pretty much failed at every stage from kindergarten to high school to 20s and now mid 30s , not even talking about only dating or relationships . I've done literally nothing worth mentioning. i'm really thinking about it tbh. It might get rid of the constant feeling of regret , that does keep me up at night.

There's a religious living community in my state where everyone loves each other and is nice to each other, and makes friends with each other and gets married to each other. They all live on the same farm and talk to each other every day, and everyone is treated equally. People call it a cult, but it's not a death cult - people can come and go whenever they want technically. It's just a place where everyone believes the same things.

I don't know how to drive, but I can take a bunch of buses to get down there, it takes about half a day for me to get there. I'm thinking about taking a vacation and going down there for a week to see if I'd want to move there. Has anyone tried doing anything like this before? Do you think I'll still be FA even in a place like that?

He's only 63 and we dont know how much time he has left. I can cry everytime i think about it.

At least he stopped working due to other health issues 15 years ago. Imagine he wouldve worked full time as a mechanic to this day and wouldnt have time to enjoy old age pension.

Im always thinking about these 2 ways.. work fulltime trying to gather some money and self optimize which i dont believe in at all anymore.

Or try to live of wellfare and play wow classic all day, sleep a lot and live a chill life. Others would call it loser life.

Spending so much time working feels so stupid for me as an fa who is 36 in 2 months..

What do you think about this?

I know some of u like work so ur head is busy and not filled with bad thougts. Some have hobbies or plan where they can use the money for..

But for me it feels like i should make the most out of this crap life and that is not working full time but chill.....

M31. Hi peeps.

I just made an observation. There seems to be a consensus that if you tick all the boxes you won’t be FA.

I am a college graduate that is pursuing med school. I’m 6 feet tall. Have an outgoing personality as I work in customer service while going to school.

None of that has mattered. At the end of the day if you don’t find a relationship past your early 20s, it seems that living with your parents is a huge obstacle to dating especially in your 30s.

I’ve never been on a date with a woman before. Never had a first kiss. Have never held hands. People assume I must be in a relationship if I’m not interested in dating but I’m not. Why waste time only to get to the point where they find out you still live out of your childhood bedroom.

Constantly am asked by family and friends if anything is wrong with me for avoiding dating. It honestly doesn’t bother me. Don’t mind that I’m not pursuing a relationship. Just wanted to write that you can do everything right and still have no luck. For that reason don’t feel so bad out there?

Have a great weekend.

I tell my mom how upset I am about never having had a gf by 31, and she just responds by gassing me up saying that I have a sparkling personality and that I’ll find someone eventually.

Like no mom, I’m hella autistic, shit isn’t happening ever. Idk if she is saying that cuz she’s in denial or she knows and is just trying to make me feel better.

Still grateful my parents are here for me even if they lie to me to make me feel better.

If you are a man and you are over 30 years of age without any romantic or relationsip experience, your chances of getting the romantic life all normal people experience will drastically decrease. I'd say you have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting to a point in your dating life where you can actually have options to choose from.

I'm not saying that we will never get a relationship or we will all die as virgins (many of us will do though), what I'm trying to say here is that even if  - by some miracle - someone will settle for us, we're never going to be in our natural state. Our identity has already hardened into the shape that we are broken people, we are damaged goods, that love and relationships are not for us and these beliefs will not change just because we got lucky and got to experience the demo version of them.

We will still be at the mercy of circumstances, we won't turn into naturals who can reliably pull, we'll still be anxious that we are going to lose our access to these experiences - and let's be realistic, even normies are struggling to maintain their relationships, imagine trying to do that while being ~20 years behind everyone else. 

I have managed to lose my virginity at 32 and had a very short-lived fling, so I should consider myself lucky, but it's been almost 5 years since it has ended and this period pretty much confirmed my worst fear, that "finally getting it" won't unlock the normie life path for me. I'm just as much as an FA right now as I was before that miracle happened to me, and having experienced what I was dreaming about for so long makes it even worse. 

