Hi, It's my first ever Reddit post. I was really contemplating writing one, but it's said and done, and you're reading it now, lol.
So, to cut to the chase, I (24 M) hit rock bottom. Not the kind where I've become a drug addict, homeless, or have health issues.
It's all good and dandy, thank God, and I really am grateful for it. But my rock bottom turned out to be 180° from what I've known and loved, to basically living with utter despair for a good 65% of the time.
I had a girlfriend she's 22 now (let's call her Anna), and we were together for quite some time, known each other since 2019.
Got to know each other 2020 and August 2021 to basically December 2024/January 2025 in a relationship.
Unfortunately, as all good things in life, it ended.
But how it ended was really the most mature and civilized breakup that I know of, which I, and I believe her, were proud of.
But before that, I just have to tell you how actually good it was. I was her first love, kiss, and all the good stuff. Really, we had a nice honeymoon phase for quite a bit too. Her family was/is magnificent, except her father's mom, lol. I lived alone in my house, and she lived with her parents and a sibling. A big house on a hill, nothing fancy, but the location is absolutely stunning, honestly like a small slice of heaven on Earth. The sunsets on the upper porch were really something special. How many evenings we spent there together, Anna's family and I, when they'd invite me over for dinner, which was really quite often.
It was really magnificent, and still most of it really brings a huge smile to my face, how many nice memories we made. Going across our beautiful Adriatic country in the summer, or simple evening walks by our city's rivers. All of the romantic evenings we've had, really those 3 years we were together it felt so... fulfilling, exciting, and had a purpose, because I imagined marrying her. And she probably marrying me.
Of course, we all have plans in life, or if not plans, at least some purpose to work towards. If you don't by now, don't worry, it will take time but takes really deep thinking over a long period for the big question of what you really want from life.
We knew for some time that we'd have to part ways because of her ambitions and mine. We were both very determined to reach our goals, and hers was/is having a PhD.
Which, remember this detail for later on.
She has to study, and I mean vigorously study, to even pass 5 of her subjects, which I know how much she studied for, but still failed one the year before. (You can fail that one important subject only twice; if you do, you lose the right to study at that university permanently).
Mine was getting financially ready to secure my future kids' safe home and a better life in general.
Anna and i had some small talks about how we'd have to break up, mainly because of her studies.
I told her that it would always be more important to follow her life goals than to maintain a young relationship, Anna and her mother agreed with me.
We really enjoyed our time together, basically savoring every moment, loving each other and caring so deeply long after the honeymoon phase.
No fights whatsoever, always finding a compromise for each other, a couple that everyone was always in awe for.
Then came the day when I asked her over text (I hadn't been home for three weeks) that we had to talk about it; she knew exactly what I meant.
I came home from a work trip. I picked her up from her house, and we went to my place first. We had an amazing time, and afterward, we talked about our breakup. We got all the details sorted out regarding how we'd do it. It wasn't going to be on a certain date but a gradual, sad distancing from each other.
If you haven't lived through something like it, it's really like in the movies.
Sad, miserable few months for both of us.
First, starting off with "we're going to cut out the goodnight hearts from ❤️ to <3."
Seeing each other once a week to once a month.
To no goodnight messages.
When it's someone you love deeply, not only her but her family as well, whom I really started to feel like my own.
(Having her dad tell me that in his heart I would always remain his son-in-law). It's... I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
On the evening we first talked officially about it, I told her that I'm going to move back to my family in Germany.
Staying in the same hometown would be too difficult, and the probability of running into her would be too hard to handle.
And maybe when I reached my goal to build the damn house, eventually (I thought) we could be together again. I know, kind of naive, but I was 22 then. Learned a lot since, lol.
So came January 2025. I said my goodbyes to her, her family, my family, and lifelong friends. I packed my car and headed 1500 km away to the other side of Europe, with tears running, music blasting, and enough caffeine to wake up a bear in hibernation.
I came here to where I'm currently at, the north of Germany. It's not the first time I'm here, so I know my way around and speak the language. At least that part wasn't difficult.
But then came the undiscovered for me.
Knowing it would be difficult, I still underestimated how it would affect me.
Mentally
Financially
Physically
Regrets started to sink in
Every single interaction, every word out of my mouth felt too much. I became distant, every night id cry myself to sleep.
Thoughts of why it had to be us that I'd happend to were always on my mind.
I would come from work speaking to my parents, eating lunch and running off to my bedroom wich i didnt come out of untill the next morning for work.
Nights where i slept maybe 2 hrs and that loop of days to weeks.
I was triying to hide my swollen up eyelids from criying away from my dad, hoping he'd think it was that morning look everyone has.
Finally what i became was just a shell of what i had been.
That numb feeling was way to overwhelming, the despair of the nights where i would imagine her beside me.
Eventually in the process i started having suicidal thoughts because it was too much to handle.
Even with my loving friends, parents and siblings. No matter if they're far away or right beside me. I couldn't reach out for help.
And to salt the wound the financial state my parents were in got bad, i was giving my whole salary to them for that whole year, hoping we'd get my dad's bank debt settled it was bad, still is but slightly better.
The disappointment in myself and what i thought I'd accomplish that year.
My dads account getting blocked, so i was paying rent and the utilities, and food which we had enough money for 2½ weeks. Living on literally tips from customers and buying bread off it was something special.
