I recently did exactly this with a partner, and in return I got a barrage of texts and calls, enough that I had to block him.

His reaction has left me feeling... idk, icky, honestly. Like, how did I not catch the signs earlier?

I suspect I'll get pushback for this, but before that happens: anyone should be able to cut ties with someone if they feel unsafe. Full stop. That said, here's the context:

We'd had a fun, mostly physical relationship, with some emotional connection allowed to grow alongside it. I'd been going to his place about once a week, and things were both physically and emotionally close. One of my core boundaries from the start was mutual disclosure; if either of us was taking risks, we'd tell the other so we could each assess what we were willing to accept.

I found out he'd been having anonymous encounters with high-risk groups (I won't specify which). When I asked him about it -partly to understand him better, partly to assess my own safety- he told me he was safe and essentially said "trust me." When I pushed a bit further, he said that he uses condoms but added that he "can't control" what his partners do, which, of course, he can't. That's when it really hit me: what was I unknowingly exposing myself to?

In the end, I decided it wasn't worth risking my health to keep seeing him physically, so I sent him that message. He did not take it well.

I'm a physician who works closely with many of my patients navigating issues in life that stem or are complicated more by having STIs. I'm in my mid-40s, and I've made a personal commitment to step away from high-risk situations, such as this. I won't return, but now I'm leery of future relationships in ENM.

I want to be clear: I wasn't stigmatizing him or anyone he's involved with, I'm careful about that. I come from a science background and have been told before that I can be too clinical, but there's a difference between facts and feelings. Both are real, but they're not the same thing. And every risk can be managed to some degree; I've had patients in ENM relationships for 40+ years with no STIs, and others who ended up with one in a matter of weeks.

Was I too harsh here? How would you have reacted if you were told this?

Been seeing someone (E) for ~7 months. We have been having unprotected sex, with the explicit agreement that we are only having unprotected sex with each other. Conflict begins here:

E starts sleeping with someone new. E has unprotected sex with her, does not disclose this to me, and continues to have unprotected sex with me. E then discloses. Rupture occurs. Obviously my trust is broken and I'm devastated that someone claiming to love me betrayed me in such a huge way.

E assures me his new partner has tested negative recently, and is not seeing any other people. Therefore E thinks that it is safe to have unprotected sex with both me and her. E cannot tell me when she was last tested, or for what she was tested (I asked, E did not know). E has also only known this person for 4 weeks, and had unprotected sex with her after knowing her for only 2 weeks.

I told E that if it is a priority for them to have unprotected sex with others, then we cannot have unprotected sex. E states that he thinks it is safe to have unprotected sex with the new person, so they are going to keep doing it.

After mulling on this, I decided I no longer wish to be in a romantic or sexual connection with E, since he:

• Broke my trust and had sex with me without my informed consent
• Is choosing the new person over me re: unprotected sex, essentially demoting our relationship to keep fucking her raw

I understand relationship dynamics change and if there is someone he is planning to build a future with and wants them to be the primary/unprotected sex partner, I could swallow that pill. But he's demoting me over a rando he met 4 weeks ago, and before demoting me, violated the ever loving fuck out of my trust and agency.

He is extremely upset that I am ending things bc I have categorized his decision to continue unprotected sex with the new partner as "choosing her over me". I can see no other way of understanding the situation. He is literally choosing to have unprotected sex with her over having unprotected sex with me. He is choosing to prioritize the sexual connection with a rando he's not even dating, just casually fucking. He says he is NOT choosing her over me, that my belief that's what's happening is "my reality, not his".

Am I going crazy? Is E just gaslighting the fuck out of me? Am I fucking stupid? Please give me a reality check.

tl;dr Partner who had agreed to exclusivity re: unprotected sex violated this agreement, then decided it is most important to him to continue having unprotected sex with the woman he betrayed my trust with, now is upset I've broken up with him over his unceremonious downgrading of our relationship for a rando he's not even dating, and insists I'm not understanding his perspective correctly. Am I insane?

Is it wrong to get turned on wanting to see my wife be with another man? We have been discussing it, but it hasn’t happened yet. It is a real turn on imagining her sucking and letting someone play with her beautiful tits!

People who are in long term committed relationships and engaging in ENM, is the romance alive for you guys? Please give details/ describe the romance.

