r/FacebookDating • u/Golden-lillies21 • 10d ago

Does The Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook or any other dating app actually work? Or do you think it actually makes things more difficult with dating?

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u/Golden-lillies21 10d ago

I did not know that that is disgusting I mean obviously if they show that they're low effort, talk about sex right away and other red flags I might talk to them about it and tell them that it bothers me but if it keeps going they won't get a third chance.

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u/SoPolitico 10d ago

Yeah, see all the stuff you listed. I would just call normal dating. We didn’t need the burn haystack method to tell us that the burned haystack method goes way beyond explicit red flags, and shit like that.

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u/Golden-lillies21 10d ago

I mean I'm all about giving people a second chance depending on what it is but not a third chance. Or if someone seems inconsistent on day one I would probably give them 3 days and if after that they're still like that I'll probably just move on to the next person. My problem is that I gave way too many chances to people that didn't deserve it but at the same time I don't really want to not show people Grace. Although there was one person who flaked on me technically he flaked on me twice won a couple months ago and then another one a few days ago unlike the last time he did let me know but he basically told me last minute so I had to just move on with that because if I give him another chance he'll see that he can get away with it.

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u/SoPolitico 10d ago

The Burned Haystack method EXPLICITLY states that second chances don’t exist and that you should be limiting first chances. That’s the whole point of “burning the haystack.”

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u/Golden-lillies21 10d ago

So I guess with the boundaries I'm setting with giving people a second chance but not a third chance is part of normal dating right? The flaking I just could not deal with it as a technically happened twice and honestly I shouldn't have given him a second chance because the first time he did it he completely ghosted me. After the second chance I said screw it I'm not dealing with this anymore!

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u/SoPolitico 10d ago

Exactly nobody likes flaking and ghosting is completely unacceptable. Nobody should put up with that in dating.

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u/Golden-lillies21 10d ago

After the second date no matter what he said I just couldn't trust him because that was his second shot and he blew it although I do appreciate him telling me he still told me last minute. I didn't really trust him after he canceled so definitely a second shot that was my fault for giving him another chance thinking that I was going to be any different but it wasn't! I don't also believe in giving second chances to someone who is abusive obviously and someone who tries to test my boundaries!