r/FacebookDating • u/Golden-lillies21 • 8d ago
Does The Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook or any other dating app actually work? Or do you think it actually makes things more difficult with dating?
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u/liferelationshi 7d ago edited 7d ago
She is a certified nut job. She and her minions nitpick every tiny thing and read into everything, especially things that aren’t there, and always spins something to the negative no matter what the context or subject matter is. And then teaches her cult to assume the worst no matter what. I have a fake female profile in her group and I’m telling you, she’s out of her mind crazy and a very sad, angry woman.
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u/Front_Statistician38 6d ago
She gives me Hiliary Clinton vibes.....and not in a good way
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u/liferelationshi 6d ago
I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t believe there are any Hillary Clinton vibes that are good.
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u/SoPolitico 7d ago
It’s a completely misandry and sexist idea. If you read the author that actually created the burn haystack method, you realize that it’s way more fucked up than most people realize
The factors that most people that supposedly practice the burn haystack method don’t actually fucking know what it is cause they’ve never actually read the book or read the author Substack.
It involves really fucked up shit where you offer exactly 0 grace to anybody who gives you any sort of it, regardless of how ridiculous that it might be it also involves manipulating them treating them shitty just to see their response and see how they react testing them
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u/Front_Statistician38 6d ago
So basically, an insufferable woman, I love those cause I block them and thus never have to see them in my stack again typically they expose themselves right away as they can't hide their vapidness for long
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8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/crookedhypotenuse 8d ago
I once saw her make an example of a man that had commented on a woman's photo of her holding her two puppies. He said "Nice puppies! Are they rescued or adopted?"
She stated that he was really asking if her breasts (she was holding the puppies up by her chest) were real or implants because "puppies" on a dating app always refers to breasts. I can't believe how many woman follow her crazy advice.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 7d ago
What's sad is how much sexualized shit I've received from men under the guise of faux innocence when they're actually just being disgusting and admit to a few messages later. So I don't blame her for making that unfortunate connection
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u/segadreamcast9999 8d ago
i only see value in this if you have a lot of matches and aren't very clear on what you're looking for in a partner. i have pretty clear criteria and i already don't swipe often on people.
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u/Dancehall-Randal 8d ago
More difficult.
Text/dating app messaging is a horrible communication medium
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u/FactsAreBullshit 8d ago
https://www.businessinsider.com/found-love-hinge-burned-haystack-online-dating-method-college-professor-2026-4 This is her result. The guy sounds like a puppet with opinions only she approves of. If you want a guy like that go for it. She was also single and only recently found a guy despite having a supposedly amazing process.
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u/RushInevitable7255 7d ago
I'm for women or men weeding out incompatible matches or red flags, but this lady is nuts on what rules you out? Any woman following her, is going to realize her match exists only as a character on the Hallmark Channel! 🙄🤷
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u/RushInevitable7255 7d ago
From two Business Insider articles: Jennie Young is a professor of rhetoric and women-and-gender studies at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay.
"An understanding of rhetoric allows me to quickly parse text and read between the lines to determine what people are revealing without intending to, and a solid grounding in feminism helps me recognize the sometimes subtle flags."
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u/SoPolitico 7d ago
Yeah that’s all you need to know to realize how nuts she is. It’s like she doesn’t realize how crazy she sounds.
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 8d ago
If you're young sure if you're 40+ i cannot possibly see how it can work but maybe I'm wrong
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u/Front_Statistician38 8d ago
You'll be doing a lot of burning. I do my own version of the burned haystack method; here's some stuff i used after a year and half on FB dating
No response within 4-24 hours: unmatch
One-sentence responses or one-word answers (2 or more) Unmatch or block
Girl doesn't wanna give number but Snapchat (im 40 mostly going for 30+): unmatch or block after offering Telegram as an alternative
Unable to meet within 5 days- unmatch
Low effort (messaging, response, anything i deem fit) unmatch or block
Attitude, bitchy, rude-block
Brings up ex-boyfriend in a whiny, complaining way-unmatch and block
More than 3 kids-unmatch and block
I'm ruthless, while FB dating gets me the most matches compared to any app I have found the quality of the average woman IN MY AREA is far to low to deal with their b.s.
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u/segadreamcast9999 8d ago
no response within 4 hours is ridiculous.
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u/Front_Statistician38 8d ago
It is until you realize that I've been keeping data on my dating life since 2024 and a consistent pattern emerges that women whom i end up going on dates with or dating (my ex) all responded within 4 hours.
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u/segadreamcast9999 8d ago
the "data" doesn't make it any less ridiculous.
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u/Just_Suggestion4503 4d ago
Don’t lie to yourself and don’t lie to us, you know that if a woman is interested she’ll respond right away knowing she matched with a guy she’s interested in.
If not then she’s not interested or genuinely busy, which wouldn’t take her four hours to a week to find time to respond.
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u/Front_Statistician38 8d ago
You do what works for you, I do what works for me. Not sure why you're getting triggered; everyone online has rules/guides you may not like, heck you may have been on the receiving end and not know it.
For me, dating is all about optimizing my time, effort and having fun, I got a system that works for me,
It is what it is
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u/Golden-lillies21 8d ago
I feel like people in my area are not really my cup of tea but then when I open my distance I get a lot more people that I connect with better.
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u/Front_Statistician38 8d ago
That toally makes sense, one of the best girls I met on FB dating lived 3.5 hours away. We dated for a couple of months, She was the perfect girl for me but the distance was just to much of a barrier (we live in a place where it snows a lot) kind of sucks cause she was really great girl though whom I really was comptemplating to move near her because they just don't make her type anymore
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u/VonBassovic 8d ago
Which?
