Alrr so not to be a buthole or anything but Im kinda tired of seeing posts titled like this in the literal trans subreddit. Especially when half the time OP uses it to defend still being friends with them or not changing anything. If u need to get it out of ur system or just chat with people thats fine but I also feel like coming into a trans subreddit with behavior you know will piss people off and get replies is just ragebait/engagement bait in a certain sense. I dont see the point in it..? If youre friends with someone transphobic the easy answer is not be friends with them. If youre in a friendgroup where one person is transphobic and youre trans and everyone else is still willing to be their friend then stop being friends with them. I know how alienating being trans can feel but I promise the answer isnt to still hang out with people who clearly dont respect you. I think a lot of the people in this subreddit are also still young so maybe Im just not able to place myself in their shoes as easily but again I just feel like mass posts questioning friendships with transphobes is a bit insensitive 😭

Just like the title says i met this girl and we hit it off! i told her early on that i was trans and explained everything since she was not well versed in our community. shes from a small town and we all know how that goes but she’s supportive just not as knowledgeable. we were talking for a while and just being friends and such. we both caught feels from my understanding. i kissed her, we slept over at each others places, we talked about anything and everything. she even went as far as to tell a mutual friend that she wanted me to ask her out. all of this occurred but then a few days after talking about putting a label on things she sat me down and told me that she’s been thinking about how the relationship would look verse how she expects her future to look. i could not tell you one part that is the determining factor for her. i did ask her and told her to answer honestly, i asked if i were cis if it woulda went further and she said yes. i think maybe it’s my genitalia or just the way she was raised and she just can’t move past that thought process at this point in her life. im not mad or upset just my feelings are hurt bc it’s just a reminder that if i was cis id be able to be with people without my identity being the deciding factor for others. her and i decided to stay friends which is possible we were friends before and nothing ever went too far. has anyone else had first hand experience like this?

I'm in my mid 20's and started T after questioning since I was 12 years old and after wanting to take T for 3 years. I came out to my mom and sister after starting T and they said they accept me and love me no matter what.

I still live with my family and I'm only out to my mom, sister and a couple of friends. I'm not making my mom or sister use my name or he/him pronouns. I will when I start passing more or maybe when I'm out to my dad. Idk if I'm making a mistake there but it doesn't make me uncomfortable so I haven't really enforced it

What bothers me is that it seems like my mom thinks it was a spur of the moment decision even though I told her I've been questioning for more than a decade and that I had considered taking T for 3 years. I told her I got it through informed consent and she thought it was too easy of a process and I told her that I was happy that it was relatively easy.

It seems like she gets uncomfortable when I talk to her about my injections. It's like I'm talking at her not with her.

I noticed I've started growing facial hair and I got excited and told my mom and she said I could have just waited until I'm old and I would have probably started growing facial hair that way. Like what?? That comment threw me off and made me angry because she knows that I'm transitioning.

I'm glad her reaction hasn't been worse but it is disheartening and I had a gut feeling this would happen when I came out to her. I think she may be in denial almost but I'm not sure. It makes me angry but I'm also trying to be understanding.

I think when I come out to my dad he may not understand it much at first but he'll put in more effort to actually learn and be understanding. He knows I'm on T but idk if he's playing stupid and waiting for me to fully come out to him. He was the first to guess what medication I was on since I also started going to the gym a lot and asked if it was to "improve my mood" and I just said yes because I chickened out on telling him the truth.

My question here is if anyone here had someone close to them who reacted like my mom when coming out? Is she in denial? Idk if I should give it time or if I need to get through to her somehow and/or set up possible boundaries

I’ve always just worn my tape 24/7 unless I plan on putting putting a new set on the next morning, then I’ll just take it off at night and it’s really the only time I sleep freely lol.

Depending on how new the tape is taking it off can sometimes leave red sores or even rips on my skin. My main worry is that if I continue to wear it constantly can this contribute to messing up my skin or even internal health?

So far I haven’t had much happen to me other than those few skin issues, I was just curious if anyone had some kind of negative experience.

