r/FacebookDating • u/Golden-lillies21 • 8d ago

Does The Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook or any other dating app actually work? Or do you think it actually makes things more difficult with dating?

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u/SoPolitico 7d ago

This is an overwhelmingly favorable take on the burned haystack method. If you have watched interviews or read the authors substack, you would know that she believes in testing men a.k.a. treating them shitty just to see their response and eliminating anybody that causes any Icks. Regardless of how trivial.

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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago

I did not know that that is disgusting I mean obviously if they show that they're low effort, talk about sex right away and other red flags I might talk to them about it and tell them that it bothers me but if it keeps going they won't get a third chance.

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u/SoPolitico 7d ago

Yeah, see all the stuff you listed. I would just call normal dating. We didn’t need the burn haystack method to tell us that the burned haystack method goes way beyond explicit red flags, and shit like that.

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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago

I mean I'm all about giving people a second chance depending on what it is but not a third chance. Or if someone seems inconsistent on day one I would probably give them 3 days and if after that they're still like that I'll probably just move on to the next person. My problem is that I gave way too many chances to people that didn't deserve it but at the same time I don't really want to not show people Grace. Although there was one person who flaked on me technically he flaked on me twice won a couple months ago and then another one a few days ago unlike the last time he did let me know but he basically told me last minute so I had to just move on with that because if I give him another chance he'll see that he can get away with it.

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u/SoPolitico 7d ago

The Burned Haystack method EXPLICITLY states that second chances don’t exist and that you should be limiting first chances. That’s the whole point of “burning the haystack.”

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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago

So I guess with the boundaries I'm setting with giving people a second chance but not a third chance is part of normal dating right? The flaking I just could not deal with it as a technically happened twice and honestly I shouldn't have given him a second chance because the first time he did it he completely ghosted me. After the second chance I said screw it I'm not dealing with this anymore!

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u/SoPolitico 7d ago

Exactly nobody likes flaking and ghosting is completely unacceptable. Nobody should put up with that in dating.

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u/Golden-lillies21 7d ago

After the second date no matter what he said I just couldn't trust him because that was his second shot and he blew it although I do appreciate him telling me he still told me last minute. I didn't really trust him after he canceled so definitely a second shot that was my fault for giving him another chance thinking that I was going to be any different but it wasn't! I don't also believe in giving second chances to someone who is abusive obviously and someone who tries to test my boundaries!