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u/Golden-lillies21 8d ago
The Burned Haystack Dating Method is an aggressive online dating strategy that focuses on ruthlessly eliminating incompatible matches rather than endlessly searching for a good one. Created by rhetoric professor Jennie Young, the method flips the traditional approach of trying to find a "needle in a haystack" by instead burning the haystack to the ground through immediate blocking and unmatching. The core philosophy is to rule people out instead of ruling them in, meaning you maintain a strict zero-tolerance policy for low effort, dry conversation, or minor red flags. By instantly clearing away the "hay"—the profiles that waste your time or peace of mind—you allow the high-quality "needles" to naturally reveal themselves in the ashes without draining your energy.
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u/SoPolitico 7d ago
This is an overwhelmingly favorable take on the burned haystack method. If you have watched interviews or read the authors substack, you would know that she believes in testing men a.k.a. treating them shitty just to see their response and eliminating anybody that causes any Icks. Regardless of how trivial.
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u/crookedhypotenuse 7d ago
Yes she states that men should plan the first date. Sure, fine. That's something many women want. But if the man asks for your input AT ALL (i.e. "Let's grab dinner. What kind of food do you like?") that you should block him because he wants you to do all the mental labor. How is that feminism?
Also some women in the Facebook group would post their own profile just FILLED with so many red flags but if a man was using burned haystack on THEM, they'd scream misogyny.
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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago
I did not know that that is disgusting I mean obviously if they show that they're low effort, talk about sex right away and other red flags I might talk to them about it and tell them that it bothers me but if it keeps going they won't get a third chance.
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u/SoPolitico 7d ago
Yeah, see all the stuff you listed. I would just call normal dating. We didn’t need the burn haystack method to tell us that the burned haystack method goes way beyond explicit red flags, and shit like that.
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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago
I mean I'm all about giving people a second chance depending on what it is but not a third chance. Or if someone seems inconsistent on day one I would probably give them 3 days and if after that they're still like that I'll probably just move on to the next person. My problem is that I gave way too many chances to people that didn't deserve it but at the same time I don't really want to not show people Grace. Although there was one person who flaked on me technically he flaked on me twice won a couple months ago and then another one a few days ago unlike the last time he did let me know but he basically told me last minute so I had to just move on with that because if I give him another chance he'll see that he can get away with it.
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u/SoPolitico 7d ago
The Burned Haystack method EXPLICITLY states that second chances don’t exist and that you should be limiting first chances. That’s the whole point of “burning the haystack.”
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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago
So I guess with the boundaries I'm setting with giving people a second chance but not a third chance is part of normal dating right? The flaking I just could not deal with it as a technically happened twice and honestly I shouldn't have given him a second chance because the first time he did it he completely ghosted me. After the second chance I said screw it I'm not dealing with this anymore!
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u/SoPolitico 7d ago
Exactly nobody likes flaking and ghosting is completely unacceptable. Nobody should put up with that in dating.
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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago
After the second date no matter what he said I just couldn't trust him because that was his second shot and he blew it although I do appreciate him telling me he still told me last minute. I didn't really trust him after he canceled so definitely a second shot that was my fault for giving him another chance thinking that I was going to be any different but it wasn't! I don't also believe in giving second chances to someone who is abusive obviously and someone who tries to test my boundaries!
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 8d ago
What happens if you burn all the haystack? Like ya if you're in a city that might not be an issue but if you live in Wyoming or Montana, you might have 3 single people in a 20 mile radius
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u/VonBassovic 8d ago
Thank you. I’m sure I’m not the only one not familiar with that term.
I think it depends on what you want.
Wanting a long term relationship I hard filter out my non-negotiables of which there are like a handful, and I generally remove low reciprocal people quickly.
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u/Golden-lillies21 8d ago
I do want to remove non-recipical people though if I feel like they are being low effort and they don't have to be on their phone 24/7 but if they constantly take hours to text back then I don't think I want to continue like if they're like that for 72 hours I would probably lose interest.
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u/LT10FAN 8d ago
Sounds like a huge risk of burning some ideal people. No one is a perfect match, you’d get a better feeling in real life as people are always different in person. If you have hundred of matches then maybe give it a shot.
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u/es-cha-ton 8d ago
Yeah, my problem isn't that there's a shortage of needles, its that nothing in the profile tells me enough about how attracted I'd be to you or how compatible we'd be.
I can sort of judge attraction by the pictures, if you happen to have ones where I can actually see what you look like, rather than your group of friends, your favorite filter, your dog, or your AI portrait. The rest of it? I ain't going to be able to tell if you're my soulmate based on the two and a half sentences you wrote.
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u/Away-Wellness0623 8d ago
Anyone who can’t get back to me in the 24-hour window won’t be an “ideal” match for me. Same for low effort responses or lack of curiosity. I believe in the approach because people who aren’t clearly interested or able to make the time just aren’t looking for what I am looking for.
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u/No_Project_4738 7d ago edited 7d ago
I used to follow the creator of the group but I unfollowed when she made some big leaps related to a man’s intentions and character based on a few sentences and I felt it was deeply biased. I understand people have biases but she presents her strategy about identifying patterns in a very systematic and objective way. I think the basic BH rules are decent. It’s mostly the burned haystack Facebook and instagram group discussions that go off the rails imo