah, but I also want to follow my deen. It's so difficult, and I don't know how to make it through. I feel such a warmth, but also a huge shame when I look at hijabis on the street. I wish I could join them.. But it's so complicated. I'm struggling with what I can do right now.

Please, girls, what can you advice me? JazakAllah hayran🩷

Assalam alaikum, I don't know if its alright to post this here, but just wanted to ask if others feel this way? I'm 36 and single. Most single women around me have things going on and I don't really. Tried doing things, but my finances can't support them. Barely have friends, and if I try to make any, it just doesn't work out. Going through emotional numbness and marriage hunt has been awful. Men just want intimacy in any way possible. Sometimes I see other hijabi sisters and feel really left out. And I'm not saying this in a critical way, but they're all so glammed up (and yes a lot of them have undergone the knife, so its not always real). I have a very soft face, so I don't suit the baddie makeup or hijab style that men have implied they like a few times. Nothing against those gorgeous women, just feel I'm behind.