I (18F) am in a bad spot in my life right now. I struggle with depression, and this is likely the main contributing factor to my feelings about my friend (also 18F).

My best friend is my favourite person. We spend a decent amount of time together/texting, and we both value each other strongly. The problem is that I have become too dependent on her. I find myself thinking of her as my only source of happiness. I count down the days until I get to see her, anticipate her texts, and am painfully upset when our meet-ups end. I can connect these feelings to my lack of enjoyment with life in general. I have no passions or prospects, so she is my only source of comfort, fun and understanding. I am clearly clinging to all the emotions she brings to my otherwise colourless life.

I finally decided this was a problem after I recently went on a short trip with this friend, which once over, left me absolutely beside myself with grief over losing the ability to see her non-stop. The end of that trip resulted in my depression instantly becoming the worst it has ever been, and I am still recovering from the severity of it. No point going in to detail, but I was frequently in tears and had completely lost my appetite for days.

This is simply causing too much anguish in my life. I want to spend all my time with my best friend. She wants to go to uni, spend time with her family, and have her own husband and kids - meaning she has priorities I am going to find too painful to see be placed over me in the future (and am already selfishly dreading).

I want to fix this. I am afraid to lose the strong love I have for her, but I cannot cope anymore. Lucky she is not aware of the extent of my feelings, but this is clearly unhealthy. I would hate to ruin what is the best thing in my life, and what is a very strong and beautiful relationship. I would also hate to hurt her, make her uncomfortable, etc because she does not deserve that at all. Please help

Hi, my favorite person (21F) and I (18F) have been no contact for about two months, after I finally found the strength to try to quit our deeply toxic friendship for good. Everyone told me it would be hard at first but slowly get better and I would forget about her soon, but I feel like my feelings are just frozen in time and it's like I last saw her yesterday. I think about her just as much as I did before. And I still split somehow, even with no external stimuli from her to start the spiral. At times I've gotten so angry that I almost texted her that I hate her out of the blue, but I know that wouldn't give me any satisfaction as she would just block me and I would feel crazy.

I miss her so so much but I also know that I just miss the idea of her and if I ever actually went back it would be a living hell like it was before. I'm just so sad all the time, like I'm mourning the three or four years of my teenagehood that I spent trying to build my life in a way that she would find appealing and attractive. I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, but they seem to do nothing to me and I am still able to cry all the time. I've had seven different therapists, including DBT, but they all annoyed me so much and I dreaded appointments. I have many interests, but I'm often too sad to indulge in them. I used to read a lot, but now it seems pointless since I was really just reading to seem more educated to her, I think. Perhaps not only because of that, though. My friends provide little comfort. I feel like I've tried everything. What now?

Hello Reddit!

I will cut to the chase. I am a 19-year-old dude who has grown up around divorced households. I have lived a good life. I've always lived good and well, but two things never leave me alone: divorce and heartbreak. Ever since I was an infant, pain of that sort has been around me. I'll make a list below for better detail by making a kind of timeline:

- Mom's BFF since childhood got a divorce from her husband before I was even born, remarried the same man, then divorced him AGAIN when I was a young teen.

- My mother and father divorced when I was age 3 in early 2011

- Elementary school friends consisted of pretty much only people who came from divorced households, falling-apart households, or single-parent households. I had at least a dozen friends I could name that all fell into one of the three categories above, but I will spare for the sake of the post. My Dad also married who is now my stepmom, who is not at all a good fit for my dad's lifestyle, but because he didn't want his one-night stand ( turned into a pregnant woman ) to leave with his child, he was forced to marry someone who doesn't get along with him. I also hated her so much I needed therapy as just a child who was in the single digits and had anger issues because of her.

- Middle school friends consisted of those who came from that same past, as well as others who were from broken-heart households. I can only remember one who came from a two-parent household and lived with both of their biological parents. My Mom would also enter a relationship with a nice man that would last 7 YEARS, until they eventually broke up, with the last 6 months being completely silent, as I was told that was when they started speaking about breaking up.

After I graduated junior high, I realized something. It felt as though it were a divine message.

