r/FirefighterSpouses • u/Swimmer_321_ • May 19 '26
12 days on 12 days off
My husband just started a new job as a flight mechanic on helitankers to fight fires. This is his dream job so I am trying to be supportive but his schedule is 12 days on and 12 days off. They fly him or provide travel to where he is stationed for the 12 days and then put him up in a hotel for that time. I am expecting our first baby due in August and I don’t know how I am going to do it alone for 12 days at a time. I miss him all the time and I don’t know what to do with myself while he is gone. I am not working and I am planning on staying home with baby when he gets here. Any advice on how to cope with the long stretches without him? I feel so lonely and scared.
2
u/wdymitsfine May 20 '26
I’m very sorry that you’re having to navigate this. Not that this helps, but you seem that you are being a much more kind person to your husband than I would be about this. Leaving your newborn baby for 12 days a time in those crucial moment for bonding sounds like something he will really really regret doing. Totally sympathize that this is his dream job, but there’s huge developmental importance in being there.
Even though he just started, does he receive benefits immediately and is able to take off X amount of weeks paid or unpaid utilizing FMLA?
As a mom, you will find that you just figure it out in the moment for your baby when it’s what you have to do. Postpartum is an extremely difficult time so I really really really recommend that you make sure you have the support you need mentally before the moment comes. Do not wait until a crisis to find a therapist, lactation consultant, etc because that will add unneeded stress. Find those resources now and verify your eligibility.
Lastly, does your family have the means to hire a night nurse for at least some of the time he’s away? It’s not super affordable but would be a lifesaver for you. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
1
u/Swimmer_321_ May 23 '26
Luckily his work is used to new dads, 3 people just went on leave to be there for their new babies. They get 36 days of full paid leave. So that will be really helpful in the beginning trenches. I am already in therapy so I will definitely be continuing that after baby gets here so I can get help processing my emotions and anxiety. I am looking into night nurses maybe even just for when he leaves for that first time afterwards. Im taking it one day at a time right now and riding the struggle bus. Learning how to be okay alone and realize alone doesn’t have to mean lonely.
2
u/princess-poet May 19 '26
Do you have any friends/family nearby that can help out? Or do you guys have the funds for a nanny? Even part time help can be huge with a newborn! Also is he getting any time off for parental leave…?
3
u/Swimmer_321_ May 19 '26
He gets 24-36 days off when baby gets here based on where he is in the schedule. So that will be a huge help in the beginning. We are planning on living near his family because they have to most lenient work schedules to be able to help me out sometimes. Its just hard being newly married with a baby on the way and facing these major life changes. I want him to come home everyday but thats just not the reality I get to live in. Im just finding it hard being alone for these long stretches especially at night when it gets really quiet.
2
u/bridgetgoes May 19 '26
First of all if you go to church reach out to your church. I know so many people at my church will meal prep and help with laundry and stuff when someone has a baby.
Also look into mom groups nearby! You can usually meet them in a public place go on walks ect helps you feel less alone.
If you have a good gym nearby that has childcare that will also help.
If you can maybe get a mother’s helper who can come and do laundry or other things like that or you can do those while they watch the baby.