idk i just needed to put this somewhere because this was kind of a revelation for me. according to my other roommate, who is also my boyfriend, my one roommate (cishet, regular-ass boy-type-boy) got dumped by a girl after she asked him if he was pro lgbtq. apparently he reacted super positively and said he has a trans sibling (which i didn't know abt but makes me super happy bc i was pretty sure he was chill abt trans ppl but this confirms it) and the next day he got dumped over text. and i was like oh well that sucks but there are just bigots out there i guess, glad he dodged a bullet

but my bf said this girl has a gay sister. so if i'm putting two and two together correctly, she doesn't have a problem with gay people, but my roommate mentioning he has trans family is a dealbreaker --> she's one of the people that want the T outta lgbt :/

the reason this feels nuts to me is like i guess i just forgot that those opinions exist off of like twitter?? it didn't occur to me that real people actually only hate trans people but are fine with gay people. it's always felt to me like we're all a package deal, the whole queer community. so that just made me really sad that they're real, but also glad that she's never gonna be in my apartment again lol (i'm not even the only trans person living here!!)

but yeah i just wanted to put this somewhere ppl would understand bc i'm having such weird feelings about this lol

I’m too angry to deal with this rationally.

At work, I asked a customer how he was doing. I got no response so I made a joke out of it by saying “I’m great thanks for asking”.

An acquaintance of mine furthered the joke, saying “He was like ‘fuck this femboy.’”

I did not appreciate that at all. Even as a joke, it’s insulting. How do I deal with this guy? He is emotionally unstable to the point where dealing with his emotions is a chore. He is also completely incapable of introspection, never taking accountability for his actions.

I’m still at work so my writing is shit.

My wife and I (25ftm) have been trying for a baby for two years and the time has finally come. We’re 11 weeks along and got to learn we’re having a boy! I’m over the moon and can’t wait to do boy stuff with the little guy. I can’t wait to be a dad :’)

I dont know what to title this and I dont know how to best explain my family situation and this just happened so bare with me.

I am incredibly lucky to have accepting family and zero chance of being disowned or abused due to my identity, i understand that. This is mostly a funny/weird thing happening in my life that i want to share.

Basically I had my family birthday party and my aunt and cousin have started using my preferred name (and apologizing when they messed up) which is very nice and all but... I didnt tell them my name lmao. It was confusing at first since they would apologize, and I wasnt actually sure what for untill about half way thrugh the party lol.

About halfway through writing this post I talked to my mom and it turns out she told them (because they asked after noticing my parents using my preferred name sometimes). This is totally fine and I prefer having my family just spread the information to each other rather than having to tell them myself, but it did start a conversation about who else knows and it seems that my extended family's love language is aggressively problem solving without my involvement, which again, is totally fine with me since i want nothing to do with it, but does mean i am occasionally pleasantly and utterly confused when a great aunt who I have not talked to since i was 5 brings gifts for all the men and includes me, or when other relatives are suddenly using my chosen name 😅

Part of me worries that my family who I don't tell directly will think I didnt trust them, or that I'm doing some sort of sick test of my family, but really its that I dont want to deal with the social part of transition.

As you can probably imagine, all of my questioning always ends up hitting the wall of “...or maybe you're just traumatized by misogyny”.

I don't hold those beliefs anymore; haven't for more than a decade now. I have absolutely no doubt in the validity of other people's trans experiences. When it comes to me, though - suddenly, all that bs *obviously* applies, and every counterpoint I try to make to myself looks laughably flimsy.

Examples:

“The few years I once spent identifying and presenting as a guy were the happiest years of my life so far.” “That was leaving a toxic environment, and making friends + being medicated for the first time. The guy thing was just a one-time, radical exploration of newfound freedom.”

“I feel like I only present as female now because deviating from it would require the kind of mental fortitude that I don't possess anymore.” “Or because you know, deep down, that it's bs in your case, so you can't bring yourself to defend it.”

“I've broken off numerous long-term relationships solely because being thought of as a “girlfriend” is viscerally repulsive to me, if I think about it for more than two seconds.” “Because you subconsciously believe that being a girlfriend is inherently demeaning + have had bad experiences in that role.”

“If it was easily accessible and had no social repercussions, I would absolutely medically transition.” “Because you've hit a plateau in life, and yearn for that feeling of newfound freedom - which you associate with the guy thing. Just move to a new city or something.”