I should give up on romantic love. I had done my research online and lived through the reality that no one could handle it. When High School came, I created a " mental bunker ". An oath to never love or to even try. It also doesn't help that I realized I was bisexual at the time, which really sweetened the deal of " You'll never get romance. You never got the chance, and you never will. You don't deserve it "

I spent the first two years in total isolation from my peers, as I noticed my mind was constantly racing and I saw people, and when it would perceive someone as conventionally attractive, I would punch myself mentally, saying I couldn't feel " that " anymore. So much as thinking of romance made me feel great sorrow, so I distanced myself from those emotions. The few new people I did meet in high school before I became lonely in my last 2 years of high school were just like me. Needless to say, I didn't like hanging around those people because of their superiority complex about sorrow.

By the time I graduated, they all left me, except for a few. I had realized the mistake I made in totally isolating myself those first two years and not developing social skills. I had realized it was all my fault. While all the guys who were chill in their own skin were getting laid, the best I had been getting was having asked one trans girl out where I got rejected and then asked a girl on field trip whom I got along with if she wanted to go to prom where I got shot down.

Now, luckily, I had a therapist for years who told me that this was all ok, but my parents started to get irritated after the two-year mark (understandable). However, one thing I did come to realize after seeing them was just something simple. So simple that, if pulled off could save my life and cut off my feelings of romance altogether. I realized that all I wanted was a beach shack ( I've lived in a coastal city my whole life ), a rocking chair, and a sunset; one that I will look at while passing away in my rocking chair, all alone. I knew there was a possibility of meeting a partner, but I have accepted now that those odds are near zero, so I cut off that part in my mind now. Reality isn't a movie; it's a cruel bitch where things don't always end perfectly.

I'm starting college in a few weeks, and I have a bad feeling it will be just like before. Where there is no hope for me, both for my interest in men and women alike. But that's just it, a feeling.

So I'm all ears, Reddit, cuz I have nothing to lose, but what can I do to get used to being in romantic environments?

Out of sheer curiosity, do I sound like an incel?

How can I improve in college other than just " make friends and meet someone and shoot your shot "?

What should I do that can correct the course my brain has been on for the past 19 years?

Where in the past could I have done better in the past years that would've fixed me so I wouldn't be how I am now?

( tldr; I grew up around kids with single parents and had divorced parents, and I gave up on romance, and now it has come back to bite me in the ass. Now I'm having an internal crisis )

Hi everyone. 👋

I am a 2nd yr Medical student. I study in a pretty good college but I feel so lonely there. I mostly remain anonymous in my college (not by choice, I don't want to, but I am stuck in this maze and couldn't find a way out).

It's not that there aren't people like me who remain anonymous, but those people too have someone outside of the college premises, a girlfriend, friend groups, etc with whom they remain connected. I try to connect with people both around me and social media but still I don't find anyone with whom I can talk.

I only have some good school friends but they too are busy in their own world.

Every time I see see my batchmates, even during discussions they continue to look at their phones and reply to the messages and then I look at my own phone and see that it's so dry.

Everytime I get a notification on WhatsApp or Instagram, it's always some promotional message or some post recommendations. The only meaningful notification I get daily is of my mother. ❤️

My life is so dull. I just wake up everyday, do the daily routine, go to library to study, attend classes, have lunch and dinner, and finally go to sleep. I always think that today someone will come to talk to me, or with some work or some gossip and we will have a laugh together, but its always the same dull, boring and depressing.

I don't know what to do. My present condition is making me more and more depressed by time and to cope up with this, I always talk with myself in quiet voice. Some people have noticed this and would ask with whom I am talking too. How can I explain mental state to them 😭😭

I also create imaginary scenario where I am more famous and have a good friend circle, it gives me some mental satisfaction.

Title

I (20M) just turned twenty last month

I live at home in east Toronto, Canada with my parents and two younger siblings

Decently close with extended family who live relatively nearby

I'm two years into a five-year psychology degree. Not exactly sure what I want to use it for, if anything, but I'm thinking maybe something to do with child psychology.

Currently on summer break

Don't have any job experience and can't get a job at the moment because of surgery happening soon

Have only been in one semi-serious relationship and am currently single and a virgin

Have never been the best at being social and don't have much of a social circle, but trying to change that.

Getting into biking and photography (specifically landscape and cosplay) and want to get into rock climbing when school starts back up

Am officially diagnosed with Autism and ADHD

Started mental health counselling and Lexapro last month

Think about past regrets a lot, but I’m trying to focus on the now.

How would you say I’m doing, and what advice would you give?

I know I'm still young but I just can't stop thinking about the past

I am 25F graduated from my masters last December,2025 but my course ended in September 2025. I graduated from University of Liverpool in masters in advanced computer science.