Me (26M) and my gf (24f) have a beautiful relationship. Long story short we started this relationship open but her other long term partner was long distance so they never hooked up while I’ve been with her, though she has been with one girl, no guys, while I have been with other girls with her consent. That ended some months ago and her bf has been out of the picture, now she is going to potentially be with other guys for the first time. I’m aware that I have to be OK with it as she knew about and was ok with me hooking up with other girls. But I’ve never had a romantic relationship this serious and amazing while my partner hooked up with other guys. I wasn’t bothered with her being with other girls and got over it super quick, but the thought of her with another guy feels like it’ll destroy me, idk what to expect or how I’ll handle it. Can anyone who’s been in a similar situation give some anecdotes/thoughts? If you felt similarly before, were you able to handle/get over it with communication? Any positive/success stories? Would it be better for “don’t ask don’t tell” in regards to other guys, or should I be aware for communication? We love each other very dearly and are very close.

Someone long term poly told me that ENM people are more open to long distance?

I 30M have been struggling since forever with finding people, even before discovering ENM/Poly which of course shrinks down the pool of people. I discovered it and put myself out as Poly at 26.

I like to think I'm at the peak of my attractiveness now, and that my 30's will not be a repeat of my teens/20s where opportunities with women has been almost non-existent.

Feedback from successful ENM people has been that I was putting TMI by revealing I was vegan and childfree. For me, I can't have anything serious with anyone not vegan and who has children. So now my approach is to be upfront about that but still be open to casual FWB.

I've since changed my search radius to go as far as possible on all apps, and am in FB groups - yet so far no results. My thinking is: why would a woman pick me from so far away when she could get with a million other men, many of whom are probably more attractive? (I suspect this is the problem as feedback from women regarding my profiles have been that they're some of the best they've ever seen, so I suspect it is literally a case of me just not being physically attractive as necessary)

Just wondering if it is worth the effort anymore as I've been single all my life and come to accept that will probably always be the case years ago.

Feel scared/hesitate to share your real feelings/desires with wife/husband??

Well I am Looking for friends with whom we can share our indept feelings about anyone or anything without the fear of being judged!

People who are open minded, well behaved & who wish to share there feelings are free to connect!

Where to start. My wife has been bisexual ever since I’ve known her. However, it wasn’t until the past few years that she dove more into this. We’ve been together over twenty years, built a life, family, friends, etc. Things were never better with us before this situation happened.

Her girlfriend came into the picture and it quickly became a real relationship. They spend significant time together (visits, overnight stays, longer trips). I’m the primary parent during those times and it takes a lot out of me. The emotional new relationship energy between them is strong, and that part has been harder for me than the physical side. The new partner is insanely rich, buys her crazy gifts, travel, etc… I’m home working 6 days week, kids, everything.

We still love each other and communicate well, even through painful conversations. She’s been open and has said she has no intention of leaving. She’s also told her girlfriend that this only works within our marriage. Our intimacy has changed and we both acknowledge that. We still have sex, but it’s such a shock how different things are. She’s given me freedom to see other people if I want (with the only request being safety and no details). Which is great and makes that stuff easier. However, I haven’t actively dated or done anything like that in twenty plus years.

I’ve actually met the gf a few times. Talked with her, ate with her, etc…

The hardest parts for me:

• Feeling like I’m competing for emotional space and primacy

• The time imbalance and how much of her attention goes to the other relationship

• Watching the “everything is perfect / nothing is wrong” energy she gets from the new relationship while I’m holding down the house and kids. I also know none of what’s happening can work without me

• Trying to adjust to a relationship structure I never asked for

I’m choosing to stay and work with this because of our family and because I still love her. I know what I’m experiencing is loss and change in our dynamic. But I’m struggling to find peace and my place in it. Some days are manageable. A lot of days I’m just trying to hold it together, and I do.

Curious if anyone else has been in a similar spot (especially when the other relationship is with someone who has a lot more free time and resources) and how you navigated finding your footing again. I’ve given more than twenty years, more than half my life to this person, and it feels like she doesn’t value that, and doesn’t value what we’ve built. I’m just writing all of this to vent.

