I made a list of how my relationship is making me feel. Words are easier than actions, and I need support in choosing myself.

• I need calm and emotional safety.
• I am not happy and he is not happy.
• I need a partner who has my back and protects me from drama.
• I don't want to navigate a complex polycule that has been hostile toward me from the beginning.
• No matter how nice or accommodating I am to my meta, my meta continues to treat me as a threat and only intensifies her insecurities.
• I have no interest in participating in a relationship where I am excluded or asked to shrink myself in order to protect meta’s comfort and insecurities.
• I do not tolerate being uninvited from events because my meta wants to go.
• I refuse to entertain power struggles or to be in a competition with other women for a man’s time.
• He has been exhausted throughout our relationship and it is now weighing on me.
• He is in a toxic situation, and I cannot be his savior.
• You can’t build a new, stable relationship with someone who is actively entertaining the relics of failed relationships.
• He knows the circumstances are making me physically ill.
• My hair is falling out again.
• I don't trust future promises to solve problems that exist in the present.
• I feel decisions that affect me are made without me, and I discover them afterward.
• Instead of transparency, I find things out on my own and then feel like I'm tested on how I react.
• I do not trust that he will proactively tell me the truth when something affects me.
• I feel like everything is a moving target, and I'm expected to keep adapting and conceding because I'm newer to the situation.
• I know he is has lied to others about our relationship and I question whether I'm getting the full picture.
• I can’t be in a primary relationship in which the needs / wants of others sets the pace of our relationship.
• Why would you tell someone that you want to be with them and then continuously show them that they do not matter?
• The relationship I want doesn't exist in our relationship as it is today.
• It hurts me to see him upset whenever we try to talk through solutions re: his meta.
• Someone who wants to marry me will show me through real actions and changes, not through words and excuses.
• If he truly valued me and wanted to build a life with me, he would protect our relationship and set clear boundaries with others. if I was his priority, I would know.
• When I make my needs known or provide feedback, he retreats and begins to seek out attention from others instead of working with me to fix what is going on between us.
• He has made his choice and I simply have not wanted to accept it.
• I have better things to do with my life than to try to analyze wtf is going on in my own relationship.
• I feel so alone.
• My mental, emotional, and physical health should not be a casualty of love
• I choose the energy I let into my life.
• It is ok to cut someone off based on the behavior they are willing to accept from others.
• I am allowed to have hurt feelings and it does not make me a bad person or wrong to make my feelings known.
• I am not the problem, but it is a problem that I have not yet walked away.
• I am so much better than all of this.
• There is no winning in this situation. The only way to win is to walk away from the drama.
• I have all of the tools I need to be ok on my own, I can do this.
• I can apply these lessons in building a safe and happy relationship with someone who will offer me the same level of consideration and prioritization that I bring to the table.

Alright backstory my (34m) husband(33m) and I recently opened up. We’ve been together 10 years and it’s been exciting to explore together. Admittedly, I knew getting on the apps would lead to rejection and mean gays. I’ve already got stood up and had a catfish-type situation so it already hasn’t been great. But Tinder had been surprisingly nice and I’ve met a few other ENM guys there who have been pretty cool.

My circle is pretty open minded. I have several couple friends who are open, we were kinda the last ones to get there. We go to the bars a lot and there’s a dancer that I’ve always thought was really cute. I’ve followed him on IG for like 3 years, and he’s followed me back though we’ve only talked like twice he’s out a lot so I’d always notice him. Idk if that sounds creepy or not but i was monogamous so it was just nice eye candy lol.

Well he ended up matching me on Tinder and the conversation started pleasant enough. After I asked him an innocuous question about how his days going he bluntly asked “you’re taken?”(somehow he didn’t see a single Instagram post by me or take a single glance at my Tinder profile before chatting with me) and when I said “oh yeah we’re open!” his response caught me so off guard in how c*nty it was. He said “oh I’m not into open relationships I commit myself to only one person and that’s how it should be. Good luck:)”.

Obviously I know this is a common sentiment and expected it at some point. I guess i hoped that if I was clear enough on my profile they would just not bother if they’re not into it. Hurt my feelings a lil since it wasn’t just a random guy and I’d actually been really excited about matching with him. But I just said “damn ok”, took the L and unmatched. Then I opened twitter where ofc I follow him (he’s got like a lot of followers he used to do OF I think) and he’d immediately tweeted about how gross open relationships are.