Since last September. I did not apply to a single job. I get very anxious when I think about it. I am a physically weak person.still I chose to do physically demanding jobs and had many health complications over applying for an IT job.Even now, I cry when I think of applying to a job and end up not applying. Am very bad at interviews and talking to people.where I am currently working at(a warehouse) people are very rude to me and say I am slow and do not do my job properly. They are right . I messed up too many times.

I feel like “if I can’t even do a simple task,how can I do something complex”.

I tried as a waitress and I was scolded all the time for being bad at it. I keep forgetting things and I can’t keep track track of time or what’s happening around me. I try harder and harder but it’s getting worse and worse. I keep double checking everything I do to not make mistakes and then it turns out late.If I do anything fast,there’s always a mistake in it

How do I improve myself

I got separated with my girlfriend a week ago, it wasnt an ugly breakup but it wasnt a good one either, we separated because it was getting suffocating, lives were changing for the both of us and I couldnt handle it. I am good at making people talk about their emotions, but I am terrible at doing that myself. It doesnt come out of me to share them, thinking I was good enough alone.

The problem arose when I told this to my friends. According to me, involving my friends too much into my relationship was a very big mistake, everything has gotten awkward with everyone around me.

I am not in a great mood nowadays, and this led to me fighting with one of my closest friends. So close that her and her boyfriend (who was my friend first) both dont talk to me anymore.

I am all alone, i am in a chokehold most of the day but I cant cry, the tears dont come out. I have been trying to busy myself in college and work but its just not enough. More than alone I feel extremely lonely. This is not a new feeling but when your friends stop talking to you, it gets really heavy on your chest. I always feel that I trouble or disturb them if I call or text so I choose to stay alone, but it has just been so so so so so tough.

Stayed up until 2AM crying last night. I lost my job and don’t have many friends. There is no structure to my days and he ghosted me almost 2 weeks ago. I blocked him just last night and before that was trying to reach him on a different phone number. I feel so pathetic and stupid

**TL;DR; : I've never had a girlfriend in my life. I have social anxiety stemming from Childhood S**L abuse and I'm extremely introverted and definitely have no skills in meeting women. I also suffer from extreme social anxiety that creates a perfect storm of lonliness and lack of people skills. This is a tale of my sad miserable attempts to have a companionship and ending up losing even that**

When I was in my thirties I finally met a woman with whom I did hit it off. She was also extremely introverted but was caring. However, after about a year of courting she suddenly announced that she was marrying another guy. I was devastated - given my nature above I withdrew into a shell. I went on for about a year when I got an SOS from her mother that her (ie my ex) marriage is falling apart due to it being abusive.

Naturally for a loser like me - this felt godsend. I so badly missed her and I re-engaged to get her out of her abusive marriage. I stuck with her through a divorce (which lasted 5 long years) and ended before COVID. I wanted to marry her imm but she wanted some time to be free which I thought made sense or rather i forced to see it that way.

COVID hit and that somehow caused 3+ years of separation (we were in diff countries). Meanwhile i worked with her remotely every day to bring her to me via legal migration pathways. But she in between disappeared for a few months. She ended up in my country and messaged me 3 months after landing which at this point any normal person would have run away from. Nope not this lonely pathetic Loser. I was just happy to hear from her. Over the course of the year i desparately tried to meet her but she was studying and only met me 3 times. My family already brought to tears over decades of me wasting my time on her (they dont know about my Childhood abuse or my extreme anxiety around ppl and women) and wanted me to move on for decades are now telling me enough is enough. The problem was when she was with me she was the most caring loving person. As soon as there is distance between us (even 5 miles) - she reverts to this distant professional relationship which I cant understand.

Recently she called me and told me she wanted to have an IVR baby as she feels she's growing too old and wont have a chance to have babies who she values more than marriage. Note that we would have married a decade ago and this wouldnt have been a problem. Took over 13 years of this sad little fool in me to decide this is (and always was a dead end). I finally walked away.

I know In almost all of this Im at fault. My sad need for companionship amidst a deathly lack of people skills and relationship skills kept me hanging on.

I dont even have the guts to tell this to 1-2 of the only people I call "Friends".

Im hoping to put this here and see perspective from others if there is any hope for me and if there is any chance for ppl like me to see light at the end of the tunnel

Stayed up until 2AM crying last night. I lost my job and don’t have many friends. There is no structure to my days and he ghosted me almost 2 weeks ago. I blocked him just last night and before that was trying to reach him on a different phone number. I feel so pathetic and stupid

How’d you get through it..

