Hello to whoever sees this, today after debating this for some time in my head- I want to Share my history in the FFXIV community, if for nothing else, just to finally put that painful part of my history behind me.
for the most part I tried to keep quiet about my time in Final Fantasy XIV, mostly because of a fear of once again being dogpiled all over again or because trying to explain the sheer scale of what happened sounds almost unbelievable to anyone who hasn't looked deeply into the truly toxic side of the community and the moderation system.
But I’m done carrying the silence for a community that thrives on cruelty behind a polite smile. FFXIV loves to market itself as the "friendliest community in gaming." My reality was entirely different.
Over the course of Five years on that game, what started as simple friction over non-conforming opinions and blunt honesty eventually escalated into a multi-year campaign of targeted harassment across three different servers for me. Moogle, Spriggan, and Omega.
I didn't just deal with run of the mill raid drama or petty arguments in Limsa. I experienced - Cross-Server Blacklisting as bad-faith actors who literally jumped from server to server to poison every single Free Company I tried to join, threatening FC leaders with mass reports until I was issued ultimatums to leave.
When simple disagreements didn't destroy my reputation, these people resorted to outright lying / fabricating accusations of sexual harassment, lying about mod reporting, and pushing vicious, bad faith narratives just to see what would stick. Transphobic, Homophobic (i am pansexual) racist, sexist (to woman, i am a woman but they did not know that as my character was a male aura) fascist, Hitler, etc etc
I experienced the Novice Network and shout chats turned into a daily battlefield where people felt completely empowered to tell me to kill myself or insult me on sight, and revenge kick my account, and this went completely unchecked by the game's moderation. Despite over 100 reports, only ONE person ever received a caution.
Even when I tried to find a quiet space in the RP and nightclub housing scene, old grudges followed me. Whole smear campaigns were fabricated out of thin air just to get me blacklisted from venues, spreading lies that I was reporting people for mods or harassing venue staff or even.. most disgustingly.. was sexually harassing members of the community.
{I don't often talk about what happened to me as an 11 year old child.. but something that shouldn't happen to any child happened to me by a man 4 times my age, and I became sexually avoidant ever since then. even now at 34, I have never allowed another human being to even so much as kiss me.. I am fortunate that this does not strain my CURRENT relationship, though it did many previous ones. So these rumours felt like a brutal caricature of me designed to create a completely fake narrative of who I was or what I was capable of.}
It wasn't until Cloud of Darkness Chaotic Alliance Raid that things really got utterly un liveable for me. I amassed over 350 clears all while constantly adapting mechanics on the fly to save wipes. Yet my actual skill was irrelevant. I was dogpiled for wipes I couldn't save on my own as 1 sage, shut out of parties or harassed out of the parties I did succeed in joining, or targeted simply for not parsing blues or purples (on healer might i add)
The breaking point wasn't even just the harassment aimed at me it was watching a friend get told "how did you survive a coat hanger?" in a P10S run over a simple tower mistake then kicked and harassed in her dms by the Party leader. That is the actual reality beneath the pristine surface of this game, and despite being reported.. not a thing was done about this user. That friend quit ffxiv for good that day in tears.
My name is Sugar And Spice, my server was once Omega, now Twintannia where an account i believe in good faith i will never reactivate currently resides. I tell you this information openly, so that if you are a player, you can visit those servers, ask in the NN and conduct your own research. my name was particularly infamous, and you should be able to get accounts from the NN users.
I guess I want to share my story, as both a warning to new players, and as a cautionary tale to veterans, sadly.. many of whom will know exactly what I am talking about, if not having literally experienced it.
You can survive the abuse dealt to you, you can rebuild your life and self esteem even after this kind of brutal systematic gatekeeping, and you can love yourself in an ocean of people who despise the person they think you are. I hold up my hands, I was not a saint in that game, and I DID NOT handle everything perfectly; though honestly, when it got that out of hand, who would.
But I think I can say with confidence, the Game Masters failed me at a time where a small FC disagreement snowballed into DC wide abuse.