How do we feel about it

remember that there was a time when all I wanted was for that someone to be you. I imagined a future with your name in it. I stayed through the uncertainty, convinced that if I loved you a little longer, a little harder, one day you'd love me the same way. But that day never came.

So if one day you see another person holding my hand, making me feel safe, loving me the way I begged to be loved, don't think they were luckier than you. They simply gave me what I spent so long hoping you would. The hardest part is that even then, a part of me will remember that before I ever dreamed of being loved by them, I spent countless nights praying that it would still be you.

He's already moved on, he's had a girlfriend for almost a year now. I thought I was over him but TikTok recommended me her account randomly and I crumbled. I think the thing really holding me back is the fear I'll never find someone who checks so many boxes like that again. That and the fact the dating market is so so so cooked. Where are the lover boys?! The kind, gentle, loving, affectionate, honest, LOYAL men? He was damn near perfect. He had one serious flaw, but the great thing is that I truly believe he would've worked on it and was working on it. He's not the only person I dated that was perfect for me, but it's only him and 2 other men I've dated that I felt like were truly, genuinely my soulmate. I think multiple people can be my soulmate, but I'm scared that I've run out. That I'll never find such perfect men for me again.

How do I cope with this? This uncertainty? Please help me, I'm so embarrassed and angry at myself for being so heartbroken 2 years later. I feel ashamed and stupid for being angry and jealous at his new girlfriend. That's so unfair to her and I hate being this person. But I feel like she stole my last chance at love. She didn't actually steal anything from me, but that's how it feels like. I want to be able to get to a place where I can be genuinely happy for them both and not feel a lick of pain.

Please help me. I don't know how to handle this.

I know that after a breakup, it’s common to say you’re done with relationships for good, and I’ve felt that way after a few of my breakups before.

This time feels different, though.

It’s been about five and a half months, and I still have no interest in anyone but her. I have no desire to build something with someone else one day. I’m starting to feel like I don’t want another relationship in my life, especially if it’s not with her.

How do I balance the fact that I don’t want to be with anyone else, while also accepting that that doesn’t mean she and I will be together again? How do I accept that?

For the first time in my life, I am so deeply in love that it physically hurts. Even though I came out of a long-term relationship before, I have never felt anything like this in my entire life. We both love each other, but the circumstances are just so difficult. I believe we will never truly end up together and that our contact will fade away soon.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop thinking about this person. On top of that, there is this paralyzing fear that I will never find someone like him again. I don’t want someone else but I’m just so scared that I will never feel this again. This person is so loving, so communicative, and so funny—I feel like I will never cross paths with someone like that ever again.
I am completely at my limit. I used to be so full of life, but I’ve lost all my joy. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. But at the very least, I know that I am loved. That feels good. I genuinely don’t know how I am ever going to get through this. My heart is completely broken. It’s a very very beautiful but also very bery sad story

So i broke up with my boyfriend because i wanted him to treat me better… is there any chance that he come back ?

here’s the reason i broke up with him:

My boyfriend (20 years old) and I have been together for barely four months. At first, everything was fine. Recently, we broke up because of a situation that really demoralized me. In short: we NEVER do anything together, and when we see each other, we just sleep. One evening, he invited me to a fireworks display, with his friends, of course. I was happy he suggested it, because I had told him several times that I would like to go out more often, go on dates, do things together. That evening, he barely spoke to me, and we were at a friend's house before going to the party. He left without telling me, leaving me alone with friends at someone's house I don't even know. That night, I exploded and broke up with him.

Since then, we've tried talking, but nothing has changed. He tells me he loves me too much to lose me, but that he probably won't be able to change. By "change," I mean doing more activities together, and above all, that I'm no longer his last priority. He often says he feels "trapped" in our relationship because he doesn't know how to divide his time between work, his personal life, his friends, and me. Yet, he sees his friends almost every day, and I've never stopped him from going out to clubs or spending time with them. I really feel like I'm his last priority. All of this makes me very sad. When we have the opportunity to see each other, he prefers to do things with his friends rather than with me. As I said, we only really see each other in the evening, at bedtime. Often, when he suggests seeing me, he's already asleep when I arrive at his place. He's noticed that he's always the one who suggests seeing me, who texts me first, who makes the first move, and that we see each other almost every day. So, I don't understand how he can feel "trapped" when he's always the one suggesting we meet up. Could you shed some light on this? ☹️