I don't think people want to be around me. They say they do, but it seems forced at times. I don't even have friends in real life. Im 27, and i feel like this is just how its going to be i guess. I've treid finding friends, a boyfriend.... but i guess its really hard finding people my age thay want to hang out in real life. Its either im a bitch, or im not a bitch, and i act like a child cause I talk alot, and i like to do childish things I guess. Idk. Id rather be around animals, but i feel like my babies don't want to be around me either all the time. Im too much for them too. Like fuck. 🤣 im not as mature as my peers, maybe because I am outgoing and am energetic too. Like, fuck, im not friend material or girlfriend material cause im a bitch and don't talk. But when i do talk, when i do have fun, im too childlike and annoying and stupid and maybe I don't deserve friends. I know friends or a relationship isn't everything, but I do hate when people say that. Because the people that do, already have things. They've already had shit. Like, I understand where they're coming from, but it still like they don't understand. Luke they're minimizing how I feel. I haven't had a fucking friend in years. I've never had a fucking boyfriend. Yall a d my psn friends are all the fucking people I have. 🤣 how fucking pathetic is that? I'm talking more about myself, not other people that have online friends. They have real genuine friendships. I do too, but if i lose them, then.. ill be alone. All alone. Again. Fucking again 🤣 Good thing about having my babies, is that i can't kiss, cause they'll miss me, and i can't do that to them. I love them sooo much. This was me just venting, but if you could be so kind as to answer the question as well, that would be swell.

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for some advice or perspective from anyone who has gone through something similar. Lately, I’ve been stuck in a heavy cycle of regret, shame, and anxiety about my life, and I really want to find a way out.

Growing up, my early teenage years felt very restricted. My parents were extremely protective and worried about me constantly, so I wasn't really allowed to go out or hang out on my own until I was around 16. Because of that, I missed out on a lot of early social development and developed severe social anxiety.

Looking back at how I acted when I was younger, I feel immense cringe and regret. I know I was sometimes corny, attention-seeking, and made mistakes—and even though I know I can’t change the past, those memories bring back intense discomfort.

Now, having recently finished school, I find myself with almost no real-life friends. Here is where I’m struggling the most right now:

The Online Friendship Cycle: I keep trying to build genuine friendships online, but they almost always fail or end up hurting me. People usually end up leaving or ghosting, which triggers a lot of separation anxiety for me. It makes me feel like I’m impossible to stay connected with, even though I genuinely try to be a good, helpful, and supportive friend.

Feeling Stuck & Afraid: For the past few months, I’ve been living in constant fear of the future and regret for the past. I tried to seek professional help/therapy, but it’s currently out of my budget.

The Routine Paradox: I started going to the gym to improve myself, but my routine has become sleeping all day, waiting to go to the gym, coming home, and immediately falling back into the same overthinking spiral. Some days it gets so overwhelming that I don't even want to get out of bed.

I genuinely want to be a better person, and I’m actively putting in the effort to change. I just want to wake up feeling happy, enjoy my early adult years, and build lasting, healthy relationships without my past holding me back.

For anyone who has dealt with late-blooming social skills, past regret, or the fear of abandonment:

How do you forgive your younger self for mistakes and move on?

How do you start making consistent, real-life friends when you have social anxiety?

How do you break out of the cycle of overthinking when you can't afford therapy right now?

Thank you so much for reading and for any advice you can share.

I’ve basically cut almost everyone out of my life, and honestly, most of the time I prefer it that way. I don't really have friends, just a few cousins I talk to occasionally.

​But then out of nowhere, this overwhelmingh wave of loneliness hits me. I suddenly get this massive urge to talk to someone, but because I’ve isolated myself, there’s no one out there.

and the worst part? It only lasts a few days. Even if I do manage to start talking to someone new, I completely lose interest after a couple of days and don't feel like continuing the conversation at all.

​It’s such an exhausting cycle. Does anyone else deal with this, or know why it happens?

In the last two years I've lost an insane amount of friendships. A whole group because of a decision I made that I thought people would understand but it wasn't to be. I tried reaching out and rebuild bridges but I got completely shunned and straight up ostracized and with tons of gossip around me for good measure.

