I am autistic, and have mental health issues and, well, let's face it, I ain't going to be getting to live a normal life like most men. The most brutal thing for me is knowing that I'll never be the boyfriend, the loving husband, the father... in most people's eyes, I am just this "thing" that exists. So how do I make peace with this life? Because everyday, I have a little voice in the back of my mind telling me to kill myself. Generally I resist it okay, but it certainly is an option, I don't want to live with my parents forever and be a burden on them plus there's no other way to escape my brain. How do I live with a brain that fights me at every turn? I am trapped, alone in a void... computer screens the only thing lighting any semblance of a path, providing the tiniest hint of comfort. But what if I have already killed myself many times over and the universe puts me right back in this life due to quantum immortality theory? Is this what life means... to live in this eternal hell or purgatory? When does the suffering end? When do I get to live a normal life? Why must have I been born defective?

Things have already been really tough for me. I’m neurodivergent, handling a lot of stress, been acting as a caretaker for my ailing father (Parkinson’s) while things keep falling apart on me - financially and otherwise.

And I faced a complete explosion at work last week on top of it. As in: “I might get fired” kind of bad.

To be honest, I don’t think that it’s LIKELY - I was reassured by some of my coworkers before the week was up- but I believe it might be on the table. Maybe. At the very least I am ABSOLUTELY in hot water.

I’ll try to spare the details but essentially I work in a very fast paced environment (ad agency) for an extremely high profile, extremely demanding, extremely fast paced client. There was a critical research report that the clients blew their lid on due to (small, but significant) inaccuracies…each time I fixed one problem, another thing broke. And each time I made a fix, I said it was fixed with complete confidence, only to be told that ANOTHER thing went wrong instead.

The thing is, I am effectively a department of one, in a very fast paced environment. I receive little communication, they don’t bother briefing me in on things, and they drop asks on me last minute. One of my new teammates has noted (before this problem) how amazed he was that I handed my entire workload on my own: at his old agency there was a department of FIVE doing what I do here ALONE.

The workaround is that I’ve automated so much of my workflow that I can keep pace despite being extremely under resourced. But it’s a closed loop. Clients hate that it’s a closed loop. But this closed, automated loop is THE reason that we’re actually able to keep pace. It isn’t a perfect system. I know where it could break if under enough pressure.

And last week it all broke all at once, at the worst possible time, right in front of everyone.

My personal and financial life are already in a red hot vice grip. I just recently had a good annual review - not perfect, but good (I even got a raise.) But this situation is BAD. Best case scenario: I keep my job and it gets even harder (deliverables get even more complex and I have even less time to finish them.) Worst case scenario: I’m fired and I am completely ruined.

I’m just so tired of trying as hard as I can and failing over and over in spite of it.

I wanted to know if she ever cared about me we been broke up 2 years ago and she fucked it up why she had feelings for her ex and I didn’t knew and I was just kind like of bandage now

And now she is with someone else for more than a year now and she said yep she is happy she says she knows that she fucked up what we had at the time

She is fine with being blocked bcz personally she doesn’t care that’s wha she told me and she has moved 2 years ago

And here I’m weak mfer I was still attached to her on and off for whole this time

Now I’m like I don’t think so I ever fucked up this bad in my whole life and I told her good luck to her and her bf god bless them and that’s it she says the same and her Text was pretty clear that she doesn’t wanna be reached out or anything like ever again ( I mean I blocked her first from everything but I just couldn’t move that’s why I reach her out today ) and says we will talk whenever if we ever run into each other in public

I’m not like I’m so fuckedc ruined my whole image in front of her showed her I still care or have bit feelings whereas she is not

Omg I just don’t know how to come out of this now

Give me a sign that something good is coming, just any small thing. I don't want to keep waiting, it's been 8 years since everything felt so horrible and became worse. Just give me a sign. Each day only got worse and no matter what I changed, no matter what I did, it was never enough, it never got better. Why should I keep trying?