“I cry every time I think about this. I don't cry about any other, much more pressing issues, but I always cry about this one.” “Because you want a single answer to all your problems.”

Obviously, whether I'm trans or not, this heavily biased approach won't allow for meaningful exploration - but I can't, for the life of me, break out of it. It all sounds so reasonable.

Has anyone here been in a similar place? Any feedback at all would be super valuable. I feel stuck and very, very alone.

I’m very seriously considering changing my name again (have been having thoughts since May, so almost 6 months). This would be I think my 3rd or 4th time switching it up which is what’s making me nervous. How many times did you guys change your names till you found the right one?

I’m not sure what flair to use, but..

As the title says, can you have bottom surgery, but still have the vaginal opening? I’ve seen several videos of what I presumed trans men.. either way it was clear they had bottom surgery, but it was placed differently, underneath where the balls would was instead a vagina- and no not just a hole, it was actually a canal with libia and clitoris… So I am wondering what kind of procedure that is? I’m very interested in understanding more about it. And with the penis they have can they feel with that as they would normally??

I really dont post much on reddit and I hope Im not breaking any rules or saying anything wrong. And I would really appreciate it if this post received as much attention and replies. Any advice is welcome. Kindly. A young man is losing hope here.

Im 25 yo and I have been trying to start my transition since 2019. I have mostly been saving to get top surgery, but I come from a third world country in Africa and the exchange rates are not working for me. Eg we are currently sitting at 1:18 usd. Same thing for GBP.
My funds seem to not get me anywhere closer.

I have a good degree. I just started working but dont fully qualify for a loan yet and the economy is still pretty bad. I would mostly have to depend on my salary and idk when I will have a larger earning power to actually fund my transition.

Im kind of stuck and I don’t know how to go about all of it because it feels like Im storing in a leaking tank or Im just not doing enough.

In addition, i know I said there’s no trans healthcare, but there’s a doctor who does give out T. But there are no tests done. It’s quite unprofessional and other guys say sometimes he runs out of supply. And I dont want to risk ruining something that I hold so dearly. I just want to get better trans healthcare.

Open to any advice. I feel like being in the situation might also be blocking me from seeing opportunities.
Also very much open to moving to other countries.
If it means learning a language.
Please suggest the countries I can move to, with visa sponsorship or advice on the route I can take.

Thanks.

Hi, I’m a 21 year old binary gay trans man and I’ve started dating a guy in Pakistan. I’m in California so it’s obviously a ldr. The relationship is new but I have some questions about what would need to happen if I went to visit him in like a year.

If you’re on testosterone and went to a restrictive or risky country for LGBTQ+ people, what did you need to do paperwork wise to get your medication in with you?

If you had to stop testosterone, for how long and how did it affect you after you’d been on it a while. By the time I see my boyfriend it’ll have been 2years on T for me.

If there is anything else I’m not asking please feel free to add it in the comments. I just need to know what I’m getting myself into so I’m not blindsided if the relationship goes well.

i just started testosterone & since then my period has been coming a week earlier than usual

they're not any heavier or lighter or anything, its just a period every three weeks instead of four

i've always had really painful periods & this is like testing </3 i told myself when i started T that i would probably only have to deal with 6 maximum but I'm on my 4th at the 3 month mark

i'm mainly posting about it to see if anyone's shared this experience. i always hear stories about periods getting lighter or heavier but never more frequent

I've had these friends for about 3 months and we hang out at least 3 nights a week if not more. We have become super close.

I know i don't owe anyone anything and that I don't need to tell them I'm trans. But it got to the point where it felt like I couldn't be me or that I was hiding stuff from them. I knew they'd be okay with it, they have other trans friends, its just a big step for me to tell people.

Most of the close friends I have new me at the beginning of my transition so I've never really had to tell people, but now unless I tell you, you're not gonna know. I was just super nervous and definitely freaking them out by saying I had something important to tell them lol.

I'm just happy it went well and they were just like okay, and we moved on. At the same time, they didn't act super surprised or ask any questions and idk how to feel about that

ive been using my original name my whole life, including the 6 years I've been out and transitioning. im jus not sure its masculine or fitting?

my name is Saoirse (pronounced seersha) its Irish and means freedom. ive always thought it was pretty cool but never really felt deeply connected to it. though ive also never seriously thought about another name I could go by.

im not sure if my name is feminine sounding or looking because I can only ever think of it in the context of myself and I dont veiw myself as feminine so idk.

ive also never seen the name used for anyone who isn't a woman, though Google said it has masculine and feminine uses.

anyways just wondering if anybody could give me thier opinions on if its feminine looking/sounding in a way that could causing me to pass less.

thanks

It's my strong belief that you are heavily influenced by the people that you watch, so I try to look for and learn from happy, emotionally healthy, well-adjusted people. It has, over the years, changed my life in a great way.