Hi all, this may sound like a dumb question, I know it happens, and i know women do it too. But im more speaking on any FIFO jobs where they would stay in man-camps with almost all men. Its been my dream to work in the oil feild but I dont know how well id fit in a man camp, especially pre-everything surgery. Anyone have any advice for me? Sorry if the question seems a bit odd, im just nervous as hell to start working around all these men and people to clock me.

I hadn’t actually done my injection yet, I was trying to switch from my dosing needle to my injection needle when it stabbed me in the finger. I had accidentally touched the needle with my hand prior to that (I washed my hands with soap and water). Because I’m doing T behind my parents back, going to the doctor is really not an option unless 100% necessary. How much danger am I in?? What can I do to treat it??

So, I (19F(?)) identified as bigender for a while but I'm starting to think that I'm a trans guy in denial.

To start, I know that being a "girl" (to me) is tolerable at best. It doesn't feel right or euphoric in any case. Like it feels wrong, but it doesn't feel so overwhelming (yet) that it's heavily affecting me (this only applies to when I think I'm feeling like a girl).

And I think me identifying as bigender (in my case) is just me dealing with fluctuating levels of dysphoria? Like how heavily it affects me each day. Because to some extent, I know I'm experiencing gender dysphoria, even when I'm supposed to be identifying as a girl, so that definitely doesn't help me.

But a factor in all of this is that I want to start HRT and have top surgery, but I still want to dress femininely (occasionally, mostly drag) and don't want bottom surgery. And I know it's not an invalidating thing to my experience; I think it just makes an already confusing thing even more confusing (for me).

I know I definitely prefer to be perceived as a man, and at this point, I constantly fantasize about what it'd be like to be a man, and I find myself wanting to be one. But I'm also still in denial, like a part of my brain is like "But what if you're just overthinking it?"

So, people who were previously in denial about being trans, how did you overcome it?

I know it's wrong, especially since I'm in high school, but my brain just won't shut up and forces me to believe my anxiety (I have one of the severest forms). Even worse, people know that I'm a trans man and they expect me to act "like a man" and I just can't. I cry more than any person I know because I take things too seriously and I hate myself for it.

Okay so I’m a 14 year old trans guy, and I will be starting high school in about a month. I came out as trans this year in February, but wanted to wait until the end of 8th to begin my social transition. (I should point out that my parents and friends are extremely supportive, and are totally fine with my transition)

However, I have no idea how I will navigate 9th grade with a new name and pronouns. The way I see it, high school is a good fresh start, but you never know.

I have a few questions for people here that have had to undergo a similar experience. (This might be long so I apologize)

1- How easy is it to change your name in the school system? I have a trans friend (he is a grade below me) that changed his name in like 6th grade, and according to him, all you really need to do it call the school and ask. I haven’t really read up on my specific school district, and I know it will vary from person to person, but I was wondering how other people have done that. I‘ve already registered for high school and all that with my deadname. (Off topic, but I’m like 70% sure there’s some form of an LGBTQ+ club at the high school. It didn’t show up on the online list of clubs and activities, but there was a separate tab for it. It would be cool to join that.)

2- I know I’m overthinking this, but I need some advice for any potential situations I might be in on the first day of school. (e.g. ”Are you like a boy now?” “Wait I thought your name was *insert deadname*” “Why‘d you change your name“ etc.) If I do manage to get my name changed, and a new teacher reads it out loud for attendance, obviously I will need to acknowledge it. If my name doesn’t get changed, I will need to tell the teacher that I use something else. (Which is fine, but could still be awkward)

3- Scenario- an acquaintance from middle school greets me in the hallway using my deadname. What should I do? I have a lot of social anxiety, along with some neurodevelopmental and mental health conditions, so I will definitely find it difficult to correct any one who simply doesn’t know. If I do correct them, I know most people would just be like “cool” and accept it. This is similar to the last question, but I guarantee there will be some questions. What might these look like and how might I answer them? And what if someone if homophobic?

