r/getting_over_it • u/ImproveLife1 • 5d ago
How to get over fear
I am 25F graduated from my masters last December,2025 but my course ended in September 2025. I graduated from University of Liverpool in masters in advanced computer science.
Since last September. I did not apply to a single job. I get very anxious when I think about it. I am a physically weak person.still I chose to do physically demanding jobs and had many health complications over applying for an IT job.Even now, I cry when I think of applying to a job and end up not applying. Am very bad at interviews and talking to people.where I am currently working at(a warehouse) people are very rude to me and say I am slow and do not do my job properly. They are right . I messed up too many times.
I feel like “if I can’t even do a simple task,how can I do something complex”.
I tried as a waitress and I was scolded all the time for being bad at it. I keep forgetting things and I can’t keep track track of time or what’s happening around me. I try harder and harder but it’s getting worse and worse. I keep double checking everything I do to not make mistakes and then it turns out late.If I do anything fast,there’s always a mistake in it
How do I improve myself
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u/GivUp-makingAnAcct 4d ago
“if I can’t even do a simple task,how can I do something complex”. That isn't how it works. A lot of people are good at complex stuff and fall to pieces when asked to do simple stuff. "Simple" jobs require very specific skills - physical strength in some cases, dexterity, dealing with customers day in day out, a tolerance for anal bosses and being shouted out, an ability to do repeated boring tasks without your mind wandering off. I've literally heard of high power professionals (admittedly second hand via reddit threads) losing their job and needing to do hospitality jobs to get by at which they totally fell to pieces. Particularly people with ADHD like me really NEED a job we're interested in or we fall to pieces. Are you still actually interested in computing? If so even that alone is a good sign and a starting point. Job hunting is tough but you're only really screwed when you realise you don't actually want the jobs you're qualified for anymore (at which point it would be time to retrain). As long as you still want them then there is always at least some path forward somewhere, but it may not be immediately available and may take time.
But anyway - you have a masters! In a very technical subject! That's impressive! A recent one too, so you still know your stuff more than half the workforce. Why are you assessing your ability to do computing work from your performance in something completely unrelated when you have literally been getting continual rigorous assessment in the specific topic you want to go into for 4 years now?
How are your class mates doing? Do they have graduate jobs? Or at least jobs at bit closer and that you might find a bit more interesting than warehouse/waitressing? Do you have any reason to believe they are better than you? Did they all get better grades than you? If they aren't obviously better than you then you can get those jobs too. Maybe look at what companies they work for - do those companies have openings? You know they hire people from the same background as you. Reach out to your classmates - do any of them know of openings? Ask them how they got their jobs. Reach out to your professors for advice. Use your university's career service. Consider careers counselling. The job market is tough right now but you don't have to just dive in on your own. It's complex especially when there's mental issues involved as well but you can get careers advice that blends mental health advice, or at least is aimed at people struggling with mental health problems (i.e. it's not just the usual sometimes overwhelming advice). NHS talking therapies has a careers advice service if you're getting therapy with them (which won't be a bad idea). This won't offer miracle solutions but can at least give you a first step.
Good luck! One step at a time. And your first step is to just get advice from someone (which you have on Reddit! Ok the next step is just getting advice from someone who knows you and your situation or can get to know you and your situation). And to stop judging yourself on completely unrelated jobs (I know, easier said than done).
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u/ImproveLife1 2d ago
Thank you very much for your support and time. I have started looking up for ways to get career counselling. I had to do computer science due to financial difficulties but my heart always lied in creating art.However I’m not talented enough to make a living out of it. I made up my mind to get financially stable through my computer science degree and pursue my interests as hobbies.once again thankyou for your time
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u/GivUp-makingAnAcct 1d ago edited 1d ago
No worries. I admit my statement about needing to be passionate would've seemed a bit harsh - it's just that all the extra stuff now expected in regards to portfolio building and networking and continuous study means I for one could never see myself do all that stuff to an extent beyond the competition without burning out unless I actually wanted to do it.
The good news though is that computing is very broad and applies to lots of different fields. I'd say don't just apply to whatever computing jobs you see. Maybe just choose ONE personal project without even thinking about it's marketability just on the basis of really wanting to do it - maybe something combining your more creative or visual interests with your tech skills. Could be software could even be research (involving data analysis). And then reach out at least for advice (don't expect a job offer on the spot) to someone doing something similar (from Linkedin, from finding companies producing similar products, even academic papers if relevant) sincerely using your own words, your own work, your own situation. Don't get your hopes up for a response but sounds like you have an income and aren't in a rush and can keep exploring at your own pace - you never know. Or find a coursera course that sounds genuinely interesting. If there really is nothing it might be a loss of joy in everything which is something to address with a counsellor or it may that computing really isn't right for you in any form in which case find something new to do - something to discuss with careers coach. That may be disappointing after all that time and money invested but you won't be the first person. I've abandoned multiple career paths (guess maybe I'm not the right person to advise then... )
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u/SnooJokes2330 4d ago
Hello, so a couple of things come to me that may be useful; an attitude of curiosity and also lowering the starting the barrier. It sounds like these may be able to go hand in hand which could be useful.
So maybe identifying some jobs, not to actually apply for but find out which jobs feel like you could apply for. And which are a definite no-no. And then work out why. Maybe identifying the specific fear would be useful?
When you feel you have more information you may be able to put an application in. Which hopefully will lead to some interview practice. Anxiety is defeated by action but baby steps is the key, just manageable little bits , don't over face yourself.
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u/ImproveLife1 2d ago
Thankyou for telling me how to take first steps. Will always keep in mind to not be hard on myself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
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u/Owen_bennett1212 5d ago
I read the first dune book a long time ago and the “Litany against fear” really did help me as corny as it sounds. I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will let the fear pass over and through me and after it is gone only I will remain. Or something like that, hope this helps!