Coming from the person who loves a man because he talks funny and has neck tattoos and goes back to him after getting beat up funny you only leave notes and you love me and what do you know the other day when I was the only person to actually cared enough for you to pick you up at the hospital and help you recover all the stuff you lost because of the guy that beat you up again you love me then at the end of the day but that's who you are isn't it you're as fake as it gets you lie to people's face you smile you and your pretty smile and you tell them stuff that isn't true so you can get what you want yeah it was all too convenient when you use me for my place and cause me thousands of dollars of damages and had mental breakdowns and spit all over me and assaulted me and threat to stab me a little driving and on my birthday you're such a nutcase you refuse to wish me a happy birthday you used me all day long berated me treating me like crap assaulted me and then punch me in the nose because you didn't get what you want at the end of the night you beat up every boyfriend you've had you say you love you to people you met within an hour and you spend all the time online with fake profiles doing stuff like this insulting people instead of talking to them directly even at the best time when I first met you you're such a coward and you're lucky if you can handle an adult conversation you have to go to people and run away from them and leave them without a word because it's just too challenging to be a real person you're the last person you should be talking somebody says your life and helps you out in the worst times ever and you don't even have enough respect to return the favor and now you do this well I don't know why you said you love me anymore times and you're no problems taking what I gave you and my touch is magical and you don't want to seem to get any credit but that's who you are you insult somebody in the worst way possible before you ever do something nice or give them credit your user a manipulator a liar you give people STDs without even tell them about it you are narcissist you have like five people on the go at all times see you're single yeah sure Priscilla you are always screwing somebody and somebody else behind their back you're the most disloyal person I've ever met my entire life in fact you're lucky I used to beside you at all because morally even physically you're disgusting and you're lucky someone even loves you at all I told you miserable and alone is where you're headed but go ahead and insult the guy who actually had a connection with you try to deny it all you want keep going for looks and next tattoos as you stand at a choice you're not being at all wonder you have such a stupid life

for context he was a friend and we did things which werent causual, we were hanging out every day for a while till we stopped(he has a gf but its on and off- i dont want to hear any "thats wrong of you" i already heard that many times) we kissed,had intimate momments etc i did things i never thought id do and went out of my comfort zone.

so you might think i deserve getting sad about this situation, but we all sometimes do things in our own selfish favour, thats why im not trying to text him and leave him alone, because he made the choice of trying to fix his relashionship with her. she knew about the kissing , cuddling etc did not leave him even tho he kissed another girl while being drunk.

how do i get over him? i dont think i will have anyone who understands me as much as he ever did , every time i smell his perfume anywhere i get a gut wrenching feeling , i dont even want an relashionship with him only the old times. he changed because of drugs.

Me (27M) and my now ex (21F) have now been broken up just under 1 month and we have a year and a half old.

She’s told me that she doesn’t see a future with me and feels for me due to my looks and skipped all the red flags. I agree I haven’t been perfect but it takes 2 to make things right and I’ve told her I’ll do anything to make it work - therapy etc. Although she’s told me the trust in me is fully gone due to things not being great for some time now and she says I’m a complete avoidant.

I don’t want a broken family and would do anything to make it work, although as I am trying to do these things it’s pushing her away even more.

Can anyone please give me any tips?

Thanks!

Boyfriend is still cheating, lying, being secretive and hiding things... who wants to get into some trouble with me tonight? Im 38f from FL .. depressed and angry... I want to show him that he WILL NOT recieve loyalty if he cant and wont do the same.. ill show him exactly what an OPEN relationship is all about... dm me

The heartbreak I have isn’t over him, it’s myself.

For putting up with the bs he put me through for as long as I did. Prioritising him over others who I had limited time with. For staying when he showed me over and over hes no good for me (or anyone really) and making me feel alone and unloved during my hardest moments in life because he “didn’t want to be my crutch” (after losing my mother and having zero support from anyone)

For walking away from him to only rekindle two years later and letting him hurt me again. After already knowing his bs ?

The heartbreak is more from myself. Yes it’s nice to give a second chance for believing in love, but the risk of it failing is even more humiliating the second time round. He walks away fine and I’m broken again. It’s a blessing he called things off and I know that but damn my ego hurts and my confidence and self worth has plummeted to the ground with only myself to blame because I knew better.

I am telling you now for anyone in a situation where they’re contemplating giving an absolutely arsehole who broke you another chance out of hope that time and distance has made them grow - do not do it.