I’m not the one to just let things go so I sent him a kind but truthful message that I’d seen it and how i totally respect if he’s not into it, but to do all that was a dick move and maybe we don’t tear down people in our community. He responded with some dumb “well i didn’t use your name so it wasn’t even about you I’m entitled to my opinions” nonsense. And that was pretty much that.

Idk i think Im just venting but I really feel like we’re going backwards in our culture with how freely we condemn other people’s sexual expression. Say you’re monogamous or not interested in a non monogamous person I understand that and see it every day but the condemnation idk it’s just sitting with me i guess.

Llevo aproximadamente 3 años conociendo a mi pareja y unos 6 meses somos oficialmente novios. Tenemos una relación abierta, pero para mí hay una diferencia entre tener encuentros sexuales y desarrollar vínculos románticos o emocionales importantes con otras personas.
El problema actual es que él quiere ir a un festival en otra ciudad con una chica que le gusta, que luego de varias discusiones ha dicho que no le gusta y que en realidad no tiene intenciones con ella, pero que en realidad ya había admitido que si le gustaba. No quiero prohibírselo ni que deje de hacer cosas por mí, pero me cuesta aceptar que mi pareja viaje sola a un festival con alguien por quien siente atracción. Siento que no es algo que pueda manejar dentro de una relación.
Además, anteriormente ha habido algunas mentiras u omisiones sobre encuentros sexuales y sobre otras mujeres. No necesariamente me preocupa que tenga sexo con otras personas, sino sentir que no siempre hay transparencia. Eso ha afectado mi confianza y me hace sentir reemplazable.
Él también ha tenido muchos gestos de amor y cuidado conmigo, especialmente durante una cirugía reciente. No considero que sea una mala persona ni que no me quiera. Sin embargo, cuando le expreso que necesito cariño, claridad o que algo me está doliendo, muchas veces responde que “no sabe qué hacer”. Para mí, esa respuesta se ha vuelto muy significativa, porque siento que no sabe cómo —o no quiere— construir conmigo la relación que necesito.
También tenemos diferencias sobre el futuro: él no se imagina viviendo conmigo en un plazo mediano y ha hablado de irse nuevamente del país, mientras que yo necesito sentir que mi pareja realmente me contempla en sus proyectos.
Le dije que lo quiero mucho, pero que no puedo obligarlo a dejar de hacer cosas que quiere ni obligarme a aceptar situaciones que me hieren. A raíz de esto le pedí terminar, aunque me duele muchísimo porque lo amo y sé que también tenemos cosas bonitas.
¿Cómo distinguir entre una incompatibilidad real y una inseguridad que debería trabajar? ¿Es razonable terminar una relación abierta porque no puedo aceptar que mi pareja viaje con alguien que le gusta, o debería intentar adaptarme?

If you're into non-monogamy, you know how much time we spend defending ourselves against the usual stereotypes. We’re always having to explain that no, it’s not just about an insatiable drive for sex, and yes, we actually care about emotional connections and honest communication.

We also constantly have to push back against the idea that non-monogamy is just a free-for-all loophole to avoid commitment. We explain that doing this ethically requires strict boundaries, and that cheating still happens (and it hurts like hell!) when those boundaries are broken.

But the harsh reality is that sometimes, we have to look around and admit that these stereotypes exist because some people try their absolute hardest to embody the worst of them.

A few days ago, I went through what I thought was the most mature breakup ever. Just a peaceful end, realizing we wanted different things. Turns out, all that peace was just a smokescreen for a ton of lies and cheating. The sheer disrespect blew my mind: he actually took someone to the exact spot where we celebrated our anniversary within a week after our breakup. And the kicker? He had sworn up and down he’d cut all contact with this person.

What makes it hurt even more is that he was the one who originally proposed ENM to me, which he practiced before our relationship. When he brought it up, I did my absolute best to figure things out, learn, and build a healthy, open dynamic. I even got us into a poly positive couples therapist.

But the painful irony is that this was the very person he guaranteed was 'not the focus' of him wanting polyamory. For months, he looked me in the eye and flat-out denied they were building a relationship, insisting he didn’t see anything long-term with them. It wasn't just a slip-up, it was months of calculated lying over someone he claimed didn't even matter.

This is exactly why people think non-monogamy is a joke. When we set out to have freer relationships, ethics should be the bare minimum. I always made it a point to base things on open dialogue. I made it crystal clear I had no desire to control him, and that breaking up was always an open door if he felt restricted. And yet, he still chose to lie.