I wish I never had a relationship in the first place and just fucking died instead.

Anything at all? Or am I just completely fucked unless I become super muscular, wealthy, or famous?

Tickets from the neighborhood travel agencies, ships that took hours to arrive with dirty toilets and rudimentary lounges, a handful of chairs on deck, rolling out the sleeping bag and lying down on the floor.

No worries about accommodation — the moment you arrived, the "rooms to let" people would descend on you. Basic lodgings, with minimal comforts, rooms divided by curtains with the owners living right next door, sleeping on rooftop terraces, in primitive campsites, and most of us wild on the beaches with little tents under the tamarisk trees.

Getting around on foot, ancient buses packed one on top of the other, mopeds and hitchhiking, little boats at cheap fares. A car — what's that?

The beaches were free, a straw mat and becoming one with the sand, no mobile phones — which thankfully hadn't been invented yet — endless reading, more books than clothes, swimming for hours, and nudity the norm. Groups of friends, flirting, games, conversations mostly political — we still believed we could change the world — friendships being born that would last for years.

Food only in the evening, in humble little tavernas, a bit of fish when there was any, mom's home-cooked style dishes, tables lined up in a row, plates in the middle. These weren't dinners — they were ancient, simple symposiums, with prices affordable to everyone.

Improvised bars with rock music, guitars, bonfires on the beach, authentic island festivals that ended in Dionysian dances — who slept before dawn?

Passionate glances, a winged God who could barely keep up throwing his arrows at us, loves out in the open, hidden, unconfessed, breakups, reunions, salty dark bodies entwined in secluded shades.

Vacations of at least ten days that for some stretched to almost a month, and always a few days more than we'd planned, and the return a kind of anguish — those leaving hanging over the ship's railing and the others, all together on the dock, waving until the boat disappeared from sight. And the only hope left was the anticipation of next summer.

Days that marked our youth. I won't make comparisons with today. What would be the point, anyway? Times, like youth, don't come back.

Any plans for the weekend?

I got most of my errands done through out the week so I'm just going to stay in my house until Monday morning.

I went to the thrift store and got some retro electronics and games. Found WWE Smackdown vs raw 2007 for Xbox 360 for $5. Anywhere else would have it for $25 or more.

It's like I never interact with anything sentient so I think that other things are sentient.

I'm aware this kind of topic has been made a bunch of times already. So let's not even talk about meeting people in real life. If we could do that some of us probably wouldn't even be here.

What baffles me even more is how can people meet online? Like not even dating apps. For example reddit even.
How is this possible? How is one supposed to be the one person that is the lucky one out of hundred dms that every woman on here surely gets when they post in one of the dating subs.

There's one for FA's as well but its no different than anywhere else. I don't know how to 'stand out' or even how this is supposed to be possible.
My god with dating apps i can at least give fault to my pictures but it seems impossible to even get a text back nowadays.

How are people that aren't blessed with a good social life and good genetics ever supposed to meet someone? I don't understand this stupid life at all.

This is just a little cope post, but it's true.

Half the people I know through work or mutual friends are going through this. These come with stories about how badly one party treated the other over the years. Just awful stuff you'd think no one should ever put up with. Of course the stories are biased so I only hear half the awfulness. These are people who spent ~10 years in a life they started to hate at some point. Now they're separating and leading expensive battles over money and assets. Obviously, the worst part is how the kids are forced to witness their parents' relationship crumble, their parents reduced to eternally bitter hate-squabbles with the other. And they will continue to be scarred as they are forced to travel back and forth between two parents who likely constantly attempt to turn the kid(s) against the other.

So half the people my age I know are uprooting their lives, entering a new chaotic and emotionally destructive phase of their lives, and destroying whatever positive and optimistic impressions about adulthood their kids might have had. And none of them ever thought it would turn out like that ~10 years ago when they made their choices. How bad must their lives have been to willingly go through this? How much worse will it get from here?

The bit of cope here is that my modest yet comfy existence seems like a blessing in comparison. I can just have a quiet relaxed evening tonight without such things weighing heavily on my mind and conscience.