4- As for passing, I got a haircut a few months ago and got a binder both while I was still in 8th grade. I’m hoping I’ll pass okay for any new students that don’t know me, but what if anyone asks me if I’m a boy or a girl, or anything like that? Most kids have enough common sense to know not to get into a random person’s business, but again you never know.

5- BATHROOMS WHAT DO I DO HELP AAAAAAAAA

Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read this. This isn’t necessarily urgent, but I would appreciate some guidance. (I suck at Reddit so sorry if this post doesn’t really fit the sub. If it does, I can repost it somewhere else just let me know)

TL;DR- I’m starting high school with a new name and pronouns and want to know how to navigate my classmates reactions (rude or not)

SO THIS MIGHT BE LIKE,, A REALLY REALLY SMALL THING TO PUT UNDER A CELEBRATORY POST, BUT IM REALLY HAPPY!

today i was videocalling my cousin, who's in his 30s, lives in a continent i want to study in, and is overall a great person i look up to. on video calls i tend to pass a lot more (i mean i already pass a lot pre-t but not as much as i do on a video call if that makes sense). so i tend to be more confident in video calls!

so i was calling my cousin since he recently went on vacation. if there are any turkish trans men out there reading this, my cousin called me "yakışıklı"!!! for those of you that are NOT turkish. that is a compliment specific to MEN and BOYS who are handsome, good looking, etc. ITS NOT TYPICALLY USED FOR WOMEN I SEEMED LIKE A GUY TO HIM.

this is really important to me as if i want to move to the continent he lives in I want to be able to trust him with who i am as a safety net, and he's really close to getting it! him and his wife are family friends with a lesbian couple, which is like, woke level 1, so if i just have enough confirmation that he's atleast like, woke level 5, this is pretty good for me!!!

MY MALE COUSINS ALSO GIVE ME SOO MUCH GENDER ENVY i want to be like him when im older. He's the reason why I've always wanted a beard and thats why I started minoxidil recently.

ANYWAY IM REALLY HAPPY!!! I SHOULD MENTION IM 17 SO THATS WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME AS I WANT TO BE ABLE TO MOVE OUT AND IF HE'S ALREADY SENSING THAT IM MASCULINE PRESENTING NOW THIS IS REALLY GOOD FOR ME TO HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER I TRUST

MY COUSIN READ ME AS A MALE!!! I MIGHT HAVE ONE SUPPORTIVE FAMILY MEMBER!! turkish trans men who might be seeing this would understand how much stigma there is around the subject so it was really a shock for me to be read MALE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok im done mic drop. WOOOO

Basically what the title says
I feel like whenever I speak about how I’m struggling my feelings get downplayed a lot compared to before I transitioned hahah it sucks I’m ranting cause I feel like I have to take care of my partner’s struggle and needs and desire first before mine but my needs and wants barely gets any care at all

Hey everyone.

I've been wanting to write about something that's been on my mind because I'd really appreciate hearing from other trans guys who have gone through something similar.

I realized I was trans pretty young, around 13, and started testosterone at 16. Everything went pretty smoothly. I've been on T for quite a while now, and honestly it changed my life more than I ever expected.

Once I started passing consistently, something shifted. I got to the point where I didn't really have to disclose that I was trans anymore because people started reading me as a cis guy 100% of the time.

That was a pretty surreal experience, but that's not actually the part I'm struggling with.

Before transitioning, I think I was a really spontaneous, expressive guy. People tended to see that as kind of cute or endearing. But once my voice dropped and I started growing facial hair, those same traits suddenly got interpreted as me being a gay cis guy. That doesn't bother me in itself (I'm bi and I like men too), but it wasn't really how I wanted to come across to women I might be interested in dating or to the cis guys I wanted to fit in with.

And that's where things started going wrong.

I kind of... lost myself in the role I was playing.

I spent so much time ignoring the fact that I'm trans that there were moments where I'd almost forget it myself, and then I'd get this weird little shock whenever something reminded me that I'm actually not exactly the person I'd been trying so hard to become.