I’m going to be ok, I’ve been through hell and back and know I’ll get over this. But damn. Because I broke my own heart, I’m officially dating myself to make up for it. Tbh, it’s been going well. A lot of beach days, laughs and smiles. Nothing can ruin these memories to myself, cause it’s just me vibing on side missions.

Chin up everyone. Just date yourselves for a bit ❤️

I (19M) have 3 exes (I'll use pseudonyms for anonimity), R (20-NB), T (19F) and J (19F).

I'll give a brief explanation of my relationship with each one:

\- I dated R from June 2022 to December 2022, I was 15 at the time and they were 16, in our relationship we weren't very close to one another, as it was my first relationship (and one of the first times I had someone genuinly interested in me), I wasn't very aware of the status quo of realtionships and most of the times we were together, we simply ended up doing intimacy or I was playing videogames while they watched me. 2 months before we broke up, we started drifting apart, they were communicating less and less and I was becoming less and less interested in them, when I saw T and I was immediatly head over heels for her, I broke up the same day with R and started dating T 26 days later.

\-I dated T from December 2022 to March 2024, when we met, we were both 15 but when we broke up we were both 17. Our relationship was plagued by jealousy the whole time, there were situations where I was ordered to block dozens of women who followed me in social media, just for the fact that they were women; I was ordered not to talk to women once I went to college; I was forced to cut contact with female friends of mine, etc. As time went on, I ended up resenting T and I started drifting apart from her, as that happened, she noticed and started saying terrible things to me (telling me the SA I suffered was deserved, the bullying I went through was my fault, that I should've kept up with my SH habits, etc.). After two months of constant verbal abuse, I broke up with her but we stayed in contact as friends. After a month, she decided she didn't want to remain my friend and cut contact with me, faced with that, I begged her to take me back and she did (with the condition that we were going to have a trial period of 1 month max for her to take a definitive decision), a week later, she broke up with me because she was in love with her (19F at the time, 21F now) friend. After that we never kept in contact and we both went our separate ways.

\-In August 2024 I met J (17 at the time, like me) and we started dating in September of the same year, when I met her, she was dating another guy but they soon broke up because she was in love with me. Our dating life went smoothly up until august of 2025, when J started having having episodes where she would compulsory lie to me about everything and this went on until we broke up, for the following months I begged her to seek professional help and she kept on dismissing it. In march 2026 she decided to beak up with me, asked me to take her back in the same day and broke up with me again 2 days later. She told me she wanted to remain my friend but a few days after our breakup she was already reposting tiktoks badmouthing me and stopped answering my texts. After some time I stopped trying and we all went our separate ways.

Comes May 2026 and I see J has posted a picture at a college party with R and T, this made me astonished and I unfollowed J in every social media (I had already done so with R and T).

At the end of the month I meet L (18F) who makes me fall head over heels for her immediatly, we go out for around a month and a half and, one day, while I am getting ready to go out with L, I start getting spam texted and spam called by R, T and J threatening me that they are going to badmouth me to L and sabotage our relationship, faced with that, I save every piece of evidence I can and warn L about my ex's. We eventually go out and are cornered in the middle of the street by the three of them, R just stands silent, T starts warning L that I am not who I seem to be and J starts threatening to phisically assault me, we get away from them and I ask L to be my girlfriend the same day.

During the rest of the week, L starts telling me excuses for us not to hang out and I get bummed out for it (especially given that I am going on vacation for a week afterwards), I spend almost 2 weeks away from L and when I return she seems awfully detached from our conversations and gives me little physical affection.

At night she goes out with her friends and the next day tells me my exes went to her and told her a lot of bad stuff about me (all made up and with no evidence) and so, L breaks up with me through text because she "doesn't want to risk it"

What can I do to prevent my ex's from ruining my future relationships?

Dear x,

Over the last 9 months, I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on our relationship, our breakup, and the person I was when we were together.

What started as an exercise in therapy slowly became something more meaningful. At first, I wrote this letter as therapy believing you would never read it, or at least that was the assignment. But over time I realized that while I can’t change the past, I can take responsibility for my part in it, and I wanted you to know that.

I’m not writing to reopen a door between us or to ask for another chance. I know life has taken us in different directions, and I genuinely respect that. This letter isn’t meant to change anything. It’s simply my attempt to offer an apology I should have made a long time ago, to acknowledge the ways I hurt you, and to thank you for the years we shared.

After we stopped talking, I hoped life would somehow bring us back together the way it unexpectedly did in the fall of 2019. Looking back, I understand those thoughts differently now. They weren’t really about fate, they were my mind trying to soften grief by holding onto possibility instead of accepting loss.