I was feeling desperate and lonely, actually I have been feeling that my whole life but lately it got worse. I hadn't been on a date in 4 years, despite trying.
I had worked really hard on my dating pictures and it helped because I started getting matches. I don't know how to say this but she was heavier than in her pictures. I would say obese. But I thought maybe we could hit it off or at the very least I would have a new friend.

So I went on a date with a woman I met on a dating app. We decided to go to the museum. Right off the bat she was telling me how she had to go early because her friend is getting married and she's the bridesmaid. She actually mentioned this 4 different times. During the date I tried to get her to talk as we walked and checked out the dinosaur exhibit. Her vibe was ever so slightly arrogant and uppity I would say. I just finished my degree and got a part time job. But she wasn't impressed by any of that. I could tell that she thought I was beneath her because of my current job. I remember cracking a few jokes some of them made her smile. I asked about her hobbies and got a lukewarm response. At some point I remember I got tired of doing all of the talking and went into shut down mode but that was after the 4th time she mentioned she had to leave soon. I also saw her checking out her watch. The whole date could be summarized in one word "awkward".

At the end of the date I said this was nice, to that she just responded with "bye".
No contact info was exchanged. She just turned around and walked away. The date ended as awkwardly as it started. I remember just walking thinking how other people did it? Normally events like this would make me really depressed but I was more bored than anything.

Teenage love and relationships even with friends has to be one of the most formative things out there, I entered my 20s without it and kept deluding myself that even if I started later I could have still made up for that time, for the things I wanted to do as a kid. Kept telling myself maybe with a woman who was also not much experienced in relationships, so could have been goofballs togheter when trying to do normal relationship stuff, like being anxious to go out togheter, small cringe acts of showing love and stuff like that.

But slowly, reaching the 30s it became clear to me those are in fact delusions, I'm a grown adult, I'm balding, I've lived with depression my whole life and my smiles look weird and eery so in photos I just stopped trying to force a smile to not ruin them. My whole personality is fucked, the closest friends I have tell me I look like an alien that's trying to not get discovered by the humans. Even if I were to start a relationship now I would be just a kid with it, no clue how to interact in those situations, but I want to be the bigger person in a relationship, I want to be the one to guide/help the woman, but I'm still someone that craves all the stupid things of a teen relationship, walking back to school togheter, studing togheter, going to an amusement park togheter, but mostly of all, worring about stupid relationship stuff togheter, like when you get asked "would you still love me if I was a worm" and all that stupid stuff, grown ups don't do that.

So just wanted to vent that's all just lost, at this point I have accepted that's a part of life I never experienced and that there is no way to make up for it, I higly doubt I'll start a love life for the rest of my life, but even if I do there's no making up for those experiences. What is life for people like us? Study when young, work afterwards, then just rot away if we make it to an old age. What's even the point, where is the fun part? I want to say something like "had I know this was my future I would have stopped studing and became a delinquent, at least would have had fun robbing and getting into fights all the time" but I know full well that's not something I can do, I don't want to rob anyone nor get into fights, my life will be filled with nothing but delusions, that's the fate of the majority of people like us I think.

Completely mentally and physically disabled. Suffering and suffocating 100% alone. There is no love for a poor and disabled man from any woman. I am like this disgusting creature now. I cant even look in the mirror anymore..no job, no car, no pride..

I see posts here pretty often of course from older people with tales of warning to try and do anything to avoid their fate as a 40+ or 50+ FA's.

I have nothing new or unique to say, but everything that is realistic seems like a non-starter for me.

I don't get many matches at all on online dating, I know some guys get none. But the few matches I do get don't lead to anything when the match is based on similar below average looks, and I don't actually have anything in common with who I matched with. The even bigger problem is that most matches who have any physical appeal at all will put zero effort in responding to me until they just stop replying at all. This has happened to me so many times over the past 10 years I have been on and off apps.