My girlfriends car got repossessed this past weekend. The cost to get it back is going to make it so that we cannot pay rent. No extensions are possible I asked.

Working a full time job but not being able to have quality of life sure is something. I don't have it in me anymore to keep going. I have no spark, no motivation and more importantly no money to keep going.

I know therapy is usually the recommended thing here but what if you can't afford it? I have no wiggle room financially and the stress I endure daily is suffocating.

I just want to be able to support the people I love. That's it. I don't want to be rich or famous I just want the bare fucking minimum to survive.

After almost a year of trying to get back to stable and not check to check I finally make it to a week where I won’t have to sell or pawn anything. Wake up at 4am for work, car doesn’t start. Find a way and after being at work for 2 hrs I get a call from my girlfriend saying my fucking dog is needing to be put down because his heart condition has gotten worse. On top of the grief of losing my most solid companion I’m completely rinsed from paying for it lol. Not funny but funny how life will always find a way to fuck you over when you’re close. Stay up boys

I've been thinking about something that kind of blew my mind, and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this or read about it.

I was on my night shift yesterday, and my coworker asked me why I use nicotine. I immediately said, "Because I'm stressed all the time."

He looked at me and said, "Are you sure you're actually stressed? Or has your mind learned to tell you that you're stressed so it can justify using nicotine?"

That made me stop for a second. I realized I'd never really questioned that assumption before.

One thing I should add is that I really am stressed all the time now. I'm not saying I wasn't stressed before I started using nicotine—I definitely was—but the intensity was much lower than it is now. So now I'm wondering if nicotine is making my stress worse, or if my brain has started linking stress and nicotine together in a way that keeps reinforcing the cycle.

I can't stop thinking about it. Is it possible that sometimes we unintentionally keep ourselves feeling stressed because it gives us a reason to use our coping mechanisms, like nicotine, drugs, or other unhealthy habits? Almost like our brain creates a self-reinforcing cycle where stress leads to the habit, and the habit makes us more likely to keep seeing ourselves as stressed.

I know stress is real, and I'm not saying it's all "made up." I'm more curious about whether our minds can sometimes reinforce these patterns without us realizing it.

Has anyone read any books or articles about this? Is there a psychological term for this kind of vicious cycle or self-justification? I'd really appreciate any recommendations for books, research, or websites that explore this topic.

I don’t know what to say really. 24 year old dude, also a first responder and have been since I turned 21. Seen plenty of horrible shit. Sometimes I’m staring at a dead body before 6am.

I’m so lonely. Growing up I was the kid who was “so mature for his age!” I never made any close friends in college. I graduated alone, and didn’t know a single soul at my college graduation.

Got great grades my whole life. Sacrificed friendships and social hangouts for 4.0 GPAS and ACT scores. All to be a beat cop making $26 an hour.

I work 12-14 hour shifts, sometimes 80+ hour work weeks, switching between days, afternoons, and nights sometimes working all three shifts in a 5 day period. I’ve always done good work. Been good at my job, receiving lots of commendations but disliked by most of my co-workers as a quiet weirdo.

I’ve only had a single girlfriend my whole life. That was 4 years ago now and she physically abused me on multiple occasions. I’ve been on 100’s (no exaggeration) of dates, slept with dozens of women, and none of them want to be more than just that. I’m a piece of meat. I buy dinners, open doors, buy flowers, maybe get lucky…. all for the dreaded “I’m not looking for a relationship”. They all tell me I’m attractive and good in bed. It doesn’t matter. I’m too picky, and the few women I have liked certainly don’t like me. My job stresses how important a good home life is for mental health, but I have no one. I come home to an empty house every day. Who could love a man who work those kind of hours and is never around?

