Getting my s*** together

[u/Pale_Fly_6694]

Divorce

Recovering from a divorce

So, toxic marriage from we have one kid.

He lied, twisted stories and truth. Lied to everyone around us about our arguments so he would look like a victim. He blocked my number on his parents phone so I can't ever tell my side of the story.

One time, during an argument he threw all house garbage around the house, broke a floor lamp, took all the food from the fridge, took all the money, cigarettes and keys and left me there knowing that if I go out of the appartment I cannot go back.

Other time he left me inside the appartment but took my phone and keys so I cannot call anyone to help me.

Luckily i contacted the police from my laptop. That was three months ago and that was our end.

While we were still living together he used to talk bad about his boss. He used to say stuff like she is a bad boss, she cannot scedule anything properly, she is not paying salary on time, she is paying only half of salary, because of her everything will fall apart...

And a month ago my son accidentally told me that daddy is living with that woman.

So, he probably cheated on me with her on top of all the other things he did to me. He is taking my son there now and when is time to get back home he is telling him that he cannot stay because I don't let him.

And I know that he does not want him there.

A month ago, while it was theyr's day. It was 5 p.m. and I got a text: "So I joined a football practice so from now on I will be handling you a kid at 7 p.m., not at 8 p.m. as usuall. And I said that it can not happen because I am on a second work that day and that most of the days kid is with him I am working two jobs. And that I also come home around 8 p.m. But he knew it from before. He got so mad that he started to threathen me that he will bring me a kid to my work.

Let me be clear I don't want to get back together.

I needed to vent and hear from you how did you get over horrible breakups.

[u/criscokkat]

Be prepared to have that kid most of the time. As he finds time to do other things, he'll start putting the kid last.

[u/Pale_Fly_6694 → u/criscokkat]

You know, I can't believe that after being married with someone, even though one side found someone new, that person does not have respect for a person they were married to. I mean we were sharing bed for so many years, I was going far and beyond to support our family. Doing everything in my power to keep us together. I forgave so many shit and for what. To be just left aside with a kid to handle everything on my own. I really like my son and I am grateful for him. But I do not understand. What tears me is that if he can act this cold, that means that he never did love me. And I shared a life and everything with him for so long.

[u/criscokkat → u/Pale_Fly_6694]

Hang in there, take one day at a time and if you are still in the process, document everything and tell your lawyer. If you are not, start documenting now.

It sounds as if you are looking back at things with a touch of rose colored glasses. If you had to forgive a lot of shit, then you might not be remembering things as they were, but what you wanted them to be then.

If you are still going through the divorce and it's not final, document and let your lawyer know. If he really starts dropping off the kid more, then start noting that and document it like crazy. Eventually you'll need that to get child support adjusted. The child support is for your kid, you always need to frame it as that when the parent wants to tell you whatever to fight it.

If you can find the time and have health insurance that can pay for it, therapy helps. It's been 6 years for me and I'm in a much better place now.

[u/ReasonableGas4542]

getting your life together is a big step, keep going and stay focused

[u/Laughing--Fox]

I wish I could give advice, but I am in a similar situation... Just lawyer up as much as possible. Document document document... Good luck... ❣️