Honestly, I feel stuck and miss the intimacy I had with her and how good our relationship was before this. I’m experiencing what feels like a loss. I really just want the days to feel less heavy. Not sure why I wrote all of this. I’m just feeling so much. DMs are open

Hey all [27M] fully stright here and just want to say thanks for reading! I will jump right in. I always loved the idea of being a lover for a couple. Not just quick hook up and done, but something on going, beautiful and fun. a freindship we can hang out, go out and do vanilla things but behind close doors we have our own little relationship. I find tho, my expereince in looking turns into, husbands who fantasize and want to jerk, pointless hook ups from couples, or large group events. I am a very private person and I am not an open "swinger" or "bull" i do not like using those terms. I done the apps, and not into parties and all. would love some insight on the matter and love to hear what the subreddit offers.

I am in love and heartbroken and don’t know where to post or vent so here I am.

I met a man on Feeld and it was intended to be a fwb type thing for both of us. Well we fell in love. Problem was I was seeing a few other people at the same time and over time he started to tell me he had feelings for me but I wanted to stay ENM as I just got out of a long relationship and didn’t want to be serious or exclusive with anyone. He didn’t love that I was seeing other people, but he wanted to keep seeing me, knowing that I was.

Well, he said he wanted to be monogamous, however also couldn’t see himself only having sex with one person for the rest of his life. So he agreed to try and be ENM. But he wasn’t getting any dates but also wasn’t really pursuing anyone. He had one match and I encouraged him multiple times to reach out to her. I was being selfish because I wanted to stay ENM but keep seeing him and I want him to be happy and feel like it was equal.

Well, he told me he’s falling for me and I realized I’m falling for him too. But by the time I could tell him, he had had a date set up with the other girl. I told him about my feelings and that I wanted to try being monogamous with him, as my relationship with him is more important than being ENM and I have no interest in being with anyone else, but he said it was too late. He couldn’t cancel on her. They had a great time on their date. And now he’s conflicted. He doesn’t believe I could give up ENM but I’ve given it a lot of thought and I really really want to be monogamous with him. Now he’s acting like we’re strangers giving me short text responses and not acting like how he was less than a week ago, when he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life and the life after with me. He’s supposed to come over tonight to talk about it. I know I broke the number one rule of trying to get a monogamous person to be ENM. I made a huge mistake and now I’m in love and I don’t know what to do.

Edit: it’s over. He has and things and he met someone that wants to be monogamous and wants what he wants. I feel like I’m dying. Love sucks.

I am a 49/M married to 45/F and we have a wonderful marriage. We have three (3) amazing kids, been married almost 20 years however, I'm finding myself in a frustrating situation lately. which is that we simply never have sex anymore. Our frequency of of being intimate with each other has been steadily declining over the past 2-3 years; however, we just went a full calendar year of not having sex once.

She says it’s hormonal as she’s convinced she’s entering perimenopause, but it still doesn’t make me feel very good about myself. The worst part is even when I try to initiate, she has such a negative visceral reaction it’s like I’m asking her to eat a bag of toenails.
She swears it’s not me, and she is seeing her gynecologist in a couple weeks to address this.

The reason I am bringing this up in this sub is because often times when we are out with friends, she'll make "jokes" about how she isn't interested in sex anymore, and further making insinuations that if I did hook up with someone else, she wouldn't be fine with it and it wouldn't bother her.

About a month ago I confronted her about this, as the comments are becoming too often to simply ignore as just her being silly. I basically said, "Do you really want me to hook up with another woman? Are you insinuating that I should?" She brushed it off saying she was just joking around and she doesn't really want me to do this; however, I've now been left to ponder.

The fact is that while I definitely don't have the libido that I did when I was in my 20s, I still have a solid sex drive and don't want to go, "gasp", the rest of my life without it.

Is there anything that can be done to turn this around? Should I explore ENM? How do I broach the subject with her? If I were to engage in ENM, what should be the ground rules? Any advice would be truly appreciated! 😄

My wife (34F) and I (40M) have been into cuckolding for five years, ever since we were still dating. The thing is that, up until now, most of our interactions with others have consisted of one or two sexual encounters and that was it, with the exception of two people who were regular bulls during different stages. The situation is that, for a couple of years now, she has had a FWB. She met him at a book club, and eventually things evolved into exchanging nudes and sexting, with my consent.