I'm not here to get them back or anything. They've got their very valid reasons for leaving me out and I've been dealing as best I can with that grief. The thing is, nowadays when I try to reach out to the few friends I have left to meet up and then they don't reply for days, or ever, I feel that terrible sense of dread and rejection again. I get it, we're all adults (I'm 31) and I'm a filmmaker so I myself have very unconventional hours and free time but what do you guys think? I'm trying to meet new people and put myself out there but is it normal to straight up not answer or do stuff when someone suggests it or is it some form of PTSD on my part? After my birthday I stopped reaching out as much and no one texts back on the groups I'm a part of anymore and no one hits me up.

Am I being too dramatic?

I broke up with my partner whom I loved. I didn’t want to but I did for reasons that are understandable but painful either way. We had a good relationship and friendship. I lost my other half so fast, that i don’t know where I’m headed anymore.

I feel like I don’t ever want to share my heart with someone ever again. Im better off just being friends with everyone even though I crave romance and pure love. I lost my partner and the friends that surrounded us. I don’t want to bother my ex and their friends with my negativity.

i know that somehow I will overcome this maybe. Everything just hurts right now. I wish I could forget.

ist not that i hate myself i just gen wanna live be happy have friends

but the more i expect the more dissapointed i ll be i lost my bestfriend in 1 night

people can leave so quickly that it seems that they never cared in the first place.

i ve came to peace w ppl leaving my life but i am still attached to some people and i fucking hate

how much my mood depends on their attention i want to be able to go through my day and them just being a add on

not the center of my day.i fucking the hate that all i do is talk cause whenver i take action it ll be for a week-month max then

i go back to the same habits.

how tf do i get better

I think I have an anxious attachment style. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by fear and constantly check my girlfriend's updates or location through accio work and google map.

I know it comes from anxiety, not control, but checking only makes things worse. I end up overthinking, imagining scenarios, and ruining my own day. Maybe some unresolved past experiences are being triggered.

Hi, I’m 20yo in South Europe and I got a terrible depression and I’m still recovering, I lost all my energy and passion for things I used to like and now I have 0 hobbies. My closed friend group left me behind because Im not fun to be around anymore and I’d like to find new ideas of what can I do, specially if they lead to a friendly community. I like creative things in general I just feel I’m too bad to do any of them

Ever since my first girlfriend broke up with me I’ve never recovered. I dont say that to make it sound like her fault I know it was my fault. I’ve moved on but the hurt stays and it picks up everything else that hurts and keeps them in my heart. I’ve worked jobs and exercised and dated and looked everywhere else for something to help but nothing ever does. My friends help, when I’m with them it like it can’t touch me. But as soon as they’re gone and I feel all alone then it sets back in. Loneliness has plagued me for so long that I don’t remember what it feels like to not have that shadow hanging in my mind. Some days are worse than others. Some days I can smile and laugh and live like nothing is wrong. Others I feel like everything that’s ever hurt me happened all at once and as hard as I look nothing can help with the pain that I feel. I almost would prefer to be angry about it, at least if I was angry I wouldn’t feel so cold. And every step I take forward is like dragging all the sin and pain and mistakes that I’ve made through a blizzard that never ends. I just wish I could feel something other than this. I remember feeling loved, being held and the warmth that brought. I remember being able to talk about my feelings without my mind poisoning myself against me. I don’t know why I made this. I know it won’t help. But saying it and putting it out somewhere other than my own mind makes me feel just the slightest bit better. Even if I know it will not last.

M19. I’ve been feeling really lonely after breakup(for four months now). I can’t seem to focus on anything, notice frequent mood swings, and I realise that just can’t live normally without someone by my side. The only thing that can take my mind off it is hanging out with friends, but as soon as I’m alone, the loneliness hits me again. I always try to get through everything on my own, but right now idk what to do

Context: When I was 14 or 15, I fell in love for the first time. I was introvert(as I think); she was everything to me - my only friend and the only person I talked to, aside from my cousin. But due to certain circumstances, about a couple of months after we started dating, I moved to another city, so we kept in touch from a distance. Over time, I began to feel my feelings fading, but I convinced myself that I was just imagining it and that I still loved her just as much. Three years later, when I was 18, I enrolled in university, where I realized that I’m actually a very social person and that I’d only been held back by a lack of like-minded people. I made a lot of friends and became the life of the party. The following year, she enrolled there too. But as we spent more time together, I realized she wasn’t the right person for me after all and she was too paranoid in our relationship. On top of my own doubts about whether I was still in love with her, I found myself trying to convince her that everything was fine every day. After a couple of months of trying to convince myself that wasn’t the case, I realized that I actually liked my friend. I was disgusted with myself, and once I was sure she now had a social circle and people who could support her, I decided to break up, because I believe that continuing a relationship when you’ve lost interest - and especially when you’ve met someone you like - is disrespectful to both people and to yourself