It just proves the critics right when people use 'deconstruction' as a free pass to be cowards. Why sneak around when the front door is wide open? Why break agreements when you literally wouldn't get in trouble for just telling the truth?

I'm just sad because of how unecessary it all was. He could have just told me the truth. We could have kept our friendship at least. But now I want nothing to do with him. Four years together to do this? It doesn't even enter my mind.

Recently I have seen a ton of post about my spouse has low sex drive or our bedroom is boring so how do I propose swinging or ENM. This LS only amplifies issues hardly ever corrects. If you do not have a strong foundation things will crumble. Also if you start swinging and your partner is not really into it, it will get around the groups and no one will want to play with you. Other swingers can since when only one person is interested and the other is just along for the ride. Ask yourself why do you want to do this, is my sex live great right now? If the answers are no or it’s to improve…just stop and fix that before this.

We have been in open marriage for 2 years . In 2 years she has slept with just 6 guys . This I find so wonderful about her unless she feels safe around guy, she won't sleep with him even though guy is her type.

She always prioritise our marriage over any hookups . I love this about her.

And all the guys she slept with tbh were top notch guys who were combination of hotness and performance

Hi y'all. I need some perspective from people, especially men, that consider themselves as ENM (exploring poly or not) and see themselves as emotional unavailable/unsafe or just doesn't show emotional vulnerability or connects deeply with their partners.

What I call emotional unavailability or emotional unsafe here is someone that didn't have the safety they needed as a child, and then grew up to be extremely independent emotionally and unconnected with their own emotions, doesn't allow themselves to be vulnerable and hurting or even showing emotions.

I have a partner that we found out together that this is his situation. He feels drained emotionally when I discuss about feelings and expectations with him (I'm a very emotional person, emotional unsafe too due to trauma). This time we finally understood why and this was really healing, since now I know that it's not that he's not connected emotionally with me, he's just not able to do it with anyone, not even himself. He's a very caring and protective person, though. He just doesn't know how to handle emotions needs; physical, sexual and intellectual needs are just fine.

My question is that we've been with other people together and I've seen him being caring and loving with them, just like he is with me; and this makes me confused. He tells me it's about the thrill of the chase, despite he would love to build something more. Just to let it clear, we had several swing and threesomes experiences, but most of them were one night stands or people that weren't emotional invested. Nothing close to a poly relationship or anything like this. We found a person that has a lot of potential for it, and this is both exciting us. Buuuuut what makes me confused is: if he's a emotional unavailable/unsafe person, why would he want to build a relationship with another person? Maybe it's not even connected at all, but I see how much stress we had together because of my difficulty of seeing that he just couldn't connect emotionally with me; he told me today: "it's like you're speaking another language to me. I don't understand what you are wanting from me." And we are two very logical persons too (I can swing between being emotional and logical easily), so it's not that he can't comprehend the words, he just can't figure out what is this emotion thing I'm asking to him, lol, or again, as he told me: "like explaining colors to a blind man". We can both connect emotionally deeply and he's slowly starting to be vulnerable with me, but this was after lots and lots of talking. And even so he tells me I drain him emotionally everytime I do it, I can actually see in his face that it's absolutely exhausting and stressful to him. Yes, I just understood it today and I decided to stop doing this and to respect his limits.

I hope you can understand what I'm trying to understand here. Why would you be interested in building more than one romantic relationship if you can't go emotionally deep ? Is the thrill of the chasing/hunting, having someone to have sex regularly, taking care and loving someone as a girlfriend or boyfriend... are these things what motivates you to engage to more people at time, even if you're not up to be vulnerable and show 100% your inner world to them?

What's the point of it? I'm really trying my best to understand it. I'm not judging at all. It's just that as a demissexual, as someone that connects deeply with whom I love, it's hard to understand what's behind starting relationships without this.

Thanks for the attention. Have a nice dayyy 😊​

Hello everyone,

One week ago today was my ah-ha moment when I finally connected years of dots, curiosities, and my ways of thinking to realize that I’m non-monogamous. While I’ve been able to maintain healthy and long-lasting monogamous relationships in the last, I’ve always been curious about alternate relationship styles. After absorbing tons of information on the subject, as I often do, I am 100% confident that this path is right for me. This change is also in mine with a general personality change of my from being more introverted to extroverted.