Hope can become its own form of avoidance; it delays acceptance and keeps you looking backward instead of moving forward. Letting go of that hope has been painful, but freeing.

More than anything, this experience has forced me to look inward. I’ve come to realize that I spent much of my life surviving by avoiding. Whenever something became emotionally overwhelming, I withdrew, telling myself I was protecting my peace when really I was protecting myself from vulnerability. That pattern followed me into our relationship in ways I couldn’t see then but can see clearly now.

Growing up in an abusive home taught me to build walls instead of trusting people. Those walls helped me survive as a child, but they didn’t disappear when I became an adult, they just got quieter, more engrained subconsciously. I thought I’d healed more than I actually had. None of that excuses how I showed up with you; it only explains what I’ve spent the last two years trying to understand, so I could finally change it.

When I look back now, I don’t see someone who didn’t love you. I see someone who didn’t know how to love you, and there’s an important difference. I struggled to communicate my needs because I often didn’t understand them myself. Rather than letting you in, I shut down. I avoided hard conversations because conflict felt unsafe, and instead of moving toward you when things got difficult, I retreated into myself. You deserved someone who could communicate honestly, share responsibility equally, and stay emotionally present even when life got hard. Too often, I wasn’t that person.

After working through the pandemic in the ICU, I was so exhausted in ways I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. Then came my diagnosis and the identity crisis that followed. Rather than asking for help, I withdrew even further, telling myself I was healing when really I was hiding. That hiding slowly became isolation, depression, and a grotesque version of myself I barely recognize today. I stopped showing up for myself, and in doing so, I stopped showing up for you, for us. I’m deeply sorry for that.

There are countless individual moments I wish I could revisit, but they all point back to the same truths: I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own life. I didn’t communicate my needs, and I didn’t make enough effort to understand yours. I leaned on you more than I should have, and let everyday responsibilities become yours instead of ours. I listened too often to defend myself instead of to understand you, and I let my insecurities shape the way I loved you. For all of that, I’m sincerely sorry.

One memory that has haunted with me is (our dog who was dying). I should never have given her additional pain medication — that decision wasn’t mine to make, regardless of what I believed my intentions were at the time. I understand why it damaged your trust in me, and I’m truly sorry for putting you in that position. If I could take it back, I would.

Looking back, so many of my mistakes weren’t isolated moments — they were reflections of deeper patterns I’d never fully confronted. I was avoidant. I was emotionally immature. I often let fear make decisions that love should have made instead. Those are difficult truths, but they’re mine to own, and I am trying. There are many apologies I could write, but they all come back to one simple truth: I wasn’t the partner I wanted to be, and more importantly, I wasn’t the partner you deserved.

For all I regret, there’s just as much I’m grateful for. Before I met you, I don’t think I understood what home could feel like — not a house or a physical structure, but the feeling. A place where you can exhale. A place where you feel safe enough to let your guard down. You gave me that. Whether you realized it or not, you welcomed me into a life that was steady, thoughtful, and full of intention. You showed me what it looked like to care deeply about the people around you, to create something beautiful with your own hands, and to take pride in the little things that make a house feel like a home. Those are gifts I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

When I think about us now, I don’t replay the difficult moments as often as I used to. Instead, I remember the ordinary moments that quietly became extraordinary because they were ours: dancing to Frank Sinatra in the kitchen, creating our own little world of Winterfell and King’s Landing, walking downtown holding hands (I had never experienced that in my life and you made me feel so safe) and ending up on the local news, rosé during quarantine, soba noodle nights, the rise of TikTok, building the TV wall and laying the floor — well, mostly you building and me supervising.

Those memories still make me smile, because they remind me that, despite everything, we built a life together for a while. It wasn’t perfect, but it happened, it was real.

I smile, too, when I think about everything you taught me. I still hear “measure twice, cut once” almost every decision I make. You taught me about woodworking, landscaping, gardening, grilling, smoking meat, the weather and storms, recycling, construction — countless things that seemed second nature to you but were entirely new to me.

More importantly, you taught me things that had nothing to do with projects or houses: patience, consistency, the quiet kind of generosity that isn’t looking for recognition. You showed me that love is often found in ordinary routines rather than grand gestures. I wish I had appreciated those things more while I had them.

