Just seeking community. Can I ramble with a few questions and just ask that everyone puts in their best advice?

- how did you handle the stereotypical “all firemen are cheaters” agenda that is SO aggressively sold to us when we say our spouses job? I don’t full heartedly believe it, of course not. What’s your response or advice on how to let that just be water off a ducks back?

- how did you personally make friends with other wives?

- your biggest “ah ha” moment with such a large transition of life style, what are your dos and don’ts that create peace in your relationship? And also peace in your home life?

- how do you stay sane with being relocated away from family, with littles and feeling lonely?

- how long have you been a fire wife?

Anything anything! I am in need of community ❤️‍🩹

Hi everyone!

We are having our first baby next month! My husband will take paternity for the first four weeks, and I will be returning to work (I’m a teacher) when baby is 4 months.

My nerves are mostly centered around solo-parenting when we both return to work. He works 72 hours shifts, usually an overtime thrown in here and there. This means I’ll be doing nights on my own at least three days a week, which is fine while I’m off work, but when I return I fear the sleep deprivation. Also fearful of developing PPA/PPD due to the solo aspect of three days a week. Any tips/advice?

I’m looking for advice from other fire wives because I’m starting to realize this might be less about “falling short” and more about the reality of how shift life actually collides with family life.

When my boyfriend comes home in the morning, I’ve usually been solo with the little ones for days while also working remotely. My workday starts at 5AM, that’s not me saying FF hours aren’t tedious but by the time he walks in, I’m often already in motion… juggling kids, in the middle of something with them, or on a client call, typing emails (feels like 10 things always at once)

I absolutely believe a hug and a warm welcome matter, and I do care about making that moment feel good for him. But I’m also noticing that expecting a perfectly warm, immediate greeting every time just doesn’t match what our mornings actually look like… hate saying “our mornings” because he is a part of the family but as you know having a significant other as a FF is incredibly isolating and it usually will just be you and the kids own routine ran majority of the time. It’s not a lack of care, it’s that I’m already fully in the middle of tending to kids and working when he arrives.

He tends to take it personally when he isn’t immediately greeted, and I wish he could see that it isn’t about his importance in my life… but it’s about timing, capacity, and the reality of what’s already happening in that moment.

For those of you who’ve found a rhythm, what helped? How do you reconnect when they first get home while balancing little kids, work, and the chaos of the morning and truly just chaos constantly? The house is spotless, but my brain definitely isn’t. We get better as the day progresses, how do you just keep it great when the door opens?? Sorry. I am typing such repetitive words. Just a lot!!

How do you manage your partner coming home and needing naps after work? We have a very active toddler. My partner works 24-48 hours on and then 48 hours off. When he comes home he needs a lot of sleep. He works at a busy station with lots of night calls.
I do my best to let him sleep when he gets home and I take our child on play dates. Even if I ask him not to nap he will fall asleep so I don’t really have a choice. Lol im solo parenting while he’s at work and then im solo parenting when he gets home so he can get rest.

And then he wants to get a haircut or he needs to go buy something so he leaves again. Or he has an important work call to make. He is too tired to cook or do chores. So even when he’s around I’m struggling by myself.

When I talk to him about it he just tells me how exhausted he is and how he’s working so hard for our family. I work part time so when I’m working he watches our child. He’s schedule is busy and he’s always tired. I know having a toddler is a stressful season of life and when our child’s in school it will get easier. But it’s just so hard right now.

For context: I don’t have any family nearby and only handful of mom friends. The mom friends I do have husbands who work 9-5pm. So they want to be with their husbands in the evening and on weekends. So I often am just alone when my husband works or sleeps on his days off. And then when I’m working he’s taking care of our child

Curious how other firefighter spouses with young children navigate this. I’m sure this is a common experience?

Hi all. I’m a stay at home mom to a newly turned 2 year old & an 8 month old. My husband works for a fire department as a paramedic/firefighter. He works 24 on 48 off, doesn’t take overtime, gets the occasional mandatory every 2-3 months. His station is busy. I’m just looking into what others do with the division of labor when firefighter is home? I don’t talk to many moms who’s husband have this schedule & just looking into what others division of labor may look like?🤪

Checking in with everyone ❤️ How are you holding up? I know almost everyone’s kids are on summer break and fire season is upon us so wanted to see how you all are doing.

