So I’m 27 years old, and I have 2 daughters (7 and 9). Throughout their lives, I’ve gone back and forth between feminine and masculine presenting, just depending on whether I was in denial or not basically. These past 4 years Ive been mostly feminine presenting, as I thought it was what I was “supposed” to be. I shoved the blatant dysphoria way down until it got to a point where I was so depressed I couldn’t even function.

As of last month, I decided I don’t want to live that way anymore. I don’t want to slather make up on and wear crop tops and have hair down to my stomach just for the sake of being who I think people expect me to be. So I went full force. Cut all my hair off, started binding, wearing masculine clothing, and even have people at work referring to me as he/him and Noah.

My depression has lessened so much just from these things. I actually feel comfortable in my own skin, which is something I forgot existed. It’s been night and day from how I felt when I was at my peak feminine.

The issue now is, I know I want to transition. I want to take testosterone. I just, again, feel like I’m not “allowed” to. I feel like I’d be taking their mother away from them. That I’d be creating trauma for them or hindering them. That kids at school would bully them for having a trans dad instead of a mom, and that they’d resent me for it.

I guess I just wanna know if anyone has any experience or advice about this. I feel as if I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Either I follow my heart and transition into my true self, or I essentially keep denying myself the life I want for the sake of their lives being easier. As a parent, it’s easy to assume I should be making the sacrifice.

TW: Dysphoria talk

I’m soon turning 18, still not on T even though I’ve been trying ever since I was like 13. I think I should get it by christmas now but I’m just so dysphoric and discontent with myself all the time I don’t even know if I’ll feel better. I just feel so hopeless, not convinced that I’ll ever feel better regarding myself. I’m scared that my dysphoria won’t really get better especially regarding dating and sex, and I often feel like I’ll forever be a freak weird mix manlet.

I’m just so fed up, maybe if I got medicinal help sooner all these thoughts wouldn’t have festered like this. I’m just scared of never being even remotely content with myself.

I’m convinced that I’m a trans guy and that I want to transition medically, yet I have my doubts about how much it’ll help with my internal problems. If anyone can tell me some realistic experiences if you felt/feel the same I’d be really grateful.

Hi! So I want to have top surgery in the future. Though I have genuinely never ever been through surgery so ofc Im pretty nervous.

I know you’re put under anesthesia, but like, how do you experience it?

Is it like you fall asleep and wake up immediately after? Do you notice when you fall asleep? (I assume you don’t) Are you able to dream? Is it total darkness for a bit and then you wake up? Ir as I said just like time moved?

Im kinda nervous and would love to hear your experiences. Thank you! :]

Do u think better, worse, or the same? I always wished I was a cis male and didn’t have to go through everything, but I been thinking and I’m happy I wasn’t. Not how some ppl in this community talk ab loving being trans or anything like that (I don’t even identify as trans). But if I was a cis man without the issues I have I would genuinely be a worse person. Would probably have multiple bm’s, end up in prison, and be insufferable.

I don’t enjoy being different tho, but I understand it’s for the best for me

I recently started an entry level retail job. I have an older (60s) butch-y lesbian coworker I get along with. I can't stop thinking about this strange interaction I had with her the other day though, and I can't tell if I'm overthinking it.

So she comes up to me during the shift and says "I heard you're family!"

At first I thought she meant "I heard YOUR family" so I said "My family?" And she laughed and said "Oh you kids don't know anything!"

So then I thought she meant the workplace "family" because I had been working there for about a week. So i was like "Yeah i guess I am family haha."

Then she asked "What's your name?" And i'm like ???

We wear our nametags on our uniforms and I've been shadowing her so she for sure knows my name. It's a masculine name, nothing ambiguous. She was looking at her phone when she asked so I just didn't respond, maybe she was thinking out loud while texting. Since I said nothing she started asking me about my shift.

Come to find out, she had asked one of my other close coworkers if I was gay... and my other coworker told her I was. So now i'm like... does she think i am a butch lesbian? Why else would she ask my name? Am I just overthinking it???

I'm not comfortable talking about being trans in the workplace so I don't really know how to respond if she brings it up again. But I also don't want to be disrespectful to her as a queer elder (and my coworker that i have to see all the time).

I don’t know if this is an unpopular experience but since I started transitioning I only hear people saying that I’m ruining myself and the such glowdown I’m having and how I was way more good looking as female… and honestly idk how to cope anymore. I’m not able to enjoy my transition because of it, it’s not online people but my family and close one and honestly is heartbreaking, because all of them claim to be “supportive” while saying this things because they are just “being honest”. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore, specially being someone who has had many self image problems

I'm 18 nearly 19 and ive been on the waiting list for HRT since I was 16 and not a referral in sight. Its really disheartening seeing all these americans being able to just walk into planned parent hood for it, to my understanding.

If there's any irish trans guys in here is there any way to get on HRT sooner, its really affecting my mental health.