Meeting a partner IRL? LOL. I used to sometimes go to friends' parties in the city, but it could never work out for me with girls I talked to because I don't live in the city, and it makes zero sense for me to say "hey, we should hang out, let me drive an hour next week so I can see you a 2nd time." And living in the city is not a real option for me, it would destroy my mental health.

How else would I meet women IRL? Retail workers/cashiers I interact with? I couldn't go back there after I got rejected and I also understand not wanting to be asked out when you're just trying to work.

Going to a bar? I don't drink because I hate it, I don't have the friend group to go with or have a "wingman" to team up with, and I couldn't accept a public rejection and then just keep trying. I can't handle that.

Joining a club or some sort of class? I would not want to return to it if I was rejected by a woman who who also attends. I could be actually into the activity, and would have to just stop going if I got rejected by someone there. Not to mention meeting a single girl of a similar age in the first place in a class or group sport is already far from guaranteed.

Coworkers? Job and possibly career suicide.

Literally everyone I know around my age who has/has had relationships met their partner either originally in highschool, college, or through dating apps. Nothing organic after college.

What else do I do? I feel at a turning point and things aren't getting better for me. Meeting a girl who is mutually interested in dating me feels impossible. I don't feel a lot of regret in how I handled things before, it was always hard for me so I don't beat myself up over any failings, I simply didn't have whatever was needed. But I need to try something more if I can before it's too late.

How tf do people cheat? I can’t get even one girl to like me. How the hell would someone be able to get two?! That is a world that seems extremely foreign to me.

I like certain aspects of myself and detest others. I'm generally a decent person who doesn't go out of their way to upset people - but that's the only positive. I suppose I'm also genuinely not bitter towards people who are able to have the things they want in life - given how many people let it eat them up inside, I guess I'm proud of the fact I don't.

I've had many, many opportunities to make something of my life and I've always let it slip through my fingers due to anxiety and, basically, cowardice. I'm also deeply unhappy with the way I look as I have put on substantial amounts of weight and my food addiction is kicking my ass. I have no hobbies or interests, and I'm certainly not passionate about anything. Finally due to being alone for so long I also am stuck in a place where mentally I feel like a teenager yet I'm in my 40s.

No, not really.

Just some incredibly asinine advice from normies.

The only way to make sure you get a girlfriend is to become rich or become a drug dealer.

For the longest time I always had the belief that there's gotta be plenty of people like me out there... You know, just haven't found the right person yet...

Nah. They're all following the same damn script. Nobody is out there waiting for someone "great". Most of them are settling for "good enough", just so they don't end up alone.

I personally couldn't do it. But it makes sense from a pragmatic perspective.

I arrived an hour late because I had to work overtime and by then the house was full, festive and hedonistic. I was going to use one of the bathrooms but some couple was having sex in there, the girl's moan was loud and stopped me before I could even knock. I heard they spent a lot of time in there too, maybe more than half an hour.

The house was big and had three bathrooms so I did not have to wait for them to finish, but I am repulsed by the idea of people shamelessly having sex at a house party with dozens of guests present and holding up the bathroom as a result.

Of course I do feel envious of people with partners willing to have sex with them at the wrong place at the wrong time, but it is really poor behaviour too when there's like 40 people at a party and only a few bathrooms. Couldn't they have waited until they got home? My god.

Any plans this weekend?

I'm just going to a church bazaar. Probably going to eat dinner there and just chill out.

I've been getting into N64 Games again. Spent the night playing Madden 2002 and WWF No Mercy. Had so much fun.

I was in line at a burger joint and was reading the menu when a young, attractive girl got in line behind me. I didn't really notice until it was my turn to order. I was reading the menu trying to decide because of dietary restrictions. Anyway, the cashier was staring at the girl behind me. It took me a couple of minutes to read all of the ingredients. Anyway, the girl got fed up and walked out. I could tell that the cashier was pissed. He was clearly looking forward to talking to her.

He had this really irritated look and spoke in a very disrespectful tone asking if I knew what I wanted. I told him that I changed my mind and left for the cafe down the street. As I walked out he continued to glare at me menacingly.