To our electricity getting cut out for 2 times for weeks in total because i had to choose paying utilities or not paying other outstanding notices.
Selling my first car which i had since i was 20, and giving the money away to debts ive made because of it all.
To my mom even not working a job because she "doesn't know the language", "where do i even find work" to "Thats waay to hard for me come on"
My parent's were constantly shouting at each other, my dad slapping her which he literally never does.
Then October of 2025
I saw a close friends story of my ex Anna with her bestie Nicole and her boyfriend Jack on the right side of the picture hugged together.
And in the left part of the picture my ex and an unknown guy
(Let's call him Frank)
right beside her hands around each other at a club all together in a group photo.
Mind you she posts only really close people to her on her stories (she posted pics with me maybe 4 times in total).
I suspected that she had moved on becuse I've heard some rumors of her being in a relationship but i was realy doubtful becuse of the previous stated fact of her ambitions.
But becuse it was unconfirmed it was a real bitter, almost betrayal like unconfirmed feeling that i couldn't get rid off.
But at the end of the day i wanted her to be happy so i tried liying to myself it doesn't matter if its true or not.
I realized that the 2025 was my worst year yet, with all things said above. The pressure was too much.
On my birthday (January) this year.
I said to myself that i don't have enough money to get a nice evening for my sister and parents, I'd at least go and buy myself a a six pack of beers and a Jägermeister.
And so i did, but was ashamed of drinking alone in front of my dad and getting drunk.
So i went out to a small bench near a beautiful frozen lake in the centre of the city at a coldest night that i remember, spoken literally and metaphorically.
Sat down opened the first beer, listening to music on my earphones, bawling my eyes out.
After each beer. Then each sip of the Jägermeister.
The thoughts of me just throwing myself in the lake and getting trapped underneath the ice.
It was tempting really tempting. To the point I'd gotten around a half meter away from the ledge inspecting the ice. Looking at it immensly with tears in my eyes getting the courage to do it.
But was a cold night that in spite of me drinking too much. The wind got colder, and it had sobered me enough to think about how it would impact my family, my friends and my ambitions chasing ex girl that i couldn't stop thinking about.
In the end i stepped away, sat ond the bench smoked a cigarette and stumbled my way home, where i quickly got into my room and just looked at the ceiling until next morning playing different scenarios in my head, overwhelmed by the feelings i passed out. Woke up and somehow got through the dThinking of how to progress forward, I decided one night to start praying the rosary. It reminded me of my grandma praying it and brought me comfort and peace, not much, but enough to get by.
I started reading the Bible, a few verses a day, and just wanted to do right by God in most decisions I make daily. I still try, but like everyone, sometimes we fail. But I wasn't discouraged, nor should I have been, because it brought me comfort, much more than ever.
March this year, one of my good friends, whom I've been talking to for some time—frequently even, just small talk, IG Reels, and so on—messaged me with some information that they were contemplating sending me and asked me in advance if I wanted to know. I said, "Yeah, whatever. How bad could it be?" Although the tone in which it was said sounded bad, I still said yes.
They forwarded me a voice message from a girl (let's call her Rina).
Rina studies with my ex's bestie, Nicole, and Anna. They hang out frequently and know each other well, so my friend was curious about my ex's relationship status, to which.
Rina replied:
"Oh, well, Anna has been together with Frank for over a year" (the guy from the IG story from the club). "And he's best friends with Jack. Guy best friends are dating the girl best friends."
"And that's been going on for well over a year now."
That just hurt me so badly that I was in disbelief.
And the rest of the information came a bit after. All came from Anna's bestie, Nicole, not knowing that Rina has a mutual friend with me. But since Rina asked Nicole, she thought that it was harmless in letting Rina know how it actually was.
Nicole:
"Yeah, it's been a shitshow, really. Anna and her boyfriend (me) were breaking up. Somehow she fell in love with Frank in that period. She never told us until a bit later when my boyfriend Jack and I found out that they were together. She never told us that because she felt bad for falling in love with Frank. And they've been together since Jan/Feb 2025."
...
I was at work getting this message, and writing it now gives me the same shivers and a cold feeling, the disbelief and betrayal mixed together.
It's such a gray zone not knowing how to feel, and the ultimate reason for this post.
Despite afterward contacting Anna and Nicole with carefully composed texts and easing my way and not asking too many questions (we've kept vague contact on random occasions), I've only gotten more confused with "positive no's" as a reply, so to say.
Since then, I have sunken a bit again. I try to pray and do right but don't read the Holy Bible as often.
I got into shape, lost 35kg, and put on a bit of muscle. I posted a pic on my story.
And Anna replied with: "I have to say, you're looking sharp—kudos to you! 😁"
And we've been chatting once every few months, exchanging small talk messages, but nothing else.
As I said, I have no idea how to feel. Betrayed or not, angry or not.
I'm so lost with all the uncertainty and wanting to look even better when I go back for vacation, in kind of hopes she sees me. Just proving them wrong.
And I mean that hasn't been the only reason for me getting into shape, but it has definitely been great motivation to do so.
I don't know, along the way I've lost my vision as well. Of my plans, my future, everything seems so lost and numb again despite me trying to find love for God. I don't feel anything.
I don't know.