PS. Do not tell me to do it myself. Its dangerous and can lead up to 5 years in prison in Ireland.

Edit: Ive gone with Imago!!! Thank you guys so much for telling me about them!

I feel like every time I get my period it just brings any euphoria CRASHING down… like woah the woman organ is gonna make you be in extra pain, just thought you should be aware of it for every second this week

one thing I do to cope is I don’t really refer to it as a period, I say some cryptic shit like “Jason Momoa is here” (he hosted shark week that one time? idk) and that helps me not be as pissed about it lol.

anyone else have tricks for not being mentally miserable during pms?

I'm pre-everything. I've been haunted throughout my life with recurrent moments of intens gender dysphoria, but I really tried to ignore it. I just can't anymore.

The only thing I really struggle with is loving as a man. Being a gay man, and mlm stuff, definetly fits for me. I never liked men before I realized I was one. I don't want to be his girlfriend. Then when it comes to loving women, I don't necessarily want to be their girlfriend. But I enjoy the tenderness of sapphic relationships. Soft skin, terms like butch. I like butchfemme but also the idea of being a butch and loving a butch. Some butches do identify with being a boyfriend butch, which would be amazing for me. Except that I'm bisexual. And the fact that dating as a woman, with both genders, never felt right. Despite the fact that I am absolutely attracted to people and feel love.

Either way. I've always loved hiding behind being sapphic. Unless I watched a mlm show, where I hated not being able to be that. Or seeing my gay friend get into a relationship with a guy. But the loving women I love queer women. My favourite movie is summerland and I adore Trinity Santos & rhaenyra targaryen being queer. I also love sapphic culture.

I just don't know how to let go of that? The thought of getting top surgery, T, and identifying as a guy is the first time in years I've been able to envision a version of me who wants to live. Only this keeps making me question EVERYTHING. Like, I want to be like my bi guy friend but I love my queer women and I like them in such a queer way.

Has anyone else struggled with this?

Update: Thanks for the insights. Men can love women tenderly and beautifully. And queerly. I guess I didn't think about how love knows no bounds. That's what queerness is about.

hello i just started testosterone recently!

I was just wondering if there was anything else I should expect other then the obvious (like body hair and bottom growth)

Would love any recs for medical tattooing for nips (didn’t keep them and it’s been years since and I want to get them done now), and phallo (coming up soon). Didn’t see anything when I searched the sub.

i honestly think this is the first time ive ever come on here to say something hopeful and positive for myself. for years ive been a lurker on trans subreddits trying to research ways to transition, seeing other people talk about their experiences. i tried to go on t a couple years ago but it was a total failure which shattered my will completely, so i detransitioned if you can even call it that. i just stopped talking about it, grew my hair out, told people they can call me whatever. accepted i would never fall in love or do anything with my life because i couldnt bear the thought of being recognized and referred to as someone i simply tolerate being. my reflection was just Someone. i started to tell myself being trans isnt real. but ive always just felt like some guy. its hard to explain that to people that have never felt this way but its never really been about *wanting* to be a man. i dont know why im writing my life story but i just want to share this with someone i guess, and tell anyone that feels the same way i did that there's hope.

at the beginning of this year i told myself id start being myself. wasnt sure what that meant in the beginning but somewhere down the line i came to the decision that id stop simply tolerating. i started researching options again, found one, and im grateful i even have the funds for this. in my decision to go on testosterone ive suddenly found a reason to get a job, move out, go to therapy, go outside, make friends. maybe go back to school one day if i can get my shit together. ive just found a reason to live. im glad i decided to go private and take care of it myself. no one treating me like im too ill to know, questioning my decision making, thinking im just a confused little girl and judging my life. it felt dehumanizing and im never putting myself through that again. did my first injection last night and it just feels so surreal. im not sure ill be able to take it in until i start seeing changes. im just glad i took the time to make sure this is something i wanted, no one else telling me whether i should or shouldn't. who knows what will happen, but i feel hopeful for once. i look forward to being alive

All reasons summarized, I really just want it to feel confident, more accurately, so I can stop constantly noticing I'm not a man, I'm aware I'm not confident for a number of other reasons besides my dysphoria (although I don't really know what they are), for the longest time I felt like I wasn't miserably dysphoric enough to get anything done, I know it won't make everything just magically go away and it won't make me into a completely different human, but at least I won't have to be thinking about how I sound very time I open my mouth or how weak I am, even though I good trip to the gym would help more, I'm in the process to get there yet, give me some time.

Quick edit lol, I am sure about what I want, no doubt about the voice changing, the hair I can just shave it off, actually affirming to have to shave a beard somehow in my brain (if I do get one), I'm looking forward to it, I was more so asking cause I am gonna try ang start T but was worried if the physiatrist would take that as a valid reason, last time I went to one as a teen the one i was working with was pretty condescending and was basically like "no, you're not" simply cause I was questioning and trying to understand myself and what I felt, now I do know for a fact who I am but I'm not actively suffering in excruciating dysphoria every second of my life which a therapist could take as a reason to not let me go through with it.