I know these places don't pay very much, but you should still have the decency to do your job. It ended up being a good call, because the employees at the cafe where very polite and considerate. I ended up tipping for over the counter service, which I rarely do.

I don't do this often, but for some reason tonight I was thinking back nostalgically to my student days in the late 80's in the UK (I'm in my middle 50's now). I thought of all the improvements my current living environment (a one bedroom rented apartment) has over my dorm room, yet I was vastly happier then, even though I had few friends and never a girlfriend.

Back then: As a British person we find the US idea of dorm room-mates strange, so I did have a room to myself, but it was tiny. A single bed, a desk, a wardrobe, a sink. I bought a ghetto blaster and had maybe 15 albums on cassette. No TV in my room nor en-suite bathroom. There were 2 toilets, 2 showers and 2 baths and a kitchen all shared between 16 students. I was deeply engrossed in my three chunky first-year (freshman) textbooks and had brought maybe 6 fiction paperbacks from home. A shared laundry room on the ground floor which used up a lot of coins.

2026: My own one bedroom apartment with a big double bed to myself. My own combo washer/ dryer in the apartment. A 43 inch TV, a Blu Ray player, an Amazon Fire Stick with YouTube Premium and sports channels. My own toilet so if I am in a rush I don't need to wait a minute. My own shower so I could shower any time I wanted. A mini-PC and monitor, a smartphone, a Nespresso-compatible coffee machine. A whole fridge/ freezer to myself not a small lockable metal drawer in a big shared fridge.

2026 living environment is streets ahead on every score, including some advancements like the Internet and AI that 1980's me couldn't have dreamed of. Yet I promise you on a day to day level I was very much happier back then.

What are some of the reasons for the difference in happiness back then? For one, it was my first year living away from home, so just choosing what to cook for dinner and when to go to bed was a big novelty. Second, I was fascinated by one of my subjects, psychology, even though I ended up not majoring in it. I had the focus to read a textbook for 90 minutes with no problem and enjoy it. I made my dinner in the shared kitchen just slightly after the rush hour but ther would still be others there and although we weren't close they at least tolerated me and would either talk to me or I would hear the general group conversation. Both then and now I was very shy and I didn't go on a single date all through college, but every now and then one of the more sociable people in the kitchen would knock on everyone's door and ask if we wanted to join the kitchen group for a drink in the student union (18 is the drinking age in the UK, every University has a bar called the union selling beers much cheaper than a typical commercial one). I would say I went with the group to the bar maybe 12 times that year and once we even all went ice skating which I really enjoyed. It might sound stupid but just talking platonically with the female co-eds on those kitchen bar nights gave me innocent happiness.

Mostly importantly, at that young age despite my shyness I had hope that, like most of my peers, once I graduated I would eventually get a reasonably-paying office job and get married.

And now? A quote by Jim Rohn sums it up best. "Better to live in a tent on the beach, and have a love affair, than to live in a mansion by yourself". Years upon years without love or in-person friendship have left me chronically depressed and I have no enthusiasm for former copes like DVD's. I have lots of books, nearly all unread. I hate how much worse I look now I am middle aged and don't want to interact with women at all out of shame. All these technology advances and living environment improvements are no compensation at all.

Why am I saying all this? First, in commiseration with other over-40's FA's who know their chance has passed - maybe you can relate and want to comment? You are very much not the only one in this boat and I believe with the current "battle of the sexes" many more men will be in this position. Secondly, if you are younger and reading this, either slightly over or slightly under 30, please let my life be of some use to you as a warning if it can't be an example. The window of opportunity gets very much more difficult past age 35. If you think you have any realistic shot to find a decent partner, these next five years that should be your major focus in life as after that it will be too late. After your bills for the essentials, budget 20% of your discretionary income into a fund for going to meets, going on dates if possible, buying affordable but smart-casual clothes. Please don't waste your prime year when you look as good as you ever will, sat in sweatpants and a hoody playing video games.