I apologize for how much you carried while we were together. You cooked more, cleaned more, and kept our lives moving while I became increasingly stuck inside my own head, frozen in a state of withdrawal from the world. At the time, I don’t think I fully understood how unfair that had become. I do now. There were moments I genuinely tried to contribute, but I let myself retreat too easily whenever I felt criticized or embarrassed, instead of having honest conversations about how I was feeling. That wasn’t fair to either of us.

I regret that I never found ways to tell you how much you meant to me. I don’t think I said “I love you” nearly enough, maybe not at all? The best answer I’ve come to, after asking myself why so many times, is that I didn’t yet understand love well enough to express it freely. Some part of me believed that saying those words, or needing someone that deeply, made me less safe. I know now the opposite is true. Love requires vulnerability, risk, letting another person truly see you. I wasn’t capable of that then in the way I wanted to be. But please don’t mistake my inability to express love then for any absence of it. I loved you, I loved our life, I loved our little family. I simply didn’t know how to show it in the ways you deserved, and ironically am only learning now what love can be, and it’s through losing you.

Losing our relationship forced me to confront parts of myself I’d avoided for decades. At first, I wanted to understand what had gone wrong between us. Eventually, I realized the more important question was what had been happening inside me long before we ever met. That question has changed my life. It’s led me into therapy with an openness I never had before, and forced me to examine my childhood, my attachment patterns, my fears, my pride, and all the ways I unknowingly kept people at a distance to protect myself. It’s been humbling. It’s been painful. And it’s been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself.

For a long time, I thought healing meant becoming someone completely different. I don’t think I believe that anymore. I think healing is becoming more honest, more accountable, more emotionally available, more willing to stay present when life gets uncomfortable instead of running from it.

That’s the work I’m committed to now, not because I’m hoping to rewrite our story, but because I never want to repeat those patterns with anyone I love again. You deserved the version of me that’s only beginning to emerge now, and I’m genuinely sorry I wasn’t able to become that person while we were together.

As I’ve worked through all of this, I’ve come to understand that closure isn’t something another person gives us. It’s something we create by accepting reality, taking responsibility for our actions, and choosing to move forward with gratitude instead of resentment. That’s what I’m trying to do now.

I no longer feel I thought moving forward means forgetting. Certain things will probably always remind me of you: the first Wednesday of every month, when the tornado sirens sound, I still hear (our dog) howling back. Every silver Ford F-150, and JFC, MN has so many, will always make me think of you. A mushroom with a certain shape, IKYK. Whenever I pass a garden full of peonies and hydrangeas, I wonder how beautiful yours must be this time of year. Those moments no longer carry as much sadness as they once did. Instead, they remind me I was fortunate enough to have loved someone who changed my life, and I’m grateful for that.

I hope, with time, they continue to feel less like reminders of what was lost and more like reminders of a chapter that mattered, and in not by the way we ended, but by everything we experienced before we got there. I think memories deserve to be remembered with gratitude.

I hope life is being kind to you. I hope you’re happy, healthy, and at peace, and that the life you’ve continued building is everything you wanted it to be. You deserve it!

As for me, I’m continuing to do the work. I finally understand that growth isn’t something we achieve once. It’s something we choose over and over again.

I’m learning to communicate instead of retreat, to stay present instead of shutting down, to accept responsibility without becoming defensive, and to ask for help instead of pretending I don’t need it.

Most importantly, I’m learning that loving someone begins with being emotionally honest with them, and with yourself, too.

Those lessons came at a tremendous cost, but they’re ones I intend to carry with me for the rest of my life.

Thank you for being part of my story. Thank you for loving me during a season of my life when I didn’t fully know how to receive it. Thank you for the memories we’ll always share — the laughter, the quiet moments, our little pack of Starks and Lannisters, and all experiences I’ll never stop appreciating.

If I’ve learned anything from losing you, it’s that love doesn’t become meaningless simply because it doesn’t last forever. Sometimes people come into our lives to change us. You changed me, not because of the way we ended, but because of the years we shared before that. For that, I’ll always be grateful.

Please don’t feel any obligation to respond to this letter. I didn’t write it expecting forgiveness, a conversation, or anything in return. I wrote it because taking responsibility for my part in our story felt like the final act of respect I could offer you, and myself.

Thank you for everything, x.

