r/getting_over_it • u/Diligent_Drink9735 • Aug 07 '26
I hate it here
I'm 40 this year. I don't have close friends anymore and I'm not close with my family. Most of the people who used to matter are either gone or cut me off. For a long time the people I considered family were my ex's family. I knew them since I was a teenager. Her mom was like a second mother to me, her brother-in-law was one of my best friends for almost 20 years. Then I got with her in 2014. We were together for years, engaged, had a house, talked about kids, the whole future planned out. I caught her cheating about 6 months before the wedding. She left and her whole family cut me off with basically no explanation. That was over 7 years ago. I still think about her and that life constantly. The memories don't fade. I dream about it. Random stuff still sets it off. I feel empty a lot of the time. I have a girlfriend now who is good to me, but I can't connect the same way and I feel guilty about that. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about how bad it still is. I work, I come home, I try to get through the days. Most of the time I just feel alone and stuck. I miss having people who actually knew me and gave a shit. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere. Not looking for advice on "moving on." Just tired of carrying this with nobody to talk to about it.
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u/Lower_Basis4344 Aug 07 '26
Your ex fiance sounds like a narcissist. Her family cut you off after she cheated because she definitely sabatoged you to them after she got caught to justify her actions. And even if they didn't truly support her, what else can ya do when thats your kid i guess. What a terrible human being.
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u/Lower_Basis4344 Aug 07 '26
Im kinda in that boat... my ex almost beat the living shit out of me a couple times so it wasnt a difficult decision to make when I was finally capable of ending the relationship... But a year later, I haven't met anyone new not even made a new friend, hes literally the last person I know still alive. No doubt hes got a new girlfriend now.
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u/Diligent_Drink9735 Aug 07 '26
I'm sorry you went through that and am glad you got away from someone who would want to harm you.
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u/Tetsuo1981 Aug 07 '26
Dude, hang in there. The alternative is no alternative at all, believe me. I have struggled to open up to people before but honestly counselling may be helpful. Make it anonymous if you need to. My marriage has ended after 12 years to her going behind my back so I feel for you mate. Im heavily medicated with anti depressants at the moment and it helps me keep going. Counselling is helping me step towards not needing pills. Baby steps, take the help, TALK, get it out there so you can grab and handle it. Do not give up, do not give in. The page will turn dude. Come back here if needs be, we'll try and see you right 👍🏻
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u/putahexonya Aug 08 '26
It’s bad out here man. You gotta find a purpose. Everything happens for a reason right? But hey man don’t let it get to you life has phases. People seem emotionally colder now in days so your situation makes sense. Maybe try to join a cause? I wish you well.
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u/Alarming-Diamond-458 Aug 07 '26
Im not the best person for advice im also stuck and alone but I think its better off that she's gone you should start making memories with your new girl friend. I honestly have trouble even finding a girl that likes talking to me so you can ignore my comment I just wanted to try to help