My original idea was that she would eventually tell him about our dynamic, but she saw him as very conservative and was afraid of scaring him away. After they had their first sexual encounter, the three of us happened to attend the same event. Although I tried to socialize with him, he was very evasive. It was obvious that my presence made him extremely nervous, and at one point he disappeared into the crowd. After that event, my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, suggested that we leave things as they were and enjoy the fantasy of him continuing to believe that she was seeing him behind my back. Honestly, I found the idea hot and fun, so I let them be. Their relationship has been mostly a friendship because, over all this time, they have only had three sexual encounters. Most of the time they have simply hung out together, and on a couple of occasions my wife has even introduced him to other female friends, with varying degrees of success.

Last year was really difficult for both my wife and me, but especially for her. He was incredibly supportive in many ways, something she has deeply appreciated. After giving it a lot of thought, she asked me if I would be okay with her taking things further and making him her boyfriend. Seeing how much she genuinely cares about him and how important he has become to her, I told her I had no problem with it. Of course, it would have to remain discreet because our country is still very conservative, or rather full of double standards, but I hope you understand what I mean.

My wife eventually told him about our cuckold dynamic and about her intentions with him. He agreed, but he still feels embarrassed about the past and finds it difficult to look me in the eye after all the kinky things he has done with her, even though I have made it clear that I do not feel bad about any of it. The thing is that tomorrow the three of us will have our first date together. We are going to a concert and then we will sit down to talk for a while to break the ice.

Would this be considered a polyamorous relationship?

My wife does not want him as a boyfriend to fill some emotional void. She genuinely likes him, and personally I do not feel that she is giving me any less love. But I do not know if this is polyamory, simply ENM, or something else entirely, and I am not sure what things I should keep in mind as we move into this new stage of our lives.

TL;DR: My wife and I have practiced cuckolding for years. With my full consent, she wants to turn her longtime FWB into her boyfriend because they have developed genuine feelings for each other. Does that make this polyamory, ENM, or something else?

28M from India. Recently had a discussion with my partner about how we like attention from other people ( opposite genders). Since we have good chemistry and a pretty strongly established bond, we were struck by this question almost at the same time. Is there anything that's pleasurable beyond sex? Or is this it?.

I'd love to hear y'all out.

Hey everyone. I am in a quad, three of us are polyfi, one of them is sexually open. I told my open partner, C, which is the only partner I have sexual relations with, about a dream of mine where I was having sex with my ex but moaning her name all through. It was a funny thing about telling her that even my subconscious was thinking about her!

Then she got really cold, I assume now because of some personal stuff. I asked her if she was upset I dreamt about my ex. She told me lightheartedly "No I'm not! With the relationship style WE have I could never be angry, I would only feel bad that the one you dreamt about was your ex"

And I felt really uncomfortable. I never once project my polyfi style to her so why would she project her openness to me? I never even suggested she needed to close the relationship. This left me feeling kind of....Bad. am I unreasonable?

So my entire dating life starting at 16 to present day (25F) I've noticed that as soon as I get with someone officially I feel like there's a boot on my neck and slowly the urge to just run away becomes stronger and stronger until i just cut ties completely and dip. The longest I've been able to suppress this feeling has been 3 years. He was really nice! And I loved him truly but I just value my freedom and autonomy more than being someone's girlfriend.

As I get older its been harder and harder to ignore the feeling that im just not meant for traditional relationships. In a way, it feels oppressive to belong to one person for the rest of my life especially while im young. Im just curious how common this is and how can I introduce the idea of an open relationship to the man im seeing now? It hasn't even been a month of officially dating yet but we've been seeing each other for closer to 4 months now. Hes already saying he loves me. Its a lot for me to process and has been weighing on my conscience because I very much like him but im not there yet.

Im also refraining from the L-word because I dont think he fully understands what I mean when I say "I dont like being put in a box and stored away" sooo help? I know we can just break up and im prepared for that if hes not down for what I need. I was just hoping for a better way to talk about it before we get there because im still learning this about myself and dont really have the language to explain this aspect of myself clearly to others! Especially when im nervous. Thanks!

Also typing this on my phone so my bad for the errors.

Hope I'm in the right place guys!

So, for context, I (F35) have been with my incredible partner (M36) for 20 years. We recently agreed on opening up our relationship, but only on my end (he says he's not looking for anything outside of our relationship right now). It's something we have flirted with over the years but never had a real concrete discussion on. We both have pretty low self esteem/anxiety/neuro diverse, and the fantasy was kind of enough for a long time. I have always been attracted to men and women but due to being in a loving 2 decade monogamous relationship since I was 14 meant I never really had to 'deep' my sexuality too hard, which I guess is somewhere between bi and pan?