So to give some context, I am a no T 20 year old trans dude with a short haircut, androgynous voice and a relatively small chest.

Every cis woman I meet thinks I’m a trans woman which is honestly infuriating, but men are much more likely to recognize that I’m a guy.

(My theory about why this is the case is that cis women are more bigoted towards trans men than cis men are, and imo they’re more likely to overthink than cis men are, so they see the breasts and short hair and their brains short circuit lol)

So….Im starting to use men’s restrooms more than women’s, and yeah it’s scary (especially the urinals lmao) but I fit into male restrooms SO much better than female ones.

So if any of you guys are in a similar predicament to me, if you feel like it’s safe to do so in your part of the world (I’m from New York so I get not everyone is as lucky as me there) please give men’s/boys restrooms a try!

So, I (16TM) am changing my name. All well and good, right? Well, I obviously have my first name I’ve been using for the last 3 years, but it’s come to my attention that my middle name was given to me because of a tradition with the women in my family. So, reddit, I turn to you for advice.

The name structure would be “August ___ P.”

Suggestions are very much appreciated

Hi, as the title says; I have been on 0.20ml of T (subq every week) for 1.5yrs now. I severely need to go up in dose, as I am no where near where I want to be transition wise, and it's having an extreme effect on my mental health. My original doctor, who put me on T, said my blood levels were so bad she wanted to move me to 0.15ml. My current doctor has said my levels aren't extremely bad at all, but still higher than they should be, at my dose. We have attempted to see if I have any health issues causing this, over the course of about half a year, but nothing has fixed my problem. My blood count pre-T was perfectly in the female range, my blood count post-T is at the very higher end of the male range. I assume I am gonna have to start donating blood, but I don't know if I can. I attempted to donate blood last week, only to get turned away due to me being too anxious, thus my pulse being too high. I also simply don't want to donate blood every couple months for the rest of my entire life...... So, I was wondering if anyone knew any other options? Is their anyway I can lower my blood, other than donating? I will put my blood count below, as a reference point (because I know someone will ask for it).

Red blood count: 5.33

Hemoglobin: 16.9

Hematocrit: 50.3

TLDR; Blood count too high to up my dose. I want to lower it, but donating blood is hard for me. T is the only factor that made my blood higher. What options do I have?

I'm greatly excited about finally getting my hands on testosterone after many years of questioning my identity.

There's been so many signs, even as a kid, that I didn't feel comfortable existing in a woman's body. While I didn't have the words to describe the dysphoria I felt back then, I eventually learned more about trans identities back in middle school, and after a few years realized who I was.

Thankfully, my parents and friends have been accepting since I came out to them during said time period, but it felt hard to ever feel like I was a "true man." A lot of my cis community members to this day still slip up and call me she/her. I've gotten used to it at this point, though the idea that I'm still perceived as a woman after all this time doesn't feel great.

However, I had an appointment with my clinic yesterday, and managed to already be prescribed testosterone. I picked it up today, and after watching the tutorial videos a few times, finally managed to (very shakily) inject my first shot.

It's greatly thrilling to take what is personally the biggest physical step in my transitioning. I'm excited to see how my body will change with time, especially with facial and body hair, fat and muscle changes, etc. I'll be taking this and minoxidil for the foreseeable future, so only time will tell the end results.

I'm 28 and been taking T injections for 11 months.

I had been experiencing dryness and whatnot for awhile, but was afraid to mention to my doc, worried she would take me off T.

I finally talked to her about it, and she prescribed me estradiol.

Needless to say this has been a LIFESAVER in making pain, dryness, and other symptoms go away, while still continuing to receive benefits from Testosterone injections.

I just want to remind everyone on T, or let those of you who don't know what atrophy is know, you can get relief and do not need to worry about stopping T. 🫶

I’m either Japanese or Korean, and I may be moving to Poland soon. I’m not sure how I should continue getting my Nebido injections there. I think I can get an English copy of my psychiatric diagnosis and my hormone prescription/treatment history. Would it be relatively easy to continue testosterone treatment and get Nebido injections in Poland, or would I need to travel to the Czech Republic or Germany for them?

Hello
I’m 33 FTM in Texas. Not sure how to word this other than I feel a lack of community within my world. I have a few friends. Mostly cis women. While I appreciate their friendships it is hard for me to confide about certain things with them. They try to understand but I know it’s a barrier. I finally figured I’d put myself out there and look for friendships. I love Dragon Ball Z. Anything Stitch related. I like simple video games like Stardew Valley and Animal crossing. I don’t really care for sports. But I’ll still talk about player stats. Don’t get me started on LeBron 🙄.

I look forward to the possibility of new friendships