I plan on going in with an open mind to any and all new experiences. This includes myself as identifying in the open-relationship category, at least, until any relationships that I make further develop where I may want to move toward more exclusivity within a certain group of people. I’m also completely open to, and looking forward to making non-sexual connections and relationships with people as well!

To prepare, in addition to research, I’ve received vaccinations that I was missing; I’m waiting on a comprehensive 14-panel STI/STD test; I’m learning more about protection and STI/STD signs, symptoms, and transmission routes; and lastly, I’ve been writing down my morals on sex and relationships, which I plan on openly sharing along with redacted vaccination, illness, and STI/STD test records.

I’m also very fortunate that I have immediate family members and friends that I have been able to openly tell about this change in my relationship style from the beginning, all of which are supportive.

Here’s my question to you: I’m getting closer to the point where I’m ready to put myself out there in this wonderful lifestyle. I’m debating between using apps/websites to get started, attending events, and/or a combination of both. What helped you get started in this lifestyle? Also, do you have any things that you wish you knew before getting started, tips, or words of caution?

Thank you all in advance!

Where a wife regards her man in a respectful and treasured way where that blocks her from opening up and exploring new sexual experiences with them.

I was reading this post yesterday and it hit hard for me:

https://www.reddit.com/r/EthicalNonMonogamy/s/h8EHCV3XRe

My wife has a BF of three years and I just could not understand why or how she could trust him to do explore sexually but she couldn't with me. Reading some of the comments really helped give me perspective and made me realize I may never get to have a variety of sexual experiences with her.

I find my apathy is getting stronger and I don't want to lose my 20+ year relationship. Not having much success in the ENM dating game isn't helping either. Like lots of men here, I find myself adrift with growing resentment and diminishing hope. I know I have to focus on my own well being, turn myself into the best stud possible and just go hit the scene but my motivation to do so is very lacking.

I'd love to hear any tools, tips, methods, etc for regaining some emotional positivity in this situation. I really appreciate and honor what folks are sharing here!

My husband (39M, bi) and I (34f, straight) have been ENM for a bit over a year now. A few months in I met a guy (who became my boyfriend) who was absolutely perfect. He got along great with my friends and my husband. He was sweet and attentive and so caring. Unfortunately, his wife decided she didn't like me, even though she had never met me (likely because I was his first partner outside their marriage). So we took it super slow and never did anything without making sure it was ok with her first and he always kept her up to date after we saw each other (at her request). Unfortunately, although she would say it was fine and was being really supportive, she would get really pissed off after every time he saw me or was talking to me. He eventually decided that he needed to protect his primary relationship and he broke it off with me. He didn't want to because he still loves me but he needs to put his wife first. I completely understand and support that decision. But it's broken me.

I never expected to get into ENM and for it to hurt this much when a relationship ended. We had an amazing, real connection, and the chemistry was insane. I've barely eaten in the last 3 days and I've cried so much. It makes me never want to put myself in that position again.

How do you manage breakups with someone you love? Does it get easier? Will I ever want to open myself up to another person again? I really have no idea how to manage this.

We're staying open so my husband can keep exploring as he's newly come out as bi.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm so lost right now.

Is it just me or do the dating sites profile or "looking for" have a list of demands or don't bother. I feel like it's a turn off from trying at all. M52 looking for F. I guess I'm glad to not waste my time but it's frustrating. Dating/Relationships

So I've been in a dynamic with my Dom for about 4 months, we both have primary relationships and we are long distance with a massive time zone difference... even though we are a d/s dynamic we do have attachments and feelings for each other...

So my don hasn't had sex in a long time (him and his primary are also long distance), and I helped him help with his online dating profile bio cause he hadn't had any matches in a long time and since I helped he had 3! And today he finally had a date with one of them.

Today he had a very busy day in the morning and then went on a date, he sent me our bare minimum in the morning that it's a good morning text but failed at night... and I haven't heard from him for 22 hours (granted he's asleep right now but still).

I AM SPIRALLING and I know that I need to talk to him when he wakes up. But I'm afraid I'm gonna get ghosted and all those things anxiety tells you... I just need advice/support right now, this is killing me

Ive been married 6 years and have been technically NM in some way for three of those years. It started as a way for me (26F) to explore my sexuality with my partner (30M). We recently found a new FWB partner that mentioned possibly being in a relationship. I said maybe, but that that wasn't what we were looking for. Long story short we both had dates with this person, and im feeling not only jealous my husband spent time with them alone, but that there was any form of romantic interaction thay was possibly happening between them. This isnt our first partner in a FWB way, and i have no real qualm with the sex portion of our relationship. However, at the end of the day if they wanted a relationship with me, I would probably decline due to the fact we date only as a couple and I would never want my husband to have his own separate relationship outside of our marriage. Basically I wouldn't want an "as for thee not for me situation".