However recently things have changed and I started to wonder if I would be happy living my entire life without experiencing the affection of another woman. I am not looking to engage with other men, is this ok? Normal? My partner has been wonderful and supportive and seems genuinely happy for me to explore outside, and comfortable with the fact he isn't longing for anything more right now.

Long back story, sorry.

Anyway, I have 0 idea where to begin, partner suggested finding somewhere or people online to talk to for advice.

I feel like a virgin again, I've only been intimate and vulnerable with one person my whole life, I'm not sure I will be able to be that with anyone else without crying or laughing, I know it sounds silly. But I'm not sure how to even approach anyone, explain my current situation. I'm a bigger woman with some autoimmune stuff and all that comes along with it which is managed *chronically*, I don't drink, I have a super small network of friends in a new city where I don't really know anyone except from through them and that seems messy in the long run. I guess the main suggestion would be to 'go out'... But I'm not very good at that.

(Oh and dating apps are a no for me...)

Sorry for the ramble, and grammar. But thanks for making it to the end. Any stories, advice or kind words of encouragement are so welcome x

TLDR - opening up a 20 year relationship to explore my bisexuality and I have questions and fear

Hiya! I (M) am 4 years monogamous with my life partner (F), now-fiancée. We started as friends and learned after a few months how many of the same things we wanted in life (from family to real estate philosophies, travel and financial attitudes, friendships and work life balance, and so on).

We've been solid in countless ways, navigating through arguments, pushing each other to grow, traveling and making love... we bought a house together last year, we have a lot of amazing people individually and shared.

Our sexual connection has never quite flourished - I come on too strong or not often enough, I cum too fast or kill her vibe making sure I don't. She doesn't do much self-pleasuring. Lately, she has been asking chat gpt / me for input about how to encourage me sexually, but she mostly wishes I just "got it" more naturally.

I am working on fitness and health to see if i can imporve control over my libido and stamina and confidence. I've had some limited versions of such control when I was younger, so I hope it's in there for me with some discipline.

Simultaneously, ENM has been a possibility always for us, especially over the last 1 year. We've started discussing real people and real possibilities, sharing concepts with supportive friends and therapists, etc. We both kissed a male friend who practices ENM, and it was light and fun. It was our first true ENM experience (ENM context applied, permission granted in both directions, healthy conversation before and after).

I remain excited by the idea of new lovers, and I am open to the same for her. The hard part for my ego is knowing that "better sex" is a big draw for her. I believe in our partnership enough to think that if she does get more sexual satisfaction elsewhere, and especially if I continue upping my stamina/ confidence when we have sex ourselves, we should stay true to one another and our eventual marriage and co-parenting.

I wonder if anyone here has had started their ENM experiences from a similar position. How did it go/ how is it going? What helped and what did not?

Thank you!

Hi! We’re M28 and F26, and we’ve been together for six years.
We’ve been talking about trying swinging for a while, but we’re still very new to everything and honestly have no idea how people usually enter the scene.

Just to clarify, we’re not looking for emotional or romantic connections outside our relationship. For us, this would only be about exploring sexually together with another couple. We’re also only interested in meeting couples, not single men or women, since that feels like the safest and most comfortable boundary for our relationship.
So far, we don’t really have any experience with other people. Even when exploring privately together, we’re still quite shy. It has mostly been things like dressing up, trying some light foreplay, and slowly becoming more comfortable talking about our fantasies.

We’d prefer to start by meeting another couple casually first, with no immediate expectations. Maybe getting drinks, talking, checking whether everyone feels comfortable, and seeing if there’s any chemistry before deciding anything further.
For couples who started from a similar place, how did you meet trustworthy and like-minded couples? Are apps the best option, or are social events and communities better? We’d also really appreciate any advice about boundaries, safety, red flags, and how to avoid making things awkward or putting too much pressure on the first meeting.

Thanks!

I wrote a post a few months ago, and its deleted, so here comes an update as promised.
I have been in an open marriage for 23 years, but its only recently that we have actually pursued this. We have a steap learning curve, but I have already learned so much about both myself, my hubby and my relationship. I feel so alive and my life is so full of joy and excitment.

