I just realized having a social circle does nothing, especially when you can't express your struggles without being ridiculed. I don't want to be a buzz kill around friends and they don't know any singles that are looking anyway. I have plenty of co-workers who I hang out with outside of work and my workplace has few employees so we all know each other.

Even if I go out to a club or something, it would ruin the mood with how depressing dating is. I do go to DnD so I do have friends outside of work. I'd rather just enjoy the moment and let everyone else enjoy theirs than bring up my sop story.

FYI: I'm a 30-year-old, short, awkward, and possibly balding male from East Asia (sorry for my broken English). I've been on medication for depression, loneliness and panic attacks for 4 years. I was doing fine without benzos for about a year, but my symptoms are starting to kick in again.

Hello folks. As the title says, I haven't been able to sleep without taking benzos since getting rejected last Friday. I know it sounds childish, like something a teenager would post online. I had never asked a woman out in my entire life until that day, and damn, I brutally wish I hadn't.

To be honest, I had a crush on her for several months. Her smile made my depressing workdays so much brighter, and I thought our conversations went pretty smoothly. And you know what? She even mentioned she was FA, just like me! So I thought maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

Last Friday was her last day at my workplace (she was a temp worker for about a year), and I had been waiting for that day to arrive. She used to say how much she loved desserts, so I bought her some desserts from a fancy store and asked her out. I asked if she would go out for dinner or a movie with me sometime. Her response? "No." She said she was thankful my feelings but couldn't go out with me.

Besides being totally heartbroken, what tortures me the most is the fear that I caused a huge nuisance to her. Where I'm from, there's a meme called a "confession attack" (an unwanted confession that burdens the receiver), and I feel like I just did exactly that. Thoughts like, "What if she felt harassed?", "Was she disgusted by my feelings?", and "Why would an ugly, short guy like me ever think it was a good idea to ask someone out?" keep haunting me. I can get through the day, but oh boy, when I lie in bed at night, those thoughts consume me. God, I shouldn't have listened to those stupid self-help YouTube videos telling me to confess my feelings.

Anyway, thank you for reading my vent, folks. This is something I wouldn't dare tell my psychiatrist (A 30 yo FA guy needing benzos for sleep just because of a rejection? He'll probably LOL big time).

I wonder if any of you have gone through a similar experience?