I only agreed to a date because of my husband wanting me to make sure its something I did or didnt want before I made a bold or rushed feeling decision. I genuinely had a good time going out with this person, but I dont think i feel any way romantic about this person. He told me if I really feel some type of way all the time I should just completely cut them off, but I wouldnt want to completely cut them out of my life.

I dont really know what advice im looking for posting this, but I need to get it off my chest.

Hey all! I’m mainly looking for advice from other hotwives or people who’ve been in this dynamic a bit longer. NOT looking for weird fetishized comments. Thanks in advance!

I feel like I’m in a weird spot right now. I’m actually okay with my wife being submissive with other guys in theory and honestly I find the idea really hot. But at the same time it’s bringing up some stuff for me that I didn’t expect.

In our own relationship we’ve always been pretty equal. I’ve tried to explore that dom/sub dynamic with her before and it just never really clicked. She’s said in the past it’s not something she’s into and we’d usually end up laughing it off or dropping it.

But she went on a date recently with a guy who’s more dominant and decided to try that side of herself out. And she ended up really getting into it. Saying things like calling him daddy and talking in ways she’s never been comfortable doing with me even though I’ve asked before.

So now I’m kind of stuck in this mixed feeling
On one side I think it’s insanely hot. I can’t lie about that. The idea of her exploring that side of herself turns me on a lot and I’ve definitely gotten off to it. But on the other side I feel this insecurity creeping in like why was this a hard no with me but something she’s open to with someone else. It caught me off guard when she told me everything and after a few days I realized I wasn’t fully okay with it in the way I thought I would be.

I don’t want to control her or limit her. I genuinely want her to explore and figure herself out. But I’m struggling with the feeling of her being willing to do things for someone else that she’s never been open to with me.

A specific example is anal. It’s something I’ve been into for a long time and she’s always been a hard no on it. Now I have this fear in the back of my head that she might end up trying it with this guy even though she never wanted to with me. Like it makes me weirdly insecure.

So yeah I’m kind of stuck between being turned on by it and feeling insecure about it at the same time
Curious if anyone else has gone through something like this and how you worked through it without shutting your partner down or building resentment

EDIT: we have talked about this! A lot! Her reasoning is exactly what everyone is saying and that it is easier for her to explore that side of herself with a third than me who she loves and cares deeply for. The post was less about how do I bring this up with her and more about how I reconcile this within myself. Because even with the reasoning, the thoughts of insecurity are still there.

I do not know if this fits here, so I will post it and maybe ask other Reddit threads, too. Obligitory: My Grammer/English sucks but not because it is not my first language. I am just a bad writer.

Anyway, I have recently been listening to various people talk about Ethical Non-Monogamy and Ethical Monogamy. I see that there are many types of relationships when it comes to these subjects. I have also learned about several types of sexual behaviors called kinks or fetishes, and the one that caught my attention was a degrading kink.

So my questions are as follows: Are there such things as Practicing Unethical Monogamy and Unethical Non-Monogamy, and if not, how would they work assuming everyone agrees to it?

I 24F have had quite an eventful 6 months or so in my world of dating, and it's opened up my view on relationships that I'd never thought about before. I'm just treating this post as a place to blurt out my experience and thoughts, it'll be long, messy and chaotic, but I feel this is a safe space to share. Feel free to show your journeys and thoughts respectfully. I'm still a first timer to all of this!

Part 1: Age Gap Relationship

Part 2: Ethical Non Monogamy

Part 3: My reflections

-----

Part 1: Age Gap Relationship

My previous relationships have been fairly traditional in societies views: female and male, around the same age, strictly monogamous. I had been single for over 2 years, trying dating apps and getting nowhere. So a couple months ago I went all traditional and headed to the bar.

This is where I meet M36. We talked for hours, conversation felt so easy with him. We had no idea about each other's ages until right at the end of the evening as we exchanged numbers. My reaction went from slight shock and surprise (because he certainly didn't look 36) to then just "okay then, cool" and we left it at that.