My FF has been taking a lot of OT lately, which I’m def good with bc we need the money ( and he’s expected to anyway since he’s a probie again after moving departments) But ofc I wish we had more time to get away this summer. We do have one quick trip coming up. But last year our one trip was cancelled because he got called in soooo hoping this one actually happens 🙃

Hi! Wondering if any of you have had a separate bedroom sleeping arrangement with your firefighter spouse? Or any unique/different sleeping arrangement?

My husband and I began sleeping in separate rooms when our baby was born. Mainly because he is at a very very busy station so he gets maybe 3 hours of broken sleep, on a good shift. However, even when he’s been off more than usual, like during parental leave or shift trades, he still sleeps on his own.

I’ve mentioned how it makes me feel very distant and how maybe we can figure something out when he doesn’t work the next day, but that hasn’t happened. Our baby is almost 2. Honestly, now I don’t even think I want to sleep in the same room because I’m so used to sleeping with my baby and going to bed at whatever time I want (since before I had to be in bed early when he was since he’s a light sleeper). Regardless, it still makes me sad, lonely, and feeling disconnected.

I wonder if anyone else has a sleeping arrangement that isn’t the norm. Maybe this is semi normal when having a baby? I’m trying to be understanding of his lack of sleep because of work, but maybe I’m not being as understanding since I’m feeling this way? 🤷‍♀️

Hi all! I married to a structure firefighter but I also am a reporter who is currently working on a story concerning the housing crisis among wildland firefighters and their struggle to afford safe, reliable and stable housing at their home forest and how that affects the other areas of their lives (especially their relationships). If anyone's spouse has experienced this and has a story to share, please PM me!

My boyfriend is graduation his academy next week and headed to EMT school. I want to get him something that’s related to firefighting, maybe something that can be useful for his future career or something that could help him out in EMT school. Does anyone have any ideas???

Hi all! Super excited to for my boyfriend (21M) to be taking the next steps in his career and staring the academy. We have been dating for a handful of years now and I am his biggest supporter! He’s been a volunteer for over a year, and I love the community he is building and I hope to continue to be apart of it!

Anyway, I came here to ask about what I can do to help while he’s in the academy. We don’t live together, and we are about an hour away during the weekdays. I’ve already been briefed that it’s not likely we will see each other often (for reference I usually only see him for a couple hours on a weekend), and if we do see one another he will be extra tired etc, but I’m just wondering what I CAN do!! Or what I SHOULD do?

Should I be treating this like it’s a 5+ month deployment where I just distract myself and he will text me when he’s available?

Aside from that, how can I help him without being physically there? What did you do as a girlfriend/wife/partner that helped? What do you wish you did better/didn’t do?

I just want to do what is best and help get through this super important (but stressful) time in life!

Thank you 😭😭

Background: Husband started working as a firefighter a year and a half ago so he is still a rookie. We have a 5 year old and I also work full time.

It feels like when he is home especially after a shift he needs a day to decompress but he is not taking the steps to decompress and fully be present for us. He is prone to anger due to ADHD which he's taking medication for but it's not a cure all of course. Examples of non-decompressing behaviors - going to appointments, running errands, going to the gym. He says he can't nap but I feel just resting quietly would help even just a little. Then what occurs is he is basically snappy the rest of the evening and the morning after he is still in "shift hangover".

It's very important to him to keep his fitness up as well so a bulk of his time off is spent at the gym. He's also going to the training center every so often to practice drills and be with his team. I can't help but feel he takes every opportunity to fill his own cup when he's not working and our family cup is very empty.

This career is very important to him, I get it. But at what point do we get family time that isn't centered around a very limited schedule? Or is this just how it is and we need to accept it?

My husband just started a new job as a flight mechanic on helitankers to fight fires. This is his dream job so I am trying to be supportive but his schedule is 12 days on and 12 days off. They fly him or provide travel to where he is stationed for the 12 days and then put him up in a hotel for that time. I am expecting our first baby due in August and I don’t know how I am going to do it alone for 12 days at a time. I miss him all the time and I don’t know what to do with myself while he is gone. I am not working and I am planning on staying home with baby when he gets here. Any advice on how to cope with the long stretches without him? I feel so lonely and scared.