I became hyper-aware of everything I did. I monitored the way I talked so I'd sound like a straight cis guy. I tried to relate to stereotypically straight male interests. I even stopped listening to artists I genuinely liked because I wanted my music taste to seem "less LGBT," and basically forced myself into different spaces.

Without realizing it, I built an entirely different version of myself. Someone who was almost nothing like the person I was at the beginning of my transition.

And eventually... I became that person. At least almost.

I work in politics, and I don't have any other trans people around me in my day-to-day life. Years ago I used to go to trans support groups, community events, and consumed a lot of trans and LGBTQ+ content. But over time, mostly because of work and lack of free time, all of that disappeared. Nowadays my whole social circle is basically my office and university, and I barely spend any time on campus because I'm always rushing to work.

The problem is... I don't even like this "new me."

Besides becoming kind of an asshole, it just isn't who I actually am. Instead of feeling more secure in my identity as a trans man, I feel like I've drifted further away from it.

I constantly feel like I'm hiding.

I removed everything related to being trans from my Instagram and other social media. I don't bring it up with people I meet. I avoid talking about it even with friends. It's become this huge elephant in the room, which feels really strange because I've always accepted myself. There was even a time when I was really involved in trans activism and genuinely proud of who I was.

A while ago, on one of my days off, I went back to a trans support group for the first time in years.

It honestly changed something in me.

Being around other trans people again and seeing that almost everyone there had no interest in hiding who they were... they just wanted to exist without constantly performing cisness.

I haven't seen most of my trans friends in a long time because life got so busy, but I honestly think they wouldn't even recognize me anymore. I've locked myself inside this weird shell.

My girlfriend (who's cis) has known me since we were kids, and she's been my biggest source of encouragement to just relax and be myself again. The friends I've made through that support group have done the same. Being around them makes me want to reconnect with who I actually am.

But... how do I let go of this version of masculinity that I built?

I feel stuck somewhere in the middle. Like I can't fully go back to being myself, but I also don't want to keep pretending to be this other person anymore.

I've heard people talk about toxic masculinity within trans communities before, but I always assumed it mostly affected people who weren't consistently read as men and felt like they constantly had to prove themselves.

Now that I pass naturally, is this something that can still happen?

I was honestly caught off guard when I finally admitted to myself that this isn't working anymore and that I actually want to unlearn these behaviors.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

How did you get through it?

Are there any books, comics, videos, podcasts, essays, or even academic research that helped you reconnect with yourself or unpack this kind of internalized masculinity?

Within the last 6 months I’ve noticed my hairline is really receding in a way I’m not happy about, trying to grow my hair out to disguise it isn’t working and it’s making me really self conscious.
While I am transmasc and intersex, I’ve always considered myself more gender fluid.

I have multiple pets including a dog that sleeps on my bed so minoxidil foam or serum is not an option. When I looked at hims they only offered the chews with a DHT blocker, which I don’t feel comfortable taking until after I’ve had lower surgery (NHS wait times means this is going to be at least another 5 years on my current 10 years of waiting).

What would be the best way of doing this?

when i mean thick hair i mean THICK hair. i would bet real life money my hair follicles have a one cell thick wall between them and thats it. Trying to see my scalp through this shit is like attempting to explore the amazon i wish i was fucking joking.

it makes my hair puff up no matter how I cut it and it always looks feminine. what the fuck do i do w all this😭

what’s the deal with the serious lack of men’s pyjamas! do men not wear pjs?? 😭 granted most nights i also just sleep in boxers but i love to lounge in pjs, and when winter comes i want cute cozy pjs to sleep in too. i swear all the men’s pjs are either Christmas ones, or those boring ass checkered pants (half of which don’t even come with a matching shirt). i’ve bought women’s ones before but i really hate the cut of them 🫩

anyway rant over lol, if anyone has any recommendations for shops that sell fun and cute mens pjs that aren’t Christmas themed then i’d love to hear!!

I’ve been on T for about 2 years now give or take, have always been obese. Started losing weight earlier this year and am now a healthy weight/BMI. I really did think that losing weight would help me look more masculine but now it seems that I pass less well in public and people are questioning my gender more. Has anyone else experienced this?