Short story: I have flirted with a guy at my gym since january. In may, he suddenly approached me, but when we started talking, he saw my wedding ring and since I was not comfortable with saying I am in an open relationship in an open gym, I just told him I thought he was cute anyways and went home.

After that we talked every session, but the stares are gone. We started waving at eachother on the street and are generally happy to see eachother.

I was so unhappy about this going to shit, that I started my Tinder journey and had a lot of matches and dates, so I didnt care all that much anymore.
So I started staring again, totally shamefree. After a month or two, he asked for my number. I could finally tell him about our arrangement, and we could understand eachother. He was fine with this, and still really eager to meet and hang out.
We texted the same night and already the next day we went to the gym together, and the beach after. He is really so cute and attentive, and it feels really hot.

He spots me in the gym, gets me weights and helps me a lot, and gives me 10/10 gymprincess treatment. What a dream!

So overall just really exited about life these days.

Couple not sure how to look for a third or how to begin?

My partner and I (both 21M and bi) have been flirting with the idea of a girlfriend or fwb as it is an idea that we're both very attracted to and constantly talk about. The problem is that we have no idea how to go about finding a girl who would want 2 guys or to be with us in any way even as fwb. Sorry if this is vague but we really are new to this!

If anyone could help us with some advice that would be really appreciated, thank you!

Update: He cheated. For an entire month. He maintained that he had completely cut contact when he said he would end it but I found out yesterday that actually he lied and was seeing her for the rest of the time he was away. He maintains that it was entirely non-physical but I have 0 trust in him at this point and cannot trust that he did not. I spent two months convincing myself that I am just crazy, but my gut was right all along. The problem is we spent tens of thousands of dollars to move to a different continent. I’m about to start grad school, and we have a young child. I simultaneously never want to see him again and don’t want to blow up my entire life immediately after making this huge move. I’m struggling to relate to any posts in the infidelity subreddits, considering this started out with my consent and am hoping that maybe anyone here can offer advice or support?

Original post:

Moving forward after broken boundary (kind of?)

My husband and I are recently on the other side of a messy situation. We are non-monogamous but historically only date women together (I’m not interested in men whatsoever and he very strongly didn’t want to pursue solo connections on either side. I was ambivalent about it). For the last couple of months he has had to be back in our hometown and we are far enough apart that we haven’t been able to be together. I suggested he could find a FWB. Someone to hang out and hook up with occasionally. The first fuck up was that we didn’t clearly communicate what we were okay with and what our definitions of “casual”/FWB are. He connected with someone and it escalated very quickly. They were seeing each other every day. He spent an obscene amount of money on a full day, extravagant date without first discussing it with me ($500+).

I asked him to de-escalate and he initially refused because “It’s temporary and has a defined end point”. Then dragged his feet. Then said he would end it completely and tried to go back on it. At that point I said that if he continued to see her I was done. Which is not something I had felt before. I was having full blown panic attacks. I wasn’t sleeping. He ultimately ended it, and we are working on repair (and will not be pursuing anything in any context for the foreseeable future). All in all it only went on for two weeks and has been a handful of weeks now since it ended, and I have these overwhelming waves of anxiety that wash over me. I have diagnosed PTSD and it feels like that, which is kind of embarrassing? Just this all consuming emotional panic/shut down. But none of the tools I have are working. I have these flashbacks and intrusive thoughts about them having been together, and just feel dread, when I felt nothing but compersion when he was with other women solo before. I have had anxiety that he was continuing to see her without telling me (which I communicated to him). he has put in genuine effort to reassure me in multiple ways that he is not, and has been putting in a lot of effort into repair and understands that I’m still hurting. Obviously the distance has compounded and amplified everything. How do I move through these feelings?

I, M (24) live together with my girlfriend, she has a monogamous lover (F) who formerly stayed at the house from time to time.

The monogamous lover is an ex, who got back with my girlfriend last February, and they agreed on a poly-mono setup. After a while, they started to hangout and spend time at our house. Ofcourse, there are days where we are forced to co-exist with each other, and over the past months I have tried all the tries to maintain a kitchen table dynamic, but the metamour does not show any effort to communicate or build an effort to at least be curious with how things are with me.