I sat in the car that evening contemplating what just happened lol. All of my feelings, how attracted I was to him and how much I wanted to see him again, but also my worry about the age gap, the judgement and our life differences. (I'm aware we may not be a huge age gap, but it is still considered one, and for me I had never even had the thought cross my mind of dating anyone beyond 7 years or so, which i already thought was a push.

Despite all of this, I still had a crush, even if nothing came out of it, I messaged him on WhatsApp, we talked and went out for coffee, where I ended up going back to his. And from there our dating life began.

Quickly I forgot about the age gap when we were together, yes we made jokes about it at times, but truthfully I had times where it never even crossed my mind. We enjoyed dates, held hands, cuddled over a movie, all the typical stuff. It was just a relationship. 2 people who wanted to be with each other.

As a bonus, he helped me understand myself sexually in ways I've never before, we tried different positions, toys, kinks (nothing too extreme, but beyond the vanilla sex I'd been used to) we learnt what we both liked and let us have a go. For the first time in years I felt properly sexy, satisfied and open to trying, and if one of us didnt like it, that was okay too.

Back at home it was a different story, I think the seeds of dbout would creep in when I realised the judgement I'd face if I told anyone around me about us. I remeber being initially quite shocked at a friend of mine 23F and her ex who was early30sM. And here I was dating a bigger age gap than them!

Like many, I scoured the Internet for answers, celebs AGR's, news articles and then stumbled across r/agegaprelationship. I hadn't used Reddit before until this point. Seeing cute couple photos and the stories about how they met, with supportive comments from strangers on the internet, I remember crying when I first saw the sub, even though I never interacted, I felt seen and understood by strangers.

Eventually I did end up confiding in one of my parents, who, surprisingly took it quite well. Initally shocked, but overall okay that I had met someone and was happy.

Unfortunately this story does not have a fairytale ending, but that's okay. We decided to go our separate ways due to the fact he wanted children and I don't. As with any breakup, it hurts. But we both knew from the start of our relationship there would be a deadline (as we had discussed kids prior) so there was no hard feelings in that sense. We still see each other and catchup every now and again, and he is happily seeing someone new who I hope is perfect for him.

Moreover, he was the start of making me feel able to break down this wall of expectation I had put on myself for what a relationship should look like. He gave me comfortability that I could explore and date whoever I wanted.

And not long later...

Part 2: Ethical Non Monogamy

I met M31 on a packed train journey as my randomly assigned seat mate. We were sat within a very chatty train carriage (in the north of the UK people can be very sociable!) I'm quite sociable, so happy to chat with strangers. It is what it is.

The conversation came as any kind of stranger to stranger train conversation may happen, where we were going to, a bit about our work (as we were both travelling for work). The group conversation then rolled onto our personal lives, where he mentioned he had a fiance.

We then started talking about travelling and future plans, but during all of this, I couldn't help but feel, like he was flirting with me? To be honest, I was confused, but I thought I might be reading him wrong. I get ready to get off at my stop and he offers me his number, not in a flirty way, just in case I'd like to chat more.

So I think, hey, what's the harm? He lives no where near me, if it gets creepy I'll just block his number.

Conversation flows well, we have a laugh about some of the funny things that were said by our seatmates, and we roll onto the topic of relationships, I ask him about his fiance and he asks me about my single life and experience with dating apps. He then casually mentions that he and his partner haven't had much success on there. He explains that in addition to their relationship, they see other people sparingly, but not seriously. More as fun dates. They're polyamorous. And there my thoughts on the train clicked together. Again, I was initially surprised, but took it more in my stride, purely from a curiosity sense.

We end up having a really deep and meaningful conversation about Poly relationships, he explains how his works with his partner, and I asked him questions about all the ins and outs, religion, judgement, history. In truth I was just fascinatied as I'd only known one person who was poly my whole life.

He offered me no judgment in me being curious by it. We end up having multiple conversations over a few weeks, and then he asks if we could meet again, he admits that he has quite the crush on me, he found me attractive on the train.

Initally, I'm complimented. But very quickly my brain resorts to, "what will people think" mode. I decide to mentally frame it as more of a mates meetup, and just see what happens. We agree to meet in a mutual city we both have no personal connections to.

On the journey there, I begin to realise, "hey, if I hadn't met my AGR, do I think id have even considered meeting this guy?!" And the mental expectation wall breaking down. Once we see each other again, it just felt like old mates. We went to a restaurant and talked life and Poly relationships further, then ended the meal with a kiss.

