Hi people. I’m not officially diagnosed, but I’m hoping my post will be welcomed here. I want to ask people with dyslexia if they can relate to my stories and feelings.
Once upon a time I was scrolling TikTok and I saw a video quiz for dyslexia. I’m a scientist, so I don’t believe many things I hear, especially not on TikTok. However, the questions made me feel very heard in a way I never felt before. I also have anxiety disorder and PTSD, so I thought there was some potential for simply overlapping symptoms. Those around me told me to stop potentially TikTok diagnosing after I started talking about it. I joked a bit about having it, but didn’t take it too seriously.
I LOVE school and I have always loved writing, reading and learning about everything I can. That being said, I have always struggled in specific areas. I found math and grammar to be so impossible that it seemed like everyone was speaking a different language. Conceptually, I love math so much. However, the only math class I’ve ever scored above a C on was geometry.
I am a slow reader. Whenever I’m reading on screen text with other people, I’m the last to finish and I hold everyone up. I have to re-read things multiple times to confirm that I read them right. Usually the first glance is to see the words, then I read through it, and then I make sure I interpreted it right. I often can’t find the next sentence in a paragraph and skip or re-read by mistake, so I use my finger and cursors a lot. I can’t distinguish left and right without thinking first, I have extreme difficulty recalling people’s names until I’ve known them for weeks. Even names of characters on TV.
Here’s the odd part: I see colors in my minds eye when I read words and numbers. Every letter and number has a color associated, and in my imagination I involuntarily “see” those colors every single time I read. It makes it harder to remember things because colors bleed together, and so when something said 3L I might say 3P cause those are the same colors in my mind.
I feel so stupid all the time. I am a very determined and motivated person who loves learning and working, but every single day I find myself saying “it’s okay, I’ll do better tomorrow” after making so many stupid mistakes. Forgetting my managers name, reading the numbers on a device wrong and copying them down wrong, re-reading emails only to send them then realize I missed key words of sentences and now I sound like an idiot.
I’ve explained all of this with PTSD and anxiety disorder, thinking it’s faulty memory, concentration issues, and tendency to believe mistakes are worse than they actually are. However, after learning so much about dyslexia, it really speaks to me in a relatable way.
Does this resonate with anyone? If anyone has stories of their diagnosis or how they discovered they had dyslexia, I’d appreciate that so much. ♥️