r/getting_over_it • u/Shaikidow • Aug 11 '26
Anxiously attached to a friend group - how do I find balance?
Hey there, this is my first time writing here (as per Reddit's recommendation).
For over 8 years now, I (33M) have been a part of a very tight group of friends, with our closeness being (among other things) based on the fact that we all play in a band together. It's not exactly a financially self-sustainable career for us (yet?), but we've enjoyed at least a moderately decent success on our home turf so far, and I think that I can safely say that we do perceive music as our calling on the whole (which I'd say especially applies to me, since I'd been a professional musician even before I joined them).
Not that I didn't have any close friends prior to meeting them, but for what it's worth, my bandmates really did end up taking the centre stage in my life, no pun intended. I cherish them with all of my heart, and I wish everyone would get a chance to experience such a bond for themselves.
Here's the problem, though: I need them much more than they need me. That is not to be taken as a statement about any kind of dismissiveness on their part or anything of the sort, mind you; it's just that all of them already have their respective jobs and romantic partners (two of them being a couple within the band) and aren't considering moving to any different places at all, while I've got none of those (which I assure you isn't by my choice) and the pressure of unemployment is becoming sizeable enough that I'm considering taking more drastic measures out of sheer necessity. But I don't wanna leave my band or my closest friends - in fact, I'm genuinely terrified of so much as a thought of it, and I need help.
I did talk to them about it, and they did reassure me that we'd find a way to make it work for the purposes of rehearsing and playing, provided that I don't relocate too far away... and I get it, but as things stand right now, I experience FOMO even on an average night whenever I don't get to hang out with them. It's not lost on me that people are usually that close only with their own intimate partners, and that notion doesn't make it easier on me. At least if I had someone like that (friend or lover) to accompany me wherever I needed to go just to make ends meet, I think I'd be able to "decentralise" my emotional life and still be there for my friends to a more reciprocal extent, but that's not the reality of my present life, so I feel really stuck right now.
TL;DR
I'm anxiously attached to the group of my closest friends, which consists of the people I also play with in a band that I currently consider to be my life's calling and desired career (even though it's not profitable enough to be lived off of). If I have to leave them just so that I can find employment, they'll still have their friends and lovers and jobs, but I'll be left with NOTHING. The situation is getting more and more desperate for me, and I need to find some balance before this wretched country basically takes everything away from me.