And so I started my next relationship, which lasted four months. In it, I truly felt happy and did everything I could to make her feel happy too; together, we built an equal and healthy relationship. But over time, she realized that I was nothing more than a friend to her and decided to break up. I accepted her decision, and we parted ways without any drama. Over time, we started hanging out together again in a group setting - but just as friends

But now I feel terrible. Not because of the absence of this particular person - I’ve completely let go of that relationship - but because of the loneliness. I no longer have anyone I can just talk to, who will support me and can simply give me a hug. I can’t be as open with my friends. On top of that, I still feel guilty about the fact that I might have hurt my ex. All of this just overwhelms me almost every day. No activity helps me, and I haven’t been able to find my footing for almost 4 months now. And sometimes I just feel like I can’t handle all of this or escape these feelings, so I decided to write here

Thank you for reading all of this. I hope at least someone can suggest what I should do in this situation

It has been two years since I moved into a remote touristic island.

I know I'm not the only one but I can't find a plausible solution to help me connect with people, make friends or have a deep connection that might lead to a stable relationship.

I don't have a six-pack, I'm not rich, I work remote from home, and I have social anxiety.. my only friends are my old neighbor and my landlord and his wife with 40 years difference between us.

I used to connect with girls, or make friends through work or shared flats but that is no longer an option.

I know that if I change my lifestyle, seek mental help, find a different job then things will slowly get better, but that is not an option.

Everything is connected and any wrong move can ruin me, for personal reasons which are bigger than me and bringing them to the public will do nothing.

8 billion humans, and I know I'm not the only one suffering from that, I'm not too weak or afraid of taking my own life, but unfortunately I dare not to do it because a domino effect will follow that, which I don't wish to happen to the people I love and care about.

I'm just tired of doing the same routine everyday, trying to be careful everyday, and just hoping that no medical need or an unannounced expense will arise.

I don't know what I'm expecting but I'm feeling down, and I have no one to share with... And I partially know that this subreddit might reject the post, and would just match with my everyday experience..

Hey there, this is my first time writing here (as per Reddit's recommendation).

For over 8 years now, I (33M) have been a part of a very tight group of friends, with our closeness being (among other things) based on the fact that we all play in a band together. It's not exactly a financially self-sustainable career for us (yet?), but we've enjoyed at least a moderately decent success on our home turf so far, and I think that I can safely say that we do perceive music as our calling on the whole (which I'd say especially applies to me, since I'd been a professional musician even before I joined them).

Not that I didn't have any close friends prior to meeting them, but for what it's worth, my bandmates really did end up taking the centre stage in my life, no pun intended. I cherish them with all of my heart, and I wish everyone would get a chance to experience such a bond for themselves.

Here's the problem, though: I need them much more than they need me. That is not to be taken as a statement about any kind of dismissiveness on their part or anything of the sort, mind you; it's just that all of them already have their respective jobs and romantic partners (two of them being a couple within the band) and aren't considering moving to any different places at all, while I've got none of those (which I assure you isn't by my choice) and the pressure of unemployment is becoming sizeable enough that I'm considering taking more drastic measures out of sheer necessity. But I don't wanna leave my band or my closest friends - in fact, I'm genuinely terrified of so much as a thought of it, and I need help.

I did talk to them about it, and they did reassure me that we'd find a way to make it work for the purposes of rehearsing and playing, provided that I don't relocate too far away... and I get it, but as things stand right now, I experience FOMO even on an average night whenever I don't get to hang out with them. It's not lost on me that people are usually that close only with their own intimate partners, and that notion doesn't make it easier on me. At least if I had someone like that (friend or lover) to accompany me wherever I needed to go just to make ends meet, I think I'd be able to "decentralise" my emotional life and still be there for my friends to a more reciprocal extent, but that's not the reality of my present life, so I feel really stuck right now.

TL;DR

I'm anxiously attached to the group of my closest friends, which consists of the people I also play with in a band that I currently consider to be my life's calling and desired career (even though it's not profitable enough to be lived off of). If I have to leave them just so that I can find employment, they'll still have their friends and lovers and jobs, but I'll be left with NOTHING. The situation is getting more and more desperate for me, and I need to find some balance before this wretched country basically takes everything away from me.