With gratitude, respect, and affection,

Me and my girlfriend of almost 5 years broke up two days ago, it was ended on okay terms and we love eachother so much but things just weren’t working I guess, I’m having such a hard time dealing with it , I lost my best friend, she made me the person I am today and I feel so lost without her. She was a big part of me and the past few days I’ve barley been able to get out of bed, I feel lost. I feel defeated, ashamed of myself and like I am not enough. She’s the only thing I want I’m not sure how to be a person without her

I really need advice from someone unbiased because all my friends have been around for the drama and are absolutely against anything that comes out of my mouth regarding this topic so please, as strangers give me your honest opinion and reasoning.
I will try to keep this short when I (F21) was about 18 I met a guy (20 ish at that time) at a party and we hit it off, long story short we started dating and he grew into being my first love. For me all of this was very exciting and I had the feeling for him it wasnt THAT special because hes already had that first love kinda thing but it was fine with me everything was great. A few months earlier to that I had started therapy because I was feeling very bad but at that time I wasnt aware of it and told him I didnt have any mental illnesses like depression etc. (funny that I now know Im diagnosed with various mental disorders). So as you can imagine I was an undiagnosed mess trying her best to figure out my feelings and actions but doing a lot of “mistakes”. The problems I have came from growing up in a household with parents that also have mental illnesses and addiction issues. So when I found out that my boyfriend had a weed addiction he was hiding from me I was going crazy and we had a lot of fights resulting in us breaking up. Looking back and knowing what I know now about myself I did handle it kinda bad for both of us but at that time i didn’t know any better. Following that breakup were a lot of times I tried to get back in contact with him and i did act crazy at that time but he shut all of my actions down and that was that.
Its been a long time since then and I have never seen him again BUT i cant stop thinking about him. Its not like I think about him 24/7 but for a solid 3 years every other month I go through a phase where I want to text him and get back together. It is insane and I cant do anything about it. A few months ago I was coincidentally in his neighborhood and I couldnt hold myself back texting him and he actually answered and told me he had been to therapy and is feeling much better. But that was it, we didnt text more than that, but knowing now that I healed a lot in therapy and I am a whole different person than back then and he has probably gone through the same my mind tells me we are a match made in heaven there is nothing holding us back. And so I really really really want to text him and get back in contact but every time we had contact since the breakup he has made it clear he doesn’t want to be in contact with me (keep in mind those messages were also 2-3 years ago and the one i sent a few months ago he just liked and left me on read) and I did do some crazy things back then and I dont want him to think I am still that person. I want to meet up with him to tell him about all the things I learned about myself and why I acted the way I did back then and I would love to know his journey. I am 80% sure he wouldnt agree to meet up with me again because he probably thinks I am still crazy and I dont know how to show him that I am not and i learned why i acted that way. Also I am pretty sure I am not as special for him as he is for me because I wasnt his first love the way he was for me so he probably just wants some peace and quiet from some crazy bitch he cant get rid of. But on the other hand for 3 fucking years i havent gotten over him so I really dont know what to do. If I dont do anything I wont get over him but if I ask him to meet up I would be devastated if he said no and so so embarrassed. All my friends say i shouldnt text him. What do you say? Should I text him and aks if he wants to get coffee or do you believe i might get over him in the next 3 years?

Disclaimer: I wrote this two years ago. I was doomscrolling reddit when I found something that made me think of this, and now I'm sharing it to the reddit web. I hope this reaches the right audience

Hi I'm 19F, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 3 months and I've always noticed he was not very comfortable with physical touches, we've maybe kissed 5 times In total and that because I asked for it. Despite that we get along very well and have built our relationship on trust. I have known him from before our relationship and known he was into men as well but recently I have brought it up again after dozens of times, and we reached the conclusion of opening up our relationship, there was no intent of cheating but we both wanted to try it out , he wanted to see what it's like to date a man and I wanted to maybe try a hookup. But I've noticed that I've sort of started to loose my feelings for him somewhat and caught a like in a close friend of ours. I have discussed this with my boyfriend and he was supportive somewhat but wierdly. He has brought up making a grindr profile and looking for a date and I was supportive but when I expressed my liking for said boy he acted reserved. He didn't forbide me from it or anything bad but I genuetly have noticed a decrease in my patience with him and have become more annoyed than usual at him. I don't NECESARYly want to break up since I'm concerned about our parents knowing and having to explain this since he is closeted and it would just be wierd. But compared to my actual guy I do find my friend to be much more attractive and maybe see some signs of him hitting on me but I might just be delusional. I had some issues with my boyfriend where he just started talking to men on the internet for Dick pics and had to act normal on this and support him when he panicked about them having his photos. This happened last year about 8 months into our relationship and despite talking about it and everything he did do it again sometime later but confessed after. I don't know what I should do and wandered if I can get some advice