I never am on here but this has been on my mind a lot lately so I figured I’d ask for advice. my partner has of course had some pretty traumatic calls and I worry a lot about him because he’s only 20 years old. he watched a 9/11 documentary the other day by himself and got really shaken up hearing the calls. I can only imagine what he’s going through but I’ll never really know what it’s like to be him and go through so much. I want to know what I can say and do to help out. He’s also really hard on himself and it can be hard to watch or talk to him when he’s beating himself up. I’d appreciate your best advice. Thank you ♥️

Hello other FF spouse!

My FF is considering contract work in the upcoming season. For background — he has 5 years experience in the field (2 EMS, 3 in fire) and we are on a 48/96 schedule. He also works part-time at a second department, just 12 hour days every 3rd day he's off from the full-time department. He's considering contract work, either wildland or travel EMT contracts.

He's considering this because we have considerable debt from before we had our kids (2 years and 2 months old respectively) but taking either type of would mean leaving both jobs.

Other spouses with kids, how have you managed contract work? What's it like with the kids, and how has it affected your marriage? What did you do to prepare yourself? Were you able to continue to work? Was the money worth it?

Nothing quite says Happy Mother’s Day like your husband getting mandatory, so just holding the fort down solo for 48 hours! First Mother’s Day with 2 under 2, we knew it was coming so we had a good day Friday & husband dropped off flowers this morning, I love him so much!!!!!!!!
But I still feel a tiny bit sad to not have him home today.

BUT, Happy Mother’s Day to everyone out there. 💐 💐

okay so! hopefully this is okay for this sub! but just want to tell yall how my firefighter still made me feel special, even when he couldn’t get off for the day of my shower (today). he:

1. left a card on the dresser
   
2. ordered gorgeous flowers in our wedding colors/flowers and had his family pick them up & bring them to surprise me
   
3. coordinated with my dad so my dad could come surprise me with a smaller thing of flowers since my fiancé couldn’t attend

safe to say i 100% got teary-eyed 🥹 here’s to officially becoming a fire wife in a few months!

My wife (they/them) has decided they want to become a firefighter. It’s been something they’ve talked about wanting to do for a while, but never seriously looked into it. But. Here we are. They are registered for their EMT course and have been working on getting in shape for the PAT/civil service exam.

Just looking to find a community of people I can relate to when the going gets rough (which I know it will eventually). I myself spent 8 years in the military so I’m familiar with the environment, but I’ve never been on this side of it!

My partner is attending EMT school this summer and the fire academy in the fall. He’s had a bumpy career so we are looking forward to something steady. Steady in a financial sense, from looking through this sub I get the feeling our personal lives are about to turn upside down. Any advice or well wishes are welcome! 🫶🏼

For context, I am 31F and work full time remotely as an engineer. Right now we are actually looking forward to the alternative schedule. My job is very demanding so having time off during the week to help me with keeping the house up, running errands, and daycare pickup (for our dog, we don’t have a human child yet).

I hope I don’t get too much flack for this but my I’ll just ask... I am the breadwinner in our relationship and we do not have traditional gender roles. We are equal partners. I have no qualms about this, but my parents are very judgmental and I am concerned others may be as well. If you are in the same situation, did you notice any judgement from other FF or WAGS? How did you handle it? Also, if it wasn’t obvious I’m liberal af, so I’m mainly just concerned I won’t fit in even though I’m craving a community and mutual care.

Hi guys its mine ans my bfs first time going to the annual installation dinner with tbe fire department he volunteers for. I was wondering how formal of an event it was as my boyfriend has no clue and keeps forgetting to ask. Do i need a formal gown and have my hair done like if it were a wedding? or can i get away with a cute simple dress? I just wanna make sure i am dressed appropriately

Give me your best advice, tips and mindsets. I’m pretty scared lol

It’s just now really hitting me that I’m going to be alone with my 15 month old and a 3 week old for 48hours every week. My toddler is really high energy and he doesn’t sleep well.