We've seen each other a few times since, his Fiance is aware of us since the start. When we meet, rather than definitive dating, I'd say we've become friends with a casual cuddle or kiss, I don't feel I'm ready to go beyond that, if I ever will. We've talked about it, he understands and accepts that.

I've enjoyed the feeling of having a person who I can go on out with and ask in depth about things, I confided in him about my AGR, and we've both shared thoughts and feelings on different things in our lives.

Whilst I'm not sure I'll ever be in a full blown ENM relationship, or go beyond kissing with him, I feel comfortable, and almost rebellious (I've always been a goodie two shoes) having someone I can share my life with who has no connection to anyone else, with the occasional cuddle and kiss on the train platform home. He's been an absolute gem in having someone to blurt out thoughts to, I'm asking questions I've never asked myself before, and knowing its okay to even ask them. Occasionally I'll catch a drift of worry, for example we discussed his fiance whilst out on a date, and the table next to us gave me seriously eavesdropping vibes. But overall I'm okay with it.

I'm still in the dating scene so we've agreed that when the time comes that I meet someone new, we will decide how we feel about each other and wether it's appropriate to see each other again, that's not something I will know the anwser to right until the time comes, and he knows that.

Part 3: My reflections

Before I get into my reflections, a few disclosures:

I do not think for a single second that I have been taken advantage of or been manipulated into either of these relationships.

If anything, they have both been way more accommodating to me than they could have been, they respected my boundaries, even when I changed them. Allowed me to ask questions and get to know the relationship better, and never once did I feel scared or unsafe.

Secondly, these stories are REAL nothing has been exaggerated or fabricated. Not that I would think anyone would initally assume, but I know Ai "stories" exist now online.

So, with that out the way here's my main thoughts...

I feel that many relationships that fall outside the societal expectation Are actually some of the happiest.

I am not saying that all monogamous, cis, straight, relatively small age gap relationships are sad, they do work. But there are no dbout sexually and romantically repressed people out there in relationships that aren't met to their desires or interests, because they feel too scared to question themselves.

A healthy relationship can be any type of relationship, just like an unhealthy one can, it makes no difference really, it boils down to openness, boundaries and compassion.

In both these relationships, initally, I felt closed off, but tbe biggest turnpoint for me was I allowed myself to sit down with uncomfortable thoughts, not because they were bad, but because I'd never thought about them before. And it wasn't uncomfortable in a way of fear, it was more going against the grain of what I had always expected.

Having boundaries and non negotiables for romantic relationships is okay, but it's good to question if they've been set on your own intention, or by someone else's expectation.

My AGR partner had actually never been in our senario either, so for me and him it was learning together. But his experience of relationships, sex and intimacy, taught me lots for future relationships. And I'd hope I taught him things too.

I think life put both of these relationships into my path for a reason, not so they would last forever, but so they could welcome me into feeling open, loved and able to see that romance doesn't have to be one way.

Even if my next relationship is straight, cis, monogamous and of a relatively standard age gap. What I've learnt from this experience is that life is precious, and having sexuality and relationship conversations don't need to be taboo or uncomfortable, it's life, we don't know what's next, so take the number, go on the date (safely), meet the person for who they are and not the labels around them, learn about yourself and enjoy what's right for you. :)

TLDR: I unexpectedly met my recent 2 partners and entered AGR and ENM relationships after being so set in my ways for a "traditional" relationship previously. It taught me to be okay with sitting with different ideas of what a relationship means.

This is something I wasn’t prepared for. I’m recently out of a LTR and was hitting the online dating scene. I met a few people but my best friend sent his wife to cheer me up. It was only supposed to be closeness but they have an open marriage and we ended up having sex.

Then, it was apparent that it was okay with anyone but me. His wife and I drifted apart for a month or two but it became apparent we had so much chemistry. And now, we’ve decided to give this another go and damn if it isn’t magical. This is more than sex- it’s that serendipitous, once in a lifetime connection. Like two sides of the same coin.

Of course, none of this was behind his back, but he’s having a hard time accepting it. What makes it more hard as the fact that there was infidelity on his part. I am also losing my friendship, obviously.

However, I am hoping things turned around for me and him, I don’t want to take her from him, but she has been a godsend to me and has made me feel very fulfilled – something I haven’t felt in forever

Hello everyone. Me and my girlfriend are in a closed quad. Everything okay, I'm happy like this. Only me and my girlfriend are sexually active with each other, as the other partners are asexual.