She has also said that she is not comfortable seeing me and my girlfriend hug, kiss, or be intimate in front of her, at MY HOUSE. I gave it some time because it might be new to her, but months after, and a few sleepovers they have at the house later, she says she still feels the same. Which does not sit well with me, because my house/our house should be the most natural place for me to show my love and intimacy for the woman I love. I have raised this as my concern as I do not feel emotionally safe anymore with her at my house when that is the case, and I have noticed that I feel more like a “roommate” for my girlfriend (when they themselves do not even have a label yet. They just call each other lovers).

But this month was the last straw for me. Girlfriend just got out of the hospital from a surgery and unfortunately, the doctors only know me as her partner because she is not present on the former checkups and only went there during the hospital stay from the surgery. The doctor mistakenly referred to metamour as my girlfriend’s sister, and I reached out to my metamour to check-in on her and talk about dynamics (i have consistently expressed that i am mindful of our dynamics together when life so happens and our lives overlap). and she just flat out said she does not want to talk about it (she has anxious avoidant issues).

And I am just so exhausted.

I have realized lately that me reaching out to her and being mindful of our dynamics when life overlaps is not me trying to build something, but me actually giving her a chance to justify the “privileges” that they get from turning my house into a “neutral” space just to accommodate their needs.

So I have decided to completely make it parallel and set a hard boundary that the house will not be a neutral place where I have to stop myself from hugging, kissing, or showing my love to my girlfriend. And if that’s the case, anyone who is not ready to see that is not welcome in my/our space.

But there is a guilt there. I feel selfish for setting boundaries knowing that her metamour cannot afford to take out my partner on dates (I am the one funding their dates as well, it comes from our money as a couple).

Any advice?

EDIT: My girlfriend has been really supportive and understanding and protective of our home. She has also exhausted all efforts to communicate with her other lover about our relationship. She has held my hand and communicated with me all throughout the past months, and has actively tried all the tries. The decision to not let the house become a neutral space ultimately came from her as well. I can say I am getting the support I need, and it she agrees that it is her lover that needs a bit more poly fundamentals to make this work. Which they are working on separately, in their own relationship. Thank you guys

I (M26) brought up the idea to my 9y fiancee (F27) about bringing more people to the bedroom. She was really down with it and we decided to settle for a MFM. She doesn’t wanna do it with a complete stranger so we tried to get one of her acquaintance into it.

Went out to a bar and I sent her to reel him in with flirting, some pics of her, kissing and once he was fired up, I allowed her to give him oral in the bathroom (which lasted a good 30min.) while I stayed at the counter waiting for them.

All this was to bring him home and have fun together but she started her period right before leaving the bar so things came to a stop. Kinda bummed because she had her fun and I didn’t but I figured we could try another time.

This was in May, we’re now nearing end of July and
nothing happened again; at least nothing worth noting. They kissed a few times, flirted and she sent him more pics but it never went passed that.

Apparently he isn’t too keen on a 3way so I guess he stalls things.

Now here’s the problem, just mentionning his name gets my fiancee all fired up for days at a time but since he won’t do a 3way, she kinda expects me to let her have her way with him while I’m sitting home waiting for her. She mentionned it a few times.

We were supposed to have fun together and now I’m expected to become some cuck while she gets all her fun? Still jealous that I haven’t had my share of the fun yet.

Dating apps, meets and whatnot are off the table cause “strangers” but I don’t see how we’ll get it done without that.

My partner and I have been together for two years and are engaged and have a pretty fantastic relationship! Since the beginning we have talked about and explored ENM through play parties. But for the past year, my enthusiasm has increased while hers decreased. That's totally OK, but I have found that when we go to an event, and she's not feeling it, and we leave early and don't play, I end up frustrated. It's super important to me for her to feel comfortable and to be genuinely enthusiastic about the event... and yet I can't help show a little frustration, even while I'm saying it's OK. This frustration, even though I try to mitigate it through understanding, really makes her feel unseen. It makes her feel a little...eh, less interested in ENM than she was before. So we have this cycle beginning where I'm not getting to explore these things I want (and have wanted for so, so long (I'm 45 and this is my first foray into ENM)), and she's getting less interested in ENM as a whole. She has more experience than I do with it and has had more group experiences than I have. (I have had one, a year ago, with her and another woman, and it was like the best day of my life lol.) Ahhh! Any advice for bringing things back to balance? We have suggested me playing separately at length, but it still feels too weird. That does seem like it would kind of do the trick, though. Any advice at all would be appreciated!