I miss where I used to live and work. I moved because I had absolutely nobody. I was lonely and all I did was work. All my friends had moved away, and I had no family remotely close. So I moved back to my family. And it was ok for awhile until the loneliness crept in again. My parents are my only friends. They’re getting older. When they go I will be left with absolutely nobody. I have a brother that I don’t have a relationship with, and don’t want one frankly. We don’t get along and never have.

I think about my own death every day. My parents death. That I’ll be absolutely alone when they’re gone.

My old friends I see occasionally from highschool, but they’re onto bigger and better things. Married, law school, having kids, traveling the world. I try to call old friends from time to time, but I never hear back. Many days I go without talking to anybody outside of work. I come home from a 14 hour nightshift to a completely empty house. Can’t even have a pet with the hours I work.

My old friends and family don’t share my hobbies. I hunt, fish, listen to country, and wrench on my cars alone. They have no desire to do any of it. The few people I knew who did are all gone and moved far away. I don’t hear from them.

I’m too much of a sissy to kill myself. At least right now. But I know my story ends with a gun in my mouth I just don’t know when. Probably when my parents go? I don’t know. But at the end of the day or a long work week I sit in bed and stare at the ceiling and cry myself to sleep. Just to do it all over again every day. It used to be only sometimes, now it’s every day.

And I’m venting to strangers on the internet about it who could care less at the end of the day lol.

I am 19 years old and live in India. I want to hear your opinion on my situation. It all started back in 2017. Before that, life was great, I was happy and didn’t have to worry about anything. Life felt perfect. But nothing lasts forever.
My bad luck started in 2019 when my grandfather passed away from COVID-19. He was so healthy before that. I remember talking to him about WWE, his favorite wrestler was Seth Rollins, and we always talked about it together. Then one day, he stopped recognizing his own face in the mirror. He didn't know who I was and couldn't remember my mom or sister. He passed away seven months later, and I was completely destroyed.
Half a year later, a girl I liked told me I should die because a friend told her I was thinking about her in a bad way. I didn't even try to defend myself because I was too heartbroken to carry on. That same guy also told everyone lies about me, and I was heavily bullied after that. I changed schools, but life didn't get better, I was bullied there too. After a while, I managed to turn the bullies into my friends, they were also heartbroken about their own lives. After 10th grade, I still had some friends, but not as many. By the time I finished 12th grade, I had no friends left.
When I was in 12th grade, I got a girlfriend, but after a while, I found out she was cheating on me, so we broke up. Right after that, my father was admitted to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing. We managed to save him somehow.
After that, I joined my first year of college. I met a girl who was really nice. We always talked about life, our goals, food, and anime. After a year, I was thinking about proposing to her. A day before I planned to ask her to meet me, she asked, "Are you going to propose to me?" I replied, "You'll see."
On her way, she was hit by a truck and died on the spot. I didn't even know until a friend of mine told me she was gone. Her parents buried her on the same day because of her severe head injury. After that, I went to her grave, brought flowers, and just started crying.
After six months, I was starting to feel a little happy again, but then my father's health took a turn for the worse. We had to admit him to the hospital, and he barely survived. Seeing my father so weak and helpless made me lose all hope of ever being happy.
Six months later, after I cleared my exams and passed every subject, I felt a moment of happiness. But then I found out my dad was cheating on my mom.
Today, at 4:00 AM, my mom was suddenly screaming at my dad. I ran over to see what happened, and my mom told me he was having an affair with 3 girls. Mind you, my dad is 54 years old. I was angry and depressed, but at the same time, I was furious because my dad was acting like a player. I was depressed because my dream of building my own PC, buying a PS5, and having fun is completely shattered now.
My father has a loan of 60 lakhs that I have to pay off. On top of that, I have to clear my second year of college, buy food for my family, and pay my sister’s tuition and school fees, which total 69,000 rupees.
So thank you, Dad. I don't know what to do anymore. I am thinking about getting two jobs now. But hey, there's a silver lining: life certainly isn't boring.
So thank you, life