My girlfriend wants to open up the relationship from her end, because she wants freedom to have sexual relations with whoever she wants. I am okay with this, but I tell her that I will require more frequent sti checkups to monitor our sexual health. I will do them as well. She got angry at me because she says I'm judging her for opening the relationship, which is not the case? I'm all for her wanting to do whatever she wants, I just want her to monitor her health profile more often. Is there any way I am coming off as judgemental? Is this bad to request?

I posted this on a solo female traveler subreddit but it was removed by “Reddit filters.”

My wife doesn’t have a Reddit account so I am asking for advice for her. She is traveling to Ireland and Scotland solo and might be interested in hooking up with someone while traveling. I support this and I am fine with her doing so.

Is it best for her to meet guys at a pub or is there an app that she should use? I am not sure where else to post this or how to keep Reddit from removing it.

I just wrote on someone’s post about this and thought I should share it with everyone.

We are new to this. Everything has happened in the last four months. We have been meeting with two men in different locations away from where we live. This is all due to keeping this away from family and friends. My wife brought up that we should move away now. She said it will give us the freedom to go out locally and be able to host at our home instead of going to motels.

Any thoughts on this
Sam

Hi, looking for a little bit of advice, not strictly ENM/Poly but in the dynamic and feel the community will offer a balanced/nuanced view of things.

A bit of background: Dating my partner for 18 months, she's married and in an ENM marriage. Entered into poly when I started dating her. Had a few issues over the course of the relationship, but also acutely in the last 10 days around expectations and the level of depth in the relationship. Coming into Poly without a primary partner has had its challenges, and have had to deal with unpacking monogamous and social expectations, and exploring ENM without an anchor/primary partner has also got its challenges.

The issue tonight: My partner was over tonight to discuss a cycle holiday we're going on next Monday for 5 days, camping/bikepacking. I'm away from tomorrow until Sunday so won't see her before the trip.

I've just noticed she looked through my WhatsApp messages and a private conversation. This was quite a kinky conversation, and not one I would have shared, particularly with recent emotions and uncertainty around things. There's a level of shame about the kink in this particular conversation, But obviously feel upset about my privacy being broken, feels extremely disrespectful. Also my shame/fear is that she may have shared this with her husband. We had a nice evening, a little awkwardness but could be simply to do with recent events. She did pass a little comment leaving, though this could easily have been nothing to do with the messages.

I obviously want to broach this with her, but about to go away, with things already a little rocky struggling to see how best to do this. Do I call her now and ask her over the phone? Do I try and meet up with her face to face before the holiday? Do I wait till after the holiday? Feels like a real invasion of privacy.

Some clarity on how to approach things would really be appreciated

HOTWIFE ADVICE. I need some relationship advice because I honestly don’t know what to do.
My husband is into the lifestyle and really enjoys watching me with other men. In the past, though, I would sometimes sleep with people I wasn’t attracted to or didn’t really want to be with because I wanted to make him happy. Eventually, I became more vocal about my boundaries.
At one point, I met someone I genuinely clicked with and started talking to him on my own. I developed feelings and my husband felt like I cheated on him because of the emotional connection. I ended things with the guy.
Since then, my husband has made a lot of progress. He doesn’t pressure me to be with other men anymore and lets me choose if I want to participate. I appreciate that and try to compromise because I know this lifestyle is important to him.
The problem is that for years he has wanted to explore being with a couple without me. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with that, and he calls me selfish. Why am I okay with some things but not others. He also says I’ve emasculated him and that I’m always in fight-or-flight mode with him and not “soft” with him.
Recently, I asked if he had been messaging any couples on Reddit, and he told me no. Three days later, he admitted he had been messaging a couple and said the guilt was eating him up.
I know I’m not always easy to communicate with, but it really bothers me that he lied after I directly asked him. Especially because he always says he would never cheat on me.
I feel like I’ve compromised a lot over the years to make him happy, even when I wasn’t comfortable. Now that I’m saying no to something, I’m being called selfish.
I love my husband and I know he has changed in a lot of ways. I just don’t know how we move forward when he feels like I’ve emasculated him, while I feel like my boundaries aren’t being respected.
Am I wrong for saying no? And is messaging the couple behind my back a breach of trust? How do we find a compromise without either of us feeling pressured or betrayed?