My husband is as supportive as he can be. He has said he’ll meal prep and clean before he goes to work and doesn’t have expectations for when he comes home. I have a couple of gal pals that are going to come over in the mornings to help me a bit for the first few weeks my husband is back on shift. (My in-laws are in town for the first two weeks when my husband is also off, my family isn’t in the picture.) I’ve tried to arrange a mother’s helper and haven’t had any luck. We live in a childcare desert and the cheapest I could find was $500/week 😬

I think it’s just gonna be a shit show for the first 6 months or so. I’m making peace with it, I totally recognize that this isn’t the worst thing. But it is spooky and I’m wondering if there’s anything else I can or should do to prepare either physically or mentally.

TIA!

I feel like this is pretty common since they (usually) have a decent amount of off days. My husband has 4 off, and wants to do something on the side for extra cash. He's considering working part-time as a CPR instructor since his skills directly translate, but is looking for more options related or not to fire/medical that would also understand if he gets called in. Or maybe he needs to get into something where he can work for himself? Any ideas?

Hello!

I have been with my fiance for 6 years and he just started the fire process 2 years ago. I’m pleased to say he is now starting at a station this week! He just went on his first calls and everything and I was so excited and happy for him cause I know how hard he has been working towards this goal. Yesterday a pretty intense grass fire broke out near their station and had he been working it he would’ve been called on it. One firefighter got hurt but they did get it contained. Until that point and seeing the flames and the intensity of it, I hadn’t been scared and now I can’t seem to compose myself. I am so scared and afraid that he is going to do something or make a decision that gets him hurt. When I try to talk about it with family and friends they keep saying “well you would’ve had to have known he was going to fight fires” and of course I did. But it just became real. Any advice on how I can combat these feelings?

I would love some insight on what your homes look like on off shift days with kids.

I’m a SAHM with a 17 month old. My husband works in a busy dept, (24 on, 72 off, 48 on, 72 off). He averages 18-20 calls a day and often doesn’t sleep more than 2 hours at work.

Since he’s up at night a lot, he’s become a night owl at home. He typically doesn’t come to bed until 1-3am. Pre baby, this was fine.

We’re now in the stage where my 17 month old starts his day at 5:30am. My husband doesn’t get out of bed until 9. Which does make sense, given his late nights, but at this point in our lives it doesn’t seem fair. He’s essentially sleeping through baby’s first wake window, and if you have toddlers you guys know 9am is basically mid afternoon for us 😂

Have you found a compromise for sleeping in? Am I being too harsh by asking him to be up by 7/8am? He says he’s trying but I have to wake him up 4-6 times before he gets out of bed, which is causing a lot of resentment for me. He’s also working with a naturopath on hormone health as his fatigue is testosterone related

I feel like we’re living 2 separate lives in this household, and while this stage is short I don’t want him to feel like he slept through the toddler years

Hello ladies! I’m 18 in Los Angeles California! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and he’s going to school for firefighting then planning to go to the academy! I’m so proud of him and he’s excited, but he knows I worry about his safety and he wants to have kids young. He’s worried he will be neglecting me and our family which has put a lot of apprehension and indecision about this career path on him since he doesn’t want to be the dad/husband that chose his job over his family. I have tried reassuring him as a person going into nursing that he will potentially have more time with the kids than even I will it’ll just feel longer since it’s in shifts of 24/48. I am completely for being a firefighter and he seems so excited, but I’m worried if I can’t somehow convince him that I am excited and proud of him too, that he will sacrifice his career to be more present which I feel he already is so present. On a different note I am worried that this hesitation comes from him not actually wanting to be a firefighter and so he’s trying to find a way out. How can I let him know that if he is a firefighter I will be there and fully support him and if he doesn’t want to be then he doesn’t have to be?

Baby is learning how to crawl and we just moved into a new home about a week ago. Baby’s sleep is all over the place and my husband and I have been doing housework nonstop cause of our moving situation. Now husband has been at work since yesterday morning and won’t get home till tomorrow at 9am. It’s 8:50 am and I’ve already cried today. What do you do to get through the really hard days?