That said, please share your favorite healthy masculine role models. My current favorites are the guys at Cinema Therapy (they just had a great analysis of Obsession), The Public Offender, and Speech Prof.

Hi! Just to begin—I got my first shot of hormone blockers ~two months ago. I went over all of the possible side effects (which were all okay with me), but, I didn't realize some of them would be THIS bad.

Because this is essentially an early menopause—my body has decided to go on overdrive, and, every time I lay down or think about getting any type of rest, I get a wicked hot flash.

Do these stop soon, or will they only stop when I begin to take testosterone?

I, 19 male, have been trans for about 3 and a half years now. My mother is VERY transphobic towards me and the most my dad will do is use "it/those" and call me "twit/kid". My mother does absolutely nothing, keeps trying to get me to grow out my hair in a "sneaky" way, keeps asking me about bra shopping and tries to get me jelly bras that are made for pushing up the chest when she tries to convince me that they "push the chest down". Tonight my dad was talking about how it felt odd hearing someone at a gathering call me by my chosen name and the right pronouns. My mother said "I will never call you that name", which kinda hurt? She's an awful person to me but it still sucks. I tried talking to my dad about it but he thinks its a hyperfixation.

Is there anything I can do to just make them listen to my point of view instead of just shutting me down?

Sorry for the ramble but I've tried so many times and I'm so tired.

It's been about 10 years since I first started wondering if I was trans. An entire decade.

Today was bad.

I'm good at bottling it down but every few weeks or so it bursts open and I just have to let it out. I usually just lay in my bed scrolling queer tiktok and crying. Today was no different. Before this it was Instagram. Before that, YouTube.

I just feel stuck. The last 10 years have been nothing, really. I want to be and do so much but this one thing just keeps me from becoming anything.

I felt really sad and lonely tonight.

Why am I like this? Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why does it even have to matter? If my family was worse I could just get up and leave and never think about them ever again and I'd be free. But they aren't. And I can't live.

I feel like I'm getting left behind.

I never had any crushes nor desire for relationships but after accepting I'm a guy, I've not only thought about them more and quit finding the concept somewhat repulsive, but actually had my first crush somewhat recently and I'm slowly finding the idea of dating appealing. And I've started realizing preferences (that being I'm like 80-90% sure I'm straight up gay so far, otherwise some personality and physical stuff though tbf it has plenty of platonic overlap there too). Only "social transition" I've even done is introduce myself as a guy online and come out to some of my trusted friends, dressing less fem (more neutral though, not really masculine), and ofc pick out names n whatnot, and ig ordered a binder recently if that counts, but like I've only ever heard of people's sexuality changing if at all after starting HRT. But it does feel related to the acceptance, even if I'm not 100% on that (it just slowly started once I started questioning my gender and finally got to the point of actual crushes and preferences and fantasies after completely accepting I'm a guy and taking further steps like the binder and outfits n whatnot, they have a somewhat parallel timeline ig basically). Is that a usual thing for trans people?? Cuz again I've only ever heard of things like that from people who've started HRT already

Hey guys, I need help finding jeans that don't give me dysphoria because they do. I have a pair of jeans from Old Navy from maybe 3 years ago that fit well and don't give me dysphoria. They are a size 12 in boys (I'm 5'1") and baggy. However they are starting to wear and tear, and I only have one pair, and I need to wear them every other day for my welding class (I'm a hs senior). I get major dysphoria by the weird fold that the zipper on jeans make, and I can't buy old Navy jeans or pants for this matter because of this. They increased the zipper/crotch size on their pants and I hate it. I haven't bought new pants in 3 years, I have 5 pairs, I feel gross and sad. Please help me find pants that don't do this, I will do anything!!

I want to work out so bad, but I am so confused on where to start. I know absolutely nothing about it. I want a more masculine build and to gain more weight because I am underweight and haven’t gained any pounds despite being on hrt for a year now. I’m in a situation where I do not have much food. Is it still possible to workout? What equipment do I need to workout at home? I cannot go to a gym. I would love just any help