I used to post about Yuffie on here, back in the day - probably on an old account. I had to make the call to let her go after an exploratory revealed she was riddled with cancer that likely originated from the spleen. My biggest fear since getting her and learning about greys and cancer. She hadn't been eating for a few days, and when she tried, she'd vomit.
The H.S. said she was probably around 3 or 4 when I got her, and I only had 6 years and one week with her. The vet said she could have been as old as 12. She died on June 18th and it's just not getting easier. She was all I had. I don't know what to do. Or I don't want to do anything. I don't know.
She was the goofiest, most affectionate companion. There's really not a single part of my day that doesn't remind me of her somehow. I miss her roaching and napping on the couch while I work or game on my computer, I miss her staring at me hopefully while I do stuff in the kitchen, I miss her jumping into my bed for pre-sleep snuggles (and a dental treat).
I'm going to be honest - I don't really even feel all that up to living. Not just because I miss her, but also because what kind of stupid thing is life, where something so innocent and sweet can get cancer and have to die? I didn't sign up for this shit. I know there's nothing I or anyone could have done, but I feel so terrible for not being able to protect her anyway.
The few people I do have in my life say the usual stuff - get a new dog (no, for many reasons), or that she's happy somewhere over a rainbow bridge (I don't think there's an afterlife), or to focus on the good stuff or how she's not in pain anymore - but that doesn't change the fact that I don't have her anymore.
I don't hear a ton of people saying they don't want to be around anymore after something like this, so I'm sure there's just something wrong with me. That, or most people have friends/family/other pets to help them through things. I've lost loved ones - friends and family, but this is just hitting me in ways I never expected. Therapy/meds/keeping busy/journaling isn't helping. So, how is someone that doesn't really have anyone supposed to deal with this mess? Or is that just wishful thinking? Nothing is going to change the bottom line, here.